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-   -   Virtual Psych ward! (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1312)

PoisonedApple 14-04-2010 06:51 PM

April~ I have stuff (weights, stability balls, yoga mats, various workout discs, etc etc,) I can use at home but with so many people in my overcrowded little apartment I can't find room and time (if I'm home I have to do a ton of stuff because other people see me come home and slack off) so I can't use what I have. But I'm actually not feeling as low as I was in multiple ways so I think I may start working out often. If I can beat my depression without meds I'd love to :)

Laura~ IRL people are over rated. And you're stuck with us ward mates mwahahaha. We won't let go of our ward friends!

*huggles everyone*

frenchhorn 14-04-2010 06:53 PM

ooo, I have been spied!! hehe

*cuddles April* you can do it, try to think some positive thoughts, say to yourself you can do it (even if you dont believe that or think that) also do some slow breathing, I get very bad performance anxiety and thats how I help to calm myself done. good luck with it.

*hugs Mark* sorry you cut, but good you have looked after it.

*hugs laura* your not pathetic

*hugs crimson* well done for going to the gym, I'm glad you feel more awake and dont ache.

*hugs hayley* i'm sorry about the ring

*hugs helen, jk and everyone else he has forgotten*

Doikers 14-04-2010 07:26 PM

I'm so pointless :(
Why does it have to be so hard?
I fail at even the simplest things:(

PoisonedApple 14-04-2010 08:02 PM

*cuddles mark* what's up, hun?

Doikers 14-04-2010 08:09 PM

Thanx for the hugs Crimson.
I just feel so worthless , nothing specific has triggered it so I don't know how to fight it . I HATE myself , I hate that I'm such a failure at life and it's all my fault , I hate having depression and just when you think it's getting better it hits you again and again . I hate that I've been trawling the internet looking for sleeping tablets and I'm not even scared . I hate the fact that I am socialy inept .
I'm really sorry to rant at you :(

Doikers 14-04-2010 08:14 PM

I've got myself a cammomille tea , I'm not anxious though . Just numb .

PoisonedApple 14-04-2010 08:14 PM

Good person to give that rant to cuz I know exactly what u mean... the other day I was even musing at the fact I am 28 and presently have no real friends. Not even people at work I talk with... Social Butterfly I am not. And I've been there for the rest of your sentiment as well... Just know that you are not worthless and we (all of us in the ward) all say so! We like you even when you don't :)

Doikers 14-04-2010 08:20 PM

Thankyou Crimson . I really don't know what to say , I would love to make it all better , for all of us .

Doikers 14-04-2010 08:23 PM

I spy an Oliver !!
Hows your hand this evening?

frenchhorn 14-04-2010 08:28 PM

hello all *cuddles* its better thanks.

PoisonedApple 14-04-2010 08:28 PM

I would too... but then I'm afraid I'd lose you all lol. Geez that makes me sound like a loser... But I know logic says otherwise.

PoisonedApple 14-04-2010 08:30 PM

Glad your hand is feeling better Oliver :)

Doikers 14-04-2010 08:53 PM

* waves at JK * Hows you this moring ?

jonikd 14-04-2010 08:57 PM

Morning all , ummm, sorry bout last night and thank you for all the hugs and stuff. Funnily enough cutting didn't help things at all, and today I am hungover and sore and things aren't miraculously all better *finds somehere quiet to sit and feels sorry for herself*

How you Mark? Hope you're not struggling so badly now love, you're a kind, caring bloke and we love having you around *blushes and cuddles*

*hugs Crimson* you are very cool to have around here, you make me laugh and that takes some doing :)

Oliver, hopefully your hand has settled down now, breaking up with someone does make you feel rejected and lonely and all those unhelpful feelings, please look after yourself, you are so talented and arty and lovely *blushes and cuddles*

Laura honey, how you today? Hopefully you are being a bit more gentle with yourself x *sits quietly with Laura*

Helen , I been praying for your friend, she is lucky to have you in her life, keep believing hun. BUT make sure you're looking after you too huh. *holds Helen in a big squeezy hug*

Kahlia, I know you're struggling too babe, and I got you all mixed up last night about your 'friend' which was actually Helen's friend [after copious amounts of alcohol] so sorry about that. *looks sheepish and blushes again* .... *oh and cuddles of course*

April, hope your talk went or is still going! ok. I'm sure you did great, you sound so smart and bubbly and lovely. Thanks so much for all your kind words, they do make a big difference *hugs tight*

Nice to see you back Hayley, bummer about the ring :( but better than losing your finger :) Hope you're doing ok too.

*looks around for Nicole and wonders how she's doing now*

*sits in a wee corner and feels a bit dumb about it all*

love to you all, I like it here ;)

PoisonedApple 14-04-2010 09:04 PM

*finds JK and huggles back n sits with*
I'm glad I can make ya laugh. Laughing is good :) But periodically I am incapable of such things... but then I disappear or read and not reply. I am trying to keep more light and fun if not happy and less whiny and mopey and crap. We'll see how long it hold up...

Scarletdreamer 14-04-2010 09:04 PM

JK!! *waves and then pounces on* Lol... sorry. :) Just thought it might make you smile... so how are you doing?? No worries about the ranting last night, it's all good... and just wondering, but what's "flat white"? I've never heard of it before... heh. Might just be me being dense, if so, sorry. :-S Any plans for the day??

*cuddles Oliver* Glad your hand's feeling better. :)

*cuddles Mark* You're not worthless or a failure or a **** up or whatever you feel like calling yourself... as JK said, you're kind and caring and I really appreciate having you around. :) I would definitely miss you if you stopped coming here!! or worse, died... :'( You're a wonderful person, and I wish that you could see that for yourself.

*cuddles Crimson* I'm almost 22 (will be in less than 2 months, woohoo... lol) so not as old as you but I also have the issue with not being a social butterfly. I am a loner, really, just hang out with my best friend and can cope with other people at times, but it's really hard. Damn social anxiety. Damn generalized anxiety. Damn agoraphobia. Damn all anxiety!!!!!! :'( Sorry, that was rantish... but people here understand, I think?

I actually didn't have to give my talk, we just split up into groups and practiced our introductions... it wasn't bad at all although I ended up SI'ing in class... which was really dumb, I'll admit, but it'll "come in handy" tonight in my night class when I need a distraction. I know that sounds horrid and I know that SI is not an "adaptive coping mechanism" but... I can't help it. :( EPIC FAIL.

Just want to sleep, am so tired. :'(

*hides in shame*

PoisonedApple 14-04-2010 09:05 PM

I see an April! Tag your it!
*runs away*

jonikd 14-04-2010 09:07 PM

*smiles and thanks Crimson for sitting with* I know hun, and normally that's me too tbh. *hugs*

PoisonedApple 14-04-2010 09:09 PM

*cuddles April* Eh I don't even have a best friend anymore... Got hurt by her about 5 yrs ago and didn't even talk to her again till last fall... now we talk rarely and via the net only. I only spend time with family and extended family. ~family doesn't count as friends in my book~ *shrugs* Doesn't matter though I have my RYL friends and you guys understand me better than any of my IRL friends have anyway. :)

Doikers 14-04-2010 09:11 PM

*Yanks April away from her hiding spot and HUGS*

Don't worry I won't stop coming here , I'd be lost without you all here .

You are not a fail April , and please look afer the cut well ok ?

MammaMia 14-04-2010 09:11 PM

*cuddles everyone lots*

jonikd 14-04-2010 09:12 PM

Hey April, wow you've got to be fast around here!

I'm working today, and have my first appointment with my new psychotherapist ...*hides with April*

You are NOT an epic fail, and you should NOT be hiding in shame ok? grrrr, that's JK growling at you [but in a nice "love ya" kind of way rather than real growling] *hugs April and heads off to deal with emails and meetings*

oh and flat white is a posh way of saying coffee with milk..lol

Doikers 14-04-2010 09:13 PM

I better be heading off for a snooze I have an early ( for me ) appointment with my Psychologist tommorow morning .
Night night *Hugs ward mates*

MammaMia 14-04-2010 09:18 PM

Night night Mark. *cuddles*

*hides & pretends she doesn't exist*

frenchhorn 14-04-2010 10:54 PM

*cuddles JK* thank you, but I don't feel talented or lovely.
sorry your not feeling too good, hope your doing better now. also thanks for explaining what flat white is, because I was getting so confused and just thought I was being stupid, never heard of the term before though. I hope your appointment goes ok.

*cuddles April* I'm glad your speach went ok, but I'm sorry you harmed in class, make sure you look after yourself. is there anything else you can do to distract yourself in class instead of harming? your not an epic fail, your lovely and kind and a great person.

*hugs mark* night. hope you sleep ok.

*cuddles crimson* how are you doing?

*cuddles Helen* you ok?

my internet is going to go in about 5 mins, I hate this, its horrible especially for a depressed insomniac to have nothing to do at night. I hope you all have a good day/night and I will see you all again in the morning.

MammaMia 14-04-2010 10:59 PM

No I'm not ok. Hope you get through tonight okay Oliver. *cuddles* x

PoisonedApple 14-04-2010 11:01 PM

*cuddles Oliver* I'm doing ok so far today. Finding lots of files and searching for the ones the office's black hole ate... gonna swing by the gym again after work. See if I can't get in shape and tone as well as finding something to keep me occupied and happier. And you are talented and lovely... How are you? I hope you get this tonight but I think your net was cut off already...
*hugs wardmates*

PoisonedApple 14-04-2010 11:02 PM

*cuddles up next to Helen* What's up?

PoisonedApple 15-04-2010 12:12 AM

Off to the gym and home...
Good morning/afternoon/night everyone *hugs all around*
I'll be back tomorrow morning. :)

Kahlia1981 15-04-2010 03:40 AM

*hugs everyone*

I'm going to go for a walk to the store. I don't really want to go but last night when we went to the beach I noticed as we were leaving that I started having the "I can't leave the flat" thoughts. Tomorrow I have to go to physio ... and I really don't want to. At the moment all I really want to do is curl up in bed and not talk to anyone. Just lay there until I disappear ...

My thoughts start to run in circles - I eat too much, I weigh too much, I need to SI etc. Then I get scared by other people and by things such as leaving the flat - even just to go to the letter box.

Just so damn over living. But I'll stop whining and complaining now and return you all to your regularly scheduled programming.

Doikers 15-04-2010 08:57 AM


My thoughts start to run in circles - I eat too much, I weigh too much, I need to SI etc. Then I get scared by other people and by things such as leaving the flat - even just to go to the letter box.
*Hugs Kahlia* Sounds like me so I can totally empathise if that makes you feel any better*Extra Hugs for Kahlia*

Kahlia1981 15-04-2010 08:59 AM

*hugs Mark* - Thanks. Although I'm sorry that you can empathise. I really wish it didn't have to be this way ... for any of us.

jonikd 15-04-2010 11:28 AM

*hugs everyone*

Mark hope you got up ok for your appointment and it went OK. Take care of yourself today 'k?

Helen, sweetie, how you going today? I really pray you had no nightmares and that your friend is doing a little better *cuddles Helen gently and looks after her*

Kahlia - did you manage to get out and about? It is totally the right thing to do to nip those feelings in the bud, so good on you for recognising the signs. *hugs*

*follows Crimson to the gym* yeah, I need to get back to my regime, endorphins really help hey. Supposed to be cycling early tomorrow so hopefully it all goes to plan. How did you go tonight? [substitute with last night I guess lol]

*hunts out April and shares a tuppa and a good chat* how you doing hun?

*lays out cuddles for Laura & Nicole and any of their friends who may wander in with them*

Oliver, I understand your frustration with your internet issues *nods furiously* mine has been so slow tonight its really annoying me.

I'm doing ok, had my first session with my new p-therapist today. She has taken a gently gently approach with me, which made the session pretty easy but hasn't instilled me with confidence for a speedy recovery.

Off to bed pretty soon, see you all in your time zone real soon

*yawns and takes hangover to bed*

Kahlia1981 15-04-2010 11:53 AM

JK: A speedy recovery isn't always a good thing. In the majority of cases it means that the most pertinent issues have been neglected. Take the time to get to know her, and then maybe she will change or you can broach a change, of approach. Sorry if that doesn't make sense. Oh, and in answer to your question, yeah I made it down to the store and got what I needed to (as far as I could). I did some house stuff first (taking my housemate's washing down and putting it on the line) to kind of gear myself up. We even took the bus into the city to get the necessary paperwork for my housemate ... and ended up walking home! I know it's the right thing to do - to get out and about and make myself see that nothing bad will happen - I just wish it was easier.

Mark: I hope you are okay, and you're appointment went okay.

Helen: How are you? How are things with your friends?

Crimson: I wish I could afford to go to the gym. I hope you had a good session.

April: How are things with you sweetness-and-delight?

Oliver: I'm a total geek and get incredibly frustrated with any problems with the internet (speed/download issues/etc) so I can empathise.

Nicole, Laura_Star, Laura_Friend, anyone else who walks in or who I've forgotten: How are you doing?

For everyone: I sometimes wish I could spend some time IRL with all of you. Offer you a hug, a cup of coffee/tea or just have a chat. I guess I can't do that, but I just wanted to tell you that I think you are all special, no matter what is going on for you. *group hug*

Scarletdreamer 15-04-2010 12:07 PM

*cuddles everyone*

JK, glad that your appt with your new therapist went well. I agree with Kahlia, speedy recoveries aren't usually the best... it takes time to get better and truly resolve each issue. Of course, this is problematic if you only have a limited number of sessions but it doesn't sound like you do (?). *cuddles* Hope you have pleasant dreams tonight... and I'm sorry that your internet is/was so slow!! That frustrates me too... heh... and to think that I used to think that dial-up internet (vs. broadband) was fast!! :P hehe...

*cuddles Kahlia* Glad you got out & about and got some exercise. That had to feel kind of nice at least, a good healthy sort of tired if you were tired at all. :) How are you feeling? and (sorry if this is a too-personal question) what type of ED do you have? BN/AN/EDNOS? just wondering... sorry...

*cuddles Mark* Hope your appt goes/went well today... forget what it was for? lol, I'm such a lazy butt... :( Anyway... any plans for the day other than that? and how are the SI urges?

*cuddles Hels* Why aren't you okay, sweetie? what's up?

*cuddles Crimson* Glad that you made it to the gym... good for you!! :D (at least, I'm assuming that you made it to the gym, sorry for the assumption if I'm wrong!!) It will be good for you in the long run, even if it's shortterm pain... remember... "shortterm pain for longterm gain" ... gotta remember that myself as I want to get in shape, lose XXlbs by next January (random date that I picked) and have a 6-pack (and not of beer... lol) by my 23rd or 24th birthday. :P I want to look sexy and feel sexy... instead of feeling like a fat BLOB. But anyway... /tangent.

*cuddles Laura and Oliver* How're you doing, loves? :)

I'm really tired... and frustrated... gonna write about it all in my r/v thread in a moment I think, as it is a bit long and involved for this thread. Just ANOTHER upset with my bestie... I don't know, maybe I'm getting more sensitive to things or she's getting sick of being around me but it ****ing HURTS. :'(


MammaMia 15-04-2010 12:24 PM

*cuddles everyone & curls up*

I can happily report no nightmares. Wasn't a good night last night at all. But my friend was awake a couple of times, but she's still not 100%. I feel like utter ****.

It doesn't matter. I don't matter.

*curls up and hides*

Scarletdreamer 15-04-2010 12:24 PM

Updated r/v thread with last night's story... :'(

MammaMia 15-04-2010 12:25 PM


Originally Posted by Scarletdreamer (Post 2241976)
Updated r/v thread with last night's story... :'(

*cuddles* Will go read it sweet

Scarletdreamer 15-04-2010 12:25 PM

*cuddles Hels* You DO matter, sweetie... I'm so sorry that you had a **** night last night... is there anything I can do to help?? *more cuddles*

MammaMia 15-04-2010 12:29 PM

No. Nothing. Because nobody can wave magic wands. Nobody can shoot me. I don't deserve anything. *cuddles*

Doikers 15-04-2010 12:33 PM

*hugs April* My appointment went ok but it turns out it was my last session with her ( Psychcologist) , she has really helped me sometimes and I knew it would end at some point but I would rather have been told "it will end in 3 sessions" or something so I could brace myself a bit , ah well . I still feel numb and am getting S.I. urges :(

*Helen* You TOTALLY matter . I'm glad you had no nightmares .

Scarletdreamer 15-04-2010 12:33 PM

You do deserve whatever I could do to help... I wish that I had a magic wand!! *cuddles gently* We'll all make it through... someway or another.

I'm so ****ing anxious right now... my body is shaking a little and I'm trying to get enough oxygen... I HATE being like this!! :crying:

Scarletdreamer 15-04-2010 12:34 PM

Awh Mark, that really sucks that the sessions ended!! Did she give you an explanation why?? and it's really shitty that there was no forewarning!! :( *cuddles* How are you feeling today??

MammaMia 15-04-2010 12:36 PM

Sorry your sessions ended Mark, not like them to not give warning *cuddles*

Sorry you're anxious April, you'll get through this *cuddles*

Doikers 15-04-2010 12:45 PM

Well I was told a while ago that the sessins would end but I didn't know until the end of todays that today would be it. The explanation being that she has a long waiting list which I suppose is fair enough.
I feel a bit numb :( my social worker is coming later I don't know what to say to him , it stresses me out not knowing what to say.

Kahlia1981 15-04-2010 12:45 PM

Mark: *big hugs* Wow, that's a rather abrupt way to end a series of sessions, regardless of their number. From what you wrote I'm guessing you weren't aware it was your last? It's alot more normal to say "we have x sessions left" so that both you and the tdoc can get through the necessary closure stuff (both the cognitive and emotional). Sorry got a bit wordy there.

Helen: *offers you a cuddle and sits with you* I'm glad you had no nightmares. I'm also glad your friend is showing signs of improvement. I know that from where you are right now you probably won't believe this my dear, but you do deserve good things. And that includes the love and support of your RYL family and friends.

April: Yeah, the exercise was good. I didn't really get tired. A couple of times my legs threatened to give out on me. The biggest issue was with going to the store and having to carry the groceries home. The check-out-chick put all the heavies in one bag while talking to the person who had been in the line before me, and had then tied it off. I couldn't open the bag and struggled to put my hand in, which made it harder on my poor L hand - the only one that can carry anything heavy. As to the ED, I'm technically in "recovery" from AN.

MammaMia 15-04-2010 12:59 PM

Wow that still sucks Mark. *cuddles*

*cuddles Kahlia* Thanks. I don't understand how I feel. Feel so low I think. Just want someone to take care of me :'( But it doesn't matter. I'll be fine. I want a lot of things I can't have right now. **** this. **** it all :'(

Kahlia1981 15-04-2010 01:07 PM

Helen: *cuddles you gently* It's okay sweetness. You are right, you will be fine. But you've got to be able to cut yourself some slack when you aren't 100%. Don't stress yourself about not being able to understand how you feel. Maybe just write down a couple of words. Don't worry if they aren't perfect. Just a couple of words every time you happen to think of them. Something to describe how you are in the moment. I don't know, I'm not a tdoc. But if you don't understand or can't really explain it could just mean that there is a lot going on inside you. Maybe a lot of conflicted emotions.

MammaMia 15-04-2010 01:10 PM

*cuddles Kahlia* I think I've reached the point I didn't want to go. But properly. We'll see.

Scarletdreamer 15-04-2010 02:11 PM

Gahh I still feel like ****, even though I curled up in bed for awhile. Talked with Vince (personal trainer & close friend, our WoW GM that we met in January :D) for awhile after texting him a slightly worrisome message... I dunno, I just don't want to be here anymore and that's basically what I told him. :( He said that I'm a wonderful person blah blah but that's SO HARD TO BELIEVE. :'(

I just want to give up... :'(

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