*rocks & shivers*

Just the come down again from being hyper again I suposse...

I am April , I'm stay out of reach of tools and glued to my computer, I need you guys out there so much , Sounds silly but I do.
Tommorow My houseing support worker is going to try and sort out my energy company problems , I just have to make sure I'm awake enough at the time , I've been struggling to get out of bed so much it's ridiculaus.

April, We live in a 2 bedroom apartment. When we moved in in May 2006 it was 775$ and it stayed under 800$ a month till the property was sold to the company in town that owns more than half of the apartment complexes in our area (seriously they made their own 'apartment book' with only their properties and its bigger then THE apartment book since they don't list in there anymore.) Since they bought it in October of 2008 our rent has jumped to 1040 a month plus a water bill. For the water bill instead of charging us only for ours they divide to total for the building by the number of apartments and then give each person an amount based on the number of bedrooms they have... this make our average water bill 45$ a month plus our electric bill which is on average 60$ since they won't fix anything and the seals on several windows need redone so in the winter we have to keep the heat on higher than we should need to... *shakes head* I just want to move. Even the drier doesn't work and I have to pay 1.50 per load to get it half way dry so I can hang it all in my bathroom and hope it dries so I have clothes. I guess I should think on the positive... at least the washer works (which I also have to pay for).
It would be nice to have 3-4 bedrooms and it would be nice to have my own washer and drier but I'd settle for a 2 bedroom with a working washer and drier if I could find one I can afford and/or that's near a bus route so I can get to work.

Am so tired... :( Just want to go to sleep... am so sick of life right now. Soc paper is driving me up the wall... my brain feels so ****ing fried right now. Tomorrow's gonna be packed so I have to finish this paper, at least, by today... I am getting so close to the end but I don't know if I can do it now... :'(

I think I'mma go on WoW for a bit. :( Distraction & brain break. Heh... :(

Have fun :-)

What's the ****ing point?????

*Super Hugs Helen*

Thanks Mark *hugs and then hides*

Hmmm i'm so damn angery,and fed up of being treaded
like a peace of sh*t.why the hell do people treat me like
crap.I wish I was dead and away from all this.hits head hard
with hand, Curls up small
and cries.

If I don't go to bed now I'll S.I. I can't fight this awake anymore , I haven't been up long enough to sleep though:S But I took a Diaz and hopefully it will help.

*Hugs Shadowedsoul*
*Hugs ward goodnight*

I'm gonna leave my P.C. on standby in case I'm up at night

*cuddles Shadowed Soul*
I wish I knew why people treated other people like crap, but I don't. They aren't worth hurt you over though.

*hugs Mark*
sleep well.

*is sad she hasnt been here to support everyone and was sulking instead* *leaves huge support parcels in a pile in the corner, calorie free cookies and milk on the table, fresh minty shower gel bottles in the bathroom and places out LED t-lights allover the place and multi-coloured rosepetals scattered around*

*blinks and hides*
Sorry.

Arghhhh... I just got off WoW... yeah... not even through the starting area I wanted to be through by now, but Jarrod was helping me so it wasn't too bad. *sigh* Another death knight, unholy specced, love her. Name's Athenasoul... she's the Greek goddess of war I think, which fits what death knights are, really. If I got it wrong I'm going to feel silly, but oh well.

G'night Mark, sweet dreams, love. *cuddles and tucks up*

I spy a Kat!! *waves & cuddles* How are you?

Hels, what's wrong, sweetie? *cuddles* And Jill (Shadowedsoul), I'm sorry that you're feeling so crap and that people are treating you awfully. :( You are worth a lot more than, well, crap is, and I hope that you get some people in your life that recognize that soon. *cuddles*

So frustrated... this DAMN soc paper!!! :crying:

*hides in a hole*

*waves at Owen* How are you doing today?

Awh Owen, I'm sorry that your back hurts. :( Maybe it's because you've been in bed too long? That happens to my husband sometimes... a lot of the time actually.

I am okay, I guess. Kind of angry at nothing in particular, and stressed, running out of one of my meds... and my NP is NOT being helpful. :(

*sneaks in quietly so no one see's him, curls up in a corner crying and shaking*

*tiptoes over to Oliver and quietly wraps her arms around him* What's up, sweetie? It's okay to talk about it... we're all here to listen and support. *rubs his back if that's okay?*

*Hugs everyone*

I'm going to call Tom. Latin exam tomorrow. Then off to bed. So night-night everyone!

G'night Tineke... pleasant dreams and have a nice chat with Tom. *cuddles* Good luck on the exam!! :)

*sends extra-special encouraging hugs to Oliver*

*cuddles April* Someone's really upset me :(

Thanks Owen for the flowers

*cuddles and sits with Oliver* What's wrong?

*cuddles Hels* What's up, sweetie? who's upset you? is there anything I can do? My PM box is open if you want to PM me about it rather than write about it on here.

*hides again*

Will send a pm on this occasion...

*hides with you*

*huggles Hels* Just sent you a return PM...

*smiles at Owen* You can do it... why don't you want to get up? dreading the day? if so, that sucks... :(

You can do it Owen :)

Thanks April x

thanks Owen, I like model planes, used to make them when I was younger

*clings to April* sorry I know its pathetic, but you guys are all I have at the moment.
its a load of stuff, the thing with my sister, is really upsetting me, yes I know give her time, but its been 3 months now and yeah I never expected her to be oh ok fine, but I never expected her to reject me completely, its my birthday on saturday and mum has given her a card and a stamp, but says she doesnt think she will send it and my mum says she is not sure if she will ever come round, and if she does it will take years.
My sister is 17, but my mum says she is young, I felt like saying to my mum well when I was 17 I had been self harming for 2 years, been bullied for 10 years and attempted suicide, off course I didn't say that, but it just felt like my mum was making loads of excuses for my sister, as though it was ok for her to reject me.
spoke to my counsellor about it and he became quite angry that people react in that ignorant way and especially when its someone so close to you.
then I've been really depressed for the last few weeks and I'm seriously suicidal, cutting more and had a panic attack in rehearsal tonight, plus the stress of my upcoming recital and academic work, which I still don't know if its going to be referred or not yet.

sorry I shouldn't have written all of that, its not important, I'm not important.

*hides in shame*

You're welcome, sweetheart. :) Anytime.

My back hurts... muscles are all tense because I am missing 1mg Klonopin for the day, skipped my afternoon dose so I would have at least one for tomorrow... it's going to be hell as my NP isn't calling in a 5-day emergency supply and now it's too late to pick it up tonight... DAMN IT!!!!! :crying: I hate this... mail ordering meds is such a ****ing stupid thing to do. I don't care if it saves the company money, I just can't get the ****ing hang of it!!

*punches the wall really really hard* :-S

Oliver, sweetie, you ARE important, just as important as any of us are. And we care about you. THANK YOU for writing all of that out... reread that sentence... I am thanking YOU for writing out your struggles. I would rather know what is going on with my friends than not. You are a delight to be around when you're not low, and I hope that your mood dips back up shortly. It sucks when you feel so low, trust me, I know the feeling... I'm glad that you have your counselor to talk with, that's very important. *cuddles gently* Sorry I have no words of advice about your sister, but at least your mum is okay with everything, right? I know that doesn't make matters all hunky-dory and 100% fine, obviously, but still...

*hides again*

Sorry I'm not up for typing out my own words right now Oliver... but I am reading along in the ward and this was worth repeating. *cuddles*

Hi Owen *waves*

thanks April, crimson and Owen.

I guess your right April, yeah my mum is being supportive, but yeah that doesn't exactly make things good. I just miss my sister, and hate the fact that she no longer thinks I exist, it hurts a lot.
all I want to do is die, I told my counsellor today that I was becoming more and more depressed again and had been thinking about suicide a lot, but it was at the end of the session, so couldn't talk much, he looked worried and asked to email my college welfare officer so he could tell them they need to be offering me regular support as well.

can't survive anymore, sorry I'm not replying very much or being very supportive, just can't at the moment, I promise I will when my brain can focus a little more.

*hides*

*hides & cries*

*comes over to Helen and hugs* whats up?

*hugs MammaMia *

Can't do it anymore. Can't take this lowness anymore. Scared of getting suicidal. Am overdue an episode of it. Feels like the only way I can reach happiness (even if it is for a matter of days, if that!) is to be really low & then suicidal. I can't do it again. The last time I was like that, was the worst I've ever been. I never want to go back. I don't want to die anymore, like I used to. I want to live & be happy. But I don't see how I'm ever going to be happy like I used to be. They keep telling me I'm fine. I'm so tired of hearing it & trying to fight for help. Something's wrong. Or I'd be happy majority of time, I wouldn't struggle to do simple things, I'd be excited about things..I...I...I :'(

*cuddles Helen* I'm sorry I dont have many words at the moment, but hold onto the fact that you want to be happy and you want to live, because that is very important.

Is it?

*hugs oliver and mummamia (who i think is named helen) wave at and hugs Kahlia1981*