I should be sleeping but can't

*Hugs Laura* I'm sorry you feel angry , but repressing emotions up side yourself isn't good either :S And I think that paragraph you hid needen't have been hidden . We are here to support each other , fat lot of good I am doing though :( Sorry I'm not more helpful

Whats keeping you up Louise ? you ok?

FML

Why am I so anxious :(

*HUGGLES HELEN* Did you have fun out and about?

*hugs Mark* Yes I did thank you :) Saw someone who works at the restaurant we went to, been looking out for her for AGES!! As she went on maternity leave & everything. Finally saw her tonight =D Happy haha!! Gwad I'm such a loser :S

To scared to closed my eyes

*hugs Louise if ok*

RightyOh I'm going to bed it's hot here I hope I sleep ok , I JUST gave into the urges dammit , For a second my mind wanted me to really badly hurt myself but I managed to keep it to a "reasonable" level . I felt better But S.I. only works super well for me if it's bad now :( I used to feel ok with just a little cut but now I has to be stupid . Ugh why am I typing this last thing at night , I'm such an Idiot !

*Leaves Coffee , Teas of all kinds , Fruit and cereals out for general ward munchings*

Night Night all *Hugs*

I'm seeing her on the 2nd of June but my anxiety is getting worse.

Kat I know how you feel about the alters... I feel that they're not real but I suspect one of them has taken pills and I don't know about it...

*sits and read all the pages i missed*

How come I seem to finish my work after half the people have gone to bed *doh* and I still should make a birthday card for my housemate, but I'm tired and beginning to be a bit stressy again.

*hugs Mark* night night, is the PHYSOSTEGIA a type of bromeliad then? Yeah my cacti are my faves although my chilli has lots of chillies on it at the moment which is exciting. I love butternut squash it's yummy I have an awesome soup recipe for it. sorry to hear the urges were too much, I'm the same though, can't keep it to little cuts any longer, but that's kinda good for me cos it scares me into not cutting for longer periods of time, 3 months now, although am slightly worried about this weekend as I have to to my housemate's birthday party he's 21 and I'm bad enough in party situations where I don't really know anybody, worse still if they're 8 or so years younger than me! Anyway stop rabbiting on about me, I hope you sleep okay and think of it as a positive that you managed to stop before you cut really bad.

*hugs Kitkat* hope you are okay
*hugs Louise* don't be scared, what are you scared of, I hope you get to sleep okay
*hugs Helen* I'm glad you had a good chat with your friend earlier in the day and that you had a good time out tonight. hope that good feeling is lasting
*hugs Laura* it's okay to be angry and at least you realised you snapped. maybe you can say sorry you snapped next time you see him, that's what I usually do and it helps me feel a bit better too.
*hugs taz* how are you tonight?
*hugs HorseRidinBbe* try not to worry about lunch, hope you sleep okay
*hugs April* I hope you have fun on your date and try not to worry too much oh and have a lovely lie in *jealous :p*
hi Emma - welcome to our lovely abode :)
*hugs Crimson* ooh chinchilla babies how exciting
*hugs Kat* how are you today?
*hugs julie* how are you feeling tonight
*hugs Kahlia* how's things going hun?

I'm worried.
I'm really worried.
What if something like that happens again, but it's worse and it goes wrong?
I don't even know who did it, if they did it...

*hides*

Kat, what do you mean honey? :(

*cuddles Kitkat* are you okay, are you safe?

Like, my Mum has acidophilus tablets and she had 7 left in a pot in the fridge, cos you have to keep them in fridge because otherwise they can become poisonous, and if you take a certain amount (I don't know how many of them) it can be dangerous and you should seek help immediately.
Well there was only 7 left and she sent me a text this morning saying be honest did you have my pills and I said no but then it got me thinking because there's only 3 of us in the house. My mum wouldn't have them all at once... Neither would my Grandad, cos... He just don't know what they are and probably wouldn't be able to get the lid off... So what if it was me? I did have stomach cramps today and a headache (I'm never normally ill like that) but I was just thinking... What if I did take them but don't remember? I've had blackouts where I've self harmed and don't remember, but I know who's done it. But no one's owned up, and I don't know who's done it, and I don't even know if I took them or not...

I don't know if I'm safe, my head hurts and I'm achey for no apparent reason and... I just can't seem to remember

Could you get checked out just incase you have sweetie? :(

How? I don't know what to do... I was sleeping today at college, it was ridiculous, midday and I was asleep on the grass.
What if I go to sleep now and something goes wrong and I don't wake up or something?
I... Don't know... *curls up in corner*

I agree with Helen, it's probably worth getting checked out. Is there anyone you can tell? or anyone who knows more about the pills?

No, I tried telling someone today but they didn't take me seriously.
I've just finished Googling it, they're simple to take, you take one a day but I don't know what the limit is to overdose... Just says you're more likely to if you mix them with prescription pills (which I haven't).
But apparently they're poisonous if you overdose... BUT HOW MANY IS THAT??
):

We couldn't tell you even if we knew as it'd be breaking the rules. Seriously, can you call NHS direct or speak to your doctor in the morning? Anything sweetheart :(

I'm crying, or started crying, oh **** this hurts :'(

helen? wats wrong
*offers huggles*

No I know, I'm not properly asking I'm just trying to make some sense of it by typing it... It's not really working.
I can't call NHS now... I have college in the morning, and even if I went my Mum can't know. I might find my college nurse when I go to college tomorrow.
Oh don't cry, is it because of me? I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you cry ):

KitKat - I don't know where you are honey but do they have a Medication Information or Poisons Information Line (telephone hotline) where you are? They'd have that kind of information. The number would be freely available - especially on the Consumer Medication Information Leaflet available with any medications. Just a thought. Oh, sorry, I don't think we've spoken before. I'm Kahlia.

kitkat, the nhs have a poisons helpline, they would at least hopefully be able to give you some information the phone number is 0844 892 0111 - I can give that out can't I?

No I don't think they do... It's just gone past midnight here so my doctors will be closed.
I think I'll have to talk to the college nurse...
No worries, I'm Kathryn (:

Thanks for the number (: I can't call right now though, I haven't got enough credit on my phone and I can't use the house phone...

*hugs Helen* you said earlier you had a good chat with your friend and that you also enjoyed meeting up with your friend when you went out. try and think of the good things, I know it's hard, but you can get through this *cuddles*

I am actually pouring with tears.

Kat, it's not your fault sweetie. Please go speak to your college nurse, it's so urgent sweetie, or ring NHS Direct somehow (and yes Hannah you can give that number out :))

Julie, I'm crying about something that happened a long time ago & other stuff. It just hurts so much right now :'( I just want all this **** to stop.

Hannah, I went out with my Dad & his girlfriend. But yeah, I am thinking about that, just makes me miss someone even more. :'(

Just want my best friend to hold me tight & she can't, well not in person because we live too far away & can't virtually because she's fast asleep.

What a pathetic loser I am *continues to cry* Sorry :'( :'(

well be careful then, it should so be a free number, but it isn't, do you have a skype account? you could phone them on that :( and make sure you get some help if you begin to feel worse okay?

*hugs Hannah* Not good. Not good at all. How has your day been?
*hugs Hels & gives her tissues* You're not pathetic at all hun <3 Feel like talking?
*hugs Kat* I agree with what Helen and Hannah have said... definitely get checked or tell someone.

you're not a loser Helen *huggles* it's perfectly understandable and missing people is one of the hardest things to deal with

Haven't got a Skype account ):
Sorry I thought I made you cry, I don't like making people cry.
I'll get help... I'm tired and really achey and my belly hurts a bit...

Hi Taz, what's up?

Am okay, slightly stressy about stuff and should probably go to bed but neh

*takes tissues and blows nose* Thank you Taz :'(

Why does this have to hurt so much :'( Why does the past have to make me feel sooooooo **** :'( I just want my best friend to hold me tight. I know I've partly mentioned all this in my last post, sorry. I'll shut up.

Thanks Hannah *hugs*

please do Kat *hugs*

Because it's the past, and that always hurts and makes us feel like rubbish ): but its the future that makes us optomistic because you never know which way it can go.
Don't be sorry, and you don't need to shut up, we all need to vent our emotions and place to go when we're upset, you don't have to be sorry (:

And thanks for helping me out everyone (:
*hugs*

don't shut up Helen, unfortunately our past has dealt it's blow and we have to live with it. If somebody's hurt you then their not worth your struggles, if somebody you love is no longer around, they would not want to see you cry. However, I know that that doesn't really help, sorry :( your best friend would be with you, holding you tight if she could.

I hate my past. I'd do anything to change it sometimes, yet if it hadn't happened, I honestly don't think I'd know my best friends or if I did, we wouldn't be as close as we are & probably would all be dead to be honest. I know that's extreme.

You're welcome sweetheart :) What we're here for. *offers hugs*

Thanks Hannah. Yeah you're right it has dealt its blows & I have to live with it :'( But it still hurts & I'm still trying to deal with it I guess? I know she would, I know she really really would :'(

I think that's a good way to look at it, you have them and they have you and you are all better people because of having and knowing each other :)

Not extreme at all, my past made me who I am today, and through it all, I wouldn't change that for anyone... So in a way I'm glad it all happened.
No one close would want to see you cry, I don't and we've only just started talking... I just hate it when people cry.

Thanks (: *hugs*

that last post was with reference to your other post not your last one, sorry should have quoted, I know it hurts hun *hugs*

I'm sorry guys I'm shattered and have to sleep otherwise I will not be good to deal with tomorrow.

Take care of yourselves

leaves hugs for everybody

I understand now. *hugs tight* I quite agree with what you said :) Night night darling xxx

You're right I guess. I know people wouldn't want to see me cry :( I hate seeing people cry too, particularly when it's my best friends. Hurts me too. *hugs lots*

I think I've stopped crying, sure it'll start off again in a second lol :'( Why is it crying never satisfies me enough, unless it is for hours & hours :'( God I'm picky. >.>

*curls up*

**** life. **** it, I say.

Nevermind.

*puts on professional face and is fine* :)

Beginning to get oh so sick of hearing that people are fine when they're clearly not. Sorry this is not aimed at anyone in particular.

We're here for you April *offers cuddles*

One of my online friends is having another of my online friends visit for the summer. I am so ****ing jealous. I have known these people since 2005 and have never gotten to meet them but love them so much. And now they're going to have the time of their lives. While I'm here. Doing an internship and applying to residential treatment. WHAT A ****ING LOSER I AM.

:crying:

Maybe you could organise it yourself honey? Sometimes if you want something doing, it's best to do it yourself instead of waiting for others to do it, else it never happens. Sad really. Also you are NOT a ****ing loser sweetheart :(