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-   -   Virtual Psych ward! (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1312)

xxjuliexx 22-04-2010 12:47 PM

i'm nacked and my muscels will hurt tommorrow

Doikers 22-04-2010 12:48 PM

Flowers ! Can I have one to b righten up my flat plz Julie :)
I spot an Oliver! How are you this afternoon?

I have my Pychchiatrists appointment at 3.30pm this afternoon so is it ok to ask for positive thoughts to be sent my way? I really dislike meeting my P.Doc , it's so intrusive and I am constantly aware that he has the power to hospitalise me, ugh , I don't know whether to tell him I am feeling so numb and apathetic but I am NOT telling him I cut on a new part of my body .

frenchhorn 22-04-2010 12:50 PM

*will be sending positive thoughts Mark's way at 3.30*
*hugs* hope it goes ok for you

xxjuliexx 22-04-2010 12:50 PM

yip the flowers r for everyone

xxjuliexx 22-04-2010 01:05 PM

*hides under a blanket*

MammaMia 22-04-2010 01:47 PM

*gives everyone hugs*

Sorry, trying to look after myself at the moment, which means not really meant to be offering support *whistles* But I like helping. Arrgh!!! I do love you all & have been reading posts etc.

Laura, you're so beautiful <3
Julie, I love your flowers :D
Hayley, glad you're having a good day darling :)

xxx

SoMuchMore 22-04-2010 02:21 PM

I just read all the posts, but unfortunately do not have time for individual responses as i have to run out to class. I'll def respond later.
*cuddles Hayley, Kahlia, Mark, JK, Julie, April, Crimson, Oliver, Helen, and anyone else i missed*

Oh, and thanks for ur reassurance that maybe i'm not as ugly as i feel at the moment.. Really, it means a lot right now.
Anyway, I'm trying to be okay because I know some how I have to work my way back upwards... but its hard this time.

*takes a flower* :-)

nicole94 22-04-2010 04:29 PM

hey guys, sorry i havent been on in a while, been really busy. *cuddles all*

i am REALLY annoyed :( my friend is having a sleepover friday, and my mum wont let me go :( its so unfair, i've been trying so hard to go to school, and i REALLYT couldnt face it yesterday, i had such a bad day, and because i didnt go, im not allowed to go to the sleepover! its so unfair, because i missed school for 13 weeks, and i was still allowed to stay at my friends houses, and i decided i was gonna go back this week and do my best-which i did, i did my best, and i couldnt do it, and i feel like shes punishing me for trying, i might aswell just say stuff my GCSEs if im gonna get punished for trying and failing! :'(
sorry-rant over

PoisonedApple 22-04-2010 04:57 PM

*huggles everyone*
read all the new posts... no time for replies right now though... Sorry.
*runs down stairs to cover front desk*

frenchhorn 22-04-2010 05:07 PM

my brain is giving up on me, its plunging into a deep and dark depression and I'm terrified, can't cope, don't know what to do.

Scarletdreamer 22-04-2010 05:54 PM

Oliver, love, what's going on? Do you know what triggered the descent into the depression? I mean, obviously you've had a lot going on lately, stress from the concerts and coming out and all, but anything else? did someone say something? *gentle cuddles* You CAN cope, you're a strong guy, you CAN make it through.

Laura, sweetie, hope your day goes well. I only have one class but it's one I have a love/hate relationship with - advanced counseling techniques. I'm probably going to end up with a B or B+ in it... urgh. :( That will definitely lower my GPA for my major. Damn it all... :'( But anyway, sorry for the mini-rant, I shouldn't be talking so much about myself!!! Hope that you post later with news on how you are and how your day's been. ♥

Nicole, I'm sorry that your mum seems like she's being unfair... that sucks. But remember - word from us oldies, lol - that in the grand scheme of things, this won't really matter. I mean, in a few years, you probably won't even remember it. *cuddles* But I am sorry that you're angry and upset and hurt and everything... @-->--- a rose for you :)

Mark, JK, Kahlia, Crimson, Hayley, how are all of you? Mark, I hope that your pdoc appt went well as it's way past 3.30pm your time now. Let us know how it went, okay? if you can, that is... *cuddles all*

I'm alright, I guess... really tired... just got back from the booksale (AGAIN)... our apartment is going to be bulging at its seams due to all of the books I've gotten. It was frustrating, I found the sequel to a book by John Updike that sounded really good, and then I left that section and went and found - by accident - the prequel, and then I tried to find the sequel so I could own both but I couldn't!! And then they gave me a box to carry the books in and it was a liquor box... and this is what is called a "dry campus" - no alcohol legally allowed. I got a comment on the box whilst walking up to my dad's office - "That's a nice box" - lol... made me smile although was a bit embarrassed!! :-X

Anyway. Just want to die... or hide... or have next week over with. I'm feeling a lot better than I was a few weeks ago, which is awesome... hopefully I can finish up this semester with a BANG!!! and not be all squishy and sad about it.

*more cuddles for everyone* ♥

MammaMia 22-04-2010 06:03 PM

Thanks for ignoring me April =P

*cuddles everyone*

frenchhorn 22-04-2010 06:04 PM

the trouble is April I don't know why I am suddenly descending into a depression again, yes I am stressed because of the amount of work I've got coming up in the next few weeks/months, but I don't think thats just it and I really can't think of anything else that it would be, I'm still taking my meds and stuff.
maybe I should go back and see my doctor if I stay this way or get worse over the next few days.
I'm so tired and got no motivation what so ever, but determined to go to my british military fitness class, because its nice and sunny outside and I hope exercise might help a bit.

*cuddles all then hides for a while*

Scarletdreamer 22-04-2010 06:43 PM

Awh Hels, you know I'd never ignore you on purpose. :) How are you doing? (you know also how hard it is to remember all who post here as it's grown to be so busy!!) *cuddles* I miss your longer posts... :) How are your friends doing? *I spy you!!* ♥

Oliver, I think the exercise would help... and yeah, maybe the stress of the workload you've got is doing something, probably is. And everything else. I'd try to take it easy if I were you, and also definitely talk with your doctor about what's happening if it doesn't ease up in a day or two. *cuddles*

I'm so tired... and I don't want to go to advanced. I'm dreading it so much... :( We have an exam due tomorrow in it (online) and I'm so scared it's going to be really hard... it's only the second exam we've had this term and so is going to cover a lot of material. I hope I get at least a 90% (A) on it... :'( Feel so effing stupid.

My arm is all scarred and I keep noticing it today... and the fresh scratches... I don't know, I feel like such a damn loser. :'(

*hides where no one can find her* :'(

Scarletdreamer 22-04-2010 06:47 PM

R/v thread has been updated... it's a little SI graphic... but only a few words.

Doikers 22-04-2010 07:08 PM

*Finds April and HUGS*
Oliver, I'm sorry you are falling into a depression , I HATE it when that happens to me *Hugs*
*Hugs Nicole* I'm sorry your mum is being unfair to you , maybe you could put forward the point that you really have tried at school , maybe she would cut you some slack ?

As for my P Doc meeting , I told him that I was feeling numb and he basically said that it was a side effect of my meds and that was better than my depression . I got the feeling that he felt that the meds were working and I should stop my complaining , thats just how it felt to me ......

nicole94 22-04-2010 09:04 PM

*hugs april* i know its silly to get upset about one sleepover. but it was really important for me, i have just started to make proper friends and feel included, and now i just feel like my mums ruined all that.
*hugs mark* i've tried that, i told her how hard i've tried, and what it's doing to me (i have started SIing regularly again, and i was doing so well!) but she still wont listen!

SoMuchMore 22-04-2010 09:07 PM

*hugs hayley* I hope you had a great day shopping and that you have fun with your wii fit night! Its good to hear you sound so positive in your last few posts :-)

*hugs julie* Thanks for the flowers. They are decorating my room quite nicely lol

*cuddles kahlia* I hope you are feeling a bit better.

*hugs JK* glad that you managed to make it thru a bad day. How are you doing now?

*hugs nicole* Im sorry that you mom and you arent getting along right now. I'm sure she knows that you are trying. Maybe she just wants you to get back into the swing of school so she trying to set more boundaries..? which could be very annoying i know but.. i bet its because she cares. Try not to dwell on it hun.

*hugs crimson* how r u today?

*cuddles helen* I hope that you are taking care of yourself. Its okay that u havent done many individual replies. We do miss ur updates tho!

*hugs mark* I hope that you had a good time at your parents place. I understand the jealously a bit. Some of my younger cousins seem to be incredibly successful and I get kinda jealous/annoyed with them b/c if it. Im sorry that your p doc was not very understanding. Maybe you could try to explain further next time you see him? I know its hard when doctors get it into their minds that their meds/treatments are working.

*hugs oliver* Maybe going to your doctor will be a good idea if your feelings of depression don't decrease soon. Stress could be a major factor tho. I wouldn't just rule that out. Hope you got in some good exercise. It can be very helpful.

*cuddles april* Good luck on your test! Im sorry that your noticing your arm today. I have days like that too where all i do is study my arms. It can be kinda triggering. I read your venting spot. Please try to fight both the ED and SI urges. And remember that you are in no way stupid or pathetic. Hang in there hun.

Things with me havent been great the past couple of days. I did finally talk to my friend. He was very nice.. but he kept saying things that made me feel weird like "You need to hang in there. I mean i know I dont really understand b/c nothing bad has ever happened to me, but...." And idk, i dont really like comparing lives with ppl. It all seems kinda relative.

I'm supposed to work out with one of my friends tonight. However, she wants to swim... and well.. Its gonna be hard to hide in a swim suit... And I have been doing quite badly on the SI front lately so everything is at least semi-new looking.

Tons of work for uni too. So everything combined has made the past few weeks suck pretty badly.

However, I did apply for a job this summer at a local newspaper. So thats positive right? I'm trying to act like i'm really okay. I keep thinking that if it gets easier to pretend im feeling better then better must be not that far off.. or something..

*sigh* why do i have to be like this?

PoisonedApple 22-04-2010 09:11 PM

* sits and cries *
if you wanna know about my meltdown/pity party i updated my r/v thread... not that it'll make much sense.

SoMuchMore 22-04-2010 09:22 PM

*huggles crimson* I read your venting thread. Sounds like life is pretty crazy right now with all those ppl living in ur apartment. No wonder you are having a hard time dealing with it. Hang in there hun. I wish i had some advice for you, but I wanted to let u know that i read it.

jonikd 22-04-2010 09:22 PM

*hugs everyone*

Nice work with all your replies Gorgeous Laura, I'm not even going to try and match that in the 5 minutes i have before starting work!

*hugs Crimson* you're right your RV didn't really make sense lol, but I did gather from it that you have a lot going on right now, so please take some time for yourself and keep safe ok? *hugs again and passes tissues*

*hugs Hayley, April, Helen, Mark, Oliver, Julie, Kahlia,

Nicole honey, don't be too hard on yourself, you'll be back bouncing round the ward in no time. You know you can go without SI, and you'll get back there I'm sure off it *cuddles gently*

*spies Mark, Oliver and Crimson and hugs some more*

I'll catch up on you all later, please try and look after yourselves, and each other.

*hugs and doesn't really want to let go*
*lets go*
xx

nicole94 22-04-2010 09:31 PM

*hugs JK* no sweetie, i COULD go without SI, i cant while i'm at school, it's killing me, i'm getting back to my suicidal stage, and i've been back less than a week. i dont wanna go anymore.

PoisonedApple 22-04-2010 09:38 PM

JK~ To make it make more sense and shorter... I just feel overwhelmed and trapped since right now I can't go anywhere but work, home and places I can walk to... so no trips to the store or gym or anything else really. But I will have a positive balance in my acct to pay rent with at least since I can walk to my bank from work...

CrazyHayley 22-04-2010 10:24 PM

Wow its been a busy day in the ward. I've just finished reading all the posts since I left this morning and have come out of the tv room after watching the leaders debate (UK politics as general election is coming up), so I think I'm up to speed on the world and the ward, but forgive me if I miss anything, its been a long and busy day for me....

*huggles Julie* your flowers are brightening up the ward and its good to see a smiling face in the photo. I hope you're settling in here ok. Is there anything we can help you with?

*huggles Helen* its good that you're looking after yourself, so don't make apologies for it! And you do help us, even if its not a long post, just knowing your there is good enough for me.

*huggles Laura* I seemed to have missed your photo earlier, it wasn't until reading peoples comments that I realised it must be hiding somewhere. I found it! You're beautiful! I don't think your smile looked fake at all, its a very pretty fake smile and real ones are always better than fake ones, so when we get you through this tough patch - you'll be even prettier! How did the work out/swim go with your friend?

*huggles Nicole* glad to see you back in here, I was starting to worry. Oh its so crap that school has set you back again and you're mum seems to be punishing you for it. Perhaps she is worried about letting you out of the house as you've SI'd again? It may be unfair to you, but maybe she's acting out of love? Not that it makes it any easier for you to accept. Teenage years are so hard I remember. Also, is there any way that you can get home schooling and exams at home under medical grounds of school phobia? You obviously can't cope with it at the moment and it seems unfair to make your mental health suffer more when there should be ways to get around it.

*huggles Crimson* Sorry but I've not the brain power at the moment to read your latest update on your rant thread, but even from your breif description and what I've read in the past, I can only imagine the strain and chaos that you must be feeling. Wish that I had more useful words to say...*extra huggles*

*Huggles Oliver* oh its horrid to hear you sinking so low, yet understandable with everything that you've been going through. It is definately a snesible plan to talk to your gp if things haven't improved, or have gotten worse over next few days. I hope the exercise helped.

*huggles April* that women and spirituality class that you had at your professors house sounds right up my street! Also the book sale! I'm so glad that things are a bit better for you, I know you're still struggling right now and worried about your GPA (which I don't understand to be honest, I dropped out of UK uni due to ill health after only 2months) and other things, but the end is in sight and you've so much to be proud of! Keep going and then you can flop out and hibernate away with all those books! Sorry to not read your rant thread yet, again, lacking brain power to do much more than this.

*huggles Mark* try not to compare yourself to your sister, although I know easier said than done. I've got 7 siblings and there is a lot of rivalry and its never good. I wish we could all just be happy and supportive, but human emotions seem to like to thrive on envy and jealousy don't they?! Anyhoo...I'm so glad that your apathy is a side effect and that the doc is happy that you've got that rather than the deep depression. Its not great to be apathetic, but at least its reassuring to know its a side effect and the doc is aware of it.

*huggles JK* thanks for the hugs. I hope that work goes (went) ok for you and that you get through the day a bit better. I may see you before you go to bed depending on what time I wake up and come online! lol

phew! *wipes brow* think thats me caught up! Which is good timing seeing as my night meds are well and truely kicking in; I took them a bit early as I was already shattered and didn't want to stay up just to take them!

Oh shopping went well, got a pair of earings like dreamcatchers and then some moonstone studs (sorry men if it bores you, lol) and I got perfect balance on the wii fit! whoohoo! seeing as when I started I was REALLY wonky, I'm rather chuffed that I'm straight in 63days...lets hope it wasn't a fluke!

*toddles off down the corridor to find a comfy looking spot to snuggle down in*

MammaMia 22-04-2010 11:01 PM

*curls up*

frenchhorn 23-04-2010 12:42 AM

*cuddles April* you are most certainly not a loser or stupid, by the sounds of it you are very clever, way more than me and are doing well at uni, just think only a few more weeks and then you will be done. Good luck with the exam I hope it goes well.

*hugs Laura* well done for applying for a job,I hope it works out. I can understand you completely with the loads of uni work, I have suddenly have loads all due in for a few weeks time and then my end of year recital not long after that.

*hugs JK* i hope your having a good day, guessing its day time for you know as it half midnight for me.

*hugs Crimson* sounds like you have a lot of stress and strain going on at the moment, try to take it easy and look after yourself.

*hugs Hayley* I'm glad the shopping was good, and go you on the wii fit!

*comes and sits by Helen* you ok?

*hugs Mark, Nicole, Julie and anyone else he has forgotten-sorry*

The exercise didn't really help, I had a major trangst attack, due to not binding because you shouldnt really when exercising, then my bloody asthma decided to start and I couldn't breathe and everytime I breathed in felt like my chest was on fire. but the instructor said he could see I was working really hard and pushing myself before the asthma started and I had to sit out, but it hasn't helped with the depression.
However I did do an hours natural horn practice, did 7 bars for most of it and virtually cracked them, then played whole piece through, doing it as part of my recital and its got to be from memory, ahhhh majorly panicing about that.
but have got an appointment booked for monday with my lecturer to help with my other essay, my other tutor, who is helping with the other essay said I should make an appointment to see him, so I sent him an email saying I am panicing about it and he sent a nice email back saying dont panic, we'll sort it out don't worry.
I'm looking forward to the weekend, got young mens group from youth group and then youth group straight after and then sunday a meet from a lgbt website like this, we are going to a museum and then having a picnic so it should be good.
I just need to really crack on and get some work done tomorrow, make a start on this reading I've got to do, trouble is when I'm like this I have to read everything more than once because my concentration is awful and its even worse when it is complicated stuff.

MammaMia 23-04-2010 12:56 AM

No I'm not.
I'm sick of my mood being low constantly with the occasional glimspe of happiness.
I can't do it.
****'s sake.
I'll be ****ing fine.
ALWAYS ****ING FINE.
& They tell me nothing's wrong.
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

frenchhorn 23-04-2010 01:01 AM

*gentle huggles Helen* you can do it, your'll get through this and we're all here for you, remember that. I'm sorry its not more, just remember we're here for you and you CAN do it.

PoisonedApple 23-04-2010 01:05 AM

*huggles everyone*
*cuddles and sits with Oliver and Helen* Tea and chocolates? Those are always good... for the mood benefit anyhow.

frenchhorn 23-04-2010 01:18 AM

*huggles Crimson and grabs some chocolate-thanks* how are you doing?

MammaMia 23-04-2010 01:20 AM

Why does it have to eel so hard. I'm so scared of getting suicidal again. I can't do this. :'( *curls up and rocks* Sorry.

CrazyHayley 23-04-2010 01:33 AM

I got up 'cos I'm hungry so made myself some peas, carrots and sweetcorn with mixed herbs (easy & quick to steam in the microwave) with some rice cakes. yum yum. Anyhoo, I thought I'd make use of my current sanity and come into the active area of the ward and say hello....."hello!"

*toddles over to Helen, Oliver and Crimson*

Hey guys, mind if I join you? *group huggle*

Helen - please don't say that you're fine when obviously your not. Whoever the people are who say that there's nothing wrong are not helping your situation. Are you able to perhaps try a different doctor who may be able to listen compassionately and help you with a treatment that suits you to help with your mood? PLease don't give up. You are such a kind hearted
person; you deserve so many good joy filled times ahead of you. They will come, I don't know when, but I truely believe they are out there for all of us. Fantastic times - as we are the people who will appreciate them the most as we've been to the brink and beyond. Until those times are ready for us and we truely ready for them....we have eachother in this psych ward. *huggles Helen extra supportively*

Anyone want some veg?!

Kahlia1981 23-04-2010 01:34 AM

*sits with Hels* I wish I could offer you more Helen, but I'm roughly in the same place you are. All I can offer is a listening ear, a shoulder and a *hug*

*hugs everyone else*

Sorry not up to much in the way of individual replies. There have been approx. 3 pages since I was last in here. I have read everything though, I'm just not keeping track of it all.

My head is scaring me. I've sent an email to the HQCC (see my thread (last few pages) if you need more information there) because I think I might need hospitalisation and I'm concerned they'll mistreat or abuse me, or just refuse to treat me at all. I'm waiting for a response. Very nervous, very scared, and not wanting to admit what else is going on in my head.

*walks around the ward finding everyone and offering them a hug, then disappears into a dark corner*

CrazyHayley 23-04-2010 01:38 AM

*huggles Kahlia*

*pops off to read link*

CrazyHayley 23-04-2010 01:51 AM

Kahlia - I wish I had more words of comfort to offer you or some constructive advice, but I just don't know how your mental health service will react.
I would like to think that your complaint would have been taken seriously and made them 'pull their socks up' and that if you need to be hospitalised there again, that they would double their efforts, with a new approach, to help you this time and avoid another complaint. I'd also like to think that they would want to help you, as that is after all what they have trained for, and perhaps your complaint would come as a suprise to them that they weren't helping you, but prod them in the right direction....that is what I would hope for you and for any others who have also been mistreated and unsupported by them.
For anxiety until you hear back from them, try rescue remedy a bach flower remedy. It may not be for everyone but I know that it has got me through some very very tough anxious times. It didn't get rid of my anxiety completely, but it reduced it to a level where I was still able to function. Also herbal sleeping tablets and camomile tea.
*gives extra calming huggles to Kahlia*

MammaMia 23-04-2010 01:51 AM

Hayley - I know I shouldn't say I'm fine when I'm obviously not. There's so many people who say that's there's nothing wrong. Including professionals. It's a joke. They say oh it is/could be xyz, but nothing's wrong, you're fine. You just need counselling. But I've had it (and will again) and am I happy? AM I ****!!! I'm sick of doctors. Since trying to get help, I'm now on a different GP. He is much better than my last one. Although I haven't seen him since my last 'episode' i.e. being suicidal & stuff. Nobody's ever going to ****ing help :'( Well feels like that. My amazing best friends keep trying to help. My friends keep trying to help. I even opened up to my sisters and NONE of them have even said a thing. I know they're busy. So it doesn't matter. I feel like giving up. I almost feel like I have. I'm not a kijnd hearted person, I'm horrible & need to get off. Nobody needs me. Nobody wants me. It's all just pity. I know it, why does everyone keep pretending to care, love, whatever me. I want happiness. I've been put through so so so ****ing much these last few years. More than most perhaps. I don't want anymore ****. But it keeps coming. Oh well, will eventually succeed at getting off. I'm sure. Writing this post is even scaring me :'( *rocks* I'm sorry. I'm so sorry :'( I think I'm finally hitting to a place I don't wan to go again. I can't. Please don't let me go there, le me come back up :'( Let me keep recovering & trying o fix everything. Oh I'm so dizzy :/

*cuddles Hayley & Kahlia*

Kahlia1981 23-04-2010 02:00 AM

Helen: *hugs you* Maybe you aren't able to see that some people really do care about you right now from where you are? Depressive episodes with suicidal thoughts and ideas can put you in that type of place. Maybe some of what you are feeling about other people now is related to how your head is making you feel? Just a thought. *sits with you*

Hayley: Thanks. No-one knows how the Health Service will react. They have responded to complaints with a serious "aggressive defensive" attitude - a sort of "we have done absolutely nothing wrong and anyone who says anything else is lying" - and my treatment from them in the past has been ... bordering on dangerous. I actually use the Rescue Remedy, my case worker for my Employment Agency put me onto it a few years ago. It's really coming in handy now I'm in the process of quitting smoking. *hugs you back*

CrazyHayley 23-04-2010 02:01 AM

*grabs Helen and pulls her out of danger*

now I'm gonna take off my nice side and let rip at you.....
*Shouts in Helen' s face*
"OI YOU SILLY GORGEOUS MUPPET!! YOU ARE A KIND HEARTED PERSON! YOU ARE LOVED!! I DO NOT PITY YOU! I DO LIKE YOU AND LOVE WHAT I KNOW OF YOU! I AM NOT PREPARED TO LET YOU 'GET OFF'! I WILL BE HERE UNTIL YOU FIND THE RIGHT PEOPLE/TREATMENT TO HELP YOU!"
So missy, do you understand me?! Do not apologise for you post, its so good for you to get out how you are feeling. We will be here to help you keep recovering, we won't let you go back to that place. I wish I could tell you when it will all get better, but I can't. Going back to councelling is a good starting place though. With all that you've been through, you're not going to be 'fine' in the 8sessions the NHS like to give us. You are going to have to keep going back to your GP and councelling, but if your not persistant and let them know how you really feel - as much as its scary and sooo much effort when all we want to do is hide - you won't get the help that you deserve. Please hang on and keep fighting. *huggles Helen* oh and sorry for shouting....I got a bit carried away with my emotions.

MammaMia 23-04-2010 02:01 AM

Perhaps you're right Kahlia *sits with you*

MammaMia 23-04-2010 02:07 AM

I do understand you. But I am sorry for my post. It is good for me to get out how I'm feeling. I hope I won't go back, I just can't. I can't :'( I know nobody can tell me when it'll get better. I know I have to go counselling, at least. I just can't face opening this lid again. Even though it is open. Ha. Pathetic. You're right, I won't be 'fine' in 8 sessions. Don't even know how many sessions this particular place is. Don't even know where it is exactly either. I know I'm going to have to keep going back, but I'm so tired. Nobody listens. It'll end the same result as always. Well that's how I & past things make me feel. I keep trying but I promised myself that I'd never go back into that circle but it looks like I have to. On my own again. Treated like ****. Again. *cuddles Hayley*



Quote:

Originally Posted by CrazyHayley (Post 2256647)
*grabs Helen and pulls her out of danger*

now I'm gonna take off my nice side and let rip at you.....
*Shouts in Helen' s face*
"OI YOU SILLY GORGEOUS MUPPET!! YOU ARE A KIND HEARTED PERSON! YOU ARE LOVED!! I DO NOT PITY YOU! I DO LIKE YOU AND LOVE WHAT I KNOW OF YOU! I AM NOT PREPARED TO LET YOU 'GET OFF'! I WILL BE HERE UNTIL YOU FIND THE RIGHT PEOPLE/TREATMENT TO HELP YOU!"
So missy, do you understand me?! Do not apologise for you post, its so good for you to get out how you are feeling. We will be here to help you keep recovering, we won't let you go back to that place. I wish I could tell you when it will all get better, but I can't. Going back to councelling is a good starting place though. With all that you've been through, you're not going to be 'fine' in the 8sessions the NHS like to give us. You are going to have to keep going back to your GP and councelling, but if your not persistant and let them know how you really feel - as much as its scary and sooo much effort when all we want to do is hide - you won't get the help that you deserve. Please hang on and keep fighting. *huggles Helen* oh and sorry for shouting....I got a bit carried away with my emotions.


CrazyHayley 23-04-2010 02:10 AM

Kahlia - bloody stupid health service if they don't take complaints seriously and basically call people liars. I know its probably something that you don't wish to do and don't feel you have the strength to continue the fight - so possibly is there someone who can help? - but... I would take your story to the papers. You don't need to give the personal ins and outs of your mental health, but you have an illness that as a human being you have a right to medical treatment and intervention if we have the knowledge to do so for you. It should be done in a way that is reassuring and safe to you, with understanding, compassion and sympathy. It has not and you fear for the future. That is all the papers need to know and that you've done the official complaint procedure and they didn't take you seriously. In the UK, when things like your story go to the papers, usually someone (not sure who) will take notice of the case and has the know how, or the power/money/friends-in-high-places, to make a difference in your favour. I wish there was an easier answer for you. Maybe someone else will have different more managable advice?

I'm glad you've got the rescue remedy and good luck with the giving up smoking. Having given up 3 times in as many years I know how hard it is. I was thinking about giving up again, but I know at the end of september when Eoghan deploys again I'd start, so I don't see the point. Anyhoo, I'll just slip off silently with puppy sinclair into the garden from now on as I don't want to tempt you.

CrazyHayley 23-04-2010 02:19 AM

*is baffled at why Helen doesn't seem to be viewing this thread but is posting as I'm typing* Helen have you got an invisibility cloak like harry potter?!

On a serious not though Helen - I know that with some councellors I got worse. I mean when I first went to my gp to ask for councelling it was 'cos I was worried I'd start SI'ing again and didn't want to give in to the urges. Well that bloody councellor made me go to a place where I cut the worst I ever had. Other councellors I've just not felt comfortable with and told them what they needed/wanted to hear. It wasn't until this last councellor (who wasn't actually fully qualified!) that I felt comfortable and felt as though she really listened and on some level had some understanding and sympathy....what I'm trying to say is that unfortunately with our system, it seems that we have to try out many crap, shitty, triggerring things before we get to the place/person that can help us. I also know from experience with certain issues that come up and get dragged out from the back of the cupboard, that it gets worse before it gets better. BUT, I also know that when I was going through that worse phase last year and someone was always there to give me hugs and tell me to hang on - it was you! I did hang on and I appreciated those hugs so much. So now I hope that I can do the same for you.

*puts one arm round Helen, the other round Kahlia* oh my sweet lovely ladies...."it can't rain all the time" I have that on a post it note on my mirror to remind me. Lets hope the rainy season comes to an end real soon.

MammaMia 23-04-2010 02:32 AM

I'm sneaking in & out of this thread like magic, I might have an invisibility cloak like Harry yes haha. I love Harry Potter <3 Oddly, it says you posted at 19 minutes past, well I know for a fact I refreshed around then & 20 past but your post hadn't come up. Silly RYL >.>

I know sometimes you have to get worse & drag things back out into the open to get better. I'm just not comfortable with doing it & have to I guess. I agree with what you said about our system. It's ****. I could rant about it for hours. I even have on many occasions, have even gone as far as reducing people to tears over it!!! How do they think *I* feel? Although it helps when I'm ranting about it to my best friends, as they know how **** it is. I know I have to hang on. I also know, as someone kindly reminded me, that I have been here before, didn't think I'd get through & have. So that I will again. I am just so desperate not to be suicidal again. I'm glad you appericated those hugs so much, means a lot to me. It really does.

*joins in group hug* You're right, it can't rain all the time. I hope it ends soon.

CrazyHayley 23-04-2010 02:56 AM

*rubs eyes and decides at 3am its probably best to try and nod off again*

*blows goodnight kisses all around the ward*

I'll put you all in my prayers and hope that they help. night night.

MammaMia 23-04-2010 02:59 AM

Night Night Hayley xxx

MammaMia 23-04-2010 09:13 AM

Morning all!!!!

Been awake nearly an hour. Not feeling much better but got some super news so I'm all ecstatic about that!!

I don't know if anyone remembers me sending my complaint letter/email last week? Well they finally emailed me back :) Have cancelled my contract (should hope so, law breaking idoits) and cancelled the termination fees & my next bill as a gesture of goodwill as they can't backdate the payments back to me (i.e. pay me back what I paid). They accept I was right & that they had broken the law bahaha!!!

*jumps up & down*

How is everyone??

PS HAPPY ST GEORGES DAY TO US ENGLANDERS =D WOOOO!

CrazyHayley 23-04-2010 09:23 AM

*jumps up and down with Helen* too right you were right and mobile phone company was wrong. I'm glad they've accepted that and done something about it. Shame they can't back date what you've already paid, bloomin' cheek!

I thought I'd be having a lie in this morning to catch up from my disturbed nights sleep, but alas I woke up at 7.50am and had so much running through my head, that despite my best efforts to get back off to sleep, it didn't happen. I didn't roll out of bed til 9am though when my reminder alarm to take my meds went off. I'm now waiting for half 9 when my best mate asked me to phone her...sounded ominous....oh dear.....

*looks at clock and waits by phone*

MammaMia 23-04-2010 09:38 AM

Thanks Hayley!! Only taken them since frigging October to sort it out!!

I'm sorry you were awake early :( *cuddles* Hope the phone call is going okay.

I'm going to hunt for some breakfast ^_^

CrazyHayley 23-04-2010 09:42 AM

best mates bloody battery died, she was walking back from dropping her youngest at nursery. So I'll just have to wait til she gets home to complete the saga, lol. Doesn't seem too bad afterall.

Any one for coffee?! *makes a pot of coffee*

MammaMia 23-04-2010 09:50 AM

Oh that's tooooo bad!!

I don't like coffee (or tea) myself :( Boo!!

I spy a Mark!!


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