*hugshugshugshugs helen* no sweetie, you arent usless, you dont sound pathetic, and you are doing your best to help your friend! you need to remember that although it's ok that you are helping your friend, you need to think of yourself aswell! and maybe you did upset her, i dont know, but she will see that you are only looking after her, you can't do much more than you are already hun, i promise, and your friend should see that.
and you don't need to cut hun, honestly, think how well your doing without it, you have been absolutley amazing and i hope one day i will be able to be like you, because recovery is hard, but you're almost there! so please don't go back now? i know what you mean about it being hard seeing her like this, i have a friend who i recently found out is very depressed again, and i hate it, and i do blame myself sometimes, but we shouldnt cause as much as we try there is nothing we can do to stop them, we just have to help and support them and hope they get better, and you honestly are one of the best friends in the world to this girl because not many people would be botherd with this!
also sorry your feeling ill again :( do you know why you are ill? and sorry if that is all rambling rubbish, i'm half asleep. :/

*hugs you lots and tries not to get my tears all over you* I feel useless and feel like sound pathetic. I am trying my best to help her & she knows that & it means a lot to her. I don't care about myself that much. I did upset her, I know that much, especially after re-reading what she said before going. Hopefully the text I just sent her will help & she'll be okay with me tomorrow. She knows I'm looking after her. I know I can't do much more than I already am but I wish I could & she said I'm doing more than enough right now :'(

I know I don't need to cut & doing well without it I guess. I don't feel like I've been absolutely amazing though. I hope you do get this far Nicole because I know you can do it. Recovery is hard, like you said.

You shouldn't blame yourself for your friend. You're not rambling honey. I don't know why I'm ill, am putting it down to this head/migraine :( But my migraines don't normally last this long or make me feel this ill :(

*huggles helen* i hope your friend calms down and talks to you again, and please stay safe hun. i'm really really sorry but i don't think i can actually stay awake a second longer :/ *squishes hard* you look after yourself ok? night night.

Hope you sleep well. I should go to bed myself instead crying. It won't make any difference. Night night *hugs and squishes you tight*

*huggles all*

Helen: *offers you special hugs, wipes away any tears and holds you*

I just realised that I've started to put my suicide plan into action .... now I'm not quite sure what to do. I don't even know why I did it. Luckily it's not an immediate thing but it means that within a week I'll have everything I need in the house ... What the hell am I doing?

*Hugs Nicole*

*hugs Helen*

*Hugs Sarah*

*Hugs Felicia*

*Hugs Kahlia* Ohh Kahlia , Please please throw away what you need for your suicide plan and don't get any more stuff , Or could you ask your house mate to take it away if you find it too hard to do yourself?

*cries*

*Huge Hugs Lindsay* Whats the matter hun ?

*Hugs Amy* Whats wrong?

oh , are you sleepy? I'm sorry your Dad yelled at you :(

You're not being Selfish Amy :) I am feeling okay thankyou , I'm waiting on an appointment in about an hour with my housing worker .

Sleep tight :)

i have an appointment with my cpn today hopefully he listens to me instead of fobbing me off

*Hugs Ryuu* Ohh good luck with your meeting :)

Please don't put it into action any further Kahlia :'( *accepts your hugs and hugs you tightly* Please throw it away. I don't want to lose you and neither does anyone else. You're a really special person,.

Mark & Helen: Some of the stuff I can't throw away because it's needed in the house, the rest I'll have to deal with. I'm going to have a chat with my housemate about it ... Thank you both for caring. *hugs*

*huggles everyone*

I got some work done on my assignment today, got back access to my uni's online learning tool which I haven't had for three days (because the firewall in our router was set too high) and my housemate and I ended up babysitting this evening for an hour or so. It has really been a weird day.

Glad you're going to talk to your housemate about it & managed to get some work done for your assignment. I really should get some college work done hmm >_<

*curls up in corner* blaaah.

Thats good Kahlia , talking to your house mate and getting rid of some of the stuff :)

Good Luck Helen with your college work :)

*Hugs Heather* How are you?

*shrug* howre you mark? [im back on fb if you want :)]

The appointment with my cpn went ok he actually listen to me

glad your cpn listened to you :)
how're you

I'm Glad that your cpn listened too Ryuu :)*Hugs*

*Hugs Heather* Opp I missed you on fb again :S

Mark, thanks, haven't done any yet but I've sorted my folder out & emailed my tutors, so that's a start I guess?

Ryuu, glad your CPN listened.

Heather,you okay?

Thats a good start Helen :)

Thanks Mark.

You all should see my horrible washing piles!!! It's like in the basket and right next to. Thankfully I've done two loads of washing so far, but still got quite a bit to get through. Need to try get more shifted before I'm back in college, so I can actually have some clean clothes to wear. This is what I get for not washing my clothes after I'd been at my best friend's and leaving it til I came home from my second holiday with even MORE dirty washing lol!!!

*hugs helen tight* i'm sorry things were so bad yesterday. I hope you got some college work done.

EDIT: oh wow, thats a lot of laundry! I did a bunch of loads last night so i understand where you're coming from lol.

*cuddles kahlia* please talk to your housemate if you can't get rid of some of the stuff

*hugs RYUU* glad your doctors appointment went well.

*hugs heather* Hope you are alright hun.

*hugs mark* how r u? did your appointment with the housing worker go okay?

*hugs amy* i'm sorry you got yelled at. Hope you managed to get some sleep and didn't get in any trouble.

*cuddles lindsay* you okay?

*hides* not okay. i don't like it when people get mad b/c i'm saying things they don't want to hear or act like they are alone when i am right there, face to face, talking to them.

*Hugs Laura*That must be infuriating!:(

My Housing support worker has yet to show , I waited an hour from 12pm 1pm but he didn't arrive and I popped out but he didn't leave a note through my door. I left him a message on his mobile and rang his office(No answer) so theres not a lot more I can do.

*RAGE* mum is being a douche, my doctor wants me back on my arthiritis meds that make me ill one morning a week, but my mum is being an ass about it and says I shouldn't be on them blah blah blah. ¬_¬ So I'm stressing, 2 doctors told me I need them to stay as mobile as I am now and not get really bad but on the other hand I'm being yelled and screamed at at home. Oh and I had to have the flu jab today, a fasting blood test next week and I've got to stay on the meds that make me hallucinate because I can't change until my rheumatologist sees me Monday.

Today sucked. Injection and my mum and feeling bleh and ugh. I want a lollipop. :( *cuddles all*

*hugs mark* hm, i'm sorry he didnt show up. that's pretty rude of him to just forget... bad business sense too.
How r u otherwise?

and it really is infuriating. and i know she's struggling so she's not in the best head space, but when she's like can you go and buy me some alcohol so i can deal, and i tell her no she shouldn't be drinking while she's like this.. she got mad b/c i wasn't doing what she needed. I told her it wasn't a good coping mechanism right now because she is too worked up and stressed. She then refused to talk to me for a few minutes until she got into how nobody cares about her again. I obviously care or i wouldn't be there.

I don't think i'm being bad at helping her. I'm just not giving in to everything she says. being challenged is not bad. right?

*hugs sarah tight* sounds like you had a rough day :(

No , being challenged in not bad Laura and I think you made a good decision not buying someone alcohol when they ar feeling like that , You should be proud that you stood up to her . *Hugs Laura*

*Hugs Sarah* I'm sorry you are having such a very rough time :(

I'm feeling pretty low this afternoon and evening , I spent 2-3 hours in bed but not sleeping today :S

*hugs everyone*

I really want to just isolate myself for a long time. I don't want to deal with life anymore.

*Hugs Felicia* I'm sorry you feel that way about life :(

*cuddles Laura* sounds like you did the right thing, drinking when in a bad place is a terrible idea.

*cuddles Mark* I hope you're okay

*huggles Felicia* I'm sorry you feel like that hun, hope you're okay

*Hugs Sarah* How are you coping tonight?

Not too great :( I wish I could curl up in a blanket and hide :(

I've HAD IT with feeling low today , I could so injure , I'm not feeling good about myself . I hate myself , I've popped out quite a few Diaz , I really want to sleep for 12 hours , I meet my befriender Becky and have "Psycho-social interventions" group tomorrow , I'm just a worthless disapointment of a person , perhaps I'd be better off if I started drinking and drunk myself into oblivion again

No mark, drinking when you're like this is bad :(

You're an amazing person, you're always here for me, you're so kind and caring and helpful, you're not worthless or a disappointment at all, I promise x

I can't drink , I'm on anti alcohol meds , but I could stop them , but they take 5-7 days to get out of your system , I still want to drink though :(
*Hugs Sarah* Thankyou for being so nice to me when I know you're feeling pretty crap yourself. I'm going to get ready for bed then check back in here then go to bed , I took Diaz so I SHOULD sleep okay

I hope you do sleep okay, and you do the same for me all the time *hugs tightly*

*Hugs Sarah Tight Back* :)I hope that tomorrow is a better day , for all of us :)
Goodnight Sarah.
Goodnight Wardies.
Has Lia been in today? I was just thinking I haven't chatted to her I think.

*hides*

*cuddles Nicole* You alright hun?

*cuddles sarah* not really, i don't know what i'm doing. i can't stop now, i'm so much better than i used to be, but i hate it so much! :'(

*snuggles* poor dear, I think I know what you mean.

Feel horrible tonight. Feel strange and trippy, I want off these meds but I can't for another month, and my arm hurts from the jab, mums moaning because she had it and it didn't hurt, only she led on the sofa for 3 days complaining about how it hurts. So I can't go on the meds that help me and I can't be hurt but she can?! Ugh. On the news there was a story about a guy who struggled for 2 years to get a council house, has no qualifications, no previous experience and a really rough past, my mum just complained he was being lazy. No its people like her that do that to others... :/