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-   -   Virtual Psych ward! (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1312)

risenfromperdition 28-08-2010 09:05 PM

*hugs taz* sorry your friend's bf is such a jerk to you =[

Doikers 28-08-2010 09:06 PM

Oh Taz that royally sucks that he feels the need to poke fun at you , are you okay? Please stay safe . you're not going to "Snap and Off yourself" are you? :S

risenfromperdition 28-08-2010 09:06 PM

lia- how come you hate little girl you right now? [if you wanna talk... if not ignore me :)]

Doikers 28-08-2010 09:11 PM

Night Night Everyone , I know it's ridiculously early to be going to bed but I'm going anyway . I can't hurt myself whilst sleeping .

*Bedtime hugs Heather as I spots you*
*Bedtime hugs rest of the ward*

"Asleep is the safest place you can be"

FlyingNy 28-08-2010 09:17 PM

I just hate her Heather, I've always hated her. She's even more pathetic and weak than I am- and that's saying something. I don't even know why I hate her or myself so much. I just do and I want to be rid of us.

taz35 28-08-2010 09:25 PM

*hugs Heather* Thanks

*hugs Mark* I'm at the point where I'm not even lying to my parents, I used to always tell them I'm fine even when I'm not... so, no. I'm not going to snap though. Not now. Although it's tempting, I just researched the new medication my psych put me on, only to find out it's an antipsychotic, which is only making me feel worse... thinking that I'm crazy and whatnot. It just really sucks atm. Hope you have a good night's sleep and feel better in the morning <33 Sorry I wasn't around to offer much more help :(

*hugs Lia* Try to stay safe hun... hard to do, I know. But you're too strong to give in <3

Scarletdreamer 28-08-2010 09:52 PM

Lots of posts since my last one (well kind of lots - not 8 pages worth but enough to make my head ache if I tried to respond to all of them!!)... but I'll try to reply to a few. Sorry to the rest if I "ignore" you - really am not ignoring you, just don't have the energy to reply. :(

Taz, sweetie, APs are used for many other purposes than just to quench psychoses. E.g., mood stabilization. Some are seizure medications that were found to work as APs but also work as what they were intended for as well as mood stabilizers. I would try not to let a med you're taking make you feel even crazier, especially if you're one of "the lucky ones" to never have had psychosis issues (I am not of that group and while my experiences with psychoses have taught me how to empathize etc., they've also scared me half to death). However, dunno if you've ever been psychotic or not and you don't have to say if you don't want to. I am inferring from your post though that you haven't been... and good if you haven't. It's a scary place to be where you're doubting reality. Anyway. Just wanted to point that out. *gentle hugs* I'm glad that you're not going to "snap and off yourself" and I'm also glad that you're not lying to your parents anymore. Is there anything we can do to help you stabilize a bit more??

Lia, I have that little girl inside too... and I kind of hate her for being so weak too... she's five years old... and, well, my therapist told me to go to the elementary school when school is getting out and look for the smallest kids. "Those are the five year olds," she said to me, gently. "Do you really expect them to be strong and self-reliant at that age?" because the issue was with me thinking that my five year old should've been stronger and more self-reliant when she was really five. I hope I'm making sense. Little kids are... well, really little. And they ARE weak - well, at least, not as strong as we are now, or can be. I wouldn't exactly look at that as being weak though. Am I making ANY sense at all? because to me I'm just sounding off-the-wall and kind of bats. >_< (Oh, and I spy you!! *glomps*)

Mark, sleep well... hope you have an okay day tomorrow at your parents'. :) *tucks you into your ward bed* Hehe.

Damn I am so anxious. I think I need to update my r/v because 1) it's been awhile and 2) I have some ranting I really need to do. :( Things have not been great around here the past week and I really need to just get stuff off my chest. I'll come back here when I've updated it...

*cuddles all*

FlyingNy 28-08-2010 10:00 PM

Yes April, that does make sense and I know where you are coming from. I would never, ever think any of my Brownies are to blame for anything that might happen to them as a child, or ever for that matter. They are young and innocent and not capable of stopping anything, but that doesn't stop me hating myself. I don't even know why. I just hate this person inside of me and I want to be rid of her and myself, the only way I can think to do that is suicide, but I don't want to die. Not really.

Scarletdreamer 28-08-2010 10:12 PM

Updated my r/v. It's really long and may be ED trig but I don't know. I don't think so but my brain's not working well today despite my having the most food I've had in a long time today. :-/ Am stupidly worried about my weigh-in tomorrow morning (self enforced).

Lia, I'm glad that you don't want to die. Please stay that way. :) Wanting to die, as you know, is NOT a good place to be... Also, I'm glad that I made sense. Sorry if it is unclear to anyone else or makes me sound battier than usual. Heh. Also, you are not a bitch. I am pretty sure that it would come across in your writing if you were - a person can't hide him- or herself quite that well I don't think, even if s/he is the best (at hiding/pretense, I mean). So I don't believe you. :) You're a sweet, kind, caring person. *gentle hugs*

misskitty112 28-08-2010 10:45 PM

Hey everyone,
I can't respond individually cause A. I feel overwhelmed again B. I'm technically doing my laundry and C. I'm supposed to be working on News Reporting or reading Chaucer (In MIDDLE ENGLISH! Gah!)
Anyway... If any of you wanted to read my Creative Writing assignment, it's in the creativity forum, if you would like to help me come up with a title, feel free to do so!
Also, I went to a birthday party and ate a cupcake, so now I feel like **** and will go exercise once my laundry is done.

FlyingNy 28-08-2010 11:10 PM

Just me on my own. I have the pills still, but I don't think I will use them. I did cut though. Worst than I've done in a long time, but it feels good. When I first saw what I had done, I thought 'you stupid cow', but now I'm satisfied. I feel I did it 'properly' as you may put it, not the pathetic stuff I normally do. I can move on now. I am punsihed.

FlyingNy 28-08-2010 11:45 PM

*Spies Oliver* How was it today?

Kahlia1981 29-08-2010 12:37 AM

*hugs every wardie old and new*

Katie - *glomps* Nice to see you again!! Have missed you. And a belated happy birthday. How are you doing?

Sorry to hear that so many of us are struggling right at the moment. I wish there was a magickal cure for all of us that would make all our issues and problems go away and take all those self-hate thoughts and feelings and turn them into self-love. I also wish I could make the "bad" urges (SI, ED, SU) just disappear into the sunset. :-(

Scarletdreamer 29-08-2010 12:58 AM

Oh ****.

They know. My parents KNOW.

About all the SA.

My sister told them last night figuring that I would want her to tell them. And I came damn close to asking her tonight to do that. But I didn't, not quite. I even told my sister details, ****ing trusting her.

I want to scream "****" as loud as I can. But I can't. Not in the apartment complex.

I am so angry. So ****ing angry.

:crying:

frenchhorn 29-08-2010 01:22 AM

*hugs April* I'm sorry to hear that.

*hugs Kahlia, Reaper, Luke, JK, Heather,Lia, Taz, Felicia, Mark and all the other wardies*

My day was mostly really good, marching in the parade was awesome, just having everyone cheer and clap and accept you was such a good feeling, although the young people's prom was good, I had a panic attack and was really anxious and depressed throughout so didn't really enjoy it too much.
here are a few pics from today.

The following content has been hidden - Reason : pictures
Me!!


The following content has been hidden - Reason : pictures
The group I marched with, we are a group of trans people presenting as we do everyday in our chosen gender


The following content has been hidden - Reason : pictures
marching in the parade


I have also made a thread in the photo board which has more photos, but thought I would put a few in here

Scarletdreamer 29-08-2010 01:54 AM

*curls up in the darkest corner in the warren and screams, then curls up tighter and cries softly*

risenfromperdition 29-08-2010 03:01 AM

*offers safe cuddles to april* <3 sorry your sister told them when you didnt necessarily want her to <3

oliver- you're fit ^.^ but glad you had a good time even if you were anxious and depressed =[

*leaves teddies and cuddles in various corners so people can get to easily*

misskitty112 29-08-2010 03:32 AM

Oliver, I love your pics!

*hugs everyone* It's 10:30 and I'm heading to bed, hoping to feel safer in the morning.

FlyingNy 29-08-2010 08:54 AM

*Hugs April* I know what it's like to have this happen. My best friend came on her and found out about my suicidal urges, that I am still sel harming and about my mum. I didn't want her to know, I didn't ever want anyone to know. So I can understand how you're feeling, I was scared and angry. So much. I would tell you that she was doing it for the best, that she thought you would want it because that's why my friend did what she did but at that time I didn't want to hear it and only took is as people taking her side.

In a way though, aren't you somewhat relieved? You said you were close to asking to her to tell your parents, and now they know and the telling them is over and you never have to tell them again. Although, this was little comfort to me because I never planned to in the first place, but a part of you wanted them to know.

I understand the beytrayal though. That you trusted someone and they did this. Don't stop trusting people though please. I know only too well where that leads you, what happens to you. At least keep on trusting us on here.

How do you think your parents will take it? You can PM me any time you like. *Rib crushing hugs.*

xx

Doikers 29-08-2010 08:54 AM

*Hugs Felicia*

*Hugs Oliver* It looks like you had a fun time :)

*Hugs April* I'm sorry your sister told your parents without you consent*Hugs Again*

*Hugs Heather*

*Hugs Lia*

*Hugs Kahlia*

*Hugs Taz*

FlyingNy 29-08-2010 09:05 AM

Hey Mark *hugs* How are you today?

Off to a christening now. I'll be back on later.

*Hugs to all who want them*

xx

FlyingNy 29-08-2010 09:06 AM

Wow, I can do this on my phone. The joys. X

Doikers 29-08-2010 09:10 AM

*Hugs Lia* Hey :) I'm waking up , 2nd coffee is brewing heh , I'm up , Have to go pay my utility bills and get some food then off to my parents, hopefully S.I. free today . Enjoy the Christening :)

Doikers 29-08-2010 09:13 AM

Quote:

Wow, I can do this on my phone. The joys. X
Wow , Technology eh !

How are you Lia? Sorry if you already said :S

FlyingNy 29-08-2010 11:39 AM

Hey. I'm ok, slighty ashamed by last night and the mother is driving me nuts. Other than that I consist of minute particles. This 'family meal' is fun. Not. Hope everyone's ok and that you manage to stay si free. Mark. X

Kahlia1981 29-08-2010 11:41 AM

*huggles everybody*

I read 5 Chapters of my textbook today and my course starts officially tomorrow. I'm excited and I've got a headache. Woot. I also have to go for a 2.5 km walk tomorrow to get some medication from a nasty chemist. It's going to make for a fun day ...

~Kaytee~ 29-08-2010 12:05 PM

Thank you everyone for the birthday wishes ^_^ had a great night.

*hugs Mark* Hope your day goes okay

*hugs Lia* Technology is awesome :) Enjoy the christening :)

Kahlia!! Thank you :) How are you doing? I'm doing okay actually atm. Had a bit of a moment last night fighting ED urges while we were out but managed to fight them and I think I'm still on a high from my birthday :D hehe. *hugs* What are you studying? Sorry, might have missed that :/ Good luck with it! My new study period starts tomorrow too :D Hope your headache goes away x

*sends hugs to everyone* Sorry guys, I'm really tired so might come back and reply better later.. hope everyone has a good day/night :)

FlyingNy 29-08-2010 12:06 PM

Yo wardies. Someone's been drinking. Why do I feel the need to drink to forget? I'm 16 I should be drinking for the fun of it, not for the peace. 'Tevs. I don't care. X

FlyingNy 29-08-2010 12:25 PM

Spies Kaytee* hi. Would you like to join us? X

FlyingNy 29-08-2010 12:27 PM

Oh you have. Sorry didn't seee it.

The One Who 29-08-2010 12:35 PM

Hi everyone, hope we're all feeling a bit better today *hugs*

RYUU 29-08-2010 01:36 PM

* hugs everyone *
I feel unsafe right now raw feelings of fear

FlyingNy 29-08-2010 01:46 PM

Hey Reaper. *Hugs* What is it you're scared of? Please try to stay safe, is there anything you can do to distract yourself? Anyone you can go and bother just so you're not alone? We're always here to listen and give support if you need us to.
x

P.S Sobered up a bit now. Feel sick though.

one_step_closer 29-08-2010 01:51 PM

*hugs everyone* I'm here if you need to talk.

I'm still so triggered to overdose but i'm trying to remind myself of the bad things about overdosing and being in hospital: worries about them not being able to get a cannula in and getting liver damage (they had trouble cannulating the last time I was there), being judged, the food, not getting much sleep, being pestered by other patients. But I am still so tempted. I don't know what to do.

Scarletdreamer 29-08-2010 01:54 PM

I'm SO ****ING ANGRY still.

:crying:

And hurt, and betrayed. I should know better than to trust people IRL other than Jarrod and my bestie.

Should know that damn well by now. No more telling my sister stuff about my private life. No more. I'm tempted to block her entirely from my LJ.

I ****ing hate my life.

nicole94 29-08-2010 01:58 PM

*hugs everyone.*
i am such an idiot :(

Doikers 29-08-2010 02:05 PM

*hugs April* I'm sorry you are so angry , thanks for the reminder of the name too!!

*Hugs Lia*

*Hugs Lindsay*

*Hugs Kahlia*

*Hugs Claire*

*Hugs Kaytee*

*Hugs Reaper*

Doikers 29-08-2010 02:07 PM

Hi guys,

Hayley has moved house and she texted me her new address .
I think it would be a good idea for the ward to send her a happy new home card.
I will buy one and post it.
Will everyone who wants their name to be signed on the card let me know and I'll sign it from them .
Thanks:)

Doikers 29-08-2010 02:10 PM

*Hugs Nicole* Whats up ?:S

FlyingNy 29-08-2010 02:10 PM

Lindsey- Please try and stay safe. Keep on remembering those bad points about ODing, and how much it could go wrong. We're all here to support you as long as you need it. *Hugs*

Nicole- You're not an idiot. *Hugs* What's the matter?

April- Sorry you still feel that why. Have you spoken to your paretns or sister yet? I refused to speak to my bestie for weeks when she did what she did. My initial reaction was to refuse to ever trust anyone again. With anything. You will calm down in time and begin to see why she did it, as I did, but you'll never really forget and you're never gonna be happy about it either. But it gets better.

FlyingNy 29-08-2010 02:11 PM

And Mark, you can sign my name :)

nicole94 29-08-2010 02:14 PM

*hugs mark and lia* i AM an idiot, i had a argument with my mum last night.
*trigger, SI.*
then i cut quite deep and my mum steri stripped it and bandged it and now ive had an allergic reaction to the bandages :(

Scarletdreamer 29-08-2010 02:29 PM

I'll sign the card, Mark, of course. :)

Nicole, sorry you're not doing well. *huggles*

Lia, you're right, but right now I feel raw and numb. I'm forcing myself to compartmentalize and stop thinking/feeling it or else the anger overwhelms me.

I feel awful.

nicole94 29-08-2010 02:32 PM

*huggles april* thanks, i just feel like an idiot :(
oh and mark, can you sign the card for me aswell please? :D

frenchhorn 29-08-2010 02:50 PM

nice idea Mark, can you sign my name please.

*cuddles all*

taz35 29-08-2010 03:31 PM

Ooo Mark sign my name!

*hugs everyone* My mind isn't stable enough to do many individual replies atm, will try to get some in later.

*hugs April* Thanks for the long response. No, I don't think I've ever been fully psychotic, at least I hope I would remember if I was =/ But no... and it's hard not to let the drugs mess with my sanity. They're supposed to be stopping the crazy thoughts, but I just keep hearing "crazy. freak. psycho." on repeat, over and over...

I'll stop complaining now though. Gotta work for 5 hours, so tempted to cancel it...

nicole94 29-08-2010 03:54 PM

*hugs everyone*
i just stood on some broken glass and cut my toe and now i cant feel my foot :/

FlyingNy 29-08-2010 04:01 PM

Oh dear Nicole, at this rate you'll chop your whole arm off by the end of the day :) Don't be too hard on yourself, we all slip up, we all did it.

COULD BE TRIGGERING-I did last night too, worse than I have done in ages, but it felt fantastic at the same time. Sorry, couldn't work out how to hide it.

Glad it went well Oliver :)

Hope you're OK Taz *offers hugs*?

xx

FlyingNy 29-08-2010 04:04 PM

*Spies Helen* How are you?
x

nicole94 29-08-2010 04:10 PM

*hugs lia* aaw, souds like we both had a bad night :( i had the same feeling, i hated it, but at the same time i loved it, and i didnt mean to cut my toe :( i accidentally stood on the glass. i have no idea when im gonna get the feeling back in my foot though.


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