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-   -   Virtual Psych ward! (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1312)

shadow13 23-09-2010 08:07 PM

*In the corner still, rocking back and forth, now holding arm* I'm SORRY! I'M SO SORRY! I gave in. I gave in. I'm SO sorry. I gave in. I gave in. Today was too much. It was my breaking point. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. :crying:

nicole94 23-09-2010 08:12 PM

*holds shadow 13 if thats ok?* it's ok sweetie, we all slip up sometimes, you didnt give in, just think of it like a speed bump, and you've gotta go over it before you can get on the road to recovery. x

^^wow, that was very wise for me! XD

SoMuchMore 23-09-2010 08:14 PM

*hugs helen* PM me if you want okay hun? I'm sorry you dont feel safe.

*hugs shadow13* Its okay hun, its just a slip up. Try to relax... take a deep breath. Here if you want to talk.

*hugs nicole* that was wise heh. Hope you are okay.

*mark* im sorry that they keep messing up your schedule, that has got to be annoying.

*hugs lia* i'm worried too.. hope you are okay.

*hugs april* how r u doing?

I'm pretty sad about my dog right now. Its my sisters birthday too and we arent going to tell her because it will ruin her day. :-/ things arent going that well overall... but im okay.. im always okay...

Doikers 23-09-2010 08:16 PM

*Hugs Nicole*

*Hugs April*

*Hugs shadow13*We all slip up some times , are you looking after it okay?

*Hugs Helen*

*Hugs Taz*

nicole94 23-09-2010 08:18 PM

*hugs laura and mark* hope your both okish (apart from what you've already said obviously)
*spies lia* please just let us know your ok hun?

i am feeling very wise and very...whats the word?.....normal. today.

shadow13 23-09-2010 08:22 PM

I'm looking after THEM okay. I promise. No signs of infection. Clean cuts. I'm trying to calm down. I'm taking deep breaths now. I'm talking I'm here. I'm okay.

FlyingNy 23-09-2010 08:27 PM

I'm sorry guys. I'm alright. I left my laptop with all the internet and stuff all open and wondered off. I didn't meant to make you all worry. I was just wondering if I had the guts to tell you something.

Louise 23-09-2010 08:31 PM

*sits on the floor and crys*

shadow13 23-09-2010 08:34 PM

what's wrong honey?

MammaMia 23-09-2010 09:01 PM

*cuddles everyone tightly*

Laura, I might PM you but you have so much going on without me whining.
Nicole, that was very wise :D

I can't deal with this, but I'm not giving them the satisfaction. It'll get better right? It always does eventually?? Hurry up 11 days, then can go see my best friend. I need her to be okay, please let her be okay tomorrow.

Doikers 23-09-2010 09:11 PM

Well I just took a Diazepam , I SO need today to be over , I have an appointment with Kat who is covering for my nurse tomorrow , I think it might help to speak to someone in person and I like Kat .
Tomorrow after my Dad finishes work he is picking me up and taking me back to my parents where I am seeing my Uncle and Aunt and cousin who are coming over from California , I've never met my cousin , he is 3 or 4 and was born in the states .So anyway I might be a bit less on the ward over the weekend as I'm away but will try to get on as much as I can .

*Hugs for Helen*

*Hugs Louise* Whats up Louise?

Scarletdreamer 23-09-2010 09:21 PM

Hels, you can feel free to PM me or whatever. I wish I could help you though, think I have an idea of what's going on but (obviously) not sure. Sending cuddles your way, love!!

Laura, you can PM me too, if it would help. Just to get it out, you know? *hugs gently*

Lia, you can PM me if you don't want to tell the whole ward yet... just to see how it feels telling someone something. I don't know, that might sound stupid, but I know you've felt comfortable telling me stuff before so... well, just a thought. *gentle hugs*

*hugs Shadow13* Hi, we've not "officially" met yet, I'm April. :) I'm sorry to hear that you've cut, but at least you're looking after them... :( But as Nicole said, just look at it in blips in the road to recovery (well, had to rephrase it a bit so I wouldn't be stealing it, now, didn't I? :P). Glad you're posting here, though, it's good to get out how you feel somewhere, and this is a very supportive and friendly place to be posting. :)

Erm so to all who've asked how I am... meh, not the best, not the worst, kinda in the middle. Really tired but not as bad as I've been before this time of day. Reason being? - my NP cut out my morning dose of Neurontin (gabapentin) in the hopes that it wouldn't make me so sleeeeeeepy come afternoon. I think it might be working, but I don't know for sure. Bleh.

I'm cranky though. And I hate it when I get cranky. >:( It really sucks FEELING this way and ACTING this way because I tend to snap at people, or vow not to speak to them if I've felt that they've slighted me in the least. I mean, my mum annoyed me earlier today and now I'm (stupidly and YES I CAN SEE that it's stupidly, heh) vowing that I'm not going to talk to her next phone call I make to my parents. But of course I will talk with her, it's just stupid being the way I am being right now. Childish (in the bad sense of the word), even. ARGH!!!! :'(

Okies, I'll shut up now...

SoMuchMore 23-09-2010 09:25 PM

*hugs mark* hope you have fun with your family!

*hugs helen* don't worry about it at all. I'm always around if you want to talk. I wont think its whining i promise.

*hugs louise* you alright?

*hugs april* sorry that you are feeling cranky. It happens to everyone sometimes though. Glad that you are okay-ish. Hope that the reduction of meds helps with the tiredness. I hate being tired all the time.

*hugs everyone else*

I might PM someone later.. idk yet. Have to go to class first.

Louise 23-09-2010 09:27 PM

feeling low and a bit unsafe.

FlyingNy 23-09-2010 09:30 PM

Thanks April, but it's what I already told you that time. I'm trying to decide if I'm ready to announce this to the whole ward or not. I don't know what I want out of it. Somone else to know I guess. Someone to take me seriously, believe me.

Oh, and on the lol side of life, I had a dream about the music teacher last night. She was teaching my psychology lesson (???) and my friend Emma was in love with her. I began to freak out about something unknown and got really upset in the lesson. I covered my face and tried to block out what Emma was saying and then I opened my eyes and my music teacher was standing right next to me and she was being so nice and asking what was wrong and if I was OK, it wasn't a bad dream but now I'm really scared of her for some reason...

Louise 23-09-2010 09:31 PM

we are here for you lia

Doikers 23-09-2010 09:37 PM

*Hugs Lia*

*Hugs Louise*

*Hugs Laura*

FlyingNy 23-09-2010 09:41 PM

Thanks Lousie. Same goes for you. Try and keep yourself safe. *Hugs*

*Hugs Mark*

MammaMia 23-09-2010 09:42 PM

*hugs everyone*

April & Laura, I'll PM you both now. Thank you x

Doikers 23-09-2010 09:45 PM

Oh, I need the darkness
The sweetness
The sadness
The weakness
Oh, I need this

I'm heading to bed in a few.

Goodnight Wardies *Hugs*

In the words of Paramore " Somehow everythings gonna fall right into place"
I'm hanging on to those words tonight.

FlyingNy 23-09-2010 09:46 PM

*Hugs Helen* I think I know what's going on. Am I right? I'm here for you if you reckon a third party would help.

*Hugs Mark* night night. I hope you're alright :S

Kahlia1981 23-09-2010 10:08 PM

*hugs all*

Mark: Glad I could offer something that might be useful. By the way, I hope your friend is doing okay. *hugs*

April: The arm in question is the one I had surgery on to "fix". We had to gut our computers to transplant them into new cases to fix some overheating problems and in the process I put my arm through movements and angles that have left me in extreme pain. I couldn't sleep last night (without sleeping pills and extreme pain meds) because of the pain and still woke exceptionally early. *huggles*

Sorry for the lack of individuals. I feel like a bad wardie. :-(

MammaMia 23-09-2010 10:18 PM

Lia, could you PM me sweetheart what you thinks going on? I can tell you via PM whether you're right or not. I wasn't sure if you were able to handle a PM from me explain it all, hence me not including you.

Mark, please stay safe. I hope you sleep well.

Kahlia, you're not a bad wardie! *cuddles tightly*

shadowedsoul 23-09-2010 10:21 PM

Huggles all, argh I really had enough. Argh just argh!!!

MammaMia 23-09-2010 10:24 PM

You're not the only one Jill. But it won't always be this bad.

shadow13 23-09-2010 11:12 PM

*sits by new friends as tears run down face* Why won't they stop? I don't want to cry anymore today. hugs please? :crying:

FlyingNy 23-09-2010 11:20 PM

*Hugs shadow13 tightly.* I'm Lia. Do you have a name you want us to call you, or would you rather be shadow13? You don't have to give your real name if you're worried about being 'found'. Do you want to share what's bothing you? We're a nice bunch for the most part and won't eat you or anything :)

*Hugs Jill* Sorry you're feeling so low. Is there anything we can do to help?


xx

shadowedsoul 23-09-2010 11:49 PM

big bear hugs for shadow13. hello names jill are you okay?
hugs lia, i know what would help, but im not even going there. sorry

SparkleKitten 23-09-2010 11:56 PM

Haven't felt this bad in a long time. Feel terrible. Not even overly sure why either :(

FlyingNy 24-09-2010 12:18 AM

*Hugs Sarah* I'm sorry you're feeling so low. I know it's especaially frustrating when you don't even know why.

I'm also sorry for my earlier post and making you all worry then I never even said what it was and everything. I will one day. Maybe soon. Sorry.

SparkleKitten 24-09-2010 12:38 AM

Mum's being an ass with me again. Its depressing that I got half my DNA from her. Still not 100% sure I'm even in the right degree, that could be the depression talking or just realising I only did it because I was forced into it or maybe even something else... Just it was always my dream to work with animals and I'm voulenteering with them soon and my work experience felt right... I'm so muddled up right now

Louise 24-09-2010 12:41 AM

you have nothing to be sorry for lia, you can tell us in your own time or you can PM me.

MammaMia 24-09-2010 12:42 AM

*cuddles everyone*

My face is ****ing annnnnnnnoying. But least I'm FINALLY going to the doctors about it in the morning.

Louise 24-09-2010 12:43 AM

I hope the doctors go well for you Helen

MammaMia 24-09-2010 12:44 AM

Thanks Louise. Am scared about something, but I think I found a way round it.

Kahlia1981 24-09-2010 12:53 AM

*huggles everyone*

Hels: Thanks sweetheart.

Feeling really down and my arm hurts. Just want to ... I don't know ... scream, shout, cry, and lots of other stuff but mostly give in to the bad stuff. *sigh*

FlyingNy 24-09-2010 01:05 AM

Kahlia. I love you, please don't hurt yourself.

Sleepy time now. Night all.

xx

xxjuliexx 24-09-2010 01:17 AM

*sighs and looks around the ward* so many people are struggling *sits* best not add to the list hmmm

frenchhorn 24-09-2010 01:43 AM

*hugs all*

I'm sorry I've not been posting in here much recently, I'm in a deep depression and everything is just ****.
I could really do with some hugs right now, I'm really anxious about tomorrow, I'm going to the police station to a report a homophobic hate crime and I'm scared.

anarchistl0ve 24-09-2010 01:44 AM

i am okay

shadow13 24-09-2010 03:07 AM

Ummm you can call me Shad. :) I'm using that alias for this site. As for what's going on... My now ex-friend told me (basically) that I'd changed and she didn't think she could be friends with the new me. But I haven't changed... She started ignoring me and I got really angry and upset and called her immature.
We had an argument a couple of weeks ago and I started going into shock and crying and no one would let me leave. So at lunch, at school, I cut. It's almost healed now...
Then awhile later, one of my other friends got involved (the one who held me against my will while i was crying ) and took her side and they called me pathetic behind my back, which another two of my TRUE friends were there to hear. One of them then yelled at the two that called me pathetic and came and told me.
They've now got a teacher involved saying it's all my fault and that i'm pathetic, immature and they don't like me anymore. I keep crying in school. My mind runs over the memories of my two lost friends (we've been together for 4 yrs) and It's all I can think about. I keep telling myself that it's my fault. MY FAULT. And if I was.... I dunno not me in a way, we'd still be friends.
Yesterday (Thursday) I cried almost all day. Everything would just start the tears and I kept yelling at myself to stop being so weak and pathetic, telling myself they were right...At lunch, after being free for a week and a half, I cut. I felt all my pain wash away.
I WANTED the numb feeling and... I got it. I didn't cry for the rest of the day. The price? My freedom. I feel trapped again in that dark hole with no hands reaching to get me. Just sitting there in the dark waiting for some slither of hope's silver light.
I feel so defeated. I fear I may not recover this time. I've only been on here a few days and I don't know alot of you but... Help. Please. I just want to stop the pain. I want to be free again. I need your help and your hugs and your kindness, if your willing to give it to this pathetic excuse for a 15yr old high school student. :crying:

misskitty112 24-09-2010 04:05 AM

Hey Shad, my name's Felicia.
*hugs* That's happened to me with a lot of my friends recently. Feel free to PM me, I'm a good listener :)

Sorry I'm being such a bad wardie guys. Today has been ****. And I may or may not be around much this weekend and next week. We'll see. If you'd like, facebook me or whatevs. Link's in my profile.

Doikers 24-09-2010 11:10 AM

*Hugs Louise*

*Hugs Felicia*

*Hugs Shad*

*Hugs Becca*

*Hugs Oliver* Good luck at the police staion :)

*Hugs Helen* Good luck at the Dr's :)

*Hugs Julie*

*Hugs Lia*

*Hugs Kahlia*

*Hugs all my other wardies*

xxjuliexx 24-09-2010 12:00 PM

*curls up*

Doikers 24-09-2010 12:07 PM

You okay Julie? *Huggles*

xxjuliexx 24-09-2010 12:13 PM

*shakes head* yea i'm fine

MammaMia 24-09-2010 12:14 PM

NOBODY is a bad wardie, we're all struggling right now. Some of us more than others. That's how life goes unfortunately at times. But just because we can't support/do individuals because of said struggles, does NOT, make us bad wardies. So can we all stop beating ourselves up over that please? :( We're all here for one another, even if if hugs are the only thing we can manage.

*cuddles everyone*

Hope the police goes okay Oliver. *cuddles*

*hugs Mark* How you doing?

Shad, I'm sorry you're going through such a tough time right now. You will be able to give up self harm completely, it just takes time and nobody stops one day and never ever cuts again. Well some people might, but most people I've found have stopped/started with recovery and most go on to give it up completely.

Julie, I don't think you are fine sweetheart. You know we've agreed not to say we're fine unless we really are :P I know you don't want to add to the numbers of wardies struggling, but it's okay if you are. We're all here for each other x

xxjuliexx 24-09-2010 12:18 PM

i just... *sniffles* i'll be f... i...*sits in a corner and scratches*

MammaMia 24-09-2010 12:19 PM

What's wrong Julie?

shadowedsoul 24-09-2010 12:20 PM

Cuddles all. Sorry but I once again I got stuiped thoughts running through my head feel very unsafe. Got to listen to people bitching and talking bullshit. Just want to scream and say Fu@k off. Curls up and hides. Help please.


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