...all in all I figure about the same as you with the future worrying. *nods*
How's class going?

well, big snuggly goodnight hugs to all of you who accept them.

I'm going to go snuggle into my nest, I mean my bed, stick some calming music on my headphones and try and encourage the cats to join me.

Night all :smurf:

night night bunny :)

Feeling lonely so I'm going to bed, night wardies *cuddles*

night night Sarah.

*pounces* I spy an Oliver!

hi lovelies <3
ergh. am ill =[

*cuddles heather* feel better!

Date was good, helped get my mind off of a lot, but at the same time it triggered a lot in me. ugh remind me not to see a movie about being in a ward when i'm stressed ever again.

awhhh.

*cuddles* I need to be held right now. =/

*hugs josh* im sorry that you were triggered on your date but glad that it went well other than that. here if you want to talk about anything.

*cuddles heather*

*hugs sarah* sounds like you have a lot going on right now. try to do something nice for yourself hun. Go for a long walk, take a relaxing bath, go to a movie. Hope that you got some sleep.

*hugs crimson* o wow, that sounds like its confusing. Do you have any idea when they are making the decisions about who they are interviewing? Which do feel you want to do more? I know awhile ago you seemed like you really wanted to get out of your current situation... if you need to vent feel free to message me.

Class was long and boring. Just feeling really thoughtful now about everything. On the upside, I won't SI tonight, I don't feel the need to do that at all.

Laura: I'm not into country music either - but the lyrics hit me so I thought I'd share

*huggles everybody*

Yeah, it definitely has some good lyrics. I have heard that song before and I've always liked what it has to say (despite my aversion to the country sound lol). How r u doing? *hugs*

*Hugs Laura*

*Hugs Crimson*

*Hugs TheSuffererComplex* Forgot your name , sorry , remind me ?

*Hugs Josh*

*Hugs Heather*

*Hugs Sarah*

*Hugs Bunny*

*Hugs Kahlia* I used to own that song , it's nice if you're in a country mood :)

Cuddles everbody. I can't do this, they win, they win. Curls up

Laura: Well I'm still alive, and my R arm is still attached .... How are you hun? *big hugs*

Mark: Yeah, it's a good song, and the lyrics are great. How are you doing? *huggles*

*Hugs Jill*

*Hugs Kahlia*I don't know how I'm doing , my mind is on the fence , will I have a decent day or will it be crap? OR will it stay hovering in the middle ground all numb ?

I feel I should mark today somehow , it's my 1st anniversary of moving out of my parents today , I should buy a poster to decourate the flat or something, I still don't feel like this is my home , it's a 2 year fixed tenancy so I'm super aware that I shoulden't settle in too much . hmmm what would you guys all do to mark 1 year in your new flat ?

*hides* i give up i give up i give up!

Mark: *hugs back* Sorry to hear you are in the numb middle ground. I hope you manage to have a good day. Perhaps a poster would be good to mark the anniversary. We made our mark on this flat but in truth that was by bringing our computers into it. Once we placed our computer desks in the lounge rooms the whole place sort of felt more "ours". Maybe a photo that you like could go on the fridge or something like that - it doesn't have to be something big, just something that you like to reinforce things you like and do and so forth? Sorry, that probably sounds dense. :-S

*Hugs Nicole* Whats the matter hun?

Kahlia, That doesen't sound dense at all , good ideas :)

*hugs mark* i'm just fed up of feeling low all the time and not being able to concentrate and i've SI'd two days in a row now :(

Bloody Hell! My Housing Support worker just said to me (To make conversation I think) "Do you ever want to get married?, On the other hand you might be on of the people who are never married and never find someone ." DAMN! if there are no issues with the tenancy that I need supporting with **** OFF instead of depressing me with that kind of talk, I'm alone enough as it is and lonely , STUPID STUPID STUPID!

cuddles all, feel very numb right now. curls up. whoa that was stuiped, you okay mark. cuddles

*Hugs Jill* I'm sorry you feel numb :( I had to take A Diazepam and am feeling more calm but man could I go for a drink right about now but I can't have alcohol on Antabuse , it's a horrible experience. Just work a little bit more Diaz .......please.

hugs mark, glad your feeling calmer now, dont do anything silly. just hang on to how chuffed and proud of yourself you were. huggles

I Know Jill , Thankyou *Hugs Jill*

Mark: I'm soryry the Housing Support Worker said that to you. In was completely uncalled for. As hard as it sounds please try not to let it get to you. *hugs you* Remember every single person is an individual and trying to classifly them is just ridiculour. :-<

Jill: Sorry to are feeling numb. I hope you are doing okay. You can hold in there hun, you have a lot of strength inside you even if you can't feel it right now. This may be a stupid idea, but sometimes just find
ing one thing to hold onto can help.

I wish I could sleep but I had a lucid nightmare that warned me aI was going to have a lucid nightmare. I have to admit that it is extremely lucky I don't have a car, because if I did I would have just gotten into it and started driving with no thought whatsoever as to the destination. As it is I'm just extremely freaked out and terrifed. Hopefully a couple of Xanax will calm me down, plus my friends on RYL, especially the VPW.

*Hugs Kahlia* I'm sorry you had a lucid nightmare :( You have your Xanax like I have My Diaz so I relate , *Extra comforting Hug just for Kahlia*

*hugs mark* the poster idea is good for commemorating one year in your flat, or maybe get a picture and nice picture frame? And I agree with Kahlia, the comment about marriage was completely unnecessary. He probably was not trying to upset you but the way he said it was ridiculous. Don't drink because of it... its not worth it at all. You are you, there is no reason to think you need to be anything other that who you are.

*hugs jill* i'm sorry you are feeling numb. Try to do something nice for yourself, you deserve it.

*hugs nicole* Don't give up hun. Its hard but you can make it past urges and feeling low. It is possible. You just have to be patient with yourself.

*cuddles kahlia* i'm sorry about the lucid nightmare. (That is when you know that you are dreaming while dreaming right?) They sound like they could be pretty scary. I hope you were able to calm down some, as i see you posted about a half hour ago. Here if you need to talk.

So i just woke up.. its late.. like 11:20am. Oh well, I wasn't able to sleep until 3:30am so i guess its alright. Anyway, I'm hanging in there. Still thinking about things and evaluating life. I don't really want to go anywhere today, all i want is just to lay back down, but thats not an option.

*cuddes all* My fiance bought me new glasses today, and later in the afternoon my suprise present arrived in the post - a spa day for him and me. So my day is pretty good. All worried about tomorrow though, going to see the surgeon, and the most likely outcome is being admitted to hospital :(

*Hugs Laura* I'm not going to drink , I'm leaning towards the poster idea.

*Hugs Sarah*Good luck with the surgeon tomorrow, it's for your gall bladder right ?

They haven't updated me since mid-September when the hr department sent my resume to the hiring manager. *shrugs* I know nothing else about what they're doing or deciding. I figured I'd be the last they'd interview since I'm out of state and in this economy what company wants to pay for a new employee to move to the area, ya know? But then it's been forever. the listing closed and they started sifting through resumes September 3rd. I want out of the way I'm stuck and it's way too cold up here for my liking. However, I like the summers up here and I have a decent, reliable job right now. Sadly a decent job isn't enough to my husband since he was talking yesterday about giving up on that one and finding a better job up here...
I dunno maybe I'll make a list of pros and cons of staying up here, looking for a job there or for that matter looking for a different job up here.

*hugs and cuddles everyone*

P.S. ~ I got a new coffee maker for my desk since my little one has been broken for over a year now. And some Dunkin Donuts brand coffee in Mocha Mint :) So now my desk has a full supply of coffee, tea and cocoa for the cold mornings when I have no money to go to the coffee place on the corner.

*hugs Mark* Yeah its my gallbladder. Most likely outcome is needing to stay in hospital for at least an MRI :( It hurts so much today :(

*Hugs Crimson* Best of luck with the job situation , It sound mighty complex :( ....... Great idea on the Coffee/Tea/Cocoa front :)

*Hugs Sarah*

I don't think I can take much more of this existence.

*Hugs Lindsay* Whats up hun ?

cuddles all, curls up. i feel very wierd right now, and its freaking me out

I'm just feeling so HUGELY low. And I don't want to be alive any longer because my whole life is consumed by mental illness.

*Hugs Jill* I'm sorry you feel so weird , do you know whats bought it on?

*Hugs Lindsay* I feel that my life is solely about mental illness a LOT too so you can always talk to me I understand it's a horrible way to feel :(

erm took my anti-depressants, not sure if thats whats causing this. but my head feels very fuzzy. curls up.

Did you take your prescribed dose of Meds ? you've not taken too many have you ?:S

erm i deff took the right amount. dont worry. hugs

OH Okay :) sorry

sorry if that came across as horrible. i know you were only trying to help. not sure i want to carry on taking these.

*cuddles everyone* Its Josh, Mark =p

Today has been okay, just been stressful cause of work =/

No you didn't come over as horrible Jill , don't worry about it *HUGS* You haven't been taking the meds for that long have you ? Don't stop without talking to your Dr , you could get withdrawel symptoms :S

I'm going to bed , I harmed this evening ,IDIOT!

*hugs Mark* Im sorry.. Dont beat yourself up about it, tomorrow is another day to start anew. Feel better.

*curls up*

Thanks *tucks luck away in my pocket*
I love my new 'beverage station' ;)
Good night. *tucks mark into bed* you are not an idiot and you are doing quite well its just a blip, tomorrow is a new day.

*hugs jill* you should see about talking to your dr. they may lower the dose or keep a close eye on it or even change the meds.

*waves at josh* i'm crimson *extends hand*

*cuddles nicole* what's up?

*hugs lindsay* how are you doing now?

*cuddles crimson* just had a bit of a bad night and feeling very invalidated :( hows you?