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Damnation. 02-02-2009 06:15 AM

The doctor was very helpful last time, so I am certain that he will be again when I see him the next. I am interested to see in what he has to say about these bouts of becoming emotionally 'void'. I think this is the third time it has happened (although the first time was months ago, and the more I think about it, the less I remember. So now I am not even 100% certain that it even happened), and the last two times have been since I saw him the last, when therefore started taking my Citalopram. Two of my friends suggested that it might be a side effect of it. I do not know, but I do not like the way the void seems to kill my personality

Tears of Solitude 02-02-2009 06:20 AM

It must be hard being "void". To loose the part of you that makes you, you. Im so glad you have an understanding doctor.

I hope it isnt a side effect of Citalopram. Have you been on it long??? or just when you started to have these " Void " sessions.

Damnation. 02-02-2009 06:24 AM

I have been on Citalopram for about two weeks now. I noticed a few side effects (feeling sick, an adult one I would rather not admit to, and perhaps feeling a lot more fatigued than usual), but did not at first think that the void could perhaps be one of them.

As I mentioned earlier, this has happened before. I am uncertain as to whether the first time was even real now, but the last time it happened was on Thursday. And now again today, so I will be mentioning it to my doctor (did I already mention that?). I looked around online for Citalopram side effects, but all that I really found was feeling sick and possibly heightening anxiety at first (which I am thankful for not having). After it wore off and I was back to myself on Friday, I have been half paranoid of it happening again, and half wishing that it would. As odd/creepy as it is, that my entire personality changes/disappears, it is a welcome relief to the crippling depressive spells I have recently had

Tears of Solitude 02-02-2009 06:31 AM

I really hope the side effects settle down in time. Its great that you are finding that they are working and you are not getting crippling depressive spells that you have had in the past.

Your doctor sounds like he might be able to get to the bottom of this. Maybe its your bodies way of coping with things, just wanting to shut down for a while.

I hope by posting and talking that it helps. Put yourself first for a change, because you are a lovely caring person xxx

Damnation. 02-02-2009 06:33 AM

Well, the sickness has worn off now, the one I do not really wish to go into detail about seems to be getting better, it is just the fatigue now. But I am not entirely certain if the fatigue is part of it. I could merely be overtired.

I do believe it is stress related. I have been under a horrendous amount of stress lately, and it is severely beginning to take its toll on me. I mentioned that I scared a friend, and he is still worried about me, and well it sort of worries me, too. Unfortunately, I cannot say all that I wish to, as to go into as much detail as I like would break the tipsharing rule

Tears of Solitude 02-02-2009 06:41 AM

I have been on new medication and they do seem to make you drowsy to begin with, until you have got use to them.

I think Stress can effect you in soooo many different ways. Like I said maybe its your bodies way of handling it.

I too have probably scared a friend by opening up to them yesterday. Probably made them worried which was the last thing I wanted to do. It just all came pouring out. It worries me too.

Its just shows you that they care if they are worried about you and that they are the right friend to have. I think they worry because they cant seem to help you, only by listening to you.

xxx

Damnation. 02-02-2009 06:44 AM

So drowsiness is a common side effect of a number of medications?

I think part of it might be the fact that said friend may feel guilty. I do not know if you have seen the posts I made in here earlier, but I had issues with him, and it all came out that he was stringing myself, plus three others along. Saying he loved two of us, bugging for...photographs, that sort of thing. And considering how madly in love with him I was, it hurt. A lot. It still does, if I am entirely honest. I feel that it is that stress, plus debt/eviction/keeping a strong front for my housemate - all of it combined - that is making me go a little...mad now. I do not express stress offline (unless it is to SI), so tend to vent at poor people on here, on other sites, etc

Tears of Solitude 02-02-2009 06:53 AM

Its sooo great that you do post, and keep talking.

Like I said I am here to listen and you are going through soooo much right now. Of course it must of hurt finding out someone has been stringing you along, especially as you loved him. Its not easy getting over something like that and its not going to happen for a while < big hugs >

Money troubles and eviction cannot help ANY situation. I think you are being so hard on yourself xxx You have major stress in your life and I think you should be proud of yourself that you are fighting this with everything you have got xxx

Damnation. 02-02-2009 06:57 AM

*Hugs back* No, to be honest I cannot see myself getting over it any time soon. He and I are getting along better (we still speak on a daily basis, although I refuse to bugger about starting conversations and giving him constant nudges when he decides to fall silent on me), but the vastness of what he did, the fact that it looks like he had been lying to me for a good part of the year (at least half a year? I am uncertain), that still stings. That, and that he had the balls to pretend he still loved me when he did not.

Apparently it is commendable that I am still here. A friend of mine on another site said that most people probably would have given up on life right about now. I must admit, it is very tempting. Thoughts of suicide are frequent, and strong. But it is for my friends that I must struggle on. I sometimes feel as though my resolve is breaking, but I have not yet cracked completely. Although sometimes that feels more like a curse than a blessing

Snuffles 02-02-2009 06:58 AM

Huge cuddles Dayna!! I hope your ok =)

Helen, 8 months, fantastic hun!


I saw my counsellor today.. she suggested I see a welfare officer to try to get a loan, going to see one on Thursday. Still feeling calm about the house buisness. It must work out. Been out all day so didn't get a chance to ring up about 2 places =( Oh well, first thing tomorrow morning (Y) Feeling ok... kinda..

Damnation. 02-02-2009 07:00 AM

*Big cuddles back to Katie* I am emotionally void, but aside from that, I think that I am well.

I am also glad that you are feeling calm, and I hope that things work out for you

Tears of Solitude 02-02-2009 07:02 AM

It really is his loss that he hasnt got you anymore because you are a lovely, caring and compassionate woman. He doesnt deserve you. You are too good for him, I know you wont think so but you are.

IM glad you have friends keeping you going but they have to be there for you as well as you being there for them. < sometimes put yourself first > You certainly are a fighter and I think your amazing xxx

Tears of Solitude 02-02-2009 07:04 AM

Snuffles, I hope you get the loan and good luck with the house hunting

Glad you are feeling okay xxx

Damnation. 02-02-2009 07:06 AM

Jade: Heh, thank you. I am uncertain of what exactly to say to that. I guess I am still not quite used to accepting compliments.

My housemate is my priority right now, especially at the moment. She is well on the way to recovery (she has long had depression too, which heightened when her parents died. If it was not for me and our dog, she would be suicidal, she said), but is going through a hard time. She does not have her prescription at the moment, and is going through the weekend without her medication, which is making her very sensitive. That and plus she has lived in this house for 35(?) years and now we have to leave on Friday...Yes. It is perfectly understandable why she is upset.

So I am doing my best to be supportive. I realise that she would want me to talk to her, but I would rather not. I much prefer my role of supporting her, rather than having her support me (that and plus I have issues with talking abotu my problems aloud)

Tears of Solitude 02-02-2009 07:10 AM

Awwww You see what a caring lady you are. Supporting your housemate/friend the way you do.

Poor lady sounds like she does need a lot of support < big hugs to her > It must be awful having to leave a home are 35 years. I hope you find something really nice together.

Have you another house to go to ?

Damnation. 02-02-2009 07:12 AM

Well, I try my best.

And yes. She is doing a few courses at a place called The Bridge and something at the jobcentre (I cannot remember what exactly) and has made a friend or two thanks to them, so she is getting better, but still needs things to take her mind off everything here.

And yes, we have somewhere to go, thankfully. It was looking extremely grim for a moment, but we went to see somewhere last week

Tears of Solitude 02-02-2009 07:21 AM

Im soooooo pleased that you have somewhere to go. I hope you settle in real quick honey because you deserve it.

Im glad you friend is getting out and about and keeping busy.

I wish you all the luck in the world for your move on Friday xxx

Damnation. 02-02-2009 07:23 AM

I am expecting to be rather difficult, to be honest. The dog will be unsettled, as will my housemate. She has already warned me that she is likely to be rather emotional at first, but fingers crossed that it will be better than we currently think. I personally am more worried about losing bits and pieces/leaving something behind, especially my 'tool'.

And thank you again, Jade, I truly appreciate your support/good wishes

Tears of Solitude 02-02-2009 07:28 AM

Anytime Poisonous xxx I hope nothing gets lost or broken.

That all of you including your dog settles in quickly. I will keep my fingers crossed for you on Friday. xxx

I hope you wont be away from RYL for long. Get your computer unpacked first xxx

Will be here for you anytime xxx

Damnation. 02-02-2009 07:32 AM

I am uncertain how long it will take for the dog to get settled (my housemate even surmised that she may take longer than the dog) because she is clingy with my housemate since housemate's parents died. So another big change could be rather unsettling for her.

As for me, I am expecting to settle in quickly (providing I do not stress myself out by losing things). I got settled in here very quickly when I first moved in with my housemate, and the atmosphere here is one that is a damn sight different than what I was used to. It was a welcome change.

As for being online, I will do my best to keep people updated. If (and I do not think it is likely) I am offline for a longish while, I will try and get myself down to the nearest library as often as possible, and/or ask Katrica, if she does not mind, to make the odd post with an update. But with any luck, it will not come to that


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