Hmm things are going crazy again, wish things would came down, there only so much I can take. * curls up and crys*

*cuddles all* Am feeling overwhelmed myself... ugh. :(

Sorry for no individuals, except - Crimson, how you doing? And maybe you'd best ask someone else to look at your essays, I keep meaning to do it whilst I'm at my parents' but I never get much time on the computer to do so. :( I'm sorry. I feel like I'm letting you down. :( *gentle hugs*

I'm... exhausted. I took a short nap after walking to and from therapy, which was kind of draining. It seems like each week now I have a ton of stuff to tell her... which is draining in & of itself!!! I don't know why... it's like... this week was me applying for that job, the Abilify side effects, and a few other things (I think). Ughhh. :( *deep sigh*

I really want to play WoW but it feels like people in my new guild are now ignoring me for no reason... which is... very hurtful to say the least. I am pretty sure that they aren't doing it on purpose but still. Abilify side effects sez I!! (see back a few pages for my rant, which I hid so people not wanting to read about girly things wouldn't have to read) And I don't want to play on my "normal" server (Silvermoon-US) because, well, I want to take a break from it. I don't know. I feel like I'm being stupid... :(

*hides in a hole & cries*

Ohh and Felicia I'm sorry that you & your fiancé are "taking a break." :( That doesn't make any sense to me... but anyway, will keep you in my thoughts. How are you holding up?? *gentle cuddles*

And how is everyone else?? *cuddles all 'round to those who want them*

*hides back in her hole & keeps crying*

*hugs*
I'm ok so far today...
You aren't letting me down, no need to be sorry. I know you're struggling :) *extra huggles*

Updated r/v for the first time in like 5 days... :-S ...for those of you who want to read it, it's there... :(

Just so you know I read your R/V thread April. It sucks when your guildies "ignore" you but I'm sure they're not doing so on purpose ,I'm sorry your meds are messing with you :( *Hugs*

*hugs Mark back* They weren't ignoring me, it was just in my head... >_< ...just like so much stuff is. I asked the person who I initially whispered to get an invite to the guild, and she reassured me, which felt really good... then people talked some more later. Guess they were just busy earlier, heh. Silly brain of mine, always has to wander down the wrong path. :( And yeah, I wish that my meds weren't messing with me either but hey, what can you do... :( How are you doing, love? *curls up next to*

Jarrod called from work whilst on break and told me that he talked with a guy who was in the Air Force... about the army... and he (Jarrod) sounds a bit less determined now than he was about getting in. I don't know. It's like... every time I get "excited" or "hyped up" about something - a change, a new job, anything... I get let down. Maybe my expectations are always too high. I don't know. I just know that now that I've committed my thoughts & actions towards letting Jarrod prep for basic training (and yes, if he wants a higher paygrade than what soldiers initially start out with, he does have to prep - it's called the Future Soldiers Program)... I don't want him to back down. I don't think he will, it's just... I can't help but worry about it. I don't know. It kind of hurts. Also, in the 10 minutes we had to talk he hardly let me get a word in. I appreciate that he had a lot to tell me but... I wanted to talk with him, not just listen to him, if that makes sense...

Sorry for whinging so much... *hides in the warren & doesn't come out*

*sits in the warren with April*
I read your r/v too...
glad the guild is being better now.
sorry at a loss of what to say regarding Jarrod presently...

hugs everyone, I am only a PM away if anyone wants to talk

Aw Crimson, I'm sorry about all of that. Sounds like a right mess... wish I had advice or something other than just *cuddles* but I'll add in some *extra cuddles* so maybe that'll help a bit? Also, whinge/rant all you need to, that's what we're here for. :) God knows I whinge/rant enough, hah. :-X And it's okay, you don't need to worry about anyone but yourself for the time being... focus on getting through each day, etc., and remember - take it a day at a time. *snuggles*

*glomps Oliver, Jill, & Mark, as I spy them!!* :)

it's just so frustrating... she's almost twice my age and has more experience i should not have to deal with this crap. and i swear if my mil can't run me to the electric at lunch and we get shut off i'm gonna lose it...

*hides in the warren*

Sorry.

He's bad with saying what he wants. I know this is his way of saying it's over, he just thinks by making it seem temporary it wont hurt me as much.

I just want this after show depression to go away and everything to be normal. If my fiance doesn't want to come back, I just want to deal with only that... This is too much.

*hugs to everyone in the thread* I'll do individuals one day... I promise.

Lol, that's great, Crimson. :P *huggles*

Aw Felicia, I'm sorry. :( But if he won't come straight out & tell you, or if he won't stay with you, then was he the "right one" in the first place anyway? Just wondering/asking/pondering... hopefully that doesn't make it worse. :-S *hugs gently*

*cuddles Hels & hides with her* What's up, sweetie?

Was struggling with OD thoughts, seem to have quietened down but there are still there. Really missing my best friend, it's so quiet...

*resumes hiding*

*hugs helen* we are here for you

*hugs april, crimson, mark, nicole, helen, felicia, louise, and everyone else that posted on pages before this one*

Sorry, not a long post i know.

*goes back to studying for graduate school exams*

*hugs Laura* good luck with the exam

*hugs all*

*notes that the ward is turning into the hugs thread then goes back in to hiding*

Ugh SO triggered.......sorry I'm not doing replies , I'm pre-drained for my psych Dr appointment in 3 days or so , been taking Diaz everyday , thats not good or usual for me
Bedtime.
*Hugs wardmates*

*hugs mark* we are here for you anytime you need to talk

Guhh so frustrated!! I was in the shower after Jarrod took his run, and he said, "Well, if you don't come with me on runs, maybe you could take showers while I'm gone, so we have more time together in the evenings?" to which I replied (probably not too tactfully >_<), "It's not like we really spend time together anymore anyway." And then he left the room... But what I said is true. At least, to me. We don't spend time together anymore. In the same room, sure - like right now. He's playing his bass, I'm typing on here, but we're not really talking. Even he commented in the shower, "Do we have anything to talk about?" ..............

:crying:

Hey, sorry to crash...

Just wanted to send a message to Nicole. I just wanted to say that I'm really sorry about what happened on the bpd thread. I really shouldn't have started an argument over the top of you; I was kinda trying to stick up for u, but I think it all got a bit out of hand, so I'm really sorry about that. There are many issues on the BPD thread at the moment, and I'm really sorry I dragged your name into it.

Personally, after everything I doubt I'm going to go in there much any more, so if part of the reason is cos of me, then don't let that hold you back!

Again, I'm sorry I dragged you into something that really had nothing to do with you. If you ever wanna chat about BPD stuff, but dont wanna go back to the thread, then feel free to PM me.

x

hi...nicole? this is what i posted on the thread...

Nicole hun...its not your fault. Please keep posting, we are a friendly bunch. Its just that not so long ago someone badly lied to us on here and its messed things up quite a bit. You have done nothing wrong hun and I would love for you to stay with us xx

Please pm me if you ever wnat/need to chat...please? xxxx

(to the above posts)
thanks for taking the time to come and find me in here, i could see you were trying to stick up for me and im not annoyed with you, i just feel like maybe it was a bad idea posting, its just i dont really understand what BPD is at the moment, or what the hells going on in my head, but obviously i had pretty bad timing! thanks again, i will PM you if i need to. x

*hides in the warren after sending a hug to Nicole*

Suppertime methinks... although I'm not sure what we're having. >_<

*hugs april lots*

*huggles everybody*

Sorry for the lack of individual replies - just not able to keep up.
Psychiatrist appointment tomorrow - OzCare appointment today.
Just want to curl up and go back to bed.
Currently taking 8-10mg of Xanax daily with 50mg of beta-blockers .... not a good sign.

Sorry to hear everyone is struggling - wish I could send you magickal faerie dust or something ....
*sigh*
*leaves cuddles and safe love and care packages on the table for everyone*

*hugs kahlia* how you feeling? i know what you mean about not being able to keep up!
argh. the slugs are coming to get me :/

*ditto being open to PMs if anyone wants to*

Thinking of you all. *hugs*

*sits in corner*

I'm really worried about Alex, he is miles away and really depressed, he said he couldn't be bothered anymore and was really low earlier and he said he isn't safe. hate not being able to do anything.

I'm also sinking into a depression

hey, how you doing today, i saw that vid you posted on the BPD thread, i see what you mean about being able to relate, i had been feeling like a bit of a freak but it really helped. x

It is hard knowing someone is feeling so bad and that there's not a lot you can do to help. My family are feeling that way with my great aunt, she has depression too and is in a bad phase but if she can't help herself she's going to have to go back to hospital.

*cuddles Kahlia, Oliver, Nicole, & Beki (am I spelling that right??)*

Yeah, this thread can kinda move quickly sometimes. Hah. To put it mildly. :P

Good luck with your appts etc., Kahlia. Sorry you've been so anxious lately... :(

Oliver, sorry to hear about Alex. :( And also about you. I wish we could help more... :( *extra cuddles*

I'm really tired right now. I don't know why. I feel so ick. :( So warm & so tired & all. Just am so sick of life at the moment, although am not close to suicide (I don't think anyway, haha, could change at the blink of an eye though).

*hides in a hole* :crying:

*Hugs April* I hope you sleep well (Dreamless) and feel less ick this morning

*Hugs Beki* How are you today?

*Hugs Nicole* Cool you have friends on the BPD thread , thats good :)

*Hugs Oliver*Sinking into depression is the worst I hope it doesn't come to anything and I also hope Alex is ok , you must miss him terribly :(

*Hugs Kahlia* I hope your psych Dr appointment go's ok for you today :)

*Hugs Louise* thankyou , that means a lot :)

*cuddles Mark* Good morning!! (& good morning/evening/afternoon to everyone else, too :) hehe) I did sleep better last night, although I had weird dreams... but I think the nightmare phase is passing, which is super duper good!! :D I just got up about 10 minutes ago, hah, and it's 6:20am now. Still kinda sleepy-eyed. *yawn* And yawn-y. Hmmmm. What are your plans for the day?? (and everyone else's, too?? *cuddles all*)

*curls up*

What's up, Hels? *cuddles gently*

I've been trying to figure out what to do with my day... I could go to my parents' but I don't know if I really want to. I mean, I do, but I'm tired and I don't know if I want to drive "that far" ... lol... I am so lazy. But so freaking tired!!! :(

And just a note to those WoW-players out there - don't try to balance playing on 3 different servers, EVER. Lol. It's harder than it looks, keeping up with everyone. >_< Well, as long as you're in guilds on all of those servers. Hah. And I am. So yeah... not the best but oh well, it is what it is & I have a "lot" of "friends" (mostly acquaintances but some are true friends)... whee. :)

So freaking exhausted... :'(

Female friend if you get my drift >_> Plus feeling low & this guy who was bothering me the other evening is still bothering me & today is talking about rape :/ Triggering me. Should stop texting.

*hugs helen, april, mark and anyone else that might've been in since i last looked then curls up and hides*

*finds Nicole, hugs her and hides with you* What's wrong darling?

im not sure if i wanna go tomorrow :( i mean, i wanna go, but im having so many panick attacks! :(

Hey everyone. *cuddles* My meds are finally working so I'm not feeling quite as low as I have been. Unfortunately, it means I care about things enough again to actually bother panicing about them. Having said that, my freaking arms are gonna be on display in three weeks! Argh. Scary.

I have other stuff to panic about too, I'm just pretending it doesn't exist right now.

Where is it that you don't want to go Nicole? *hugs*

im going on a 3 day trip to this adventure park thing with my DBT group, but its making me really panicky

That's understandable. I'm sure you'll have a good time if you go...

i know, but i am having so many panick attacks! its never been this bad before :( i cut all up my right arm list night. i dont normally do that :(