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nicole94 05-04-2010 06:27 PM

*hugs helen* a job interview? thats BRILLIANT :D what for?

*hugs mark* im good thanks, you?

*hugs aprill* well done for getting it done :D and bless you, its ok, the urge to SI will pass.

Scarletdreamer 05-04-2010 06:43 PM

Ooh, I spy a Mark, a Hayley, and a Crimson!! Busy place today... :D *cuddles*

Thanks Nicole. :) And yeh, I know the urge to SI will pass, but it will come back, again and again, until I do it... gahhhh... :( How are you doing??

I'm really tired. Just updated my r/v thread... :-/


Doikers 05-04-2010 06:44 PM

I don't know how I'm feeling , I'm back at my flat so a little releived to have privacy, I've had a bath so I'm all warm and my hairs wet and I was thinking I would watch a movie and try to relax this evening .
I WANT to S.I. though , really badly , I just don't feel good , I feel disgusting......

PoisonedApple 05-04-2010 06:53 PM

sorry no individual replies... 4 pages is a bit to read through...

*huggles everyone*
I got pretty triggered over the weekend but made it through. might update my r/v thread in a bit.

got my work all caught up on friday. feels nice to have it that way for once. now to keep it that way :)

how is everyone?

mark~ a movie and relaxing sounds like exactly what you need. *hugs* stay safe, hun.

CrazyHayley 05-04-2010 07:11 PM

wow - I've just read the 7pages of posts that I've missed since thursday night... far too mnay to reply too - sorry guys. *huggles you all so tightly*

Oh and thanks for the info on ED stuff that I can't post, I have read the stickies on forums rules etc when I joined, but I've not been in the ED forum before, so missed it. I think I should possibly go back and re-read all the stickies so that I don't break any rules...I freak out when I break rules, I'm such a goodie-two-shoes, but I really can't cope with breaking rules....even though I often encourage people to do exactly that, but somehow deep down, no matter how much I may disagree with a rule, I don't want to break it as I don't ever want to be 'wrong'. Does that even make sense?!

hmmm, not sure how I'm feeling, my mood seems to be shifting every 5mins or so - it's PMDD time again. I'm going to update my journal I think....

*toddles off to smoking shelter to ponder on journal entry*

PoisonedApple 05-04-2010 07:23 PM

lol no worries hayley. I never go in the ED forum either...(too afraid of getting really triggered) thus why I didn't know till a month or 2 ago. :)

CrazyHayley 05-04-2010 07:55 PM

I've finger ache after typing my journal entry and I never even got round to typing what it was that I really need to say....I will do it after dinner and fag and a finger break! ooh and some caffiene to keep me going a few more hours til bedtime.

oooooo! I know so many of you are really struggling right now, so I don't want you thinking this is a 'rub your noses in it' type of thing, its not, its to give you hope...I hope, anyhoo, I just wanted to share that yesterday was my 9months SH free anniversary! I've NEVER achieved that before since I started in June 1998! So its taken nearly 12years, so please those of you at X amount of years, don't give up, please don't give up. I don't want you struggling for another X amount of years to make it to 12, hopefully it'll be far less, but if thats what it takes, then please hang on in there, don't give up the fight. *GROUP HUGGLE* and chant together..."IT CAN'T RAIN ALL THE TIME"

MammaMia 05-04-2010 08:04 PM


Originally Posted by Scarletdreamer (Post 2222559)
Hels, love, you are pretty... and I thought that you said that you had trouble with food? maybe not a "real" ED but still... anyway, sorry if I got that wrong. :-X But you're pretty anyway. :P And there I stand. Hehe.

Yey for a job interview, where and for what job?

I'm sorry that you're so worried about your friends... I wish I could be there for you IRL but I can't... :( If I could I think we would have fun together... hehe. :D It would be awesome if the "RYL psych ward" group could meet up somewhere... maybe someday when we're all rich & can travel!! lol. :P

I got my paper as done as it's going to be - 13 pages including references and an unwritten abstract. It's going to be longer once I analyze some case studies... just didn't have the time (or the ****ing ENERGY) to do it this time. But I'm happy that I managed to get it done... even if it was only an hour and a half before classtime!!

I'm glad that you're not really feeling that you're struggling... guess that's good? dunno... I kinda feel the same way, I don't know. I've been mussing about with a SI area on my hand, so it's all red and irritated now... *sigh* Was doing it in my SW appt and she noticed, of course... we talked about what hospitals there were that I might go to were I to go to one... and that got me really anxious. :( I really want to SI right now... but I guess I'm glad that I left my tools at home. I don't know, I really don't. :(

Thanks. I suposse I do have a problem with food/weight. Nothing's been done about it. I've not spoken to anyone about it except my best friends, couple friends & my sisters I geuss. Thanks for thinking I'm pretty, but hey. YAY for job interview too, it's for a company who own a chain of clothes shops, if I'm right. :D Not sure exactly what the job is opps :P I wish you could all be there for me IRL. Would be awesome to have fun together, esp if the whole ward could meet up. But sadly it costs so much money and stuff as you said :(


Originally Posted by nicole94 (Post 2222574)
*hugs helen* a job interview? thats BRILLIANT :D what for?

*hugs Nicole* Thank you sweetie :) It's for a company who own a chain of clothes shops, if I'm right. :D

MammaMia 05-04-2010 08:04 PM

Congratulations Hayley =D I'm over a month free =D

SoMuchMore 05-04-2010 08:31 PM

*cuddles hayley and throw confetti* great job on 9 months free!

*throws more confetti for helen being over a month free and getting a job interview*

*cuddles april* im glad you got 10 pages of ur paper finished. Im sure its great. If you are worried have someone look over it like helen suggested.

*hugs mark* privacy is nice sometimes... Hope that you managed to stay safe. A relaxing movie sounds like a good idea.

*hugs crimson* Good job on making it thru the weekend and getting all ur work done! Keep it up! :-)

Wow i feel like i just did a lot of congratulating lol.

I wish that i had reason to throw some confetti for myself... but alas, everything is the same with me... wanting to disappear and whatnot... Im trying not to. I really am.. but i just feel like i'm going more and more into hiding about what is going on..
Im also soaked since I didnt bring an umbrella with me this morning as it was sunny and warm. O well, i don't mind the rain so much.. I kinda like it actually, especially if it thunders :-)

CrazyHayley 05-04-2010 08:35 PM

*huggles Laura* ooh you say the word 'alas' too! People laugh at me when I say that, but seeing you type it just made me smile through the confetti! You're braver than me with thunder - it makes me go and grab my teddy bear! I'm not very good at being a brave grown up! As long as I don't ever babysit during a thunder storm I'm sure no one minds too much though.

*toddles out to smoking shelter - fag after dinner is always fab*

MammaMia 05-04-2010 08:52 PM

I Love Thunderstorms =D

PoisonedApple 05-04-2010 08:59 PM

Hayley I use alas and albeit lol
Thanks for the grats Laura :)

I updated my r/v a bit... not everything from the weekend but the parts that irked me the most-est...

Gonna wander off now and do some archiving work... *wants to run away and hide*

SoMuchMore 05-04-2010 09:01 PM

*hugs hayley* hahaha i dont think i actually say alas out loud when i talk, but i use it a lot when i type.. idk why lol. Its a good word tho :-)

*cuddles helen*

*hugs crimson* albeit is a good word too! lol i should start using that more often.

No thunder here, its sunny again...too bad i guess.. apparently it was just a freak rainstorm. Too bad that i had to be outside during it.

PoisonedApple 05-04-2010 09:03 PM

how odd... i just found a bruise on my wrist... I have no idea where it came from... it isn't even sore. i didn't notice it till i was putting on lotion and pulled up my sleeve... *shakes head* i am such a klutz sometimes...

MammaMia 05-04-2010 09:17 PM

*cuddles everyone*

CrazyHayley 05-04-2010 09:33 PM

Ooh I say albeit, though not as often as I say alas. My most used word that causes giggles is "Gosh" and the phrase that makes people chuckle is "whoops a daisy!" you have to understand that the area that I come from in Essex those words/phrases just are not used. I am looked upon as quirky and bizarrely talking out of place! My partner chuckles though when in one scentence I may use all of my quirky words and then I'll accidently walk into the doorframe and say (excuse my language) "oh ****ing bollocks, the bloody shitty door frame attacked me again - bastard!"

I've finished updating my journal. So I'm pleased I've done something worthwhile today. I think I'm going to have an early night with a book though as my eyes have had enough of the glare off of my laptop. I hope that everyone has a good and safe day/evening/night where ever you are. You'll all be in my thoughts and prayers hoping for brighter days and continued strength.

*goes round the ward, including all the dark corners and hiding places, to give everyone an extra special personal huggle*

*gets teddy bear, just incase of thunder, and snuggles down in a random spot of the ward that looks rather comfy*

PoisonedApple 05-04-2010 09:55 PM

actually the word i use that gets the oddest looks and laughs is actually (pardon the language) asshat lol but i mean really some people just are. you know the ones... they act like they actually do have their head up their bum. people up here don't understand it though and i have to explain it lol

MammaMia 05-04-2010 09:56 PM

Sleep well Hayley xxxxxxx

Scarletdreamer 05-04-2010 11:28 PM

Wow, lots of posts...

*cuddles Mark* I'm sure that you aren't disgusting, sorry you feel that way, though. I understand... at least, as much as I can!! :) Curling up with a DVD or a book or something sounds pleasant... can I join you? hehe.

*cuddles Hels* I think that a lot of girls/women have difficulty with food/weight/etc... it's pretty sad if you think about it, all of those lovely people out there struggling with their body images. :( At least, it makes me sad. I don't know, I wish there were something I could do about it - that's why originally I wanted to go into the field of eating disorders, working as a therapist at somewhere like Well of Grace or Mercy Ministries or Remuda Ranch... but now I don't know. I think I'd be too triggered. The job sounds really cool, the one you might be getting... what type of clothing? and how do you keep getting these random job interviews? :P lol. Sorry if that sounded condemning or something... :-S *more cuddles* Congrats on being over a month free... that's more than I can say for myself. :(

*squishes Laura* Well, all I can say is, please don't disappear from here, okay? :) We love you here. And you are a sweet, lovely person... so there. ;) How're you doing tonight?? Oh, and I love thunderstorms too. :)

*cuddles Hayley* Sleep well, pleasant dreams. I say AND write "albeit" as well as "aforementioned." My hubby says "Egad" all the time... lol... makes me smile sometimes. Sometimes it's just downright annoying, but oh well. Hehe. :) Oh, and congrats on being 9 months free!! :D

I love "asshat," Crimson - makes perfect sense to me. *cuddles* I'll read your r/v in a bit, once I get a bit of other stuff squared away. :) (Why don't people ever say "circled" or "triangled" away? hmmm...) How're you doing now?

There, I think I got everyone... sorry if I missed someone, am not great at catching everyone when there's been so many posts, even if it is just on one page!!

I'm so tired. But when I got home at 5:30, Jarrod had candles lit in the bathroom and bathwater drawn with moisturizing beads in... and a white hot chocolate just as he promised!! :D So that was really sweet of him... I enjoyed the bath although my hair got tangled, it's so long... he's trying to help me relax because the past 48 hours have been so stressful for me, trying to get that paper written. :-S I handed it in today, 13 pages, even though the abstract and another part were missing. GRRRRR. Oh well. That was short, too, for what he expected (15-20 pages). But it will be longer with the other part (case studies)... yeah.

So I'm doing alright. :) Still feeling crappy but not too terribly awful... just wishing that I were dead, still, but the SI urges are taking over the suicidal urges, which I guess is "good"... :-S I don't know. I still don't want to be here.

*more cuddles for all*

MammaMia 05-04-2010 11:44 PM

*cuddles April* I think you're right & it's pretty sad really :( It's even sadder when it becomes a problem, if you get me :S Well into an ED. My best friends think I'm gaining one =/ =/ It's heartbreaking watching one of my best friends struggle with it. Am so scared she'll die from it :'( She's so fed up of it. Maybe one day you could go into that field or help out in a way that won't trigger you? *squishes*

It does sound really cool I suposse. We shall soon see. It's all types of clothing? =P Nothing specific really. I don't see them as random? Maybe I'm wrong. This is the third one I've had all year and I must have applied for 20-30 jobs by now? *more cuddles*

Thanks for the congratulations. Right now I sort of wish I wasn't over a month free. I want to cut so ****ing much but I'm still somehow not doing it? I think having thrown out my blades has made it a harder task in a good way :/

That sounds lovely what Jarrod did, you deserved it babe. *cuddles again*

I keep listening to this song about miscarriage :'( I really should stop. I can't stop thinking about mine. It'll be six years on Sunday. Well I'm pretty sure that was the date :/ It's still all stupidly patchy at times. I just struggle so much. I repressed it until about last year. I'd repressed other stuff but that had mostly come out. It's still so hard. I'm having to deal with all of it in one go & still deal with it six years (nearly) on, if that even ****ing makes sense?? :'(

PoisonedApple 05-04-2010 11:54 PM

*huggles April*
Glad you got you paper written and turned in. Should help you destress a little at least. And I'm envious of your Jarrod... David has never set all that up for me. *pouts* Maybe I'll tell him about your night in the hopes he'll get the hint lol
I'm doing ok. Kinda anxious about my food budget for the house but I have a plan so it should be ok. Didn't get to get my yogurt maker yet but I will get it soon. I'm gonna start doing a better monthly budget and just not count MIL paying us for either of her bills on our credit cards... the presumption she's gonna actually pay her own bills is whats hurting our budget most these days... I think if I just acted like it was a bill of my own and my job my only income it'll be less stressful to me. *crosses fingers*

SoMuchMore 05-04-2010 11:55 PM

*hugs crimson* i like asshat as well lol. And I am a giant klutz sometimes too.. and i always drop thing.. although half the time i wind up catching them.. ppl laugh at me because of it lol.

*hugs helen* how r u doing? im sorry about ur miscarriage... that must be awful to deal with.

*cuddles hayley* hope you sleep well!

*cuddles april* yay im happy for u that uve turned in ur paper. Its okay that its a little short. Sounds like ur hubby was really sweet after all the stress u've been under.

Don't worry, i wont disappear for real.. I'm always fine.. right? right... Just more things to deal with in life, and i know my life isnt that bad especially in comparison to some, so i should just deal.

Its thundering again :-)

MammaMia 06-04-2010 12:00 AM

Laura, you are definitely not disappearing. We won't let you. Nor is April!!! I'm not doing so well, as you've probably gathered from my whining posts. It is so hard to deal with. I'm scared that one of my best friends won't be around for me on Sunday, selfish really as she's struggling. Need to mention it, but waiting to see how she goes during the week. Might just spit it out somehow by the end of the week...

16 hours exactly until my interview. Crap :P

SoMuchMore 06-04-2010 12:02 AM

helen - its not selfish to want support at all. I hope that she is around for u.. its good to support each other. Im sure u'll do great in the interview. Good luck with it! I know they can be crazy nerve wrecking. *hugs*

MammaMia 06-04-2010 12:03 AM

Thanks Laura. They are crazy nerve racking. I'm not even 100% certain where it is yet. :/ Going to have an epic failure on that one I'm sure. Hopefully will find it. Will have to get into Birmingham early to start my search!!!

Scarletdreamer 06-04-2010 12:51 AM

Awh Hels, I'm sorry that you're listening to that song & being sad. :( I understand the last thing you said, something about it being 6 years yet barely one at the same time... I was sexually abused in high school (nearly 6 years ago now) and only remembered it last summer (2009)... so it ruined what life I had going for me for those years, at least, without me even being aware of that being behind what was going on. I hope that makes some sense? :-/

Good luck with your interview!! :D I'm sure you'll find your way just fine... :) Maybe a wrong turn here and there but try not to worry about it... you'll just get panicky then and that's no good. *cuddles*

Laura, love, not gonna let you disappear!! and also not gonna let you say that you're "fine" (unless you mean F.I.N.E. ... lol)... because I know you're not. And the same goes for you - you're allowed to ask for support without it being whinging or being selfish. So yes. Please do let us know how you REALLY are doing. *curls up next to*

I feel really fat. :-X And anxious, and just pewpy in general. (Actually Crimson, I think that "poopy/pewpy" is the thing that I say that makes people laugh the most... especially when I expand it and say "pewpy-doops" which is me at my utmost disappointedness... if that made any sense... haha.) *sigh*

I just want to sleep, **** it all... :( Bedtime soon though, so that's good. Maybe I'll update my r/v thread again?

*hides where no one can find her*

PoisonedApple 06-04-2010 01:04 AM

i may have to use this phrase now.

frenchhorn 06-04-2010 01:06 AM

*stays in far away corner so as not to pass any nasty flu germs*
*rolls jar of hugs for all*

MammaMia 06-04-2010 01:06 AM

I know exactly what you mean. Again, it's been over six years since I was thatword. Still find it hard to comprehend it's been that long. Again, I repressed that & started dealing with it in 2008 (rather than last year). I'm not trying to turn this into a competition, just wanted to show how much I understand :(

Thanks for the good luck with my interview. I hope I find it this time, I didn't for one of them last time and send into me into a huge stress & gave up in the end. *cuddles*

Sorry you're feeling fat sweetheart. You're not. But I know how you feel :( Anxiety is such a bitch. Am glad you're heading to bed soon. Sleep is good. Updating r/v thread is good..

*looks for April & finds her & cuddles lots*

I'm struggling. Well we all know that. Wish I wasn't such a worthless person....

*cuddles everyone*

Scarletdreamer 06-04-2010 10:14 AM

Awh Hels, you're NOT a worthless person!! You're very much worthwhile... you may not see that now, but if you were worthless, why would people talk with you, want to spend time with you, etc., etc.? It's not out of pity. It's because you're an awesome person. It's just that you're struggling a lot right now and can't see the sun... if that makes sense.

I'm so glad that I found someone who understands!! And I understand it's not a competition. :) I mean, I wish you didn't understand, but if someone had to understand I'm glad it's you, because we get along and all. I hope that makes sense? I'm so sick of this bullshit though, seriously, because it's ruined my life. I need to "get over it" - if that's even possible, I don't know... :( I just need to work through it - intensively - in therapy.

Oliver, sorry you're still ill... feeling any better today?? *veggie soup and hugs* :)

How's everyone doing this morning? *cuddles* I know I'm up way early - it's just past 5am, woke up at 4:45am, gonna be so freaking exhausted this afternoon/evening, but oh well.

My landlord and whoever else are coming to finish up our ceiling. :D (Remember how I said the kitchen ceiling collapsed in February? well yeah, they're finally fixing it!!) I'm a little worried though as I will be home alone with them... yeah... men I don't know well... and me... :-S I have until 1pm today to fill... and I'm worried that I'm going to get in their way since the bedroom and the bathroom both branch off the kitchen.


And my hand hurts from where I scratched it. Oh well. Stupid me.

*more cuddles for everyone*

Doikers 06-04-2010 10:27 AM

*Hugs Helen* GOOD LUCK to you for your interview today :) I'm sue you'll find the place ok
*Hayley* I totally took strength from your post about being 9 months free (Congratulations you :) ) and managed to finish off yesterday without S.I. so thankyou :-)
*Hugs April* That was so sweet what Jarrod did for you with the bath and chocolate :) You are NOT fat at all although I understand how you feel I feel fat , I don't know if it's less common for guys or we just don't talk about it .

*Hugs Crimson* How are you doing today?

I feel unwell today . I REALLY want to Harm . I rang up for my repeat perscription and am always embarrased because I'm on 8 (Eight) boxes of meds and it just seems like a lot . Like the person on the phone is going to think Man! what a screw-up on ALL THESE MEDS. even though they don't say anything I worry about what they think even though it's over the phone ,Make sense? . I have a nurses appointment this afternoon . I don't much feel like leaving the flat . I'm so Lazy......

MammaMia 06-04-2010 12:23 PM


Originally Posted by Scarletdreamer (Post 2223848)
Awh Hels, you're NOT a worthless person!! You're very much worthwhile... you may not see that now, but if you were worthless, why would people talk with you, want to spend time with you, etc., etc.? It's not out of pity. It's because you're an awesome person. It's just that you're struggling a lot right now and can't see the sun... if that makes sense.

I'm so glad that I found someone who understands!! And I understand it's not a competition. :) I mean, I wish you didn't understand, but if someone had to understand I'm glad it's you, because we get along and all. I hope that makes sense? I'm so sick of this bullshit though, seriously, because it's ruined my life. I need to "get over it" - if that's even possible, I don't know... :( I just need to work through it - intensively - in therapy.

I guess I'm not a worthless person. I don't know. Maybe you're right in what you said & it did make sense.

I wish neither of us understood, we do get along & all. Yeah it made sense. I'm sick of the bullshit & feel like it's ruined my life. But we have to remember at the end of the days, we're not victims anymore - we're survivors :) Some people have told me that I will get over it, some people think I won't ever be over it completely but it won't hurt as much etc..

Glad they're coming to fix your house at last!!

Sorry it's not much of a reply, brain's still half asleep, even if it's 12.23pm already. My interview's at 4pm. ARGH!!!


Originally Posted by Doikers (Post 2223864)
*Hugs Helen* GOOD LUCK to you for your interview today :) I'm sue you'll find the place ok

Thanks Mark :) Have to leave in about 2 hours, arrgh!!

Scarletdreamer 06-04-2010 12:36 PM

Ooh it's thunderstorming here... hopefully we don't lose power. :-S I wouldn't know what to do as it's still too dark to read by the light outside... which is dim anyway due to the thunderstorm... probably would go up to campus or summat after collecting stuff by flashlight. Lol.

Mark, thanks for the compliment. *squishes* And I'm sure that you're not as icky as you think you are either. :) I think that the "fat feeling" is a little more uncommon among men but I think it's definitely still there... correct me if I'm wrong, but (in general) many/most men aren't that in touch with their feelings. Or choose not to ruminate over them!! heh... which is probably wise. I'm sorry that you're feeling unwell today; that sucks. I used to be on 7 meds (total) and worried about the same thing, soo... I can say that you're not alone in that, but I'm sure that the pharmacists don't think you're "so screwed up" or whatever. You're just getting the help that you need. :) And hopefully over time the meds will be decreased - I'm only on four right now, so that makes me very happy. Hehe. And my SW thought that that was a lot... :-/ Actually, three, since I'm going off of Depakote. :)

Hels *cuddles* I hope what I said did make sense... heh... I'm not the best at making sense early in the morning. Especially when I didn't sleep that well. I had braces for awhile then got retainers, and that was years ago (like when I was 15) and I'm still supposed to be wearing the retainers... and didn't for a month. UGH my teeth moved enough to make them painful enough to keep me from getting back to sleep, so that's why I got up when I did. :( But anyway, RANDOM... lol. Best of luck at the interview... I'm sure that you'll do fine!! *more cuddles*

How is everyone else? Kahlia, Nicole, Laura, anyone else that I'm magically forgetting? :-S

Played WoW for awhile this morning, did some dailies (daily quests, i.e. ones that you can repeat day after day), did an outdated (level 16) quest on my level 28 mage... just enjoyed myself although I came within 5 health pts of dying (out of 700+ ... lol). I'm really tired though... as I have already stated... yuckie. :(

My feet are cold... maybe I won't wear flipflops today... although if I don't I will regret it, as it's supposed to be sunny and warm again today. Right now though... chilly and rainy. Yuck. :(

I am so sick of life. :crying:

MammaMia 06-04-2010 12:55 PM

Oh I love thunderstorms!! Hope you don't lose power though :(

*cuddles April* It did make sense. I would have replied to it properly but struggling to write posts. Lame. Was on a roll yesterday and the day before. Ouch about your teeth :( I had braces when I was 16!! Got them off about 6 months before my 18th & just a week or so before my Dad would walk out on us =/ Didn't really wear my retainer, so some of my teeth have moved a bit :( But it's not horrible like they were before :/ *more cuddles indeed*

I can't stop thinking about my nightmare :S

Doikers 06-04-2010 01:05 PM


correct me if I'm wrong, but (in general) many/most men aren't that in touch with their feelings. Or choose not to ruminate over them!!
I don't know if I'm more in touch with my feelings but it would make sense what with the S.I. and depression stuff . I DEFINATLY ruminate over them way too much:S .

I am TOO caffinated lol , I like thunderstorms as well , I hope you keep power .

*Hugs Helen* I'm sorry you had a nightmare :( can you do anything to take your mind off of it ?

MammaMia 06-04-2010 01:21 PM

Trying to take my mind off it by reading a mag :P

SoMuchMore 06-04-2010 02:20 PM

*hugs everyone* sorry Ill do individual replies later today...

I have my psych class in a few minutes, and then a ton of work to get done before my 2 night classes tonight.. I just want to sleep, but no time... I may have to survive on coffee today.
if its not okay to disappear is it at least okay to hide?

Scarletdreamer 06-04-2010 03:28 PM

We (thankfully) didn't lose power, and now it's sunny & warm out just like "they" (whoever the magical "they" is) said it would be!! Wonder of wonders... lol. I'm at uni now... left as soon as our landlord got there to fix the ceiling as I didn't want to be in the way. But I did clean out Daniel's litterbox, so I feel accomplished in a sad sort of way... heh. :P

Awh Hels, nightmares are awful. :( I'm glad you're trying to keep your mind off it. That's a good start. What mag you reading? *cuddles*

*cuddles Mark* Well, I think it's a good thing when guys are in touch with their feelings, and yeh, it would make sense in your case what with depression/SI stuff... but ruminating is not good!! hehe... I do it too, so it's like the pot calling the kettle black... :P How are you feeling now?

*cuddles Laura* Yeah, you can hide - I GUESS. As long as we're allowed to find you. :) I hide all of the time and someone always comes and finds me... heh. I'm sorry that you have a ton of work for your night classes... that really sucks. Especially - especially - when you're tired, too. *more cuddles*

I took a nap that was interrupted by a text - from our landlord - and a phonecall from Jarrod, just to say hi during his break. It was a short call but at least I got to hear his voice. :) That was nice... although I think he was a bit annoyed with me for being so tired... I don't know, though.

And now, ta-daa, I'm awake (sort of) and on campus. I daren't drink anything that has caffeine in it though, even though I feel pretty (mentally) relaxed. My body is as tense as a wire, especially my back. :(

Anyway. *more cuddles for everyone*

CrazyHayley 06-04-2010 03:57 PM

Hello my lovely fellow inmates! *group huggle*

ooh, Helen will be at her interview in a few minutes! *sends out positive thoughts Helen's way*

I made it to the healing session at my Spiritualist church today, thats the second tuesday in a row, so I'm pleased about that. It's also my first day of my week on hormones for PMDD and I nearly forgot to take it this morning 'cos I wasn't feeling like the world was going to end, so that was lovely. I hope this means I won't drop so low and struggle so much this cycle, as the past two cycles have been awful and a real struggle not to SI.

Sorry for lack of individual responses but I'm about to go for a nap so I'm rather lacking concentration at the mo, but I wanted to check in and have huggles with you all before I got snuggled down again.

*chooses a different random spot in the ward to snuggle down for a nap*

Doikers 06-04-2010 04:41 PM

I've not long got back from meeting my nurse , she is still keen for me to do volenteering on prescription . We chatted and she said more than once that I seemed calm today , Truth is I've had WAY too much caffine and my mind was/is going faster than my exterior could keep up with ,if I came over as calm it was by lucky chance . I needed the caffine to wake up today , I am really struggling to force myself out of bed in the mornings and I can't get to sleep at night some nights .

I'm triggered now which is no fun , I am visuallising the wound . I am trying hard to be up and positive but I'm still getting these horrible thoughts , Dammit it's just not fair!!!

Doikers 06-04-2010 04:47 PM

I Also had auricular accupuncture where they put 5 needles in each ear and then after a while they take them out and put these beads behind each ear ,2 each ear , and they sort of stick there with a tiny sticking plaster . It's all supposed to be good to detox you and calm you ,1 bead behind each ear is specificatly to help the flow of your "energy" I've had a few sessions now ,I haven't really felt any benefits but it doesn't hurt and as my nurse said it's good to get me out of the flat :)

Also what does "asshat" mean? I've never heard this word :P Do you say it like it's written ?

PoisonedApple 06-04-2010 04:58 PM

Wow lots of posts even just overnight...well less than a whole page so it probably just seems a lot to me but anywho...

*huggles Helen* I wasn't on to wish you luck but I hope you did well.
*huggles Mark* Aside from wanting to go back home and go to bed I'm doing ok this morning... still awaiting the caffeine to kick in so I'm half asleep and dunno how the day or even morning will go.
Sorry you're triggered right now... Stay safe, yeah?
*huggles April* Glad you didn't lose power.
*huggles Hayley* Glad you're not feeling too bad so far.
*huggles Laura*
*huggles Oliver* soup?
*huggles anyone i missed and runs to get to the front desk on time to open.* Will post more later.

nicole94 06-04-2010 05:29 PM

WHOOP! my cat is now a proud mummy of 5 beutiful kittens :D *hugs everyone*

PoisonedApple 06-04-2010 05:51 PM

awwww... you must post pics later nicole! I love kittens :D

Mark~ http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=ass-hat lol

nicole94 06-04-2010 05:52 PM

will do when i manage to get some :D theyre beautiful!! 3 gingers, a tabby and a tortie :D

MammaMia 06-04-2010 06:54 PM

*cuddles everyone*

I so told you I'd get lost & I did. Was really near to where I was walking around but easily missed. FINALLY found it FIVE minutes before my interview. Woooops!! It's actually not what I thought I'd applied for, but it could be quite good. Got my second interview tomorrow =) Get to find out then if I have a job or not :o

After that, I headed to where my mum works :P Did some shopping near there & stuffs =) Not long got back home. Knackered now. Dreading waking up tomorrow :| Today was hard enough!!!

Doikers 06-04-2010 07:01 PM

Well done on getting the 2nd interview Helen :) I am glad you found the place in time !! GOOD LUCK for tommorow :)

MammaMia 06-04-2010 07:03 PM

Thanks Mark =D Arrrgh!!

SoMuchMore 06-04-2010 07:05 PM

*offers oliver some soup* get well soon!

*cuddles april* its sunny and warm here too, but "they" said it would be thunderstorming lol. Sorry that ur back is so tense.. ask ur hubby to give u a massage! lol.

*hugs hayley* a nap sounds great, i am jealous lol.

*hugs mark* I have trouble getting to sleep too and then i never want to wake up in the morning.. Its really awful sometimes. And that acupuncture thing sounds interesting. I wonder if you will see any benefits later on.. I think i would be scared to try acupuncture.. although i dunno why really.

*hugs crimson*

*hugs nicole* aw.. kittens are so cute! (even tho im allergic to cats lol)

*hugs helen* Well at least you didn't miss ur interview! Sounds like it went well since you have another one tomorrow.

The library at uni was crazy busy. People were like diving for computers. I had to promise to be off of one within a half our so that i could get what i needed done. It was kinda funny to see how annoyed everyone was, although i prolly shouldnt have laughed since i was just as annoyed. But seriously, in a room of 200 computers, what are the odds that about 300 people would show up all at the same time lol.

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