That's a little harsh Nicole, our school are strict but they give us a chance to do the work and won't throw us out over one late piece.

*Hugs Helen* What's the matter lovely?

i know :( its cause ive done all the work but some was reffered and it all has to be done by tomorrow cause next weeks review week, and if we arent up to date with all our work then they will consder wether we are coping wit the course or not, and will be kicking people out :/ so tomorrows gonna be a long day :(

Nicole, that really sucks honey :( Could you try get into college early to finish it with the sites that are blocked for you or explain to your Mum??

can't get in early cause of issues with anxiety-takes me about an hour to use enough skills to even get out the door in the morning :( i'm just gonna have to stay after college and do it. And i dont think my mum can do anything about it, its the network provider thats blocking it :/

That really sucks hun :(

i know :( anyways, enough about my silly college course, whats up sweetie?

I'm not important or worth worrying about honey :)

Yay, I got through an hour of my elective (philosophy) and my daily NaNo wordcount, and now I need to do my sociology. Oh the joys of life.

It is important if it's upsetting you Helen.

Woooo for getting a piece of work done & NaNo :D Will the sociology take long?

I guess so....

I should be happy right? But I'm really low, keep thinking about suicide. Fun =/ Worried sick about my best friend as she's pretty much really low & suicidal. I can't lose her. I just can't. I feel like I'm losing everyone. I already lost my other best friend and considering the reasons why, I'm glad..

I'm just really struggling at the moment. But don't worry, I'm not even worth it. :wow:

Also I found out I get my first visit at placement tomorrow. Only getting it because two of my college class tutors found out about last week's incident.

helen. you are amazingly important! and you are so worth worrying about. come on, you obviously wanted to talk cause you posted. *hugs*
and lia, well done, i'm jealous! what was your sociology about? i loved sociology at school :)

heh. typing at the same time. helen honey- please stay safe. Is there any way you could be with your friend? being together might help (as long as you support eachother instead of engaging in destructive behaviour together) and you're not losing everyone, because no matter what, we at least will always be here. *hugs*

I really wish I could be with her :'( Wish it more than anything. But we live 3 hours apart. We would never engage in destructive behaviour together. Neither of us would allow it. Plus I obviously have college, my placement & now my job.

*hugs Nicole*

*hugs helen*
thats a shame :( i'm kinda in the same situation with my friend aswell :( it's hard, but i suppose you've just gotta help eachother as much as you can. I'm glad to hear you wouldnt engage in destructive behaviour together, i've been there, and i've gotta say, thats probably the thing which i regret most of all this mess, the fact that i could've influenced other people with my behavior. i suppose i try and balance out by doing everything i can to save other people now.
You will both get through it, remeber that, at the end of the day, no matter how many times you go back to that place, remember that after the first time- it gets easier, cause you know how to get back.
*hugs*

*hugs Nicole* Just wish she would talk to me more, just now, about anything. I'm just a selfish cow anyway =/ Believe me when I say, I care more about her than anything in the world...

helen sweetie, read what you just typed. you are DEFINATLEY not a selfish cow, you just proved that by saying you care about her more than anything, and i'm sure i'm not the only one on this ward that you have helped so much, three times now you've saved me from suicide. you have no idea how much i love you for that. you are the most selfless person i know! if i had to pick a fault about you, the only one i can think of is that you dont think about yourself enough!

We do believe you Helen, and you are worth it. It's a hard situation and one I can sympathise with. Just let her know you are there for her whenever she needs you to be. Not talking isn't always a bad thing. Believe me, I'm a pro. But to me it's a sense of control. I'd die if everyone knew all this stuff about me. It helps me cope not to tell.

Good luck with your work Nicole, my soc won't take long, it's only an essay plan on family diversity.

I really really do care about her more than anything. But I am selfish. I need her more than anything right now :'( = SELFISH! I'm glad I've helped you to not do anything sweetheart. Even my mum knows I'm selfish lol. She's told me once or twice as has one of my sisters :D I think about me way too much. Ugh makes me think about how bad I am and wonder how the hell that sometimes I am convinced by myself/others that I'm good/amazing/pretty/whatever...

I'm not worth it. It is a hard situation & in a way I'm sad you can sympathise with it :( I have told her & continue to tell her I'm there. She's told me she knows that & isn't used to someone else caring (other than her partner). Which is quite sad really. I can see where you're coming from...

thanks lia :) i miss my sociology lessons :( aahh, familys, i attended school for that subject XD wasnt the best of them, but then again, wasn't the worst. for our coursework we all had to pick a bit of paper out of a hat which had a subject wich we had to do our coursework on, i managed to pick out self harm :/
And helen-family always say stuff like that, take it with a pinch of salt. you aren't selfish. beleive me.

*hides shaking in corner* sorry guys i am useless tonigt

Nicole - hmm.

Oliver - you're not useless. Want to talk about anything?

*hugs helen and oliver*
has anyone here got snow where they are? on the news it looked as if everywhere but oxford has snow! :(

What's up Oliver?

I would have actually quite liked that Nicole, in a morbid way. I love soc too, I'm on an A grade atm, AS level doesn't go up to A* so that's the highest you can get, which I am pleased about.

Helen, you're friend is sounding more and more like me. Having people who care about me is just plain weird and I tend to avoid them because it's alien to me. She's probably feeling like it's not going to last long,and no matter how much you tell her you'll be there, she can't quite believe it because it's something she's never had before. She might feel uncomfortable too because although having no one is lonely, it's all she's ever known. Sorry if I am totally and utterly wrong there. I think you're worth it, and you can't argue with my opinion so there :P

I don't have snow Nicole :(

oh lia, well at least i'm not the only one with no snow :( and i suppose i was glad i got the self harm one because it involve asking people questions about their views on SI, and i think i would've freaked out if someone asked me, but i did find it a bit triggering. and A is really good :) i think i was working around a B grade at GCSE, but i didn't do my GCSE's.

I don't have snow either :/

Lia, you're quite right actually. She's has friends before but it would seem most left stuff happened to her. Then she has had friends from here but they've all drifted apart. I'm the only one who's left really. I know deep down at times she feels I'll wake up one day & walk out on her. I feel the same way sometimes. I know sometimes she finds it strange that someone cares about her and everything.

*Hugs Helen*

*Hugs Nicole* You can do it :)

*Hugs Lia*

It's 22.51pm and I'm seriously considering calling a mental health helpline for the first time ever :S should I?

Mark, if you need some support & feel they would help, even if a tiny bit then I'd said give it a try :)

Are 0800 numbers in the UK free ? I'm very straped for cash
I called my alcohol nurse and left a message that sounded way more drunk than I meant it to be :S

*Sneaks in* *then hides under duvet* 0800 numbers are free from a BT landline Mark

Mark, 0800 numbers are free :) But I know other helplines can call you back.

Ian, is everything okay?

I have a BT landline ,I'm very very seriously consideringly calling them now , they say 24 hours.

Mark, give them a try, you've got nothing to lose & they will be very supportive of you I'm sure xxx

I love you guys.
I mean that in a very sober way :)

& we love you too Mark :)

mark please call someone if you think it will help

helen cngrats on the job

*hugs everyone* sorry for the lack of individual replies, I'm so bloody anxious about tomorrow and I'm still feeling ill from my OD tw days ago

Thanks Oliver. I'm sorry you're not feeling very well & felt you had to OD :( Don't worry about individual replies. You need to look after you! Have you tried any breathing exercises to calm your anxiety? Try put whatever you're anxious about tomorrow to the back of your mind til nearer the time if you can xx

*hugs Oliver* I'm sorry you OD'd :( I hope you feel better soon .

No im not :-( shouldnt be here.

Do you think people in a mental health call centre would know my address from my number and call the authorities? I haven't done anything wrong.....:S

exept drink on meds

only if they thought you were a danger to yourself.

You should be here Ian. Why do you think you're feeling so low?

They can trace it from your call. But won't contact the authorities unless they think you're at serious risk of harm to yourself/others.

okay I'm calling them , please don't be worried if I don't post again tonight . I'll be on my phone

Okay Mark, I really hope they help, let us know how it goes when you can?

Dammit they are all busy! :(
I'll try again in 5

Best thing to do is stay on the line, it'll get your call through quicker, although it means waiting til someone is free. But that's my opinion anyway *cuddles* Sorry they were all busy though x

I'v been struggling a bit lately, get quite low and fed up. Really want to do something dangerous, but havent been able to, hopely i can soon. I'v had depression for a long time now and the doctor said to me a while back did i want to reduce my meds and eventually come off them but i said no as i think i would really struggle without them and it could make me become very unsafe. I'v been trying to get a job for ages to. Sorry for the whinging.

You're not whining Ian. You're just talking about how you're feeling. I can really empathise on the trying to get a job. I've been out of work since January when my temporary contract out ran out with John Lewis & will be working with them again for a few weeks. Being really low & fed up really sucks. Please try not to do anything dangerous Ian. So many people care about you from here. I know I certainly do. I know we haven't talked an awful lot in last couple years, but even I can tell you have come a long way since we first met in chat :) Have you spoken to anyone professional about wanting to do something dangerous? *offers hugs*

*Hugs Ian* Please PLEASE talk to someone about doing something dangerous , we don't know each other a lot but I'd Hate anything to happen to you .

*Hugs Helen*

I just talked to a very helpful man (Was hoping it was a woman) on the helpline , they are going to send me leaflets on Bereavment and Depression , He was nice .

Night all