*hugs Julie* Rebecca is the girl I keep seeing in my dreams and hearing her voice when I'm doing things, inside my head, but I really miss her when I don't hear her or see her.

Awe heather I'm sorry, that has to be difficult to write. EDs are a real issue...I know cuz I have dealt with one on and off since I was a kid, too. -hugs, if ok-

*hugs ward*

It's been a busy busy busy weekend for me :)

Heya Helen :) how are you?

Ward keeps being busy on and off. Heh. Google is throwing up nothing concerning about my Rebecca. Only thing I don't like is how she goes on about makeup being "whore paint"... I'm rambling

-hugs people who came in if ok-

how are you guys?

*Hugs Sarah*

*Hugs Kitty*

*Hugs Heather*

*Hugs Ian*

*Hugs Helen*

*Hugs Julie*

*hugs mark back* how are you, mark?

I'm tired , Got up , did what I needed to do then laid down for an hour , Now I have to go out in 21 minutes for my meetings , Time for one more coffee .How are you Kitty ?

Tired, can't sleep - again. And, it's my fault...somehow. My eyes hurt so bad from lack of sleep they are causing a huge headache and my eyes are twitching on occasion. I want to cut really bad. I would call my gma but it's 1:12 in the morning - I'm sure she wouldn't appreciate that. So...ya. I'm just buying time before I go to bed - I don't know if I'll make it to bed though, and if I do, I don't know if I will be able to resist the urges...

Welp I think I'm gunna try to go get some sleep...have a good night/day everyone *hugs to all who would like one*

*Hugs Kitty* Please try not to cut , Have you tried warm milk or porrige? porrige makes me sleep , Try to get some sleep hun . Where are you where it's so early ? I'm in the UK. *Squishes Again* I have to go now , to meetings . Take care.

Well I'm back from my 3 meetings today.
Sharron my nurse told me that our next meeting would be our last before she go's on Maternity leave and That makes me sad , I really Like and TRUST Sharron and It's taken a long time to build up that kind of relationship with her , I mean it's taken years , Kat is going to be my Keyworker while Sharron is away , Kat has done Accupuncture for maybe a year and has been my group one on one worker for 2 and a half months and I like her ,but I still think it might be difficult in the beginning , There's nothing I can do about it , I just have to roll with the punches <Who sang that song , country song? So Thats me so far today , I ran into Dad in town , he is coming up later, .

How is everyone today?

*hugs everybody*

Mark, I understand that feeling but know that with time you will hopefully feel closer to Kat.

Helen, how are you?

*Squishes Helen* How are you?

*Huggles Lindsay* Thanks , I know , It's just like Sharron is like my older sensible sister I never had (I'm the eldest out of my sister and I)

I'm sure you'll miss her then. Do you know roughly when she'll be back?

A year Lindsay, Thats how long :S But I am happy for her and her family , My sister went back after a few months but she needed to work so I figured that was how long Maternity leave was but for Sharron it's a year .

You could stay in touch with her while she's on maternity leave Mark. I know how you feel, my teacher, the only person I could trust moved to Doreset at the end of last year (last school year) she's been gone a few months now and I still miss her. *Hugs*

How are you Lindsey? *Squishses*

*Hugs Helen* Und du?

Hey Lia :) How are you ?

Evening all. Had a good day then a crappy day. Ehh. Arguments suck ass. *cuddles*

*hugs ward*
Anyone wanna make a study guide about John Donne's poetry for me? =)

*Hugs Sarah* Arguments indeed suck :( was it a bad one? How are you otherwise?

*Hugs Felicia*I'm sorry hun , I've not heard of him :S How are you ?

*Hugs Sarah* I'm sorry about the argument. They do suck. =(

Mark, I'm alright. My Marketing final got rescheduled cause of snow, so now ALL of my finals are on Friday (with the exception of Creative Writing), so I'm trying to get my professor to take pity on me, and let me take it Wednesday or Thursday.
And these Brit Lit study guides, I have seven pages already... on Chaucer, Twelfth Night, The Duchess of Malfi, etc... I'm so tired of looking at literature, and writing about literature, and analyzing literature.
I cannot wait until this week is over and I can enjoy books again.

And sorry... that was a mini rant.

*Hugs Lia* I hope you can get your test on Thursday or Wednesday , and Yey for enjoying books again , I hope to enjoy books again when my concentration and motivation come back , I was a Big reader , I have gotten through a book in one day before . I like to read , just like I like to play games I just can't enjoy anything.

Sorry there was my mini rant :P

I'm Lia Mark :) Wrong person.

I'm alright ta. Got a fair bit of Christmas shopping done in my lunch time today and I have a total doss tomorrow afternoon because while the rest of the school are singing carols in a freezing cold church, we are allowed to use the time for a 'study session' basically sitting in the comman room, drinking tea and discussing Voldermort's sex life. Ah I love being 6th form.

Oops sorry Lia and Felicia for mixing you together :S

It's alright, Mark.

Lia, your study session sounds epic!

Ohhhh, I got a case of the giggles again. I cannot do these study guides any longer. Thanks, sparknotes, for ruining my concentration. haha.
Also, this has made me realize that I have the mind of a 13 year old boy sometimes... What am I laughing at, you ask? Major theme of Donne's poetry? Religious Enlightenment as Sexual Ecstacy. I don't know whyyy I find it so funny.

*hugs everyone*
9 months since my last OD...... *hides*

Glad all you wardies are okay. A bit bleh, want to keep updating my twitter with all my strange thoughts, but I don't want to spam. :/ Ehh.

Edit: 9 months is amazing, well done x

* Hugs Felicia*

*Hugs Sarah* If you don't want to twitter it we are always willing to listen :)

*Hugs Nicole* 9 Months is massive !! Go Nicole :-)

*hugs mark and sarah* thanks guys. I just wish it felt like more of an acheivment...at the moment i just feel low :(
how are you both?

I feel shoickingly bad, me and my fiance are constantly arguing over little things. I'm not the happiest of people most times and things get to me but everytime I show or voice it he gets mad because he thinks I'm blaming him and whenever he mentions anything I feel like I'm being accused of being a bad partner and sometimes I feel terrible. I don't know what to do. And in the meantime I want to see Rebecca and I want to feel another one of the hallucinations. I have no motivation with my life, I don't know where I want to head with anything. I feel like I'll never be responsable enough for a real job. It scares me. Its all so much

Nicole I know the feeling , you reach a milestone and "poof" you expect to feel different , I Expected it when I went one month S.I. free or a year drink free but we build up our expectations and really in reality it just feels like another day. *Hugs*

*Hugs* Sarah hun , It FREAKS me out that I'll never have any motivation too and I don't have any direction either :( It'll get better. we just have to think positively *Thinks positivly*

*hugs mark* thanks, i just thought....well, i wouldnt mind to much if it just felt like another normal day..... but i feel like a failure. Cause i couldn't even kill myself....... :(

I hate this time of the night. I feel so low and suicidal and don't see the point in phoning the voluntary crisis team because they'll just tell me to read a book or something. My brother isn't feeling good today because he's missing a gig because his exams were rescheduled. I hate when things aren't good for him. I so badly want to go to a train station. I keep daydreaming about it. If only my brother was dead then I wouldn't have to think twice about going ahead with it.

Oh Nicole , I've actually lost count of attempts I've made to kill myself , some were like "HELP ME!" and some were "Just die now" so yeah , as you can tell I'm still here , Not having killed yourself is a good thing though Nicole *Hugs*

Now mums having a go because I'm talking to her about something that was on tv. Well balls to this. I hate things right about now.

*Hugs Lindsay* Could you try a pro crisis line? Please look after yourself and I'm here for you with my now famous crap advice :P Please please keep away from the train station :S

*Hugs Sarah*

*hugs mark linsay and sarah.*
I dunno wether or not to take the bandages off my arm yet or not...i dont normally bandage my cuts but these were pretty bad, but the bandages are irritating me....

Nicole do you have new bandages to replace them with?

I do. But i don't wanna put them on. I hate banages. I only put them on earlier cause the cuts were quite deep and bled everytime i moved my wrist. But theyve stopped doing that now.

Okay , If they have stopped bleeding take off the bandages and clean your wrist with some water, you don't want it to get infected, Then cover it with something like a plaster strip to stop dirt and such getting into it and when you go to bed tonight take off the plaster to expose the wound to the air and it hopefully dry up some and begin to heal overnight. This is juat what I would do . Please take care :S

mmkay mark :) thanks.
Anyways. Only 2 hours off college left till xmas hols :)

Was that helpful Nicole? Yey For Hols !!

yeah it was thanks :) And actually. Im not sure wether i want the christmas hols or not. i think i'd rather not have them.....

-crawls out from her corner and stretches lots, yaawns, and meows- hey everyone -hugs ward- how is everyone?

Ugh... triggered.
Made some tea/ study break time it appears.

I know the feeling , Christmas is just like " You WILL enjoy yourself " . There was a Fsther Christmas handing out leaflets in out town last week . I don't know , I want to enjoy the holidays I just don't want to be forced too if I'mm not in the mood .*Sigh*

*Hugs Kitty* Hey :) How are you?