Crap. And my arms killing me

Hi again everyone.

Really not feeling good at the moment. Very strong urges to attack myself. I have no idea why I'm even alive on this earth any more.

Before the darkness completely takes me over *safe hugs* to anyone who needs (or wants) them.

*Safe Hugs Auragrace*

Kahlia , I'm sorry you are so low *Safe Hugs* Back at you , I NEED them <3

*safe hugs* Mark.

How is everyone?

*Safe Hugs Kathryn * How are you hun?

I'm struggling. My to do list is overwhelming. My emotions are all over the place. I've not been myself all week. I've just wanted to sleep and not do much of anything.

Can you break you to list down into small chunks , Kathryn ?

I Want To Jump Off A Bridge

Oh , Auragrace, I'm so sorry you feel so dreadful *Safe Hugs*

My family hate me. I don't know why. The last 2 weeks have been hell. I don't know how much longer I can handle it

Have you a MH Pro or a Friend to talk to , Auragrace?

How are you all ?

S'happennin' guys?
Just checking in, it's been a while.
I've just been given a diagnosis of BPD and still just trying to process that along with work stress.

How is everyone else doing?

Hey Ashley , I have that Diagnosis too *Safe Hugs*

I am so Anxious . . . .

It's horrible having a diagnosis. I mean I obviously wanted to know what was going on but now I know it's like this inside that won't go away. I mean you can't change your personality right? It can't get better.

*hugs* what's making you so anxious Mark?

The wonderful thing about psychiatry is its guess work and check boxes, and often quite subjective.
What are the traits that got you assigned BPD? I'm diagnosed bipolar with psychotic symptoms, but have run the gamut of diagnoses. Depression, anxiety, dissociative disorder, BPD (solely because I self harmed, a rather lazy clinician) and have been investigated for schizophrenia and schizo-affective disorder.
They decided I wasn't schizophrenic the first time by giving me a low dosage of a drug to see if it would help. I lied and said it did ( for "reasons", it paranoia) even though I was not taking it as ordered. The second psych said I wasn't because I was too self aware.
There is no concrete physical measurable indicators of mental health issues. They have theories as to which neurotransmitters are involved, as proved by medication effects, and a couple of interesting studies about brain activity and imaging, but no actual way of measuring these in a way to concretely link them to particular mental health problems.
Personality disorders are some of the most problematic, as you have said, they are based on maladaptive personality traits. Which when it comes to treatment and prognosis can be daunting, as personality is the core of self. But there are some therapies that may help restructure these traits to more positive incarnations.
My advice is read up on BPD, from a clinical perspective. Decide for yourself if it truly fits. If not, seek a second opinion. If it does, ask for referral to BPD specific therapy. As far as I'm aware, it requires a rather different approach than other issues, and tends to get dumped in the too hard basket because of this.
You are not your diagnosis. You are not the "BPD-person". You are a person who may have BPD. You are also a thousand other things. Your diagnosis is a name for a demon you have fought, will fight. It gives you an idea on what weapons you need in your arsenal to defeat it. Even if it continues to plague you, it isn't you. You are more than the sum of your parts.
I think we all go through some level of hating having a diagnosis, usually after a period of desparately wanting a name for what what ails us. I remember going through several periods where I hated it, as I felt it closed certain doors. Bipolar and psychosis are with me, they affect me daily to varying degrees. Sometimes actively and directly, other times the memory of them or others' knowledge or perception of the disorder inflicts the negative effects. Sometimes I'll play on it, and end up feeling ashamed for doing so. I now have a truce with it. I accept it but I try not to let it define me. And I try to fight the misconceptions of others whilst trying to keep my head above water.
Sorry if this sounds rantish, I think I went off on a tangent. But I think the core of what I'm trying to say is don't let the diagnosis get you thinking that's all there is to you, or to BPD.

On myself, I'm doing really badly at getting back on meds, which right now is problematic to say the least.
*safe hugs if anyone still wants them*

So very true Annie. In reality they don't really understand more than about 10% of what the brain actually does - and most of that is guesswork.

*safe hugs to everyone who wants/needs them*

Really down right now and would love to either hurt myself or die. So frustrated about not being able to get out of this damn wheelchair and uni is just about to start back again. Feeling extremely overwhelmed and completely unable to cope.

I'm just going to hide and cry myself asleep again tonight.

*Safe Hugs Ashley , Annie (May I call you that?) and Kahlia*

Yup (to the Annie bit). I'm a bit off. Terrible day at work. But on the bright side I remembered meds
*squidges Kahlia and Mark and Ashley and anyone else who wants it*
Placement is looming. Homesickness and warmth and learning and assignments. Need to find my hinges before I go.

I like that "I'm not the BPD person" I'm just as normal as anyone else. I just feel things a bit more.

Today at work was exhausting! I think I'm just going to light a lavender candle and curl up in bed with my book.

Sending nice thoughts to all *massive hugs to all*

Man I'm anxious . Can I think of a constructive way to calm the anxiety? Nope.
I cannot focus man, BPD can Sod off and take my Chronic Depression and Anxiety with it .

*Sigh* I've gotta meet the Duty CPN Tomorrow.

How did it go Doikers? Anxiety is exhausting.

I'm just popping by. Not been on the forum in a long while. GP just prescriped me 50mg Trazodone on top of Fluoxetine, for sleep and anxiety. I take fluoxetine in the morning and trazodone at night. I feel groggy during the day but this might wear off. Can anyone give me their experiences of whether the grogginess wears off eventually during the day? I have been on it a week tomorrow. thanks.

Hi Mrs Nutkin.

It was exhausting and Damn well pretty useless . I origionally went to my GP , He told me it was a Psych Issue go meet the CMHT . Went To the CMHT , was told it's a Physical issue go meet my GP . Also explained to to CMHT , who did ask what's wrong , all about my anxiety including phone and public transport Anxiety and was given phone numbers to call and told to get the bus to another town to attend mindfullness class , despite having said I find it very hard to use the phone and impossible to get on a bus . . . . so yeah useless , Plus the fact their were 2 of them and the CPN Acted like everything I said pissed her off.

How are you all?

hey everyone :)

Everything is going really well at the moment, I am finally giving up a few things that was causing me problems and trying to have a healthier lifestyle. Academically everything is going fine, I passed my third module with the Open University and I am going to be starting my 4+5th module in October this year and I am waiting for my passport to be signed and processed so I can get the funding done for the next two modules.

I am also doing an a-level in English Language and Literature for something to keep myself occupied.

I am still doing a lot of jobseeking at the moment and I am currently filling in the main NHS jobs form, however i am stuck on the supporting information section.

My mental health is very so-so at the moment as I am little stressed with a few things and I am constantly anxious. But I am taking things slowly.

Hey Ellie , You sound like you are doing pretty well :) That's great !

How are we all today ? *Safe group Hugs*

Hey , How are we all ?

Could really use Support over the next week at least.

Hope you guys are well.

I am having such a had enough of everything kinda day i am so tired after my week, yet i cant seem to rest and relax. I feel so bored, done the playing games, used a computer, colouring and all the pointless distractions

*Safe Hugs yoyogirl*

How are all all us today?

How , Are you all today ?

I'm miserable.
We put our boy (dog) to sleep on Friday. I left on Sunday. I haven't done my assignment. I don't want to do my assignment. It was due midnight Monday.
I don't want to be up here. I don't want to be home. I just don't want to exist right now.

*Safe Hugs Annie*

I am incredibly Anxious .

How are we all today?

How's it going , Folks?

the ward is quiet. how are you mark?
i'm... surviving. dont know how else to qualify it.

I am Eggshell Okay , Annie , Okay , Like Okay but won't take much to break me.

Sorry to be away for so long. Life is just crazy. I've been sick for 3 weeks. It feels like there's no end in sight. I'm always so tired. I want to sleep for at least a week straight. And I'm so overwhelmed.

*Glomps you all *

*safe hugs for all*
Horrid night last night. Couldn't sleep. Now I got to work :-(

I hope your day is going okay , Annie , Hun *Glomps*

Having a bad day. Had a mentor who makes me feel like am idiot as opposed to a student. Between a stuff up on my part, and her impatience and a dislike of a computer program, I'm left feeling like I'm going to fail my placement.
I've got 4 more weeks of this. So I feel really crappy. It's just one thing after another. I hate this. Why do I bother.
How's everyone else?

*safe hugs* Annie.

I'm doing kinda crappy. Broke a toe and so now my entire foot hurts. Appointments are overwhelming me. I'm ready for a break.

*Safe Hugs Annie* I hope things improve .

*Safe Hugs Kathryn* I hate overwhelmingnous.

Anxiety and Depression . . . . Fab :/

Anyone journal? I've tried in the past and journal a little on here but I'm wondering if I should start. I meant to do it at night to help calm my mind but I never remember. I'm too exhausted.

I used to have a live journal. Don't know that it helped me much, but then, I used it irregularly, I'm not great with remembering to do daily things, like eating regularly, taking pills, applying moisturiser or journalling. Broken toe sucks, did they give you something for pain? Pain will make everything else worse, so I can't say I'm surprised that you're overwhelmed.
Mark, anxiety sucks. Im trying magnesium supplements cos none of the other natural stuffs safe in Bipolar or is incompatible with my meds.
Thanks for the hugs guys, my confidence is still fragile but i don't have to deal with that mentor today. So I'll cope.

You can do it Annie *hugs* having a bad mentor sucks, I've been there.

I haven't gotten the toe looked at. I know there's not much they could do. Taking headache medicine for pain and it helps some. I was overwhelmed before the broken toe but it's not surprising everything seems worse since the toe.

It's just been a rough few weeks. Lost a friend and it's shaken me up a bit. :(

I don't have words atm.

*Hugs Annie*

*Hugs Kathryn*

*Leaves a Jar of Hugs out*

Just another one of those days. *sigh*

Thanks for the hug Mark. *Hugs*