I'm going to London today to see my auntie and baby cousins. I don't like the travelling, but it'll be nice to see them. x

Ooo I hope you have a lovely day :) Despite travelling >_<

*creeps in silently and sits in corner, behind the wall so no one can see me very well.

wow, psych ward is buzzing :) hiya Katie, welcome back, how's it all going?

*hugs can't erase it* anything you want to talk about?

*hugs Arwen* hope you have a lovely time in London despite the whole travelling lark :)

*hugs Anna (Demongirl)* don't worry about being new, you're very welcome, feel free to rant, rave, vent, cry or curl up in a corner (they're infinite) we're here to listen.

*hugs Acrasia* I hate liars, life's not **** all the time, sometimes we just seem to dwell on the ****, and miss out on the little moments that make you smile.

*hugs Secrets* did you manage to eat? Good luck in those exams, don't be too hard on yourself. try carrots, celery, cucumber, rice cakes, anything is better than nothing.

*hugs Shell* hope you don't tank again

*hugs Fallen Angel* feeling any less numb?

*hugs Emma, Kat, Kahlia, Jem, and anybody else lurking :)* made some homemade apple cake with cinammon icing if anybody fancies a piece.

I'm okay, time to get out of bed and get on with the day though. Am going to see a friend over the bank holiday weekend so wont be around much until tuesday so I hope you all have a lovely weekend and take care of yourselves.

*hugs Lucy* found your key, if you ever want to chat about anything, do, if you don't, well, I can still offer a hug

*hugs Helen back* how are you doing today?

*hugs Todlich* whoever it is, isn't worth it, am glad your friend messaged back

*hugs ShadowedSoul, offers a cuppa*

Hey hannah *hugs back* things are ok.. pretty up and down really thanks for asking.

hope you have a great weekend with your friend :)

Katie, I lovvvvvvve you ;)

Hannah, I feel very ill and low today funtimes. I have a presentation to give at 2pm, which means leaving at 12.30 and I've overslept so need to rush around and I don't have the energy for it :(

thanks. im not sure how to put everything into the right words, but i will try...
>i don't like faking, i don't like lying buts its the only way i live at the moment. there's lots going on with my family and its just all messing with my head.
yeah- that's all. sorry- not very good expalination.

*hugs cant erase it* family stuff can be horrible. we're here if u wanna offload at all. I'm generally on alot as well so feel free to PM me anytime :) I've had my fair share of family dramas >_<

thanks.
my little brother is suicidal now- has been 4 a while apparenlty.
i may get to see my other little brother in june- i havent seen him 4 3 years, my parenst keep asking me to go home and i cant- not yet, my little sister is sick and im in a different city form them all, and cant get in contact with my siblinges very easily. just worreid, scared adn feel alone/disconnected.

Oh dear doesn't sound fun at all. *hugs* I hope their all ok. Take care too :(

Hi Everyone xxx

Sorry I haven't been supporting all of you, but Im back.

Leaving Big Hugs for everyone, xxx

I will have to catch up on everyones news.

Love you all Jade xxx

Hope your ok Jade. No need to apologise. *huggles* Take care ok x

Love you Jadey xxxxxxxxxxx

My cousins are so cute!
Jacob was a little sick on me *_*
But I forgave him.

I hated the train rides. The one there was okayish, not too many people around, but the ride home was absolutely packed. Then someone offered me their seat because they thought I was pregnant ._.
And if that didn't make me feel fat enough, when I got home my dad commented on how my top has stretched around my stomach so much it's become worn.
(He wasn't trying to be mean!)

Oh well. I'm sure I'll get over it.

I want to crawl into a hole and sleep forever

argh!!!!!! this sucks how the hell, someone lock me up, and stop me doing something i might regret.

Shadow soul whats wrong, do you want to talk about it ?

Can I join you?

I can't cope.
I'm so pathetic.

hey peeps *hugs to you all*

*hugs Katie* thanks for your comment on my photos, I really appreciated it, hope things are more up than down.

*hugs Helen* you're not pathetic at all, you're strong and brave and you can get through this.

*hugs Vicki and Kat* things will get better guys, honest, just keep fighting

*hugs Jade* missed you tonight, how did your day go, have a lovely weekend hun.

*hugs ShadowedSoul* stay safe, don't let them win

*hugs Arwen* concentrate on the good parts of the day :) My mum has always told me to watch my weight, everybody else tells me not to listen to her, sounds like you shouldn't listen to your dad much as you said he made a snide comment the other day too, hope you enjoy the bank holiday.

*hugs Can't erase it* sounds tough, I know what you mean about the lying, don't beat yourself up about it. We're here for you, you're not alone and I hope you find someway to contact your siblings more. Have you ever written to them (snail mail) I find it a great way of keeping in contact.

*hugs to everyone else, always and all through the weekend incase I don't get to check RYL again until Tuesday* hope you have a good weekend and try and enjoy the little things.

I really can't cope with anything :( I'm so pathetic. I cried for ages because my best friend went to bed so early :( Argh.

goes for walk. regrets flood my mind, why does it feel so crap.. the more they give out , the less i speak... if they would just back off and give me space. walks back to room, pulls bed over by window, stices off the light falls asleep over the city.

i cant write to them as i dont have any of their address. :(

Sorry to have not been keeping up with posts. Wrist is still a bugger and have had a friend in hospital .... but on the good side 9 months free today. I will not let this one beat me!!

9 months free WHOOOOOOP for you Kahlia yay :) *huggles*

thanks Hannah!! Am so excited!!

*offers hugs to everyone on the ward - sorry I'm not listing by name*

No worries Hannah, loved looking at them :) *cuddles*

Things are very **** here >_< grrr. One hell of a day >.<

YAY Kahlia thats fantastic!!! *hugs*

Yay Kahlia! That's brilliant!!

Sorry I don't have the energy to reply to everyone, but I have read and I do care.

I'm seeing my care co ordinator today. It's been about 5-7 weeks since I last saw her. She said she would see me in 3 weeks time after our last appointment, but never phoned. I tried calling her and they said she'd call me back, but she never did. So feeling a bit let down by that.
Oh, and when she did finally phone to make an appointment she had no appologies for it all.
I'm not angry, she's been in the paper recently along with my psych because one of their patients killed themselves. When I read that I thought about the shitty care I've recieved from them, and realised that a year ago that could have easily been me.

*cuddles Katie back* sorry to hear you've had a bad day, anything in particular? hope things get better

Sorry to hear that you care co-ordinator is being a bit shitty Arwen *hugs* I hope the meeting goes well.

*hugs can't erase it* is there no way you can get hold of their address, maybe through a mutual friend or someone you can trust? If they're at uni you may be able to find contact details through the uni website.

*gives lucy a gentle cuddle* you don't have to speak

*hugs Helen* don't be too hard on yourself

okay tis time for me to go to the airport so I'll see ya all when I get back, stay safe, take care of yourselves and have a lovely weekend, big big hugs

Ooooh have a good time! See you when you get back :)

Oh yeah it was just horrible just coz. Stupid people putting high expectations on me, triggering ed thoughts etc. Mmmm not fun (N)

um, two of them are still in foster care ones in a home for the intellectually disabled and the others work on farms. i may have contact with the one who is is the home over my mid year break which is coming up in a bout 3 weeks. thanks you for the hugs/.
> hugs to all the people in the room.

Hopefully you can have some contact then. *hugs*

*drops in and leaves some Orange juice*

How is everybody? i'm keeping well..just busy atm and hate waking up at 6am weekdays..ugh. *cuddles ppl in the ward* tc there xx

i cnat shake my stress, people are to much... there gonna push me to a whole new level, if they dont back off... and im concerned about that... closes door. no vistors to day..

My ****ing care co ordinator cancelled.

*hug everyone* Ive read all your posts but right now my brain is frazzled.

So today's exam went well, 2 down 2 to go. I just have no energy now and noone around either till tuesday. Not sure whether thats good or bad. Ahh well

I texted my dad to see if I could borrow a tenner. He said no. I said 'how about a fiver, I want to see my friends at the pub.'
He sent back a really angry text saying that I borrow money all the time and 'how dare you try to guilt trip me?'
I wasn't trying to guilt trip him. Not at all. He said 'every day you do this. im bloody pissed off'.
Why does he have to get so angry?
Not having a good day.

Sorry Arwen that you are your Dad are not seeing eye to eye at the moment. I hope things will get better for you. xxx

Secrets Its nice to see you again xxx Good luck in your exams.

Lucy I can empathise you about no visitors today xxx

Jetforce Thanks for the Hugs and hugs you back.

Kahlia YAY for being 9 months free

Helen Sorry I went to bed early last night, This change in Meds is driving me insane. I feel so sick, weak and dizzy etc. I hope you are feeling much better today.

Hannah, I missed you too. I wanted to wish you a great weekend away. You deserve it. Cant wait to hear all the news.

Katie I hope your having a better day today.

Cant Erase It I hope you can get in contact with your siblings and hugs right back at ya

I hope everyone has a great evening. Sending everyone lots of love and hugs

Jade xxx

Love you Jade <3 Don't worry honey

Kahlia, congratulations babe :D

Arwen, sorry your dad got so angry :(

*leaves hugs for all*

He got home and wasn't too angry once I explained I honestly wasn't trying to guilt trip him.
He's in a good mood now, and is giving me an £8 bottle of wine for £3 :)

Hope everyone's okay.
xxx

Oh lucky Arwen ;) I need alcohol dammit.

I look at everything in my day and have tried to get motivated, i got my work done, but just what i had to do and that's all i felt i could/ wanted to do. my car is so messy, this evening i left so let down, that this has to stop. .. i feel like i need some one to shove me hard till i fall over, when i get over shove me again.. till i wake from this nightmare... i want to turn my day, and replan, reset, i cant stay weak anymore.

Had a nice night. Glad I had alcohol. I seem to always need alcohol.

Thanks to all who offered me congratulations. On my next pay I'll be ordering my 12 month bracelet because I know I can make it now.

*offers hugs to all*

*hugs Kahila* its lovely you're so positive. well done for getting so far!

*hugs zowie* glad you had a nice night, how are you today?

*hugs lucy* today's a new day, try to focus on one thing at a time. And don't worry about a messy car, I'm sure the purpose of them is to be messy. Mine definatly is.

Secrets is ok this morning, still very confused and coughing her guts up however feels positive about the day ahead.

*leaves tea and biscuits for those who want them*

Kahlia I'm so proud of you *squishes lots and lots*

I'm proud of you too, Kahlia! Well done sweets.

I'm feeling fine today. The Brighton meet is tomorrow so I look forward to that :) I might have to get dressed at some point. Blaaah.

*Leaves hugs for everyone*

Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggggggggggg gggggh

*hugs Mamma Mia*