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-   -   Virtual Psych ward! (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1312)

xxjuliexx 06-06-2010 12:47 PM

kat who r the new alters on ur sig

katnovia 06-06-2010 12:55 PM

Search me hun! I just opened myself up a few months ago and I've been leaving things open..and these two have appeared.. I think Lotty is something to do with Rosie, she's mentioned her before and I think she was out last night talking to jack. Jess is an older girl, quite sensible, very clued up about the system, but really impulsive... I'm not sure but she's mentioned being friends with Amy..

xxjuliexx 06-06-2010 01:00 PM

*nods* jess talk to me seems nice

xxjuliexx 06-06-2010 01:03 PM

we gots new as well *points* hannah...

shadowedsoul 06-06-2010 02:44 PM

sorry guys need to vent.

okay how stuiped do you think iam, did you think I would
belive that for a sec. What after 2 months, yeah right you
only said that because you knew I would end up being
told. What were you expecting me to jump for joy,say
oh okay that's all right then, what you put me through
is all forgiven. The thing is I don't think you have been
and saying sorry means noithing, like my mum says
saying sorry is easy, it's so easy to say sorry, but I don't
think you ment it, I think it's what you want me to hear.
I hate you, you messed me up even more than I was.
sorry long rant

katnovia 06-06-2010 03:27 PM

Well say hi to hannah for me amy. I'm going to let jess back on later, but she scared off one of my friends on Msn, so she's in trouble at the moment.

*huggles jill* (hope i have your name right, sieve brain)

I spy wolf. Sorry, do know your name but I forget... anyway, we havn't met. Hi, I'm Kat, and that lot vvv are my alters...all nice enough i guess, except shadow.

Doikers 06-06-2010 04:00 PM

So I have spent 1pm - 4pm in bed in an effort to not cut , it worked but I stll feel low , and not just run of the mill "A little blue" I mean full on slipping into a depressive episode and I can't stop it low , sorry

I don't want to be super-depressed again , I can't take it , I CAN'T , What am I going to do? , I 'm just gonna have to smile through the next month as its my parents birthdays so on gos the mask . I Can't take being depressed again :(

SoMuchMore 06-06-2010 05:23 PM

*jumps on oliver* Hey!!! We've missed you in here!!! Glad to hear that you're alright. Hope you had a good time at the orchestra course.

*hugs julie* How r u today?

*hugs kat* It's probably good that you are leaving yourself open so that you can learn more about your system. How r u doing today?

*hugs jill* wish i had more words for you. But if venting helps, there is no reason to be sorry about it, we are here to listen and help one another.

*waves to anarchistl0ve and wolf* Hi! I'm laura. Nice to meet you.

*spots heather in the corner* why r u rawr-ing? heh. *hugs*

*hugs kahlia* congrats on finishing stage 1!

*hugs mark* It sounds like you are having a rough time right now. I'm sorry that you feel like you are slipping into a major depressive episode. Its good that you avoided SI-ing though. Can you tell anyone that you feel like you are becoming more depressed so that maybe they can help? Putting on a mask is hard to do :-/ Remember, we are all here if you need us.

First official day of work... anxiety is through the roof. AH! i hate that i have to feel like this.

Doikers 06-06-2010 05:30 PM

*Hugs Laura * I hope you have a good first day at work and that your anxiety (GRR) doesen't play to big a part in your day . :)

I don't know who to tell , I am in the place of not trusting my proffessionals , I don't feel comfy talking to most of them :( I'm glad I can talk to you guys though .

ihaverabbits 06-06-2010 05:58 PM

did anyone else spend the morning cutting poop-cakes off of their dog's butt?

frenchhorn 06-06-2010 07:39 PM

*hugs all*

I'm really anxious, have my end of year recital tomorrow, stressing slightly, but going to have a relaxing night tonight and try not to think about it.

Doikers 06-06-2010 08:19 PM

Best of luck with your end of year Recital Oliver!!! I bet you'll knock them out :-)

Doikers 06-06-2010 08:30 PM

It's so early , 8.30 pm but I can't take much more of this , bad thoughts , BAD!! want to harm , so to bed I'll go , Pain Killer first as I have an Headache ( Because being depressed just isn't enough sometimes )

*Leaves bundles of hugs and fairy cakes on the ward table* Night night :)

frenchhorn 06-06-2010 08:43 PM

Thanks for the luck Mark. *hugs you lots* I'm sorry your feeling bad, keep yourself distracted from the bad thoughts, I hope sleep helps.

I spy April!! *glomps*

katnovia 06-06-2010 09:02 PM

*crawls in and curls up in a heap in a corner sobbing* Dont want to do it anymore

Doikers 06-06-2010 09:35 PM

*Slinks up to Kat and Hugs* whats the matter :(?

Doikers 06-06-2010 09:42 PM

As for my big plan of sleeping it all better , well it's not working , thats what happens if you spend all day in bed practically , I just eat a bowl of cereal, , maybe having something in my stomach will help me sleep in a bit , I took a Diaz and all my night meds, not even tired hmm, maybe the bad thoughts need doing , maybe I need to harm , again , to sleep , it's coming up to 10 pm (sort of) , I hope it's not gonna be one of those nights where I just get up and cut just to sleep, I would like to sleep though , I'm rambling so will stop , sorry.

katnovia 06-06-2010 10:00 PM

it's all gone so wrong.

he's got the kids, and phil might be there and hazel and..*sobs*i cant even think coherently

xxjuliexx 06-06-2010 10:13 PM

-frowns- wat wrong

katnovia 06-06-2010 10:39 PM

*breathes* let me do this in stages...
The following content has been hidden - Reason : TRIGGERS Sexual assualt,adult,OH and LONG.

I reported P last year cos he raped me when I was 15, and abducted and forced me to be his sex slave for 6 weeks when I 16.

P is being looked for by child protection.. and D knows this. D has told Police that he doesn't know where P is.

P is brother of D. D is father to H&A my neice and nephew.

H&A live with my sister S and 5 other kids.

H&A told D false stories about living at home, basically they are being fairly disciplined, but they are complaining to D, like kids do.

D threatened a couple of weeks ago to take H&A away from S if they said anything more.

D had H&A for a couple of nights tues-home thurs. But D rang S and said that H was crying about things being hard at home, so D would look after until sat. Now D refusing to send H&A home.

Turns out, last time H&A visited D, P was there and H&A were told to keep quiet about it. Also, D has rung S and told her to tell my hubby J (who is a policeman) to stop sending his cronies round and to stop bothering P because he hasn't done anything and has been mentioning things about the incidents that D says he 'doesn't know about'.

P&D have a habit of running.

I've just spent an hour on the phone to Police and s and J. and am so frazzled, my heart is racing, my hands are shaking, heck my whole body is quivering. My teeth hurt from being clenched. I'm frightened. I hear a car driving madly and I panic..J is at work right now. and Hazel is really restless, so I spent an hour chasing hazel back to sleep every 5 mins, followed by an hour of digging up stuff i'd really rather forget and without any warning.


sorry, so long :S :( I had to get that out.

nicole94 06-06-2010 10:55 PM

hey guys, sorry havent been on in ages, not had the time. hows everyone been? im feeling pretty **** tbh :(

katnovia 06-06-2010 11:02 PM

*points up at previous thread* can't. write. again.

Kahlia1981 06-06-2010 11:13 PM

*huggles/waves at all*

Sorry in advance for the lack of individual replies.

Kat: From what you have been though the fear reaction and what you are going through now are understandable. I know that doesn't make it go away. You don't want other people to go through what you went through, and that is really showing. My instinct was to offer you hugs, but I remembered that when my memory dredges up stuff from my childhood SA I can't stand to be touched, so I thought I would ask you first. I wish that I could offer you more sweetheart. This sounds like a very scary situation for you. I'm going to send you some *calm and warm wishes* that you will get through the next hour, and then the next hour and so on. Please try and hang in there sweetie.

katnovia 06-06-2010 11:25 PM

*hugs kahlia* thanks lovely, cuddles are okay, welcomed and needed. I just wish I could calm down, i'm so...well spiked.

Scarletdreamer 06-06-2010 11:28 PM

*sends warm wishes, thoughts, and prayers Kat's way as well* I will send you a cuddle in a package also, that you can use when you feel safe enough to. Sound okay? I'm so sorry about all that's happened... and I don't blame you for being shaky and restless and having such a fear response. I would too. Jarrod and I will be praying for you tonight... ♥

Kahlia, how are you doing? *cuddles*

Nicole, welcome back!! why are you feeling like ****? *cuddles*

Oliver!! *glomps back* Good luck with the end of year recital - I'm sure you'll do fine. :D But sending you warm wishes and good thoughts... :) How else have you been doing??

Hels, where are you today? haven't seen you about. *cuddles*

Laura, best of luck at your job!! I'm sure you'll be fine. Update us when you can!! :D *cuddles*

Mark, I'm sorry that you can't sleep... hopefully you can now... and I hope that you didn't have to cut to sleep. :( Sending cuddles and prayers your way. *tucks you up into your ward bed* :)

*waves at Owen* How're you doing?

Just got back from a partial hike... I am pathetically out of shape and fat. :'(

*hides in a deep dark corner of the warren* :'(

Kahlia1981 06-06-2010 11:29 PM

*hugs Kat* I know the "I just wish I could calm down" feeling hun.

nicole94 06-06-2010 11:29 PM

are*hugs kat, april band kahlia*
sorry kat :( just a bit distracted at the moment
april-thanks, and cause im feeling suicidall, and then the only place my mum would let me stay was at my aunties, and i can see the train station from the bedroom window, the same train station where 2 people have commited suicide this week.........

katnovia 06-06-2010 11:30 PM

*cuddles april* i'm safe enough now, I think all that will hit me later, I get delayed responses...

katnovia 06-06-2010 11:31 PM

*cuddles nicole* thats ok. me too!

nicole94 06-06-2010 11:52 PM

*hugs kat* bless. urgh. i dunno what to do :(

katnovia 06-06-2010 11:56 PM

*hugs nicole* me neither. talking to an ex of mine who was really affected by stuff I did, and stuff another girl of his did... he's so in denial about it all, frustrating..but distracting though.

nicole94 07-06-2010 12:01 AM

*hugs kat* aaw :( at least youve got a distraction though, everyone here is talking about the 2 suicides, and triggering me even more :O

katnovia 07-06-2010 12:09 AM

aww hunny, thats not good. try to block them out if you can. can you listen to music? or perhaps play a game?

nicole94 07-06-2010 12:13 AM

my auntie and uncle are sleeping. urgh urgh urgh, i just saw my teachers name on name on the school website and it brought back EVERYTHING :(

katnovia 07-06-2010 12:15 AM

aww hun. is there anything I can do? -offers safe hugs if you can-

Scarletdreamer 07-06-2010 12:18 AM

*cuddles both Nicole & Kat* sorry, that's all i'm able to offer at the moment... am not in a good place. :'(

updated r/v.......... :'(

nicole94 07-06-2010 12:19 AM

*thanks and hugs* i dont know. i just feel. blah. i dont know what to do or where to live because i cant stay at home anymore as all my family hate me, school is crap and upsets me, and nothing seems worth it anymore

MammaMia 07-06-2010 12:25 AM

*cuddles everyone*

katnovia 07-06-2010 12:27 AM

*huggles april* I read your RV, and I'm so sorry that everything is such a struggle for you right now. I understand about the comments you made further up your thread about being christian and a survivor, all i can say is hunny, is that it is a really hard place to be, and i havn't figured it all out yet, but hopefully one day soon the Good Lord will help me with it. In the meanwhile, don't try to analyse your actions too much, let God do the judging after all, He should know ;)

I will PM you tommorow with my other thoughts on your RV, but tonight i'm sorry hun, i'm a little ploughed under with all this thats going on. Love and prayers hun.

nicole: I'm sorry you're feeling like that. I know nothing about your situation. can you live alone? maybe it'll give you some independance/healing space? do you have a friend you could move in with?

*cuddles helen* thanks lovely. how are you?

risenfromperdition 07-06-2010 12:29 AM

*offers hugs to everyone who wants*
x

nicole94 07-06-2010 12:30 AM

the only person i could move in with is my cousin and my mum wouldnt let me :( *hugs april. kat and helen*

katnovia 07-06-2010 12:34 AM

*hugs nicole* ah, I see. I guess then in one way, you've got to wait it out for a couple of years :( until you're 18. sorry hun.

nicole94 07-06-2010 12:38 AM

uhuh. but then, im pretty sure that if i carry on living there, im not gonna make it to my 18th birthday.

risenfromperdition 07-06-2010 12:39 AM

*curls up in bed and sleeps*
im lonely =\

katnovia 07-06-2010 12:46 AM

*huggles nicole* aww hunny. if your situation at home is really bad, is there anyone you could tell? see if you can get some advice/support?

katnovia 07-06-2010 12:46 AM

*cuddles heather* so tired. i should sleep too.

risenfromperdition 07-06-2010 12:48 AM

try and get some sleep hun? <3 *offers cuddles back*

MammaMia 07-06-2010 12:48 AM

Kat, I don't know how I am. Thought I was okay but struggling to cope with things. Keep getting sad at night. Sure it won't be long before I'm down, then low, then suicidal again. I can't go through all this again :'(

nicole94 07-06-2010 12:55 AM

*cuddles kat* i have my therapist, but i dont feel comfortable speaking to her, i do with my group therapist but they arent supposed to deal with individual problems :(

katnovia 07-06-2010 12:55 AM

*cuddles helen* i'm sorry you're going through this. Night is always the worst. Try to remember that morning is only a few hours away and the sun will bring a new chance. Sorry I have nothing more.

*enjoys heather's cuddle* thanks hun. yeah i'm gonna give sleep a shot. Hubs is here now.

*huggles nicole* hmm, i'm gonna have to think about that one and get back to you. it depends if your being at home is a real welfare issue or not.

Okay everyone, i'm gonna have to sleep, i'm so shot. I can't handle everything thats going round in my head and sleep is the only safe place right now. i hope. take care everyone, love and prayers headed out your way.


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