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-   -   Priceless or worthless? * contains sexual abuse* (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=255940)

activebrain 25-05-2019 09:06 PM

Priceless or worthless? * contains sexual abuse*
So I just finished helping my cousin prepare for an upcoming yard sale and I left and realize I had a tag Stuck on Me that had her initials on it and it says $1. I texted her and said I guess I'm part of the yard sale now and you get to sell me for $1 or something like that. I had said it jokingly and she texted back LOL however you're priceless. I really appreciated her kind words and then I started thinking about how my father sold me for almost 30 years to other people to be raped and how I obviously was not Priceless to him because I had a price. I don't know for how much he sold me all the time that I have a vague idea and it really is showing me that I'm not worth very much at all. In fact I feel cheap and tawdry and completely worthless when I think about everything he did to me. So maybe that dollar tag is pretty accurate. Or maybe a more accurate price tag would have been make offer she's cheap.

Pi.R^2 27-05-2019 10:57 AM

Hi there,

I'm sorry that what started out as a nice comment from your cousin has reminded you of the abuse that your father put you through, it's utterly horrific what he did. Your cousin is right that you are priceless; try to hold on to her words rather than your father's crimes. Have you ever had any professional help to deal with the abuse that you suffered?

activebrain 27-05-2019 11:32 AM

I see a trauma-based therapist. And I'm waiting to get into a trauma Treatment Center. I'm on the waitlist and the wait is killing me

Pi.R^2 27-05-2019 10:38 PM

I'm glad you have a therapist and are at least on a waiting list for the treatment center. Do you have any idea how long you will have to wait for it? Have you learnt any skills/strategies from your therapy sessions that can help you manage in the meantime?

activebrain 28-05-2019 12:10 AM

As to the waitlist, no clue. I know all sorts of techniques that I could use and I just get so depressed that I am literally debilitated and can do nothing. I do appreciate your support though. Just spent four hours in the ER today and I'm just super frustrated from it.

Pi.R^2 02-06-2019 06:15 PM

Oh I'm sorry you're struggling so much and that the ER was frustrating; do you want to talk about it?

Could you maybe make a list of the possible techniques and identifying some low effort ones that might help when you are very depressed?

activebrain 02-06-2019 06:40 PM

I actually have a list of all the different things that I can do when I'm feeling having the urge I should say to self harm or other behaviors that are not helpful. All too often though I look at the list and go (razzberry). I had a few days where I felt really good and was very motivated and did a whole bunch of really cool things and felt good about myself. Now I'm back to blech and unmotivated and wanting to hurt myself. My life is a constant yo-yo.

Pi.R^2 16-06-2019 01:09 PM

I'm glad you've got a list, though I can appreciate it being hard to motivate yourself to do things from it when you're not feeling good. I think it would be worth keeping on trying though!

How have you been the past few weeks?

activebrain 16-06-2019 01:12 PM

Miserable and in constant crisis. Need a hospital desperately. If you read my post in the serious discussion under tired of being in pain you'll see how awful things have been. Thanks for asking

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