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Kahlia1981 02-02-2010 10:10 AM

*hugs everyone*

Laura (Friend): I really wish there was something you could do.

I see my GP in the morning and I'm going to be open and honest with him about a) my ex-tdoc and b) how I'm going. I don't know what the outcome will be, but I guess I have to try.

Imaginary_friend 02-02-2010 10:28 AM

*hugs Kahlia* i hope he listens and does something to help. take care x

AMCarmody 02-02-2010 11:08 AM

*hugs for everyone*

I'm back from Birmingham ... it went so much better than I expected (: But I'm afraid I'm on a depressive episode ATM.

How's everyone?

Jetforce 02-02-2010 12:16 PM

*gives hugs to all*

sorry dont have many words tonite except hope u feel better soon xx

Imaginary_friend 02-02-2010 12:50 PM

argh. i need to be put somewhere i swear. i can't keep cutting like this.
*sits on the floor and cries*

AMCarmody 02-02-2010 01:10 PM

*cuddles Laura* What's wrong, sweetie? Are you safe now?

Scarletdreamer 02-02-2010 01:23 PM

*cuddles LauraFriend* What's up, sweetie? did you take care of the cut?

*cuddles Kahlia* I'm so sorry that you're having such a rough time right now... that sucks beyond belief. What are you going to talk with your GP about?

*hugs Jet and Annie* How're you two doing today? :)

*cuddles Helen* Yeh I understand what you mean... lol. But if you don't want to, you know, then you don't have to. I hope that makes sense & goes along with what you're saying. :P I hope that the visit goes well... the relationship sounds a bit rocky but what relationship - even a friendship relationship - doesn't have its own rocky bits? Keep us updated. :) How are you feeling this morning? ♥

*cuddles Jocelyn* How're you, love? (whenever you read this) I hope that your day(s) at the hospital go well & that you enjoy them, although being on your feet that long is bound to be painful. Take care of yourself... and update us when you can!! ♥

I'm really tired... the ceiling collapsed in part of our kitchen last night after we went to bed, so it is really smelly... yuck. There are rat turds in among the insulation & all too... NASTY. :( Jarrod took the day off work so he could clean up the mess, which is good... and we locked Daniel (kitty) in a huuuge cage that J bought this morning at Walmart, with his litterbox, food, & water, so he wouldn't be in the way. It'll come in handy when the landlord redoes the ceiling, too... can't wait to have a "whole" kitchen again!!! If you want to see pics I have pics... lol.

I'm kind of low right now... tired & dreading classes, even though I only have two today. :( Yuck. I feel like I will never, ever be a competant therapist... thanks to my last advanced counseling class. :crying: I'm so worried about this!! She keeps emphasizing how difficult it is to be a good therapist, & I'm worried that I just don't have what it takes. :(

*hides*

Imaginary_friend 02-02-2010 01:39 PM

thanks Annie and April
i'm ok now...i cleaned it up and it's all bandaged up. again. i just feel stupid. today was the first day it hasn't been bandaged up but obviously, i can't see it without wanting to do it again. so i did. i hate myself.
*bangs head against the wall and cries*

AMCarmody 02-02-2010 02:01 PM

Laura: I understand. But please try to let it out without harming yourself? Are you in therapy/meds ATM? Are you safe now? *more cuddles*

April: *hugs* Hey! All is getting better. A bit cloudy but I can trudge on. Thanks, in a huge part, to Manperson's support and love = infinite and priceless. How are you?

MammaMia 02-02-2010 02:14 PM

*cuddles everyone*

April, yes you were on the right lines. I know I don't have to :) Really want to though. Will see what happens though. Discussed what we're going to do a bit more with him last night :) Hopefully am meeting with two of my close friends and going for food. Or may have a takeaway, not sure yet. So that'll help take the pressure off things.


Things aren't so great right now as always, I landed one of my best friends in hospital. Well, she did take the overdose, I told a friend of hers who had to drag her to hospital. Don't think she'll be leaving any time soon, despite it being a small one. She needs to be sectioned for her safety etc. But we shall what happens with that. Things are pretty good with my other best friend, we've gotten even closer in past few weeks - if that's even possible.

I'm sorry about your ceiling and stuff :( Hope it can be sorted it very soon sweet *cuddles* Am sure you'll be a great therapist.

Scarletdreamer 02-02-2010 03:13 PM

*huggles LauraFriend* I'm glad that you got it bandaged up... was it really bad? :-S Please try to be more careful, sweetie. I know the urges to self-destruct all too well but even feeling them & letting yourself feel them doesn't mean that you ought to give in to them. Please keep fighting, you can & will make it through this!!

*cuddles LauraStar* Sorry, can't remember if I replied to your last post... I hope that classes get better for us... but I doubt it too. The semester was off to a rocky start for both of us, yeh. Ugh. I wish I could either rewind to start over or fastforward to the end... fastforwarding would be preferred!! lol. How're you doing today? how's the anxiety?

*cuddles Annie* Glad that you're feeling better!! at least a little. That's awesome. And I agree, support from significant others is amazing... my husband is priceless!! :) He's so good to & with me. I wish that everyone could have the happiness in a relationship that he & I do. I know it's rare & that's sad... but anyway, rambling. How're you feeling today?

*cuddles Helen* Good, I'm glad I was on the right track. ;) I'm sorry that things aren't so great for you "as usual" - surely sometimes things must go right? *hugs* - and you didn't land one of your friends in the hospital, you took her there because she needed to go as she was unsafe. Unless there's a bit that you're not telling (which is fine, no condemnation - some things "need" to remain private)... but anyway, don't blame yourself please, love. I'm really glad that you've gotten closer to your other bestie, though. That's awesome. :D

So I'm at uni now, just got breakfast at the café in the student centre... I think I mini-binged, or something, I don't know... or I want to... it's so hard!!! :( I hate life right now. And I have so much uni work to do & I don't want to do any of it. The assignment for advanced counseling won't take very long but I still don't want to do it!! I'm such an epic fail... :crying:

So so so tired... yet if I had coffee/Mountain Dew I would be wayyyy too anxious to function. So damnit!!! I don't have any Klonopin (in the right mg anyway) along, so **** **** ****... meant to put more in my bag before I left but forgot due to craziness related to ceiling & cat. GRRRR. :(

*hides*

Imaginary_friend 02-02-2010 03:40 PM

*cuddles Annie* i've just started counselling (again) but i'm not taking anything and i haven't been to the doctors about anything for about 18months. i don't want to take anything. i don't need to. i'm just being stupid. :( i don't feel safe. i feel like i'm fighting a battle against myself and it's just.....so hard. *cries*

*hugs Helen* i'm glad things are good with one friend, and getting sorted for the other. i'm sure she won't be angry at you or anything. you were just worried. which is understandable when she took an overdose...*hugs*

*hugs April* thank you. it wasn't that bad but if i don't bandage it up i will just make it worse...it's like i have to hide it from myself. stoopid stoopid.
i'm trying but .... i've got so much work and other crap stuff going on at the moment it's so much easier, and quicker, just to do it and then get on with other stuff. it's not what i should be doing i know. i just....i can't keep fighting myself...i just can't. and you're not an epic fail. at all. :) you're fab on here so i'm sure you'll do really well in your counselling assignment :) good luck *hugs* hope you get your ceiling sorted...lol

MammaMia 02-02-2010 03:40 PM

*cuddles April* Sometimes things do go right, but not having much luck with that at the moment. Although all the stuff I did yesterday was a good positive :) Trying to hold onto that today. I didn't take my best friend to hospital, a friend of hers took her. She lives in Scotland, and I'm in England :p But yeah, I feel like I put her in there :'(

Got to love your head screaming at you once an idea enters your head. I want it to stop :'( I told my best friend. She texted me and then rang me. She's going out with her children & hubby, as it's a birthday today :) (Her middle child..) She told me to text if I needed her. I want to...but I can't. She shouldn't be sat there checking her phone every now and then. I should have kept my ****ing gob shut.

MammaMia 02-02-2010 03:42 PM

*hugs LauraFriend* I'm glad about it too. She sounded pretty angry via texts this morning (well last night, but it was in the early hours) so she probably hates my guts so much. I was very worried, 3 weeks ago today, we were waiting for her to wake up from a suicide attempt. So I didn't want to risk that again. If I'd been the one who overdosed, she would have been nagging at me for hours to go understandably :( *hugs*

SoMuchMore 02-02-2010 04:58 PM

*cuddles everyone*

*heads to the denial tent* anyone in here to keep me company?

Imaginary_friend 02-02-2010 05:24 PM

i want to cry. i need to cry. but i can't. :( fml

MammaMia 02-02-2010 06:00 PM

Laura, I'm in the denial tent love, I never really leave it ;)

SoMuchMore 02-02-2010 08:10 PM

*hugs laurafriend* im sorry that you cant cry... I know how that feels sometimes. How r u doing now?

*hugs helen* o good, someone is here. :-)
I'm sorry about your friend, but i dont think u should blame yourself for her needing the hospital. Hope you are alright.. or well as alright as you can be.

*hugs april* sorry that uni is stressing you out.. fastforwarding would be kinda nice... and I am a master at procrastination, even with the smallest assignments so you arent an epic fail for not wanting to do an assignment.

Got my 6 hours of classes tonight.. i really hate going for that long without a break. The first two hours will be okay but im always scared for my 4 hour one b/c we have to do so much and we never know exactly what is going on... plus i get tired of sitting there for so long heh. I also HAVE to work on internship stuff for this summer.. but i really dunno how all that works so i have crazy anxiety. I'm fine with applying but the follow up call... no thanks. I dunno what i'm supposed to say. Leave it to me to freak out about the smallest thing like a stupid phonecall.

Kahlia1981 02-02-2010 08:57 PM

*cuddles everyone then heads into the denial tent where everything is okay*

PoisonedApple 02-02-2010 08:59 PM

Just popping in to give cuddles to everyone and let everyone know I'm doing better than I was last time I posted...
Hope every one's doing ok :)

Imaginary_friend 02-02-2010 09:50 PM

*hugs everyone*
i'm going to bed, to sleep, in the hope that i'll feel better when i wake up. fingers crossed i can sleep.....Night. take care everyone

Scarletdreamer 02-02-2010 10:41 PM

*cuddles everyone*

Patch (new material) is being downloaded on WoW so I thought I'd take the time to come on here & see how everyone is doing...

*cuddles LauraFriend* I'm sorry you're feeling so crap... hope you sleep well. ♥ Sleep is the bane of all something-or-other... some famous quote or something talking about sleep in a good way, can't recall it at the mo though, sadly. My brain's all gone. :( Please try & take care of yourself!!

*huggles Helen* J/w, & you don't have to reply if you don't want to, but why do you think you put your bestie in the hospital? (and sorry for the confusion there, heh) Hope you're doing better tonight... & is it okay if I join you & everyone else in the denial tent? I have to leave it during the day to go to uni... because there is reality there that I have to face, lol... but at night I come back into it!! :D heh.

*squishes LauraStar* I'm terrified about my internship stuff, actually, too. I will be doing it over the summer & I'm scared that I won't do very well in the interviewing or annnnything. :( ****. At least I have awhile until then, kind of. Everything (paperwork-wise) is due 15 March, I think. Urgh. I don't want to deal with phonecalls either. :( Good luck with the 6 hours of class; I would HATE that!! Just think though, each class you get through is a class closer to graduation (or summer, if that's easier). *hugs*

*cuddles Kahlia* How're you doing, love?

Uni was looong today, Jarrod stayed home from work & cleaned up the mess from the ceiling collapsing, and then we went out to eat (Subway) and got groceries. Saw my bestie at Walmart (she works with the bread - not a Walmart employee, employed by the bread company to keep the shelves stocked) and we chatted for a bit. Having lunch with her tomorrow... so that ought to be nice.

WoW should be up in a few minutes so I shall stop typing for now should it stop me in the middle of a sentence... hehe. *hugs, cuddles, & cookies for everyone!!*

MammaMia 03-02-2010 12:25 AM

Join us :D Denial tent goes with you hun :) It's magical like that!! Turns out my best friend left hospital this morning and been busy. Having a good chat at the moment. Feel proper ****. Ah well.

Imaginary_friend 03-02-2010 02:00 PM

*walks into the denial tent* i do not wanna do this work. i'm going out and getting very very drunk tonight and i can't wait. **** this work.

Scarletdreamer 03-02-2010 02:17 PM

*cuddles Helen* If it were a good chat, then why were you feeling like ****? how are you doing this morning? ♥

*cuddles LauraFriend* Why get drunk? You know that you have a problem with alcohol... fight it, sweetie. I know it's easier said than done, but you don't NEED to get drunk... just focus on the work at small bits at a time and you'll get it done. Don't overstress yourself (once again, easier said than done!!), but I do believe in you, love. You can get your work done - better at least a little done instead of saying "**** it all" and not doing any of it. ♥

How is everyone else?

I'm really tired... played WoW for awhile this morning to get my mind off of stuff (like the kitchen!! & how we have no clean dishes so I couldn't have my oatmeal for breakfast *growls* lol)... then did schoolwork. Well, a little. I'm going to do more in a few minutes, once I'm done browsing & posting here at RYL. I drafted my senior sem paper proposal... I'm going to (hopefully) answer the question "Do people with medication-resistant mood disorders have more effective coping mechanisms than those with medication-receptive mood disorders?" ... it should really be interesting, especially as it's personal. I have a relatively medication-resistant mood disorder & need to come up with better coping mechanisms. *sigh*

And now I have to answer a question for Women & Spirituality... fun fun. I wrote the least of all of my friends last class - I hope that I don't get docked points... :-X I guess I'll find out tonight (it's a night class - 6:15-9pm >_<)... :(

Talked with Vince (personal trainer & close friend from WoW) a bit, which was nice... :) He's a lovely guy. Twice my age but never mind that, lol. We are just friends... of course, as I'm already married to the man of my dreams. :D But Vince & I have similar problems so we get along quite well... as well as similar interests, so our friendship isn't based JUST on what's wrong with us.

Anyway... *hides in denial tent*

Imaginary_friend 03-02-2010 02:29 PM

i know i have a problem....one of my friends actually told me she thinks i have a problem and she would never really notice because i don't go out with her. but she has noticed so it must be a problem. *sighs* i want to get drunk. i don't really see it as a problem tbh. i can still function, i'm not drinking everyday, and i don't HAVE to have alcohol. i just want to. *shrugs* i know it's not a great attitude but....i dunno. it's gonna be a messy night.

Scarletdreamer 03-02-2010 03:20 PM

*hugs LauraFriend* Just be careful, okay? ♥ Don't know what else to tell you... *more hugs*

I'm really, really exhausted right now... it really sucks. Just posted in my r/v thread too... nothing extremely important there though. Just rantings. Gahh. Want to purge, want to cut, want to ****ing self destruct. I HATE MY LIFE. :( And what's worse is, I know that I oughtn't. It's a good life. I am going to uni & getting pretty good grades, I'm so close to graduation, I am married to the man of my dreams, I have a wonderful best friend, etc., etc... but I can't see/appreciate all of that in the midst of everything else. :(

:crying:

Imaginary_friend 03-02-2010 03:54 PM

*hugs April* :( i know exactly what you mean...i don't really have a reason to feel like this either. woo for nearly being done with uni though! :) so nearly there, you can totally do it! :)
take care *hugs*

Imaginary_friend 03-02-2010 04:04 PM

ffs. there is something wrong with me. i took my bandage off because i'm going to a formal later (like dinner in college, but we have to wear gowns and stuff) and i didn't wanna have the equivalent of sock marks, but bandage marks on my wrist. i was gonna just get a load of ribbon and wrap it round so it looked pretty rather than looking like "wtf has she done?!"....
but i can't take my bandage off without making it worse. so now it's gonna take even longer to get better :(
i fail.

MammaMia 03-02-2010 08:21 PM

I felt **** despite having a good conversation because my mood keeps swinging right now. I think I'm headed for a crash. I don't want to. I can't have a repeat of last October.

MammaMia 03-02-2010 11:17 PM

I can't do this. I really can't do today any ****ing longer. **** **** **** :'( I know I'm going to end up cutting. Well hopefully I wont. Going to end up upsetting my best friend even more if I do, but I've finally snapped. I don't care about tomorrow right now. It can go **** itself, I'm THAT upset.

PoisonedApple 03-02-2010 11:23 PM

*runs and hides in the denial tent*
i will be fine.
i will be happy.
i will be safe.
i will be...
*keeps repeating ^*

PoisonedApple 03-02-2010 11:25 PM

@ above poster...(sorry i don't know you're name... so many people respond to so many other people here i get lost and confused)

*hugs*
do you want to talk about it?
what's making your mood swing so much and upsetting you so much today?

NumbForest 03-02-2010 11:56 PM

*curles up and forgets the world outside exists*

SoMuchMore 04-02-2010 05:43 AM

*cuddles everyone*

I feel like im breaking...

Imaginary_friend 04-02-2010 11:54 AM

*hugs everyone*
i am an idiot. and probably shouldn't have done what i did last night but i don't really care. but now i'm in trouble..... :/
*hides in the denial tent*

MammaMia 04-02-2010 12:40 PM

*cuddles everyone lots and lots*

Scarletdreamer 04-02-2010 12:59 PM

*cuddles Helen (MammaMia)* Did you manage to keep safe last night, love? And what's today? (the tomorrow about which you spoke in your post) Hopefully it goes well despite you not feeling too well... or maybe you're feeling better now? *more cuddles*

*squishes LauraFriend (Imaginary_friend)* What happened, sweetie? & in trouble with whom?

*huggles LauraStar (Fallinstar0317)* What's going on, love? is it uni or something else?

*hugs a_m & Grandadslilamm* How're you two doing today? Sorry, I don't know your names... but you're welcome here!! :) I'm April, in case you somehow don't spot the user title, & you can feel free to call me that as it's much shorter than my screenname. :)

I'm worried about this quiz that's due today at 1pm. I have to do it, or else I, well, won't get the grade for it & will be missing points, but I'm really scared that it's going to be difficult. I guess the best thing is to just do it... :(

I'm feeling meh atm... really tired, weary, worn out. My car's back from the shop though - which is good, in a way - I can drive it, but they couldn't find what was wrong with it. And the engine sounds louder than it should, and there's a "whoop whoop whoop" coming from inside somewhere. Sooo... I'm not sure it's SAFE to drive. That's the bad part. But, I will be driving it anyway!! :-/

*hides in denial tent where everything is fine*

MammaMia 04-02-2010 01:06 PM

*cuddles April* Yes I managed to keep safe. Somehow. I went offline and watched tv. Ended up crying for like 10 minutes before I crashed to sleep. I feel better today. My boyfriend is coming today, infact his train leaves in less than an hour, so exicted haha!!! So probably won't post again after this post. We shall see ;) I feel physically better today too, how odd? Not complaining. Wish my best friend would switch her phone on (she had counselling appointments etc today) and call me. Really need to talk to her, I have to :(

Sorry about your car :( Hope you don't have an accident or anything sweet *cuddles*

Scarletdreamer 04-02-2010 01:55 PM

*cuddles Helen* I'm so glad that you are both feeling better emotionally AND physically this morning. :D What a blessing!! :) That's lovely. I'd be sooo excited about my boyfriend coming to visit... I remember when I met Jarrod for the first time. We'd talked for awhile on the phone & through emails and IMs, but this was the first time we'd met face to face... August 2006. I was in ED treatment at the time so I didn't get to spend all of my time with him, had to spend every other day at the clinic where I was OP - finally - after a month of being res. But it was better than still being res and only seeing him at night or on the weekends!! :) He was (and is) so handsome & funny & kind & sweet... *blushes* Hehe. Yes. And then we got engaged in December 2006. He knew he loved me before he met me!! isn't that, well, interesting? I guess I did too but I had a ton of other stuff in my head at the time - ED, SI, etc. Oh well. Enough reminiscing. :)

I also hope that I don't get into an accident. I'll be careful driving her... I just don't like how her pedals feel under my feet!! Even the brakes seem a bit... off. I don't know. We just took her on a 2600 mile trip, her first long trip... can't help but wonder if that was part of the cause? :-/

Anyway. I need to go take that quiz!! :(

SoMuchMore 04-02-2010 05:02 PM

*hugs laurafriend* are you alright? Why r u in trouble? Take care hun.

*hugs helen* Have fun with your boyfriend! Its good to hear that you are feeling pretty good today!

*hugs april* that sucks about your car. It may have been the long trip that did something to it especially if it already had a lot of miles on it... Just as you said, be careful driving.. Hope your quiz thing went/is going okay too.

I just feel like everything is piling up now. School, things with my boyfriend, family stuff... I feel like im going to completely break down, but i'm trying to stay ok.. or at least make it look like I'm okay... My family is coming up here in a few weeks and i have to make sure that i look like im 1000% happy.

Imaginary_friend 04-02-2010 05:29 PM

*hugs everyone* sorry i'm not awake enough to do individual replies at the moment....sooo hungover.

i'm ok really. just being paranoid i guess. i went back to this guy's house last night (the same one i've been having all the dramas with) and....well it was weird. his ex was there for a start, who then stormed out in a huff, and then proceeded to have a text argument with him for about 10 minutes after...and then..well...stuff happened. without....using any sort of .... protection. so i'm just freaking myself out. i'm on the pill it'll be fine but .... argh. i'm such an idiot. i don't remember half of last night either....so so drunk. argh.
*hides under a blanket*

PoisonedApple 04-02-2010 07:09 PM

April~
Thanks for labeling everyone... I had been talking to helen *which I will make an attempt at remembering lol*

I honestly don't know how I am quite yet today though... All I know at this point is I'm tired of all the work place polotics and rumor mill bs here at work... I mean seriously people are supposed to grow up as they age and in a work place of primarily 40+ yr olds the rumor mill and drama shouldn't be worse than it is in high schools... *rolls eyes* and I hate liars so it makes me angry when people invade my office with the bs. Still trying to find time away from everyone to go to the VA clinic and see about getting a wee bit of help for myself too... I know I just need to do it and get it over with and stop stressing myself out over that but after recent comments made in my household I don't want anyone to really know why I'm going or where since I don't want to feel like I'm letting everyone down or to have everyone watching me and babying me as I just couldn't handle that... On the upside of life these days my jaw feels almost back to normal from my surgery and so maybe some of the other issues will die down a little again soon.

I hope your quiz goes well *crosses fingers* and that your car starts acting right again soon and you don't get into a wreck. *hugs* take care of yourself and be safe.

Helen~
I'm glad you were safe and that you're doing better today. Have a great time with you bf :)

Laurafriend~
*hugs* You'll be okay and if you have doubts or worries you can get a test and double check if it persists in bothering you. How is you're hangover? any better? Not to nag but water water water! :)

Laurastar~
*hugs* I know how you feel about everything piling up and being too much. Be sure to take time for yourself and not push yourself to far even if for family. They'll understand if you need some me time.

MammaMia 04-02-2010 10:21 PM

*curls up and cries*

Scarletdreamer 04-02-2010 11:27 PM

*cuddles LauraFriend* Aw love... I'm sorry that last night wasn't so good for you - but as a_m said (sorry, don't know your name!!) you can always get tests etc. later on. And you are on the pill... just try to be more careful in the future - but not to preach, lol. Sorry. *gentle hugs* How you feeling now?

*cuddles Helen* What's up, sweetie? why the tears?

*squishes LauraStar* I understand the feeling... I used to have to pretend to be 100% okay with my parents, because otherwise they got really worried/concerned & VERY intrusive... so I got perfect at having a facade up. I still do at times. But I am learning that it is okay to show feelings... which is a good thing as it's really really difficult to keep up a mask 24/7, as I'm sure you know. *gently holds you* I hope that things get easier for you... you are worth so much, more than you know - please try to remember that. ♥

*huggles a_m* That sucks that your work is so full of rumors etc. Wow. I would hate that!! especially if it reminded me of high school (the 2 years that I could stand it >_< before going back to homeschooling/uni)... ugh. I hope that it gets better or that you find a way to cope with it... yuck. Why don't you want people to know what's wrong with you? I guess probably because, as you said, of the worrying/babying & also the stigmatization (I don't know with what you struggle, though)... but maybe it would be easier to get help if people in your life knew? just the ones that you trusted. *gentle cuddles* Just a thought. :) I don't know the people in your life so obviously can't say for sure.

The quiz went meh. I didn't do too well, I don't think... :( especially embarrassing because everyone was like "that was so easy" & I thought it was easy too... I just missed 3 questions out of 13. *sigh*

Today's been a freaking long day. I'm exhausted. We just got back from shopping. As I said, I'm sick again & feel like ****. But, I do have a kitten in my lap cuddling - tomorrow is his first birthday!! Wow. He's grown up fast. :) Very cute little guy. Or big guy, as the case may be... he's not huge but he's not tiny anymore either. We got him when he was 5 months old. Speaking of which, anyone want kitten snuggles?

Feel like ****. In my advanced counseling class, we talked about suicide & self injury today... boundaries/ethics/etc., but it was triggering. :( I felt even more like I wanted to die... which is not good as I am not going to go into the hospital. It would be awful if I had to. I'm not even going to THINK about it... although it would be a nice break... I am so stressed and frustrated and struggling right now. :(

*hides in the denial tent*

Kahlia1981 04-02-2010 11:56 PM

Hi all. *big hugs* Sorry I haven't been around but I've been IP again. Yesterday I saw the consultant (Brian Strubey) and his plan was not to do anything so I requested that, as my right as a voluntary patient, I would like to leave. That was at 4:45pm yesterday ... they refused to let me see a registrar until after 11:00pm who threatened me with being an involuntary patient if I continued to want to leave. They actually locked down the ward so that I wouldn't get out under the fence and just disappear and have to be brought back by the popos.

I'm just going to go and hide in the denial tent and never come out ...

PoisonedApple 05-02-2010 12:00 AM

oops... totally spaced...

*extends hand* hello april! i'm crimson... erm well unless its at work or with my mum...*mumbles for a while*

part of why is while some people (even my husband lately) have noticed that something's off and i'm not as happy (even though i try to pretend i am)yet they don't look to much into it as yet. everyone thinks i'm stable right now but i really don't think i am... but the main push of my decision to keep it away from my family is what my husband said after a discussion with his younger sister... "at least you don't do that **** anymore so i don't have to watch you all the time" ... i didn't know what to say to that so i just sat there and stared... *hides in a warm blanket in the denial tent*
i was thinking about asking a friend i don't see often to cover for me and say we were window shopping at the mall and bsing when i go... but yet i don't want to get someone else involved and make them lie. i also don't wanna get interrogated on my whereabouts when i get home... *face/palm*

PoisonedApple 05-02-2010 12:01 AM

*hugs Kahlia*

MammaMia 05-02-2010 03:37 AM

Crying because of a huge argument. I'm so unsafe all of the sudden it's ridiclous. :/ My boyfriends asleep on the sofa, he's already hidden one knife (which I found) and best friend had to go offline.

Kahlia1981 05-02-2010 03:54 AM

*hugs Crimson back* Thanks hon.

*holds Helen tightly* I know the feeling well hun, try to keep yourself safe please?

*hugs everyone else then runs into the denial tent to hide from the world*


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