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-   -   Virtual Psych ward! (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1312)

PsychoKitty2010 09-01-2011 03:13 AM

-sits next to nicole- Welcome. Hope it helps..

nicole94 09-01-2011 03:15 AM

:) Thanyou...

PsychoKitty2010 09-01-2011 03:33 AM

-sighs- Why cant I have friends in real life? I always scare everyone away. I deserve to be punished..

MammaMia 09-01-2011 03:35 AM

*snuggles Nicole and Kitty*

nicole94 09-01-2011 03:35 AM

You don't deserve to be punished hun, and i'm sure you have friends, although I wish I didn't have friends, I always end up hurting them :(
I wan't to cut guys, I mean really want to cut. Why bother?

MammaMia 09-01-2011 03:43 AM

Nicole, why bother what honey? Please stay safe, you can through these urges. You don't always hurt your friends Nicole. You haven't hurt me and I'm sure you haven't hurt any of the other wardies. I'm sure you have friends in your real life as it were that haven't been hurt. Besides, everyone hurts one another at times. Sadly it's a part of life. We just have to try not to.

Kitty, you don't deserve to be punished sweetie x

nicole94 09-01-2011 03:46 AM

*Hugs Helen* why bother trying to fight this? I like my self harm, it makes me feel safe-why am I trying to give that up? And I haven't hurt you yet, but I will eventually :(

PsychoKitty2010 09-01-2011 03:49 AM

I don't have friends. I have people that pretend to be my friends because they like the fact that I am such a generous person and they like to use me. I thought I had friends in my coven, but it's just a show. They are friends on facebook but ever since I moved away they hardly ever talk to me anymore. When I try to talk to them, they either don't answer or are "only on for a few minutes". I text them but they never text back. They never come to see me.

I'm sorry you are so triggered, Nicole. I am in the same boat. I wish I could help. I'm just a waste of time and space. I should die. My problem is, I am probably pregnant. I can't let the baby die. I might hate myself but I would never kill anyone, not even an unborn baby. I want to cut so bad. I just don't know what to do anymore. Sorry..

MammaMia 09-01-2011 03:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nicole94 (Post 2647075)
*Hugs Helen* why bother trying to fight this? I like my self harm, it makes me feel safe-why am I trying to give that up? And I haven't hurt you yet, but I will eventually :(

*hugs Nicole* You deserve to be from the pain, guilt and everything that comes with self harm. You deserve to be free & happy sweetheart. You may feel it keeps you safe but it doesn't because you're hurting yourself. I'm not being horrible but it's not a healthy coping method, nor does it keep you safe. It might help you stop yourself from doing further harm. You're trying to give it up because you don't want to hurt yourself anymore and want to be free from this & happy. You won't hurt me Nicole.

MammaMia 09-01-2011 03:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PsychoKitty2010 (Post 2647078)
I don't have friends. I have people that pretend to be my friends because they like the fact that I am such a generous person and they like to use me. I thought I had friends in my coven, but it's just a show. They are friends on facebook but ever since I moved away they hardly ever talk to me anymore. When I try to talk to them, they either don't answer or are "only on for a few minutes". I text them but they never text back. They never come to see me.

I'm sorry you are so triggered, Nicole. I am in the same boat. I wish I could help. I'm just a waste of time and space. I should die. My problem is, I am probably pregnant. I can't let the baby die. I might hate myself but I would never kill anyone, not even an unborn baby. I want to cut so bad. I just don't know what to do anymore. Sorry..

Sounds like those people aren't very nice Kitty. Well, you always have us as your friends. I know we're not with you in person but we still care about you.

I know you addressed the second half of your post to Nicole, but you're not a waste of time or space. You shouldn't die. Please try not to cut sweetheart. Your baby might be able to feel that pain and be affected if you cut, and I'm sure you don't want that. I know it's not easy having urges and trying not to act upon them *cuddles*

nicole94 09-01-2011 03:59 AM

*Hugs Helen and Kitty*
Kitty-I'm sorry people can be so awful :( Please try to stay safe hun, for your baby if not for yourself. And we are all your friends, I know it's not the same, but it's better that nothing.
Helen-I know, I know that it's bad for me, not a healthy way of dealing with things and everything, but I need it. :(

PsychoKitty2010 09-01-2011 04:03 AM

I didn't mean to address that part just to Nicole. It was meant for everyone, really. Just didn't think to separate it for any confusion. I don't know for sure if I am pregnant yet, but it's highly likely. I have been so nauseous lately and every time I eat, afterwords I feel even more nauseous. And my menstrual cycle was supposed to start on Wednesday. It is now Saturday night and I haven't started yet. I can't afford to go out and get a pregnancy test so I have to wait until this next Thursday at noon to get tested at a clinic. The waiting is killing me. But if I am pregnant, it's so early in the pregnancy that the baby wouldn't know and/or understand what me self harming means. What I would worry about would be the doctor seeing my scars and freaking out again (the doctor in the emergency room did) but I could always explain my way out of that..

PsychoKitty2010 09-01-2011 04:15 AM

And, what if I am pregnant, and the school happens to deny my financial aid? Then I would be pregnant AND homeless because I wouldn't be able to pay my rent. Ugh. I don't know what to do. My husband tells me not to worry, but I can't help it...I have anxiety issues. And this whole waiting thing is killing me!

nicole94 09-01-2011 04:21 AM

*Hugs* I'm sorry hun...I don't have many words :(

PsychoKitty2010 09-01-2011 04:31 AM

-hugs nicole- don't be sorry. I'm the one that should be sorry. And I am. I will go now. -hugs again- Sorry again.

nicole94 09-01-2011 04:36 AM

*Hugs Kitty* please don't go hun, you shouldn't be sorry.

PsychoKitty2010 09-01-2011 04:46 AM

-hugs again- I'm sorry I can't be of any help. I'm probably making things worse for you. But I know I am not helping. And I feel like **** because of it. That's why I should go...so I don't make things worse anymore. I'm sorry..

nicole94 09-01-2011 04:55 AM

*squishes kitty* You're not making things worse hun, you need support too, please stay? You're keeping me company, thats enough for now :)

PsychoKitty2010 09-01-2011 05:02 AM

-squishes nicole back- Ok, you've convinced me. I will stay. I will stay and keep you company. -nods-

nicole94 09-01-2011 05:07 AM

Thankyou :) Sometimes it's nice just to have someone there to chat to, even if they can't help :)

PsychoKitty2010 09-01-2011 05:12 AM

Welcome. I don't really know what to say, though. Are you feeling any better? I'm attempting to watch TV as a distraction, but I'm having a hard time concentrating on it. I don't get it, really...I always have such a hard time focusing on distractions.

My doctor said it's not really important to have a diagnosis. But I want to know what's really wrong with me, and if there is anything that can make me better..

nicole94 09-01-2011 05:23 AM

I don't know...I suppose the urges aren't as strong now, but i'm still feeling really low. I am also watching telly to try and stay distracted :/ I know the feeling about diagnosis, I am pretty sure I have BPD, but I can't be sure as my old therapist told me there was nothing wrong with me, she told my mum I had BPD and she told my dad I had bipolar disorder :/ but she put me into DBT and BPD is the diagnosis that fits me best, so I am going with that.

PsychoKitty2010 09-01-2011 05:31 AM

-hugs- That's got to be frustrating. Can you get re-diagnosed by a different therapist or a psychologist? See my doctor diagnosed me with chronic post traumatic stress disorder and major depressive disorder. The psychologist I went to see gave me the same diagnoses, but added Schizotypal Personality Disorder to that list. I told my doctor the other day that I don't really agree with the SPD and he said that he agreed with me, and that he thought I had BPD. He said "I would say that you have a lot of symptoms of borderline personality disorder and that would suit you better. But a diagnosis isn't necessarily important." So he didn't actually diagnose me with it. I am currently taking anti-anxiety meds and anti-depressants, but I think I need something more. He likes to argue with me if I ask him about meds though. And if I am for sure pregnant, I won't be able to take my anti-depressants anymore. The doctor said "if you are pregnant, let me know right away because the anti-depressants aren't good for pregnant women to take." I don't know what to do. I would just like someone to tell me flat out what is wrong with me.

nicole94 09-01-2011 05:36 AM

:( some people really shouldnt be in that profession! It's pathetic, the way they seem to have no idea what they're talking about, I could tell them more than they already know!

PsychoKitty2010 09-01-2011 06:02 AM

I swear sometimes that I could, too. Lol. Sorry it took me so long to reply. My mom called and talked forever. -hugs-

nicole94 09-01-2011 06:14 AM

lol, thats ok :) What time is it there?

PsychoKitty2010 09-01-2011 06:17 AM

It's 9:16 pm here. And it's snowing out. I hate snow. What time is it where you are?

nicole94 09-01-2011 06:21 AM

:O I love snow, i'm jealous! it's 5.21am here :) lol

PsychoKitty2010 09-01-2011 06:24 AM

I hate snow because I'm cold blooded. I can never put on enough clothes to stay warm. I literally freeze to the bone. And snow = cold. And holy crap that's really late/early, whichever way you want to look at it. You should get some sleep, hun.

nicole94 09-01-2011 06:26 AM

lol, I am always freezing in the snow too, but it's good fun :) And i'm not really tired, although I probably should be :/

PsychoKitty2010 09-01-2011 06:30 AM

I don't do snow. Lol. You can have all the snow if you'd like. I don't want it anymore.

nicole94 09-01-2011 06:32 AM

Yes please :) it's raining here! I'm really hungry :( I have only had an apple since friday evening, and it's now sunday morning :(

PsychoKitty2010 09-01-2011 06:38 AM

Oh hun you need to eat something. Don't you have any food?

I have been exhausted all day every day. I don't get it. It is a symptom of pregnancy, though...at least, that's what I've read. But it's quite annoying. My husband just tells me to go lay down when I'm tired. But if I were to do that I would never get out of bed. :/

nicole94 09-01-2011 06:42 AM

My mum locks the kitchen door when she goes out :/ so no food until she gets back, which won't be till about midday. :(
Aaaw hun, maybe you should go to bed early?

sdixon 09-01-2011 06:47 AM

Wow, this tread moves fast.

PsychoKitty2010 09-01-2011 06:52 AM

Um...why would your mom lock the kitchen when she leaves? That is strange. Has she been gone since Friday evening or Saturday? If so, that's really strange. =/ And going to bed early won't do any good. I will still be tired when I wake up.

-waves at sdixon- Hi I'm Kitty. How you be?

sdixon 09-01-2011 06:53 AM

Hey Kitty, I'm Shannon. I'm not well, how are you?

PsychoKitty2010 09-01-2011 06:56 AM

I'm not doing too great myself.

It's nice to meet you, Shannon. What's wrong?

nicole94 09-01-2011 06:57 AM

*Hugs Kitty and Shannon*
She locks it cause I tend to binge eat :/ but she went out before I woke up yesterday, so I haven't eaten.
Shannon-whats up? And yeah, we do move quickly :)

sdixon 09-01-2011 06:58 AM

I'm having a hard time coping with life, and my mind telling me that it is a fact that everyone will be better off without me.

nicole94 09-01-2011 07:07 AM

*Hugs shannon*
My brothers alarm clock is going off lol

risenfromperdition 09-01-2011 07:08 AM

*cuddles everyone who wants* sorry am useless atm

sdixon 09-01-2011 07:11 AM

thanks

PsychoKitty2010 09-01-2011 07:12 AM

-offers nicole a nice breakfast that has no calories and is filling- That is not right of her to lock the kitchen if she is going to be gone for that long, or longer. Couldn't she at least leave you some food out?

-hugs shannon, if ok- I'm sorry. I don't know what else to say or do. I can relate to that, and I don't want to sound like a hypocrite. But everyone here in the ward cares for each other. That includes you. We care about you and would be terribly sad if anything were to happen to you.

nicole94 09-01-2011 07:18 AM

*Hugs Heather, Shannon and Kitty*
thanks Kitty :) She sometimes does leave food out, but she didn't this time :( And I have no money oso I couldn't go to the shop yesterday.... She should be back in a few hours though :)

sdixon 09-01-2011 07:23 AM

I know people care about me and I care about them; that is the problem. I wish people didn't and I wish I didn't, then I could just leave. I am thankful that people care, its just... I don't know what I want to say, sorry.

PsychoKitty2010 09-01-2011 07:42 AM

-hugs nicole- Good. I'm glad your mom will be home in a few hours.

No need to be sorry, Shannon. I understand, because I go through the same problem every day. I want to die, and believe it would be in everyone's best interest if I were to die. But then there is that other voice in my head telling me that I shouldn't...at least, not yet. Being that I am most likely pregnant, it's worse. I still want to die, but I wouldn't do anything to harm anyone, not even an unborn baby. But that suicidal voice...which is actually a girl that won't leave me alone but nobody else can see or hear...she's pissed. She tells me I need to do it after the baby is born. :/ I'm sorry I am probably not helping. I am rambling. I will shut up. But I do understand you. And there is no need to apologize.

sdixon 09-01-2011 07:48 AM

*hugs Kitty* It does help knowing that I am not the only one with THAT voice. Thanks for understanding.

*Hugs Nicole* I am glad you will be able to eat in a few hours.

I need to head off to bed, its almost 2am here. Night all.

PsychoKitty2010 09-01-2011 07:51 AM

-hugs shannon- Night night Shannon. Sleep well.

PsychoKitty2010 09-01-2011 08:02 AM

I think I am going to go to bed, too. I can't fight it anymore. Night everyone. -hugs ward-

Nicole, please stay safe. I don't mean to abandon you or anything. I just can't stay up anymore. I'm exhausted.

I will drop in again tomorrow.


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