sorry guys. stuiped question.

My fiance and I are okay now, was all a misunderstanding. Feeling terrible though, requesting a meds change on Friday, it can't come quickly enough. *cuddles all*

*curls up shivering* so dam cold
i think i'm unwell i'm not sure i just dont feel good

*hugs everyone*
How is everyone? (sorry been like 15 pgs since i last got a chance to read...)

That made us laugh :D

lol the comments were the best! people look at you funny when you're in an office and randomly burst into laughter though.... just couldn't contain it!

*cuddles all* I'm heading to bed, got to be up at 6am to get to my 9am lecture. Yay ¬_¬

Night xx

*sits in corner and sighs*

Morning all.

*Hugs Heather*

*Hugs Helen*

*Hugs Sarah*

*Hugs April*

*Hugs Crimson*

*Hugs Julie*

*Hugs Jill*

Wow, very very quiet night in the ward........

And very quiet morning... :-S Hope everyone's okay.

*cuddles all*

*Spots and hugs April, Helen and Jill*:) How's everyone?

*hugs ward*

Has been a very quiet morning in the ward too, hope all are ok.

I'm still ill but having a good time, can't go out today at the moment, totally pissing it down and plus I'm so tired.

I'm a bit down on myself today but I went for a walk got back made coffee opened my milk and it had gone off , yuk! so went back out to get supplies after drinking my (black) coffee . I just want to sleep now.

Tomorrow I have a "Groups that grow" session 1 of 12 ,they have taken little bits that work from all different theaputic approaches and rehabs and stuff and come up with this course , I'm anxious about being around a group of people , (There will be 12 plus 3 staff) but I hope it can help me get a hold of my S.I..

Er my afternoon going so well, not nearly got hit by a bus, thats triggered really stuiped thoughts that I'm trying really hard to igoure, so I can sort of fuchion at work can see that happening. Just want to hide. Cuddles all

*Hugs Jill* I hope you're okay

*Hugs everyone.*

Just gonna hang...(as in hang here, not gonna off myself).

*Spots Lia Hanging and Hangs with her* How are you ? *Hugs*

*hugs crimson* haha what a funny story! how have you been?

*hugs helen* im sorry that your still sick and tired. Hope that things are going well at your besties though.

*hugs april* How are you today? Sorry to hear that you were so low yesterday. That sucks that you don't have heat. Its still getting up to around 75-80 during the day but then like 30 at night.. so i'm like a/c - heat - window open - closed. Very annoying lol, the weather is weird here.

*hugs mark* that "groups that grow" thing sounds pretty awesome! Hopefully it works for you. I understand being anxious but hopefully everyone there is very understanding of everyone else. Sorry that you are so tired today.

*hugs sarah* hope your lectures went okay today.

*hugs heather* how r u doing hun?

*hugs jill* I hope you are okay. Good job on trying to ignore those thoughts though. You can beat the urges, i know you can.

*hugs lia* you okay?

Long evening. Wound up having to go to work last night even though i normally have tuesday's off since i have class until 9pm, but so many people are sick right now... o well.. i like work most of the time.. just lately been feeling weird about everything. I've got bad thoughts rolling around in my head today on repeat, which i really hate when this happens. I don't know.. some days it just doesn't seem worth it, but i have to go to class in an hour or so for 3 hours.. then back to work.

ok done rambling... sorry.. i know i say a lot of pointless things you guys probably couldn't care less about.

Oh Laura of course we all care *Hugs* It sounds like you have a Jam Packed scedule , You've probably said but I forgot what is your job? I hate hate hate it when bad thoughts roll around in my head , Can you do anything to distract yourself ? Music can work really well for me .

*hugs mark* yea my schedule is pretty busy all the time, which is good for distraction purposes but can make me really stressed out at times heh.. I'm trying to just ignore thoughts right now, going to class in a few minutes will probably be enough to distract me for now. And, I work as a page designer at the local newspaper here.

busy, frustrated, etc etc.... typed up a long letter to my mom in a r/v manner to get out all my frustrations about my current living sitch issues but then left it in draft form unfiished deciding i didn't wanna burden her. :) may post it in my r/v if i even bother to finish writing it... on the upside my office is coming along nicely and the person i've been doings job alongside mine for the last few months? she resigned. we can replace her now and i can get back to doing just one job in a month or so. still waiting to here if i get an interview or not but at least i know my resume went from hr to the hiring manager so even if i'm not picked i know i came close *really hoping for the job though.. i miss the warm climate in cali and will not miss supporting double my household size*
How're you doing now? (been a half hour now) Any better/ more distracted?

*Hugs Crimson*

*Hugs Laura* Of course we care. Bad thoughts really suck, but you're strong enough to get past them, I know you are :)

*Hugs Mark* Hey, thanks for the company. I'm Ok thanks, sort of. Not as weird as I was before. The 'twisted' mood seems to be wearing off, thank goodness. You alright?

*hugs crimson* im sure you mom wouldnt mind if you needed to vent about things, but i understand not being sure about sending it. I often type out things and then im like.. "hmm... better not." heh. Anyway, glad to hear that you should be back to only doing one job soon! Hopefully that will help a little with your stress load. And i know i say this every time you update about the job application, but good luck with it! I really hope that you get it since i know you really would like to move.

*hugs lia* I'm glad that you are at least sort of okay and feeling a little more normal.

Thoughts really don't seem to be settling down, leaving in a few minutes though, so maybe when i'm around other people they will a bit. If I don't get a chance to get back on until late tonight, hope everyone stays safe today/this evening.

*Hugs Crimson* * Crosses fingers for you ta get the job*

Hey Lia:) I'm getting a stuffed up feeling in my nose :( I hope it doesen't develop into a full blown cold . I'm a little triggered , very aprehensive over my group tomorrow . My immediate goal is to not S.I. tonight .

Hugs lia mark and Laura.
Erm I'm really can't answear that. Argh!!! Can someone please make the next two weeks go away. Don't wanna do them. Curls up and starts shaking.

*Hugs Jill* Whats happening over the next two weeks Jill?

*hugs everyone then builds a fort and hides.*

Hey Nicole :) *Hugs* How are you this evening?

*cuddles all* rought day, my nanna is in hospital and my fiance has just been diagnosed with depression too. Just feeling terrible. Not going to be about much tonight. x

*Hugs Sarah* I'm sorry to hear about your Nanna being in hospital and your fiance getting that diagnosis , Please take good care of yourself while all this is going on around you .

*hugs mark* not really. you?

*hugs ward*
Sorry it's not more. I need to clone myself so one of me can work, one can do hw, one can do homecoming, and the real me can sleep.
I haven't slept in 30 some hours. I'm so tired.

Feel like i need to cut the devil is telling me i must do it
he is saying graphic things to me to make me cut

*Hugs Sarah* I'm sorry, Sarah. Like Mark said, please take care of yourself while all this is going on and we're all here for you. :)

*Hugs Jill* What is it happening in the next two weeks honey? Like I said to Sarah, we're all here to help you through it, whatever it is.

That's another thing I love about this ward. I know whatever I do, none of you will ever judge me. I could come here hysterical and say I just killed a man who tried to attack me or something, and none of you would freak and run. I love you guys.

*Hugs Nicole* What's up honey? College getting you down? Or are your family being a pain again?

*Hugs Felicia* Workload is a bitch. A-level English is bad enough, I have two papers to write and a book to read over the weekend. There goes my Saturday. I love it though, you have to remember that. You're doing this for a reason, because you love the subject and it will all pay off, even if you'd sooner sleep now, you'll be glad of all this one day. Think of how pround you'll be of yourself when you're done. :)

*Hugs Mark* How are things going with the urges? I hope you're Ok. I'm here to talk if you need someone.

*Hugs Laura* I hope you're alright, try and stay around people as much as possible.

*Hugs RYUU* Remember all the times you've resisted the devil before? You can do it again. Do anything that has helped you in teh past. We all carea about you here and none of us want to see you hurt.

hugs everybody. erm next week is going to be really stressfull. sorry i know im not answaering your question. curls up in a dark corner hopping the pain will stop.

*Hugs Jill* Well whatever's going on honey, we're all here for you. Stay safe. Remember the song I pasted on here the other day.

curls up cries. i hurt so much right now.

*Hugs Jill*

*Hugs Nicole*

*Hugs Sarah*

*Hugs Lia*

*Hugs Ryuu*

*Hugs Felicia*

*hugs all*

Well my computer repairs are not yet underway. The first lot of items have not yet arrived ... they should be in transit either tonight (having left late today) or tomorrow to arrive (hopefully) early next week. Not overly happy about not having a computer still.

I managed to submit my assignment on Tuesday - well before my extension date of 5 pm AEST tomorrow - which is good news and I've even managed to get up-to-date on my readings and coursework.

Unfortunately I've got some signs of illness that mean I have to go for some mammoth blood/urine/etc work tomorrow. Hopefully it isn't anything serious, and it is something that is treatable. *crosses fingers*

*sigh*

*Hugs Kahlia* I was lierally just wondering about you and here you are :) It must be so frustrating to not have a computer :S Way to go you on completeing your course work though :)
*Crosses fingers and hopes it's nothing serious too*

I have my first "Groups 2 Grow" Session at 2pm this afternoon , I feel numb /anxious , weird feeling , I am really really hoping it will help me get a hold of my Self Injury. Positive thoughts my way if you like please :)

Also it's exactly 1 month today until I turn 30 ,:S:S:S:S:S:S:S:S:S:S:S:S , The countdown has truely begun erp , not happy about that.

Cuddles all, I feel so unsafe so numb, like I'm walking around in a dazes. Curls up

*Hugs Jill* Look after yourself please .

Well My Groups 2 Grow was INTENSE!!! and they said it was going to start getting intense from next week erp :S It was totally geared towards substance abuse but I was told It would be more duel diagnosis ( Substance AND Mental Health problems ) , I'm really hoping it wont be just just the substance stuff , I really want to focus on my depression hmmm but I guess the two are interlinked . The group is called "Group Psycho-social Interventions" , I meet my keyworker (Kat) Who does my accupuncture and is very nice tomorrow .

Wow, a quiet day on the ward here. Sending you early luck for next week Mark as I missed this week's luck :) Glad the group seemed to go ok, even if it was a little intense. *Hugs*

*Hugs Jill* If you don't feel like telling us what's going on, I'm free to PM if you'd feel more comfortable like that. Sorry you're stuggling so much right now. *Hugs tightly*.

*Hugs Kahlia* I hope it's nothing too serious as well. Good luck honey.

Thankyou Lia for the luck :) *Hugs* I hope I can cope with the intensity , I REALLY struggle with groups , I get incredibly self concious , Today I was nervous and got triggered and I sort of "zoned out" I mean I was trying to pay attention but my attention span is short ( depression eh? who'd have it!) and all that on top of 20 mg Of Diaz . hmmm.....

It is quiet in here... Hope everyone is alright.

*hugs mark* the group sounds like a good thing, though a little intense. I definitely understand your nerves about the group, hopefully it gets better with time/as you get used to the people in the group. Hope the meeting with your keyworker goes okay. How r u otherwise?

*hugs lisa* how r u doing?

*hugs kahlia* i'm sorry you are ill and that your computer still isn't fixed. Good job on getting all that coursework done though! I'll be keeping you in my thoughts about the doctors appointment.

*hugs jill* i'm sorry you feel like you are in a daze. Anything we can do/anything you want to talk about? Here if you need to.

I'm not doing too well. I don't want to go into too much detail on here as I don't want to trigger anyone, but i could use some hugs. Life is overwhelming.

Too true! We love you too :)

*hugs everyone*

*Hugs Laura*

*Hugs Crimson*

I don't feel safe , The group really took it out of me I think :S I S.I. earlier and just now made it worse and am worried that I may make it even worse , knowing I am at my parents from tomorrow until Sunday and will therefore not be in a situation to S.I. is making me think "do it now as you can't later" sorry I'm rambling.

But Mark, think - will "do it now as you can't later" really help either situation? SI-ing now won't take away future urges over the weekend, nor will it help you feel better at the moment as you are worried about making it worse... and if it is worse then you might have to get it checked out, which i'm sure you don't want to do. Plus, making it worse might also make you regret it more in the future.

I hope that didn't sound too harsh. I didnt mean for it too, just trying to point out some logic in the situation. I know you can fight these urges Mark. You have done it before. Keep talking if it will help, or doing something distracting... Go for a walk, get some coffee, sleep, anything that will keep you from making things worse.

*extra safe hugs* Hang in there.


*hugs crimson* and we love you too! :-) Hope you are okay.