Thanks for all the hugs & support guys. I just want something to stop going round & round my head. Hoping it's just going to happen today & last night and that'll be it. Meh =/

*hugs everyone*

Nicole, I'm sorry you're feeling lonely *keeps you company & hugs*

Laura, I'm sorry you're in that situation, I felt like that til recently & it sucks. *hugs*

Sarah, I'm sorry things are still shitty. *cuddles*

Lia, you're none of those horrible names *hugs tight*

Mark, how you doing? *hugs*

Sorry, I know that's not everyone, but it's all I can remember right now.

I'm getting worse health wise. Boo. So run down and tired. :(

*cuddles all*

I'm sorry your health's getting worse Sarah. Please go to that doctors appointment *cuddles tight*

I'll be going tomorrow, hopefully they can deal with me. *cuddles Helen*

*cuddles everyone*

*gives everyone in here hugs*

*then screams*

*then sits down in corner and cries softly and rocks back and forth*


I just wish this would all stop, seriously. Why am I always getting the bad stuff?

*Hugs YodaBearInterrupted*

*Hugs Helen*

*Hugs Sarah*

*Hugs Ryuu*

*Hugs Laura*

*hugs matthew* whats wrong? Here if you want to talk or PM me anytime.

*hugs mark* morning! as i assume its morning for you. its 2:30am here.. I have yet to fall asleep

*Hugs Laura* Morning back at you :) I am groggy with sleep but have early appointments today and I got to get to the bank too , You having trouble sleeping ?:S *Puts some lavender oil in a sprayer and sprays a relaxing scent about your bed* Try now :)

*huggles all*

Helen - Happy milestone day!!
26 months for me today!!
*throws confetti 'cause she feels like it*

*Thorws Confetti for Kahlia And Dances with her :)*

Thanks Mark!!! Only four months to go until I make 2.5 years SI free!! (If I can last that long lol)

Wow Kahlia almost 2.5 years! That's awesome! I'm sure you can make it.

It's 6:30 AM, and I am awake after just going to sleep at 2 AM. Why? Why? Why? But I have classes at 8,9, and 10 AM so I know if I let myself sleep again I'll miss them. Today's gonna test me... I can tell.
*starts plotting ways to catch a nap in the library between her class at 10 and class at noon*

*Hugs Helen and Kahlia* That's great, both of you :)

*Hugs everyone else.*

How is everyone?

x

congrats Kahlia thats awesome.

*hugs everyone*

I hate the fact that I'm getting into trouble for being ill, if I was missing lectures for a physical illness I bet I wouldn't be getting into trouble, but cos its mental health stuff its like I'm not trying hard enough when I really am, they really don't realise how hard I am trying to get to my lectures, buits so hard when all you want to do is die.

*Hugs Oliver* It really sucks when people don't understand and it's hurtful too. I'm sorry that it's going on with you.

I've actually managed to get something done today. I got up, had a shower, took the dog for a walk and now I'm attempting to tackle the moutain of half term homework and meanwhile being distracted by Harry Potter.

Met with Sharron my Nurse then Kat My Course Keyworker.
The meeting with Sharron was quite light until I said I felt like drinking on my birthday , but I think I NEEDED to get that out and feel better about it now , I think I will be taking Diaz around my birthday though , but thats the lesser of two evils yep.
Then Kat and I talked , fot a bit, pretty in depth about my S.I. which was nice (right word?) to get off my chest.

*Hugs Lia*

*Hugs Oliver* It sucks that you are being treated so badly :(

*Hugs Felicia* *Makes Coffee for to wake up okay , or tea or flavoured water if you prefer :)

*Hugs Mark* I'm glad you were able to get some stuff off your chest. I hope your birthday isn't as bad as you think it's going to be.

I'm dead emotional today. I just cried listening to Dolly Parton.

*Hugs Lia* I hope my birthday won't be too bad either , it's in 2 weeks , but then there the 9th of November which I have some support for but am concerned about.

Thanks for remembering Kahlia & thanks for the congratulations Lia :)

*hugs ward*

Isn't it just ****ing fantastic when you upset your best friend & you already had nobody else to talk to? (Y) Least we're okay now, but still. I hate upsetting her or having arguments. Worst thing in the world. Well my world. Never mind, I'm just pathetic & a worthless piece of ****.

*Hugs Helen* You're not those things, you've came so far in your battle against SI. Everyone has thier disagreements and at least it's all OK now.

*hugs Lia* I am. I honestly feel like I've hardly come anywhere. Even one of my closest friends tried to point out that it is huge, four months away from a year, despite ALL the **** I've gone & am going through, I still haven't done it. But I just don't feel proud or anything. Don't even understand why. Just feel like I don't deserve to be I think. All I want to do is ****ing cut heh.

*Hugs Helen* You are NOT pathetic or worthless .

*hugs Mark* Wish I could believe you.

I know you feel, not being able to believe anyone who tells you good things about yourself, but you have done something to be proud of, and although you have those urges, you aren't giving into them. We're proud of you, even if you can't be proud of yourself :)

*hugs everyone* helen, you are not any of those things you said! and well done to you and kahlia for your milestones!

*Hugs Nicole* How are you?

*hugs lia* i'm.....i dunno, fed up, and tired, i think i might get a bath soon, relax...:(

*Hugs Nicole* :) A bath sounds like a nice idea

Baths are cool :) Like fez hats and bow ties. I'm reading Harry Potter and I think I am becoming re-addicted. I love them so much, and still manage to get hooked into reading late into the night, although I know exactly what happens in every one.

Are fez hats and bow ties in Harry Potter Lia? I watched some of the movies in a non, ummm I can't think of the word , I mean not in the order in which they were intended :)

No, that was a Doctor Who referance :) I'm a confusing person, I rarely stick to one topic. I might do some more work, I'm feeling lazy again. I got a few paragraphs of my English done earlier.

Non chronological order? I don't know the exact term. I love it, it's like, the fail safe haven. If I'm feeling ****, or am just bored.

Hey guys *cuddles* I'm having more issues being touched today, feeling edgy and such. Is strange. My rash still sucks too. Bleh. Just want to hide in the world of sims some more.

^^^^^That's it , Thanks Lia :) I don't really know Dr Who reference's , care for a star trek reference ?:)

*Hugs Sarah only if okay*

If you like Mark :) I'm always making random references.

*Makes heart shape with hands at Sarah*

Today, I asked what time I was meant to be meeting my friends for the cinema tomorrow. I got the response 'you're coming with us?' That's the exact same response I got from my other friends when I was meant to be going to see this film with them last week. Rejected much?

*Hugs Lia* I'm sorry you feel rejected :(

Now my mum's guilt tripping me about going. I was meant to be going out with my mum and sister tomorrow, but instead I'm going out with my friends and she's just told me 'one day you will need me and I won't be here, so you bugger off to the pictures'. I will never need her. Ever.

I dont have much time, just read through things quick and will reply properly later, but *throws around lots of confetti for helen and kahlia* So proud of both of you! *cuddles you both*

*hugs mark, lia, felicia, nicole, and oliver*
*offers to hold sarah's hand if you does not want to be hugged*

Off to class now, sorry for the quick replies.

I guess so Lia. Thank you *cuddles*

*hugs Nicole* Thanks xx

*Hugs Lia*

*Hugs Laura*

*hugs everyone*

Picture this. A family of four round the dinner table.

Mother (to me): Why are your hands shaking?

Me: I'm on drugs.

Real answer: Because, mum, I am trying not to show emotion while you all sit there and viciously snarl at me what a freak I am.

*HUgs Lindsey* How are you today?

x

Oh Lia :( *Hugs*

*Hugs Lindsay* How are you tonight ?

*cuddles for everyone* I'm okay for e-hugs, just no in real life touching is nice right now :(

Lia - your mum sounds so much like mine. She forced me to stay off uni today because of the rash (which has now gone) and now she's complaining that I didn't go in to uni and its a wasted day but I shouldn't have gone out. Ugh. I know what you mean about not needing her ever, I feel the same about my mother too. She's forever trying to guilt trip me into what she wants me to do. I've slowly become less affected by her...strange...ways but she still gets to me. I know how it feels hun *huggles up tightly*

*hugs Lia*

I'm...blah. I don't want to be alive and I wouldn't be if my brother wasn't around. I'm fed up with life, it means nothing to me and I don't enjoy it.

How are you, Mark?

I'm not sure Lindsay , you made me think with what you said the other day , about how you feel Mental Health issues are what your life revolves around , I just feel the same way , Depression , S.I. and drink ( or the lack of it) are all my life is about , It's what I think about and has to do with what I do everyday,all day ,and I hate it

*hugs lia* wish i could do something to help =[
*e-hugs sarah*
mark =] *waves*

*leaves cuddles and care packages for everyone*
love you guys <3
even if im not online, all of you are in my heart and on my mind :)

*Hugs Heather* :)

*hugs Heather* Thanks :) thats really sweet

*cuddles Mark*

*cuddles Lindsay*

Sorry, hugs are all I have right now :(

*Night Time Hugs Sarah, Lia , Heather , Nicole , Lindsay, Helen and all my other wardies :)*