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-   -   Body dysmorphia trigger warning graphic (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=256514)

Koala hugs 20-10-2019 07:12 PM

Body dysmorphia trigger warning graphic
I want a boys chest. I hate having boobs I can't bear having them attached to me. I have wanted to remove them before now actually sat there with a certain object about to do it but I chickened out. Now I'm sat here crying. I can't afford to go private and they don't cover it on the nhs a double mastectomy that is not for these reasons anyway. I don't know what to do I want to buy a binder but I can't coz I'm loosing weight and it won't fit in a few weeks so there's no point

Auror. 20-10-2019 08:37 PM

You've mentioned in other threads that you have an eating disorder. Mentioning rapid weight loss like this doesn't sound healthy. Do you have support for dealing with any of this?

Also, I've actually talked to friends, medical professionals and mental health professionals who have said that trying to remove those body parts yourself will almost certainly result in death. It's apparently quite impossible to do on your own without expertise, surgery, and proper medical care. If you try to remove them yourself, it's often required to put them back on, and also that would result in damage to that area of your body which might make future surgery more complicated or impossible.

Can you look into what the NHS would require to cover it, or ask folks to help you look into it? Even if right now they won't, it would give you a good starting point. Maybe even raising the money to do it privately would be an option. I can't speak to your country but I know it's becoming more common to do top surgery for folks regardless of gender identity and more based on a case by case basis.

I find binders super helpful (and honestly buying a size larger than you need can be good). However for some folks it can actually make dysphoria/ dysmorphia worse. What would the pros and cons of getting a binder be?

Again, if you have any type of professional support reaching out to them about these thoughts would be really good. It's awful to try to sit with those feelings but trying to take action yourself would likely mean proper surgery or removal would no longer be an option. I hope you can figure out an option that works best for you.

Koala hugs 20-10-2019 09:12 PM

Just to clarify I don't have an eating disorder. I must have typed that wrong. Some of my posts have trigger warnings for eating disorders tho. Sorry for causing confusion.

Thank you for letting me know re removing them myself. My worst nightmare would be having them reattached.

The nhs, I think, would require me to be trans in order for me to qualify for the surgery or get cancer in that area.
Goin private would cost a lot I think it's 15k plus depending on the individual circumstances.

Binding maybe my only option. I brought some a while back but I ordered the wrong size and had to send them back. I now have a credit note with that company so would only have to pay for the postage again.

Pros of a binder would be physical appearance would change. Downsides include not being able to wear it all the time and the possibility that I may become more aware of that area if its compressed I'm not sure having only tried on one four sizes to big.

Have a new cpn I could discuss it with but I have only met her once.

Would also have to quit smoking and all nicotine replacements to be considered for the surgery. I have never yet managed this having been a smoker for 16/17 years

Auror. 21-10-2019 12:01 AM

Whether you have an eating disorder or not, rapid weight loss like what you mentioned does not sound safe or healthy.

As I said, guidelines for doing top surgery are constantly changing. There's a lot more understanding now of different experiences and reasons for getting surgery. In a lot of places today you don't necessarily have to be trans (at least not binary trans) or have cancer to get surgery. It's often seen as medically necessary if having the body parts are that distressing and having a negative impact on your life. If it is something you really want, finding out realistically what your options are might still be worth looking into. It sounds like you don't have a clear idea of what the requirements are either way, and finding that out might be a good starting point for you and give you some positive goals to work towards.

That said, this might be obvious to you, so I apologise if so. But most cisgender women don't want to remove body parts and "want a boy's chest." I'm not necessarily trying to say that you're trans, but dysphoria like you are describing isn't generally something a cisgender person experiences. Not that it's impossible, but at least with most cis folks that I am aware of if it's not anything to do with gender dysphoria it's usually tied to something like an eating disorder and/or trauma or some other underlying issue.

Is it worth either exploring your gender identity, or exploring what is creating such strong thoughts and distress for you? Maybe if you did that might also help you figure out alternative ways of dealing with whatever is going on. It sounds like even though your CPN is new it would be worth bringing up to them. They could help support you with looking into either surgery options or other ways to help manage the thoughts and distress.

Koala hugs 21-10-2019 04:27 PM

It really is body dysmorphia I have it severely my gp thinks it's that too

Auror. 21-10-2019 06:06 PM

Then what does your GP propose for dealing with the distress? Because what you've described (wanting a boy's chest) is pretty dead on for gender dysphoria. Maybe you meant something different then and I misunderstood.

Either way is it worth exploring what about it is causing you so much distress so that you can find safer ways to manage it?

Koala hugs 21-10-2019 08:49 PM

OK. Gp hasn't proposed anything yet

Koala hugs 22-10-2019 01:48 AM

I have emailed my cpn about it

Koala hugs 22-10-2019 01:48 AM

Should hear back tomorrow

one_step_closer 24-10-2019 02:50 PM

I don't know much about this but wanted to show my support. Did you hear back from your CPN? It's ok if you don't want to share.

Koala hugs 24-10-2019 11:50 PM

Hi one step closer. Cpn said that we will discus it next time we meet with a view to helping me find peace with it. So sounds like surgery is a no.

one_step_closer 25-10-2019 01:59 PM

How do you feel about that? Do you think you could work through things and find peace? Maybe if you discuss it with your CPN and things aren't working out then other options could be considered.

Koala hugs 25-10-2019 06:56 PM

Can't really imagine finding peace with it. Don't know what to do about it. I'm calmer than I was there's good days and bad days with it.

one_step_closer 25-10-2019 07:25 PM

Hopefully you can work through things with your CPN and figure out what is right for you, she's new to you right? It might take a while for you both to get to know each other and make future decisions. When are you next seeing your CPN?

Koala hugs 25-10-2019 09:56 PM

Yeah cpn is new to me. Next seeing her on Wednesday

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