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Doikers 07-09-2010 02:07 PM

This afternoon I have Auricular Accupuncture which helps calm me so long as it's not too busy and that this one guy who was a bully to me at catering college (Twelve years ago but it still hurts and I'm not comfortable around him) isn't there .
Then I meet Anne at the volunteer buero who I can open up to , she is super nice , She is American but must have been over here for a while as her accent drifts between American and English :) Which I think is so cool :)

*Hugs Kaytee* Thanks for the cuddles :)

MammaMia 07-09-2010 02:14 PM

*cuddles everybody*

Went to the college again today. Diddn't do much really. LOL you'd laugh at me, I got off THREE buses (it's two there & two back) before my stop. First time was worse though, had NO idea where I was. Then it dawned on me, it's a place I never want to walk down ever again. Just because of who possibly still lives in that road with his mother & youngest brother *shudders* Hard enough being on the bus in that road! Being pathetic I know. Oh well, I was really brave and was fine. Then got off two stops too early for college, silly billy. Then went to get off thinking it wouldn't stop before my stop, but it stopped outside the supermarket LOL. Then hilariously got on the last bus when it eventually came and fell asleep, luckily woke up before I missed my own stop!!!

Then came home to an exciting email. Some of you regulars (well more April/Kahlia/Mark than anyone) remember last year that I took part in 6 case studies for a brochure that's produced for college students with disabilities considering university...well they contacted me today saying that UCAS (Universities and Colleges Admission Service) had seen my case study and would like me to do something for them :D So waiting for their email as I've given permission for my email etc to be passed to them :D

Doikers 07-09-2010 02:19 PM

HEEE well done on getting to college Helen :) That UCAS deal sounds really exciting too ,I'm happy for you , do you know what UCAS would want you to do? *Hugs*

one_step_closer 07-09-2010 02:21 PM

*hugs everyone*

Helen, that's so exciting!

I'm tired of spending my days and nights in front of a computer screen and being terrified of being with people. I just want to be 'normal.'

MammaMia 07-09-2010 02:40 PM

Thanks Mark & Lindsay :)

Mark, the first email DID say this -
Quote:

They have seen your case study in Skill’s into HE 2011 and would like you to contribute a case study to this publication looking at issues such as :

How did you feel about disclosing their disability on their UCAS application? How were you first put in touch with the university disability officer? When did you first contact the university disability officer? How were your needs assessed? Did you need to visit the disability officer? What information did the university provide for you? What information did you have to provide for the university? What arrangements were made for you? Did you discuss your disability with their academic tutor? How have the found the help/equipment you’ve received?
So I expect it'll something like that ^

I feel bit of fraud :/ As I obviously left university after I'd been chosen and stuff. However, they are aware of this and seem to have no problem...least I do have a whole year of experience to write about? :S Pretty sure couple of the other people picked left soon after writing it after their course had finished...

taz35 07-09-2010 02:44 PM

*hugs Lex* I wish I could help you... or make you stop. :(

*hugs Felicia*

*hugs Heather* I'd rather have BBQs than all the junk people serve at Christmas >< But I get what you mean.

*hugs Mark* Enjoy your acupuncture :) And I'm glad there's someone you can open up to.

*hugs Lindsay* If there was a magic pill to make everyone "normal" I'm sure we'd have been informed by now. :( Is there a way you can maybe slowly adjust to being around people? Small groups at a time? Sorry if that's crap advice.

*hugs April* Ick :( Although 7/8 am to me is early :/ I suppose you don't want/have an alarm to use to wake you up at 6?

*hugs Hels* LOL - I did that once >< Felt so dumb for it, but it seems it's a common occurrence :) Have fun with the UCAS! :D

*hugs Kaytee* I hope you get the help you need, and hope the CBT goes well for you!

*hugs Kahlia* Makes sense. At least she was honest and open with you =/ Do you feel she's someone you can talk to?

*hugs Lia* I wish I could make whatever's scaring you go away.

Sorry for the short individuals. Very small attention span this morning. Brother & sister were loud getting ready for school so I woke up and couldn't get back to sleep >< Hopefully this means I'll fall asleep early tonight...

shadowedsoul 07-09-2010 03:05 PM

Cuddles all, taz erm yeah I went to the doctrs. Sorry for not explaining more kind off out of it right noW

shadowedsoul 07-09-2010 03:52 PM

Crap I feel very triggered right now. Hmm started looking around my room for stuff to harm with . curls up into ball.

one_step_closer 07-09-2010 04:41 PM

Try not to harm, you have control over this. We are all here to support you.

RYUU 07-09-2010 05:04 PM

* hugs everyone * just back from my psychiatrist was like talking to my ****ing self told her about the voices and that they were really bad she just said that i need to reduce them more because they are making me sleepy
and maybe they will take me off them all together witch will leave me with nothing

taz35 07-09-2010 05:23 PM

*hugs Jill* Not a problem. I hope you're feeling back to "normal" soon <3

*hugs Lindsay*

*hugs Reaper* She said you need to reduce the voices more? :/ Or were you referring to medication? Either way, I hope you feel better soon too <3

My back is still really bothering me... I know I should go to the doctor's and get it checked properly, but I feel like I'll be annoying him, or seeming like somebody who just wants attention. Especially since he just spent 4 months trying to help with my depression... I don't want to bother him with something petty like this. >< ARGH.

RYUU 07-09-2010 05:24 PM

she want me to reduce the medication more so i wont be sleepy on them but isnt doing anything about the voices

Doikers 07-09-2010 05:39 PM

*Hugs Lindsay , Taz, Reaper ,Jill , Helen*

PoisonedApple 07-09-2010 05:44 PM

*hugs everyone*
morning :)

FlyingNy 07-09-2010 05:58 PM

Hey all.

I'm back from an odd day at school. It's weird, I feel like I'm starting all over again. I have some new subjects, but we are starting fresh courses in all the familiar ones, and English was so weird without my old teacher...I miss her so much. I feel pathetic, I mean, she was my teacher, but I know what I felt, and I loved her. I still do, her going doesn't take that away.

Still, in theatre I was talking to this boy (I go to a girls' school, but boys are allowed to join in year 12) and within the first 10 minutes we were discussing porn and his cross dressing habits (there's an explanation, I swear) and I don't normallly go in for talking to boys because I find the male sex in general uncomfortable, but my teacher made us all talk to the person sitting next to us and announce stuff about them afterwards.

My laptop's making funny noises at me...

Anyway. *Hugs Crimson* Morning! Although it's late afternoon here. How are you today?

I'm sorry you're feeling bad today Mark, and whereas coming off self harm in two months when you've been harming for 16 years may be hard and unrealistic, there's nothing to say you can't have at least lessnened the habit by then. You could get it down to once every other day, then twice a week, once a week, couple of times a month etc.

*Hugs Reaper* I'm sorry, you seem to have a lot of problems with the voices. If you'd rather be tired and get rid of them than it's your choice. The meds are meant to help you as much as possible and the sleepiness will wear off after a while.

Doikers 07-09-2010 06:01 PM

*Hugs Crimson* Morning , how are you today?

*Hugs Lia* Sounds like you had an eventful day, I hope your laptop is okay :)

FlyingNy 07-09-2010 06:06 PM

Seriously, wtf?! I keep getting a stirry feeling in my tummy, like I'm really nervous about something, but I've tackled the incuction day and the first day back in lessons so I have no idea what there is to be nervous about! It's annoying, it makes me lose my appitite and feel sick as well as hot.

MammaMia 07-09-2010 06:30 PM

I just had a phone call from the college ^_^ Starting next Monday at 9am. Ah roll on the joys of 7am starts again, haven't had those for almost a year :|

*cuddles all*

SparkleKitten 07-09-2010 06:40 PM

So stressed today. Mum is off on one at me over nothing all over again. Just want to curl up in a ball and disappear. :(

RYUU 07-09-2010 06:42 PM

Am seeing a monster standing the other side of the room its looking at me am watching it it keeps snarling at me

Doikers 07-09-2010 06:42 PM

*Hugs Helen* Are you excited ?:)

*Hugs Sarah* Are you okay? I'm sorry your Mum had a go at you :(

Doikers 07-09-2010 06:44 PM

*Hugs Reaper* Is there anything you can really FOCUS your attention on? Music , The Net , T.V. , Go for a walk ? Maybe Read a book ?

PoisonedApple 07-09-2010 06:45 PM

I'm ok so far today. but it's just 845 am here.

misskitty112 07-09-2010 06:46 PM

I want to move out of the US. This is all.
Also, I need to get out of this fascination with Medieval Britian (which probably means I don't need to go to Brit Lit anymore lol).
Overall though, today's been okay minus my sore throat and aching sinuses, and the fact that I need to walk to the bank so I will finally have money in my account to pay my credit bill.

*hugs ward* I will try to do some individuals tonight if I feel better.

MammaMia 07-09-2010 06:49 PM

Mark, too right I'm excited!! *hugs*

Repear, I'm sorry you can see something horrible, but remember it's not really there. *offers hugs*

Felica (sorry have probably spelt it wrong), hope your trip to the bank goes okay and you're feeling much better soon. *cuddles*

Sarah, sorry you're having so many problems with your family right now. They're a pain in the bum sometimes aren't they? :( *cuddles*

SparkleKitten 07-09-2010 06:59 PM

Being driven insane by her. I want to travel to Cuba this summer but mum is currently refusing to let me. I'm following my councillor and doctors advice to move out next August, its always like this, every day :(

SoMuchMore 07-09-2010 07:27 PM

*hugs everyone and then hides away*

Doikers 07-09-2010 07:58 PM

*Hugs Laura in your hiding hole*

SparkleKitten 07-09-2010 08:04 PM

I need a hiding hole. I spent a chunk of today hidden behind my fiance's sofa because it felt safe. Put all the cushions on the top building a little fort to hide in. Mum is yelling even more now, I want it to stop :(

anarchistl0ve 07-09-2010 08:09 PM

peeks in and leaves safe packages and hugs* i hope you all have a good week

Doikers 07-09-2010 08:11 PM

*Huggles Sarah* I wish I had more to say .
I'm just empty inside. I Harmed it didn't / doesn't hurt much , I don't know if I'm in a S.I. trance or what :S sorry.

SparkleKitten 07-09-2010 08:17 PM

*hugs Mark* I hope you're okay, take care of it yeah? Want a nice cosy cushion fort? I'll share mine

misskitty112 07-09-2010 08:18 PM

I am so close.
I feel like my whole life has fallen through, even though I know I'm being dramatic. I had plans to go to an amusement park with 4 of my friends over fall break, one of these friends being the guy I'm horribly in love with. And... It just fell through today, the guy I love can't go cause of family things, my other friend doesn't have the money. I don't really have the money, but I would do damn near anything to see Mike again (he lives 5 hours away from me).
I feel like my one shot to maybe possibly make him realize he loves me has gone. And I can't stop crying.
I just want to make the tears go away.

SparkleKitten 07-09-2010 08:24 PM

*cuddles Felicia*

Doikers 07-09-2010 08:36 PM

*Shares Sarahs Cushion Fort* Thankyou :) It's under a dressing and really isn't bl**ding that much at all, it will add another ugly scar to my ever expanding collection :( I'm numb.........

*Hugs Felicia* I'm sorry you can't get to meet your friends and Mike :S Not that it would make you feel any better but I can't meet the woman I'm in love with over her birthday as she is out , so I'm disapointed about that and can empathise a little .

SparkleKitten 07-09-2010 08:39 PM

*hugs Mark* thats good then. My scar collection has recently expanded which sickens me about myself. :(

So angry about my family though, they really do suck. Trying to force me into moving to the USA after I've finished uni, which I don't want to do. Not that they're going, they just want me to uproot and go. *sigh*

Fancy a spot of tea in the fort? *gets out teaset*

Edit - Come join us Felicia *offers tea and hugs*

misskitty112 07-09-2010 08:52 PM

*hugs Mark* I'm sorry. Love really sucks right now. I suppose we'll get through though.
Sarah, why do they want you to move to the USA? It's not that fun or exciting. I'm spending my uni career trying to figure out how to get out of the USA.

*sits down and gets tea* I think I can stay here until I have to go to work :)

SparkleKitten 07-09-2010 09:00 PM

I have no idea, mum agrees with the politics the US government is portrayed as using such as blocking things getting into and out of Cuba - trying to stop free trade, invading countries, apparently everyone should listen to the US as they have the right idea and strategy and if they controled the entire world it'd be an amazing thing. *sigh*

I have no desire to even visit the states, let alone live and work there. Especially as being born in the UK I have little to no chance of getting a job with a government or NASA or anything, plus its not a place I want to raise children, seems too unsafe with school shootings and such. I really want to live and work in Germany but mum would disown me if I did so because she hates every German ever because of WWII.

Even the doctors say she has issues.

*makes more tea* My little tea room is getting busy, cupcake or crumpets anyone?

Doikers 07-09-2010 09:05 PM

OOOoooh Crumpets!

RYUU 07-09-2010 09:06 PM

Am still seeing the monster Voices are telling me to cut i feel unsafe
going to try and keep busy and listen to music through head phones

misskitty112 07-09-2010 09:08 PM

Cupcake!
Ohhhh, Germany! I'd love to live there, my family's originally from Germany, soooo... Not that the US is bad or anything, cause I'm not dead yet, but we do seem to have a flippin' crap ton of school shootings. But yeah, new goal in life: live in Germany. =) squee!


*hugs Reaper* please try to stay safe dear.

FlyingNy 07-09-2010 09:12 PM

Mark, Felicia, I'm so glad I'm not the only one suffereing unrequited love syndrome. The woman I'm in love with has moved 5 hours away as well. I'll never see her again, so I can empathise with how you both feel.

Felicia- isn't there another time you can arrange to meet? Another date over the break, or maybe later on in the year?

*Hugs everyone else*

I'll do more individuals later.

Doikers 07-09-2010 09:14 PM

I've eaten FAR too much , in an effort to feel better I guess but I don't , I feel worse :( I never asked for life to be this way........ Cut , Eat , Cut, Eat , Repeat.........

SparkleKitten 07-09-2010 09:17 PM

*hugs Reaper* Come hide in our fort/tea room, its safe in here

And yes, Germany. Not sure if its now more alluring since mum wants to disown me if I go there :p

I don't see the US as bad really, but I would never ever feel safe there, and I've had enough of that at home, when I move out I want to feel safe.

*hugs Mark lots*

Doikers 07-09-2010 09:22 PM

*tweaks Accupressure beads that are supposed to calm you*

SparkleKitten 07-09-2010 09:25 PM

Hmm I think I need to look into those, I've been spending my nights almost suffocating with lavendar oil :p

Doikers 07-09-2010 09:29 PM

Lavendar is supposed to be calming too but I guess you can over do essential oils they can be quite over-powering I think . Have you tried Lavender bubble bath? Morrisons do it quite cheaply , other shops might too :)

PoisonedApple 07-09-2010 09:29 PM

Quote:

I have no idea, mum agrees with the politics the US government is portrayed as using such as blocking things getting into and out of Cuba - trying to stop free trade, invading countries, apparently everyone should listen to the US as they have the right idea and strategy and if they controled the entire world it'd be an amazing thing. *sigh*
i have no idea what to say to that aside from the fact a lot of us here in the US don't agree with many of those points.
Germany on the other hand... I loved the year I spent living there and want to go back but due to having a family I've left that as a hope for retirement rather than a goal for now.
And even if there weren't school shootings these days... the standards many places are far too low so I stick to the ever expanding home school group. *nods* My children are much more polite and obedient than most of the kids I have met these days and I think it's because too many parents these days don't care and just want the schools to raise their kids and that just doesn't work... *grr argh and /ranting*

*huggles mark, felicia and sarah(?)*

RYUU 07-09-2010 09:35 PM

Am not safe i have my tools with me wanting to cut so bad everything seems so real not sure what is what

SparkleKitten 07-09-2010 09:37 PM

Aye its Sarah, and yeah, kids here are getting worse with cheek and such. Don't like it here either. I know the people don't agree with it but people who are idiots, like my mother, fully support it and thats how countries get in trouble :p

Mark I've no bath here, got lavendar bubble bath at my fiance's though so get a nice relaxing hot bath on Saturdays.

The oil is quite strong but eases off after around 5 minutes, I tend to spray it around and leave the room for a minute or so until it settles :p

*cuddles Reaper* have you got a safe place you can go, physically or mentally?


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