OHOHOH! i think it might be time for a christmassy sig.
*goes off to update sig*

I need to do one for me :)

Guys, I might be posting even less over the next few weeks as I'll be busy with college, placement & work now :) So don't worry too much if I go quiet...

yay helen :) mmkay helen, try and pop in whenever you can though? :)

:O mysig is being a pain!!!

I'm feeling so hopeless and lonely. :(

I promise to do so :D

Oh no :( Need any help?

You've got us honey, sorry you feel so bad :(

*Hugs Lindsay* I'm sorry you feel so crap :(

*Hugs Helen*

*Hugs Lia*

*Hugs Nicole*

*Hugs Felicia*

I cut , not seriously but still.........I'm so........ACK!!! I don't even know the word *sigh*

Sorry you cut Mark *hugs*

*Hugs Helen Back* Thankyou :S

*Hugs Mark* I'm glad it wasn't too deep, but I'm sorry you felt the need to in the first place.

*Hugs Lindsey* You don't need to feel lonely, you have us :) Although I know it's not the same as having someone IRL.

Helen, I agree, we do need to decorate. And I know right?! :( I cried 3 times, laughed about 10 and screamed once. Good times :)

I laughed & nearly screamed once or twice :p I really want part 2!!!!

*hugs Mark, Lia & Laura*

*Hugs Helen* :)

*Spots and Hugs Laura* :)

*Hugs Helen back* I'm listening to Christmas music and I got an A on my first philosophy assignment :)

Congratulations Lia :D *hugs*

*hugs Mark too*

*hugs to all* does everywhere have snow but me yet? I'm in Canada, we are supposed to get snow first!!

Having one of those weeks :( couldn't sleep last night, freaked out. And I'm trying to focus on school work but I just can't get myself to do it. I'd like to sing Holiday Melodies with everyone though!

*Hugs and sings with Jordyn*

*Hugs Helen*

*Hugs Lia YAY!!! Go you :D

*Night time hugs my wardies*

Danke :)

Hey Jordyn. Those weeks suck., but it's good that you're trying to focus on other things. I always find homework is a God send when I am in one of those moods, unless it's hard, in which case it stresses me out more...but you are welcome to join in the singing, we're all getting in the festive spirit here.

*hugs everybody*

Someone fancy doing some of my work for me? I keep forgetting that I have work to hand in on Tuesday & haven't really got the time or patience to do it. Might have to pull a late one to get it done so I don't have to do it tomorrow. Meh. My own fault for forgetting about it :( The piece that I need to do for tomorrow morning is easy thankfully.

I'm stressing out a bit. Just got so much to do before tomorrow so that tomorrow goes smoothly & everything is prepared. Least I'm slowly working through it?

God I'm pathetic lol.

Mamma mia, you're not pathetic! I'm in the same boat. Left my work to the last minute, as per usual. Or, if it is pathetic, we can be pathetic together :)
*pathetic hugs* LOL.

Danke icequeen! You're right homework can be helpful. School has always been my safe place.

*Hugs Helen* You're not pathetic, I get stressed out over work and stuff. But just like with everything else I shove it in a corner and only deal with it when I really have to.

Ahhhhhhh...

Jordyn, call me Lia. I get that enough IRL. I love that word, I think I use it more than the English.

Sorry Lia!! I wasn't sure what to call you. new to the ward! I spent some time in Germany, so I know a bit of the language. Enough to hold up a good conversation.

Thanks guys :) *Hugs both*

It's alright Helen :)

I know a little German, I learnt in in der schule. Now I'm even getting confused, I was totally meant to type that in English, but was thinking of German... I sucked though.

I've done nearly everything in preparation for tomorrow. Sort of :S

nein! Deine Deutsch war gut! Meine Deutsch Grammatik ist schlecht. Ich spreche besser als schreiben!

"no! You german was gut! My German grammar is bad. I speak better than I write."

When I first came back from Germany, I used to forget English words and could only remember the German words.haha.

You're welcome Helen! *more hugs*

*hugs all round*

I can't speak German :( I spent six years learning French though & have forgotten majority of it. Sad times.

I won't give in to stress.
Even if my mock exams are tomorrow.
These grades will go on my college app.... What if I don't get the grades I need? I'm doomed to fail... And yet there's hope.

Comely: dein Deutsch ist gut! seriously..
I know what it feels like to forget your native language... I was in the US for 18 months and came back to germany in July. I still forget german words... had to ask someone to translate 'damp' for me.. lol
Did you dream and think in german?

*hugs shadow* just try your best. That's all you can do.

I'm in Canada Helen, so I had to learn French. I learned it for 6 years as well, but I've forgotten most of it.haha.
Wow, thanks Laura!! That means a lot coming from someone who lives in Germany. Whereabouts are you? Whenever I feel bored I still sometimes use the word "langweilig" instead of bored. I didn't dream in German, but I did dream in a german accent.lol.Is that weird?
Shadow *hugs* failure is scary. The whole getting into college experience is scary. Deep breaths and do your best!!!

just set up a youtube account. I'm going to use it to help other self-harmers and give myself another place to vent.

Wow Comely! It's not too weird. It's so hard to get back to german for me...lol
I can't say some german words without an accent like Volkswagen or Frankfurt. And Berlin. Mostly things that are the same in english, it's weird.
I'm from Bad Mergentheim.. that's in Baden-Wuerttemberg. About 2 hours north of Stuttgart and 45min south of Wuerzburg if you know that. It's a smallish town... 20 000 people if you add all the villages around here.. lol
Where have you been when you were in germany?


I need to go to bed now... mom is going to wake me up early in the morning.
Sorry I'm not replying to all of you..
*hugs all goodnight*

Shadow, that's such a great idea! You should post the account :)

Laura, please call my Jordyn:) I was in Sundern, about 1 hour from Dusseldorf, 2 hours from Cologne. So nordrhine-westphalen. I want to go back to Germany, I miss it.

Is going to bed soon, so NIGHT ALL!!!!!

*curls up next to fellow wardies*

I understood almost all of what you said Jordyn, there is hope for me yet :) Shame my GCSE is over...or perhaps not, it wasn't really my favourite subject. Ich finde deutsch langweilg, meine leiblingsfarbe ist Englisch. Est ist wonderbar.

I'm gonna make my way to bed now. Nacht.

Oh, and gluck Shad (imagine the funny little accent thing). That's German for 'good luck' btw :)
xx

Hehe, Lia. "lieblingssprache" is favourite language, "lieblingsfarbe" is favourite colour. But that was really good! So many German speakers! Gute nacht! Schlafst gut!
Shadow, looking forward to your first video post! good night!sleep well!

<3 =].

hi Heather *hugs* how are you?

Hugs Oliver and Heather! Oliver, did you manage to sleep?

*Hugs Helen* You're NOT Pathetic :)

*Hugs Jocyln*

*Hugs Lia*

*Hugs Shad*

*Hugs Lore*

*Hugs Heather*

*Hugs Oliver*

It's 6.48am , I've been up since 6.27am , thank goodness for 2nd alarm clocks , I've put my Heating on already because I'm cold . I might not go for my Walk by the canal, I might go straight to my nurse because it's pretty cold . Erp .

Nicole , Did you get your Light Snow last night ?

*hugs everyone* sorry, i cant seem to comprehend all the pages ive missed..

<3

*Hugs Laura* I know how it feels to miss a few pages Erp! How are you , isn't it colosally early in the morning for you ? How are you ?

Really Jordyn? I always thought 'leiblingsfarbe' meant favourite subject? Or perhaps I remembered wrong, as I said, it was never my best subject and I haven't studied it in months, but I was sure it was....never mind, I'm never going to have to do another exam so what the heck.

Morning all!

I just googled it and you're right. What on Earth's favourite subject then and why did I decide it was that? Ah, great mysteries of the world. Never mind.

Edit: Ah, it's lieblingsfach. Close enough.

Morning Lia , Or Gutten Morgun :P I don't remember much of my German either heh .

just got the email from the welfare admin lady at uni saying that my interuption to my course will start today as she has the form for certain staff to sign. the decision was made on friday to take the rest of this year out, I didn't want it to come to this, mainly because it means telling my family and telling them the reason why, cos I have clinical depression, social anxiety and panic attacks, they think I'm happy since I've come out.
its now so real. i never thought my life would come to this, I feel worthless and so low, want to go and buy pills, god i'm pathetic

Oh *Hugs Oliver* Please don't go buying pills , Depression is a real problem (speaking from experience) and it's not your fault that you have it so theres no need to feel ashamed of your family knowing *Extra Squeezes*

Well I'm back from meeting Sharron ( My Nurse ) , I actually got there a couple of minutes before her heh :) I breathalised a 0 so I can start taking my Antabuse today :) It's like a comfort blanket being on it , still I'm disapointed that I coulden't go without it and not drink Alcohol Hmmmmm :S

*Hugs Oliver* You're not pathetic, dear. Please don't buy pills. I've had to quit courses twice (possibly a third time, if today goes like I expect it will), it's horrible at the time, I know. But it does get better. I'm only a PM away if you need me.

*Hugs Mark* I'm glad you got on your Antabuse today. Don't be down on yourself for needing it, lovely. It's not a bad thing.

Oh god, 6:44 in the morning is EARLY. But I'm up, and I've already fought with my massively curly hair to straighten it. Haha, yeah burned the side of my face with my straightener... that was unpleasant. (This is reason #1 getting up before 9 is a bad bad idea for me)

So... I'm extremely nervous about my appointment today. I've written down everything I think I may need to say, because sometimes (surprise surprise) I shut down verbally. So, at least, if I do, my team has everything that may possibly be an issue with me.

I really just wanna go back to bed though. *sigh*

*hugs mark* I'm glad your back on the antabuse, don't feel down on yourself for needing it.

*hugs felicia* I hope your meeting goes ok today, its a good idea to write things down, I often do that.

I just had a chat with my horn teacher, she was really nice and supportive said I could ring her up, go round her house and just chat or just watch TV if I needed to just be somewhere with other people. She is great, except opne thing seriously pissed me off, she told me she cares about me, thats fine but then she told me she prays for me when she knows I'm really strongly atheist and that, that really makes me angry grrrrrr, sorry it justs annoys me when people do that.

i feel so sick, mainly because i didn't sleep all night and I'm in the library with people and I have to walk to the hospital to see the crisis team in an hour which means being out in public around people so feeling really anxious.
also do people think I should mention to someone that I draw disturbing pictures, like of people committing suicide. I don't know if its something they need to know. grrrr sorry I've rambled on now loads I'll shut up sorry

I don't really know if you need to mention it, Oliver. People tell me drawing and writing and stuff gets it out. I write suicide poems a lot, and most people don't think it's a big deal. So, I guess it's in the intention, if you're doing it just to "get it out" so to speak, I don't guess so. But if it's depressing and triggery and you do it for that intent, maybe you should. I would mention it, regardless. I tend to bring up things I write/draw. Sometimes it helps. (Sorry talked in a circle for that. I.. do that sometimes)
It's okay to ramble, dear, don't apologize for it. I'm sorry you feel anxious, and I'll be hoping that your appointment with the crisis team goes okay.