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-   -   Virtual Psych ward! (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1312)

Doikers 11-08-2010 08:26 PM

Hey Felcia , Hmmm I'm sorry you've been so nervous today :S
I'm just numb (yep , still) and a bit bored , eaten WAY too much , but what do I do eat tons or cut? , I am going on a diet from next Monday , I'm going to be really strict with myself , I hope I can do it :S I bought loads of carbonated drinks and I figure the bubbles will help fill me up , works in theory right? Needless to say they are sugar free drinks .

shadowedsoul 11-08-2010 10:16 PM

Cuddles everbody. Hmm don't feel very safe . Curls up in the corner crying.

misskitty112 11-08-2010 10:29 PM

gahhh
*runs off to scream in r/v again*
please, someone, make life be nice to me.

Scarletdreamer 11-08-2010 11:32 PM

*cuddles Felicia* Sounds like you've got a lot going on right now. Maybe take out some time to "just be" and maybe read a book you enjoy, or listen to your favorite music, since I know you like that a lot, or go for a solitary walk (as long as you'll be safe). You deserve to feel better, as do we all!!

*cuddles Hels* You didn't sound attention-seeking at all, sweetie. I'm so sorry that things are so bad for you right now... wish I could help you feel better. :( I hate feeling so helpless, watching all of you struggle... honestly wish I could really be a superhero and make it all okay for everyone. :(

*cuddles Mark* Be careful with the sugarfree stuff at first, if you have a lot, it'll probably give you the runs. ;) But after awhile you'll get accustomed to it and will be okay with all sugarfree drinks. I'd suggest interspersing the s/f drinks with milk or that lower calorie/sugar orange juice that Tropicana has out now (if you get Tropicana products in the UK??). Anyway, just some thoughts. :)

*cuddles Crimson* How're you doing, love??

*cuddles Laura* I'm sorry that dreams are messing with you, sweet. They do me too, and it really really sucks. :( How else are you doing?? Feel free to PM me if you need/want to.

*cuddles Jill* What's going on, hon?

I'm... exhausted. And going lower & lower on that slippery slope. I hate this. I hate the cycles... I hate the knowledge that no matter how good I feel, I will be going lower again in awhile - who knows how long though... I hate knowing that if I feel really good, it's probably just part of my illness... damn it all, I ****ing hate bipolar!!!

Anyway.

It's been a busy day, spent mostly in cleaning and baking a pizza. Yes. A whole ****ing day cleaning. My sister came over and is totally anal about cleaning, and she even cheerfully acknowledges this fact. >_< It is NOT fun cleaning with her, because nothing I do is good enough. :(

*hides in the warren and cries*

taz35 11-08-2010 11:41 PM

*cuddles everyone tightly*

Finally heard back from the psychiatrist's office today about a referral for an evaluation submitted by my doctor. My appointment is for next Tuesday... and my anxiety level has skyrocketed. I'm super paranoid about him thinking I'm faking all this, or saying there's nothing wrong with me, I'm wasting everybody's time, etc... I'm half tempted to call and cancel ><

*tackles April & hidingme because I spy you both!*

Side note, I'll be online for the rest of the night and I'll do individual replies continuously as well as first thing tomorrow morning :) My apologies for the lack of replies thus far.

hidingme 11-08-2010 11:42 PM



**may trigger- SH**

Havent been here is a while but feel like we belong here again. Sadie cut last night.. same place as before. not too bad but still.

sarah is sad and scared, sadie is generally quiet and "hiding"i guess, and I am very depressed and exhausted.

life sucks..

hidingme 11-08-2010 11:43 PM

*smiles at Taz* hi

taz35 11-08-2010 11:49 PM

Hi Hiding! Is that what I should call you? :S
What made Sadie cut last night? And care to talk about why life sucks so much right now?

*tackles Laura* I see you too :)

Scarletdreamer 11-08-2010 11:55 PM

*glomps Taz & Laura, as I spot them!!* :D

I'm... so frustrated. :(

*hides again* :'(

Scarletdreamer 12-08-2010 12:03 AM

Updated my r/v...

*hides yet again* :'(

hidingme 12-08-2010 12:03 AM

yeah calling me Hiding is great..

Sadie cut cause we got super depressed.. we are the only one working and paying bills..hubby has chronic depression and has been out of work a few months now.. we are tired of work..rather stay home for a while but cant. plus sarah was writing in journal and I guess she hit a trigger spot cause she wrote how maybe hubby and daughter dont love us anymore. ..after that sadie took over..
daughter wont help much cleaning house and im just too tired and depressed to be motivated to do it.
then she satarts school soon which brings up a whole new set of worries.
just seems like nothing good ever stays good.
just very sad..
sorry.
Hiding

MammaMia 12-08-2010 12:25 AM

*cuddles everyone*

I just wanted to explain something, the post I wrote earlier about wanting to give up. The suicide stuff etc isn't how I am now. Well I am slightly suicidal but not to the extent I was a few months ago. But I still meant every word. I don't want to be like all that. I don't want to be low constantly. Uggggh >_<

I've had a better evening actually. I saw my Dad & he gave me lotsa cuddles. We had a good chat, well mostly a rant and he agreed with me about stuff. Then spoke to Jane (his partner) about earlier, she was a star, as always ^_^ So...*gulps* looks like I might be having counselling again or something, not 100% certain with what 'help' she was thinking of getting me :S We shall see. Feel DEAD guilty as she was out drinking and stuff & me sending a depressing texts. But she said I could talk to her...so...yeah. At first I found it hard to start typing it, then pretended I was texting Jade (one of my besties) and it all came out. LOL, magical.

I'm rambliiiiiiiinggggggg. Anyway came home, spent bit time upstairs then been with my sister (well one of them), her boyfriend, mum (til she went to bed) and when my other sister got home for a wee bit til she went bed too. Been giggling too much aha.

Detour. Derail 12-08-2010 12:43 AM

Hiding, Im sure Sadie is loved so so much by more people than she could possibly ever know but I understand how difficult it can be to believe it sometimes...its the story of my life! If you need to chat Im here for you as well as everyone else!! *hugs and love*

Helloooooo to everyone else! Sorry I tried to read all the posts but my head is mashed :(
I hope everyone is ok.
I brought magic pizza and chips and chocolate cake!! *puts plates down so everyone can share with me :)*

I feel really affectionate right now...although earlier on the way to work I wanted to break someone or something :(
But theres no one here to hold me....
I just want to be held.

MammaMia 12-08-2010 12:47 AM

Aleeeeeexxxxxxx, I wrote you a reply darling, it's a couple pages back I think. I looooooove you <3 *cuddles tight and holds you*

Detour. Derail 12-08-2010 12:51 AM

i just found it.. it made me cry :'(
Hells..I just want to be wanted
Is that too much to ask?

SoMuchMore 12-08-2010 12:57 AM

*cuddles helen, alex, hidingme, april, taz, felicia, mark, crimson and everyone else*

*brings in loads of treats for everyone* (non-cal treats of course)

I think I could take on just about anything right now! hahaha. Dunno why so hyper/goofy. I think i'll just float away now. If anyone needs anything I'll be on and off all night for as long as my concentration will let me. You're all awesome.

MammaMia 12-08-2010 01:00 AM

You are wanted darling & people will want you in the future Alex. Please believe in that *cuddles* I know what you mean though :(

Laura, float away where missy????

Detour. Derail 12-08-2010 01:10 AM

I just looked in the mirror...and now I cant stop crying

MammaMia 12-08-2010 01:11 AM

Why? :( *sits with you and holds you*

Detour. Derail 12-08-2010 01:17 AM

i hate myself so much.
I cant hate ANYONE else....yet I hate myself so much

MammaMia 12-08-2010 01:21 AM

Why do you hate yourself so much darling?

Detour. Derail 12-08-2010 01:25 AM

Because Im ugly. Im fat. Im useless. I feel isolated because I never feel like people want me to spend time with them. Because Im a bitch...because Im scared of myself

MammaMia 12-08-2010 01:38 AM

You're not ugly or fat darling. Nor a bitch. Those people who don't want to spend time with you (if they really don't) are the ones losing out darling. *cuddles*

Detour. Derail 12-08-2010 01:41 AM

i dont know if i can get over this

MammaMia 12-08-2010 01:43 AM

You can darling. *cuddles*

MammaMia 12-08-2010 01:46 AM

Someone make my face stop itching :( This allergic reaction is being a total nightmare. Arrrrrgh :'(

Detour. Derail 12-08-2010 01:49 AM

*magics away the itchy allergic reaction*

Scarletdreamer 12-08-2010 01:51 AM

*cuddles everyone*

Hi Lex, I'm April. :) I totally understand about the hating yourself but not being able to hate anyone else. It's... well, yeah. :( But I'm sure you're not any of the things that you say you are. I don't know you as well as Hels does but I trust her view of you. :) If you need to talk or whatever, I'm here as well as, well, everyone else I suppose!! That's why this thread is so wonderful.

Laura, I'm worried about you... :-/ ...because hyper/goofy rarely comes without a crash afterwards (unless you're my sister, that is, ahahaha). Where would you like to float away to?

Hels, I'll try & respond more in depth later - i.e., tomorrow, as I'm getting really heavy-eyed and muzzy-headed at the moment - but I hope that the allergic reaction goes away. That must be SO annoying!! *extra cuddles*

I am exhausted. Pent-up self-hatred is getting really frustrating. :(
I don't know what to do now, except go to bed. So off to bed I go. <3

MammaMia 12-08-2010 01:53 AM

Thanks April, I'd appreciate that darling. Hope you sleep well. Damm this allergic reaction, it's way annoying. Least it's only on one side really, which helps a little.

Alex, thank you darling.

Detour. Derail 12-08-2010 02:12 AM

Hi April! Nice to meet you :) I hope you sleep well and feel better in the morning!

No problem hells.

Someone I know from uni just gave me one word answers when I tried to talk to him then said he was too high and was going to bed. Which is fair enough....except I dont know whether to believe him or not....he's one of Liams close mates....
DAMN YOU TO HELL PARANOIA

taz35 12-08-2010 02:22 AM

Hiding - I agree with Lex. As hard as it can be, keep reminding Sarah that she's loved by SO many people. And it would be heartbreaking for them to lose her. School starting again definitely sucks, I feel your pain there.

*tackles Hels* Hi :D I feel like I haven't seen you in forever. Well, on here at least! Do you feel better that you've gotten it all out via text? And here *hands magic allergy-be-gone lotion* :)

*waves at Lex* Hello :) I'm Taz. I know paranoia can be really hard to deal with, but it sounds like your friend could've been legit high - I know when I'm high I hardly talk and just want to sleep, or veg out... Maybe you could try talking to him again tomorrow and hopefully get more of a response? Oh, and you're not a bitch at all :)

*throws a pillow at April, because I can* :) I'm wandering off to read your r/v soon, but try not to hate yourself too much. That can get really exhausting! And have wonderful dreams :)

*sits and waits for Laura to float back* Like April said, I'm awaiting the crash. Maybe that's just me being my usual pessimistic self, but it seems like you can never have a high without a low. But do try to enjoy it while it lasts :) *spreads pillows out on the floor in case of a sudden crash landing*

Detour. Derail 12-08-2010 02:28 AM

Hey Taz! I know, Im like that...I cant even close my mouth...I just sit there staring into space with my mouth open but its a really strange situation at the minute coz of a guy I like and Im just paranoid he's talking about me to people (whether he's saying good things or bad i dont know...he may not even be talking about me though!) gah

taz35 12-08-2010 02:32 AM

Ick, that sounds like a messy situation. Is it possible to ask him directly if he's talking about you? Or would that be too confrontational? =/

Detour. Derail 12-08-2010 02:35 AM

farrrrrrr too confrontational. We are a bad combination because we are both paranoid and blow up all the time...but I love him

Kahlia1981 12-08-2010 02:44 AM

Not meaning to jump into the middle of a conversation but:

Paranoia can be a nasty beast. I really hope it eases a bit for you Alex because it sounds like it is being incredibly troublesome at the moment. Has it been getting worse over the 3 months he's been away? Please forgive me if I've gotten it wrong but if I remember correctly he (your bf) was going to Spain for 4 months and it's been 3 months now? Oh, I've been doubly rude. I'm pretty sure I've spoken with you before, but in case I haven't: I'm Kahlia. *waves and offers hugs*

Helen: Hmmm. Whatever product gave you that reaction definitely needs to be avoided. I have seriously sensitive skin and am allergic to so much stuff that it just isn't funny that even physios and ultrasound nurses have to check their stuff against my skin!! I really feel for you here my dear. I hope that it eases quickly. *big non-allergenic hugs* :p

April: *huggles* I hope you manage to have a good nights sleep without any nasty nightmares or bad dreams.

Taz: *cuddles* How are you going sweetie?

*hugs everyone who wanders in because my memory crashed out about 10 seconds ago*

Detour. Derail 12-08-2010 02:54 AM

Its no worries :)
I remember you from last time I was here (:
Almost correct, spain yes 4 (excruciatingly long) months yes
but TECHNICALLY not my bf :(
I asked him out before he left...he avoided my question. I met him a year ago and we started getting together...you know the stuff...holding hands..kissing...etc etc...but then people started askiung what was happening and when we were going to get together officially (we lived in halls and it was like living in a soap opera!!) and he freaked out and so all that stopped unless it was just me and him or if we went out to a club and he got drunk. I remember one night our mates brother came out and picked me up and then dropped me and liam (my "boy") pulled me up and held me and kissed me like his life depended on it...and I keep deluding myself that it means something because I desperatly want it to....
I NEED it to mean something.

Kahlia1981 12-08-2010 03:26 AM

Ah sorry. I'm glad I managed to get any of it right to be honest. My memory isn't all that crash hot since the ECT - except when it comes to remembering things in excrutiating detail for assessments. I know what you mean about needing it to mean something .... *sigh* I just hope I didn't offend you. *offers hugs*

SoMuchMore 12-08-2010 03:35 AM

*hugs lex* i'm laura if i didnt introduce myself. Sorry about the situation you are in with the paranoia and liam. You can get through this though. I really believe that.

*hugs helen* Oo.. that allergic reaction do not sound good *gets rid of it* Glad that your dad and Jade were there for you today.

*hugs taz* how r u doing?

*hugs april* hope that you sleep well. You shouldn't hate yourself, you are a lovely person hun.

*hugs kahlia* how r u doing?

I don't know where I would float away too if I actually.. Anywhere. Somewhere new... or Maybe back to Italy, I loved it there when I visited last summer. Too bad I can't actually pick, but I could pretend I suppose lol.

I know this hyper/goofy feeling though... it used to be what i said happiness was... and that is a totally wrong description, maybe i'll find some way to avoid the depersonalization that will come along if i start to come out of the goofiness... but oh well. Take on the world while I can right? :-) Too bad its not more b/c if i could I would be like this more and more and more. I wonder if people would notice or if it would just blend in with my faking it personality. Hmm... an experiment.

I'm being and idiot now. Sorry!

Don't worry about me though. Never ever worry. I'm always here at the end of the day

Detour. Derail 12-08-2010 03:47 AM

of course you didnt sweetheart! Im glad you listened and I wasnt boring you to death with my silly trivial life haha

Hey Laura how are you? Lovely to meet you!

SoMuchMore 12-08-2010 03:59 AM

Lex - Nice to meet you too! you're meeting me in a very strange state i must admit. I'm not usually all... hyper and stupid sounding like i know i am being... don't just too harshly please. I don't know whats going on with me right now exactly.

Detour. Derail 12-08-2010 04:09 AM

sweetheart dont worry about it!
Im daft as a brush and theres a running joke at work that they are part of a care in the community scheme and thats why I have my job! (I assure you they arent, im just daft and a little crazy haha)

SoMuchMore 12-08-2010 04:27 AM

im sure you are not daft and everyone's a little "crazy" lol. are you feeling any better than earlier? I hope so hun. Here if you need to talk more.

Detour. Derail 12-08-2010 04:45 AM

a little. My best friend from home has said shes coming down for the weekend so we're making plans and catching up :)

shadowedsoul 12-08-2010 08:52 AM

Huggles all. Fu*k my feeling are all over the place, feel very unsafe very stuiped thoughts running through my head.really want to act on them. Feel like I'm a about to burst into tears any sec. So anxious about later on tonight not sure I can do this.

Kahlia1981 12-08-2010 10:13 AM

*huggles all*

Jill: *cuddles you in a protective hug* Sorry for the thoughts. Please try hard not to act on them sweet. I'm sorry about the anxiety - can you do anything to keep it in check or try to get it back in check?

It has been a really weird day. Phonecalls and emails and freak outs about having to go downstairs three times (rubbish bin, post box and hanging my washing). Also a random freak out where I thought my CSA abuser was standing on the porch and wanting to come into the unit. Gah!

Still, what does not kill us makes us stronger, right?

MammaMia 12-08-2010 10:53 AM

Someone has put on my bestie's (well one of them) facebook that she's dead. I'm TRYING to assume it's my best friend herself as she has her weigh in day today and her gran gives her mobile to my best friend (as it belongs to her anyway)

Arrrrgh, but I'm REALLY freaked out...just incase it's not her or something playing games :'( Have to be rational, if it was the case, I would know. But I'm still freaking out :'( SHUT UP HEAD >_<

Because I *really* need this on top of everything else today :'( I'm still really tired & have to go jobcentre, which I can't be ****ing bothered with. Please don't let it be like last week :(

*cuddles everyone*

Doikers 12-08-2010 11:12 AM

Oh Wow over 2 pages of posts since last night , I won't be able to keep up sorry :S But I did read them all
Hi Lex, I'm Mark :)
*Hugs Helen* Best of luck at the job centre today :)
*Hugs Kahlia*
*Hugs Jill*

I just Hugged the people on this page , sorry.

shadowedsoul 12-08-2010 01:09 PM

Hugs all. Argh this is so damn annoying, I really can't keep my head together today. I'm struggling at work just feel very panicky and about to burst into tears. Damn that pathetic.

MammaMia 12-08-2010 01:17 PM

Thanks for ignoring the rest of my post Mark. But never mind >_< Sorry I'm just really ****ing stressing still. I told my other best friend, who despite not being very well, phoned me because she didn't even know how to reply to my text about it. Will post if I ever find out WTF is going on....if anyone cares =/

Jobcentre went a lot better this week, same person, but she was bit nicer today :D

Doikers 12-08-2010 01:18 PM

*Hugs Jill*

*Hugs Helen* I spots you ! :) How did the job centre go?


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