*hugs to everyone*

Hope you are feeling a bit better now Laura x

Oh right, i was on venlafaxine but only for a week i found it horrendous. Is it getting any better? could you ask for something different? What makes you stop the medication? I know it was a bad experience but well done for getting where you wanted on the train *hugs*

Im ok, i actually slept well last night. I still dont have any strong urges. I feel quite calm at the moment.

*Glomps My Wardies*

hey hows u?

*hug Georgia*
*hug happiness*

Happiness- i dont know, when i feel well enough i just stop or if i think its not working i jsut stop. Im not very good also at remembering to take it.

So happy your feeling alot better now :) and that the urges arnt as strong. Are you still feeling calm?

I have a question, if i go voluntarily to hospital as they said that if i dont they will section me as 'im a danger to myself' do they have to tell my dad? Im 19 so technically an adult.

Im just scared I dont want him to know the reason why im in hospital just want him to knwo its because of my illness? Thanks.

How is everyone?

*hugs all*

Hey

Im not sure about the hospital thing tbh so i cant answer im afraid. I know the feeling of forgetting to take tablets but i now check to see how manys left and ill know if ive taken it or not.

*hugs*

Im still calm but having some bad urges tonight-dont know why think im being a bit paranoid. My bf went to his friends and now i think he doesnt want to talk to me and im scared he wont see me tomorrow. Its silly and irrational i know but its really set me off and my mum made a comment so grr to all of this.

I wasn't sure how I was feeling earlier..but now I know I'm deff low >.<

oh no whats up? im here if u want to chat x

Thanks, just feeling low and thinking too much :(

*hugs* anything in particular or just one of those days? could u do something to keep your mind busy?

yeah, thinking about the past. Well I'm writing a blog and then planning on playing on the ps3 to distract myself..I just hope it works

good luck hope it works if not try something else maybe put a funny film on or phone someone etc xx

*hugs happiness* (sorry... don't know your name) I used to have the same problem. Now I put the tablets in little cups (I got them from hospital) for one week. Plus I have written the days with marker on the little cups, so now I know if I took them or if I forgot to take them. Plus it makes it a lot easier to do it like that when you have to take more than one kind of medication.

*hugs Georgia*

*glomps Mark* what is a glomp??

I decided to go to a hospital today. Now I just have to get my psych doc to get all the forms and stuff done.

Georgia - im sorry your feeling low :( . Thinking about the past is hard but its about the future now and living in the present i guess. If you want to talk Im here.

Happiness - Im sure by your bf goign out with his mates wont affect him seeing you tomorrow unless hes hungover, even then he might come later on in the day. WHat did your mum make a comment about? x

Laura- are you okay? what forms does your pdoc have to do? Little bit worried now if your okay... x

*hugs tinkles* I dunno about the forms. Just the regular stuff that he'll have to do for the hospital. I'm actually feeling good today. I had a really bad day on Saturday. Anyway... I wanna go IP, because I want to be more stable before I start my job training/ college/ university (dunno the english equal). I'll probably have to wait 6 to 10 weeks until I can go ip anyway. The hospital where I want to go is for people who are stable and who want to work on their past etc. They probably want to do some trauma stuff with me... I dunno yet.

*hugs all in here*

I am starting to feel a lil bit unsafe... sigh. I don't want to have to go back to the psych again, he"ll just yell at me (not really, just feels that way) about how I should go back on AP meds. I told him I was losing control and couldn't fight the voices as much cause somtimes they are right and I have more mood swings where I can be happy and skipping down the hallway to just wanting to curl up in a ball and just rock back and forth. He was all like, the more the reason you should b back on medication Matt. When I told him no, he told me that eventually I would have to make a choice and it wouldn't be good for me - either meds or I would end up hospitalized. Oh well. I am tired after this...

Laura - If your stable and okay; how comes you want to go as ip? << Just re-read what you had written. Oh that makes sense! that should help you move forward right? Goodluck.

Matt - do you want to talk about why you doont want to go on AP? If he thinks they will help and keep you stable - wouldnt you want to try them? If theres a chance to keep you out of the hospital wouldnt that be better? because if you get hospitalized then you will lose your rights if its involuntary and they they can make you take them any way... x

Good luck with IP Laura, I will miss you when you go though!

well turns out the ankle wasn't broken just really badly sprained... I'm back to light activity now, but I have to limit it because it's still swelling on me when I do too much.

I really hope everyone is doing ok. I never seem to have the time to read through all the posts like I would like... I can't wait to get all this money crap in order so that I can catch up on bills and get home internet service. I hate feeling so out of touch with the world.

tinkles -- I admit the AP's help, i guess. I have been on Invega and Risperdal, but they make everything so slow. I had to take Risperdal at night cause it would knock me out -- literally -- as I would fall asleep within an hour of taking them pretty much. After a while of fighting the psych (figuratively lol) I got off Risperdal. Things seemed better... then they got worse and I got put on Invega. That made things even worse -- it took me a while to complete sentences, and i felt terrible when staff would ask me things at the school i work at and i would be very slow in responding and i felt a bit like a zombie just trying to get through the workday. I told the psych and he said we could try a new thing or alter the dosage (he started me on 3mg), but i refused and just stopped taking the meds. He didn't like that, be he basically sighed because i became quite adamant against taking another AP.

I nearly was inv hospitalized while a freshman in college, but skated by cause i didnt reach the "imminent threat" level, which was Virginia's law at the time. Now, its been changed to "substantial likelihood". When i was a senior in college (i am 25 now and have graduated), i was told i should do two weeks of day hospitalization because the psych team was worried with how i was doing. When my parents were informed, they threw up roadblocks and literally pummeled me about how it was terrible and how bad it was, how no one would see me and the such so I didn't go.

Now here we are again... sigh

*Huggles Matt*

How are my wardies today?

*hugs Matt*
Why is it that you dont want to try a different type of AP? You just need to find the right one. The ones that you have tried obviously weren't the right ones or your so doped up if you were feeling zombiedfied.

Could going to day hospital help? They will be able to monitor you and help find the right medication for you? You will still be able to go home in the evening so your not going to be alone! and if your only spending the day there then your most likly going to be occupied with group/individual theraphy and doing specific things so you might not have time for visitors there anyway...

x

*hugs Matt*
*hugs tinkles*
*hugs Georgia*
*hugs LJ*
*hugs Mark*

how are you all?

I'm acutally kind of good today. I created a version of Tiramisu with Raspberries and Coconut, the whole family likes it!

*hugs Laura* that's fantastic that you are feeling better today. That tiramasu sounds scrumptious.

I got a meeting with my care coordinator tomorrow as last week they said if my suicidal phase doesn't pass then they will want me to go inpatient or have the crisis team to come to my house everyday. So now I'm really nervous and I can't even fake that I'm alright as I have become weak and bleurgh.

Now my anxiety is sky rocket and I'm soooo scared :(. What do I do to get out of it. Do u think they will ask again?
*so scared*

* waves to everyone *
How is everyone doing ?
My husband just left half an hour a go to go to the airport to get a plane to London he will be gone for 3 days unsure what to really do with myself for 3 days without him

*hugs tinkles* Try to be honest and to cooperate. If you don't want to go ip and you don't want the crisis team to look after you every day, maybe you can try to make a deal? Like... the crisis team can come every other day and call you the rest of the time or something else. I think that if you offer them a compromise you wont have to go ip. (Not sure though, cause I'm in a different country and dunno how things are handled over there)

*hugs Anamee* I would call some friends and go out to see a movie with them, but that's just me.

*hugs Laura* -- thats great you are feeling better and that sounds really tasty and delicious!
*hugs Mark*
*hugs Anamee* -- I agree with what Laura said as well
*hugs tinkles*

*hugs Laura* thanks for your reply- I'm just going to be honest I guess. I've come to realise I need help. I'm hoping they will sort my medication out :(. But imm so scared. I used to spend nearly 9 years in that hospital being with my mum before she died so I'm scared to return to the hospital although it's a different ward.

*hugs Yoda*
*hugs Anamee* - if you don't fancy going out can you call your friends to the house and snuggle up to a good movie. Or even call a friend or Skype them so it doesn't feel your alone.

X

I dont have any friends am pretty much alone ...
Am kinda scared at the moment ...wish someone was here with me :(

*hugs Aamanee*

I had terrible nightmares about being on the ward... even though I have never been on one, it seemed so realistic and real :(

I am holding on, but barely. Trying to resist, but it usually costs me something.

*hugs Matt* I used to get those before I went IP, but once I was there it all turned out a lot less scary than it was in my dreams.
*hugs tinkles* I understand you being scared of the hospital because of your past. If it is too difficult to talk for you, then maybe you could write down all the important things and hand it to your Care Coordinator in case you can't talk?
*hugs Anamee*

*comes and gets into a bed..and stays there for 2 days*

*Hugs Laura* - I will try to write it down on a piece of paper and hopefully it will be okay. I jsut want it to be over now.

Whats up Matt? keep holding on, you have the strength to get through this.

*sits with Aamanee* How are you feeling now? How did the night go?

*nurses Georgia* Are you okay? x

i didnt get any sleep at all av been awake for 24 hours once its 10 am
i miss my husband

*Huggles You all* sorry I don't have words atm.

Aamanee - do you have any sleeping pills that you could take and get a bit of shut eye? Your going to get all panicky and agitated if you dont sleep even a little bit as your body is going to go into overdrive. Glad your husband got there safely.

*hugs and sits next to mark* Mark - I know your going through a hard time but they have caught it early which is a good sign they should be able to treat it. keep strong x

No i dont have any sleeping pills tried to sleep again just layed there
only thing i do have is Valium but that dont help me sleep

No not really

*hugs all*

*hugs Georgia*
*hugs Mark*
*hugs Aamanee*
*hugs tinkles*
*hugs Laura*

Had another nightmare, I hate being able to rmember by dreams or nightmares. Its quite painful sometimes. I gave in a lil last night, I'm sorry. It was just too much. But only a lil break to stem the tide of how bad it was getting. I, um, did call my old psych and he said he would try to see me today or tomorrow cause he has an open time period in the afternoon and he told me it was good I was reaching out... and after I got off the phone I immediately felt worse than before :(

hugs everyone

*hugs all*

sorry, too tired to read through all posts right now.

*Huggles Matt*

*Hugs Louise*

*Hugs Laura*

*Hugs all my wardies*

Sorry I don't have more than hugs to offer atm.

*hugs Mark* hope all is okay

Hey everyone, *hugs*

*hugs Mark*
*hugs Matt*
*hugs Louise*

I'm really tired right now, so off to get some sleep.

Hope you sleep well, Laura.

*Hugs Matt*

*Hugs Laura*

*Hugs Lindsay*

How are you today, Mark?

*plonks down on floor*