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but I do read along even when I don't say anything... well most of the time... so I usually know what's up with everyone *hugs all the wardies*
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*spies lia and hugs* sorry for the time between posts... it's just that i've been busy getting resettled back into our apartment, updating my paper journal, and cleaning a bit. it's so ****ing warm here, near 100'F in the sun i'd reckon, so yes kahlia, some cold weather please!!! hehe. umm, i'm doing alright. i'm just really worried about our future. i mean, i'm not worried about jarrod's and my relationship, as that is very good, better than most couples i've seen, which is saying something. just worried about his need for a "drastic change" in his career, which i've written about earlier. guhhh. just don't want to "lose" him to the armed forces. don't want him to go overseas, don't want any of that. i'm selfish i know, but it's something i'm soo terrified of. :'( i'm sorry for the melodrama of all of that, but... still... :-S *hides in a hole for awhile*
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*wants desperately to go to the park and play on the swings but 3 more hours of work to go...*
It is a drastic change April and you have valid reason to be concerned. Does he know what type of job he'd want if he did join the military? Are you concerned about deployment or merely overseas stationing? *sorry for the 3rd degree but since I was military I can probably ease some anxiety on the issue if it's something I know about... hugs* |
Lia. I'm sorry it didn't go well too. I do have to do it alone. I know I've got you, my best friends etc. I have no support outside of RYL except my best friends. Professionals just keep saying that I'm fine. Yeah, so fine that I'm wanting to die etc. I'm going to put a complaint in about today anyway and their service towards me overall with help of PALS. Hopefully. I didn't really talk to her at all. She didn't do the assessment that she was supposed to be doing. It was so bad because I broke down, so therefore she wouldn't do the assessment and it was supposed to be with an ED team, not a CPN :S Plus she said some very hurtful assumptions. That WAS the last shot. I've been trying for over 3 years. Looks like I'll have to give volunteer organisations, but they're so busy. I don't want to be alone in this sense but I am. Meh.
*curls up and cries* |
Okay, question for you all - do you have any idea how, in Mozilla Firefox, you can make breaks in the text? because otherwise this is just going to be a wall of text. It's so annoying!! so I'm going to do separate posts for each reply (guhh, maybe) simply because otherwise it would be impossible to read. I think. Unless maybe I separated each paragraph with a line of asterisks or summat? ************************************************** ****** Anyway Crimson, ummm, I'm worried about deployment AND overseas stationing. I know next to nothing about the military except that it gives good benefits (heh) which is the main reason we're looking at it. Well, for other reasons too, obviously, like it would give Jarrod opportunities to advance in a career and actually do something he could be proud of, instead of working at his current job, which he is NOT proud of. Anyway. Um, he's thinking the airforce or something similar, National Guards a little, but I really really don't want him to do that. I don't even know if he could get in, and I don't want him to be on the "front lines" ... I know, I'm being so ****ing selfish... but it's so hard!!!! :'( Crimson, if you could give any enlightenment on it I'd really appreciate that!! (I don't even really know what I mean, just some information on what it's like in the military and all - and maybe Hayley could help with some info on what it's like having a significant other be deployed??) ************************************************** ****** Hels, I'm sorry that your appt was rubbish. :( That really sucks. I wish that I could do something to help you, to make those (stupid) professionals see that you really do need and deserve help. I don't understand how they can keep saying that you're fine!! (no offense intended, love, hope you understand that - I'm just upset on your behalf) But at least you have us... and like you said, volunteer organizations. Don't give up, please... ever. *cuddles* ************************************************** ****** I'm really not doing well tonight. Played WoW for a bit and that worked to distract... but I'm trying REALLY hard not to cut, and I'm not so sure that it's going to work. I've cut for the past 2 days and while not badly, it's still... addicting. Very, very addicting, as many of you know. But Jarrod NEEDS me to be healthy... :'( ************************************************** ******* *cuddles everyone else*
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Well carry on talking to us and your friends. Just don't make yourself completly alone, please. Don't do what I did because then you're trapped and it's too late for me now. That sounds really dramatic, but I need saving, only I've pushed everyone out so there's no one around to do it and I have been hurt far too much to let anyone and just don't know how anymore. Please don't get to that. Really, it is so much worse. If I could drill it into you I would, just trust me. You do need someone, even if it's a friend because being alone sucks. It really bloody sucks.
April- I know you must be worried. If you knew what he was doing, you could find out more about it. Have you tried telling him how you feel? Hey Crimson, I'm glad you're sort of ok, but then again, I am always functioning, but hardly ever OK. I know what you mean. There's an almost phyiscal barrier that stops me saying things too. xx |
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Sorry my replies are short to you both. Am very tired & feeling sick. Going to crash to bed very soon. |
Lia, Jarrod and I have talked over this extensively & he knows that whatever he does will cause me extreme emotional burdening. This is kind of an "ultimatum" to me going into res - he doesn't mean it that way, I know, but it feels like that. I have yet to tell him that. I don't know; I have to talk more about it to him. It's just frustrating that I feel the "pressure" to recover like I did in 2006, and that led to 581 days cut-free (but not SI-free, sadly) and then a relapse of "magnificent proportions" ... so yeah. I want to recover for ME... not feel like I HAVE to recover. Gahhhh. I don't know. The options, if I don't go to res/get accepted to res/become capable of holding down a GOOD job (that has health insurance & enough money for rent)... we're either going to 1) move 1200 miles, if the place he wants to go is hiring, and that would be on a rotating shift, or 2) see about him going into the military. I AM TERRIFIED. Sorry to keep rambling on about this... :crying:
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*cuddles Hels* I'm glad no offense taken. I hope that you feel better soon, love, and get some good rest... you need it after the long day you've had. *extra special sleepifying & healing hugs* hehe...
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Hmm sleeping not working got way to many thoughts running through my head and images as well and my mind will not shut up.
Hmm what if I deseverd what happened, I mean I really liked this guy, maybe I wanted that to happen or a lot worse. Argh Idk and this makes no sence at all. And that sounds so messed up=( |
Hmm sleeping not working got way to many thoughts running through my head and images as well and my mind will not shut up.
Hmm what if I deseverd what happened, I mean I really liked this guy, maybe I wanted that to happen or a lot worse. Argh Idk and this makes no sence at all. And that sounds so messed up=( |
*hugs Jill* What's up, sweetie? what happened? :-S You don't sound too well... I have a feeling that you didn't deserve what happened... but I'm just guessing from stuff you told me before. I don't know for sure. If you want to talk about it, we're here... if not, that's okay too. PM me if you feel the need to talk to someone. I know I'm not good at responding, but at least I will listen and TRY to respond... *extra cuddles*
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It's exactly like IE. Spacebar/Tab/Return key. - Is something not showing up on your screen? I only use FF (firefox) because IE is so buggy. - And even M$ agrees with that - in fact there was a bug in IE5-7 that they refused to fix even though they knew it was there - and I mean a security bug that meant that crackers and script kiddies could break into your machine - and all they said was that they weren't going to fix it and you should upgrade to IE8.0 as soon as possible. Bloody M$ crap. Sorry, if you want, PM me with what's happening and I'll see if I can help. |
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Kahlia - the return key doesn't make breaks (i.e., paragraphs) in the text of posts here. I think I need to use HTML or summat because maybe I have an outdated version of Firefox?? I'm not sure. IE worked much better for me, hardly ever had glitches, and plus I'm used to it. :) But I have to survive with Firefox for now as my computer broke and I'm using Jarrod's old "beast" of a comp, and IE doesn't run on it. So yeah. Fun times. :-/
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You're welcome, Hels, sweetie. *cuddles gently and tucks up in ward bed* Sleep well... :)
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Hmmmm... I'm sure there's more relevant knowledge up here in this head of mine somewhere but for now I think I've taken up enough space :) Quote:
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*curls up coughs holding my arm* to bad few days for me a got bit by a spider and now i'm sick with like flu the house so isnt tidy yet and mum and dad coming home today
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*Hmm shakes head* sorry Hun I know that's annoying, just can't explain. Wish I could.
Really want my head to shut the hell up, I can't even think straight and I feel so damn light headed. =( |
I feel so awful. So anxious. So freaking WARM. Why does it have to be so ****ing humid??? :'( And why do I ALWAYS (or so it seems) have to be anxious?! I hate it so much... We just got back from Walmart and I got an Icee to try and rehydrate myself... I know that super sugary stuff isn't the best but it is cold and helped cool me down. When I get warm, like today, I freaking RADIATE heat instead of sweating, since I'm so dehydrated (I think). Guhhh. I feel so stupid. Need to die. I'm useless.
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Oh and Crimson, thanks for all of the info... I'll relay it to Jarrod or let him read your post. That was definitely helpful. :) Although moving definitely is not my thing... :-S And the enter key doesn't work... I've tried that. I'll try it again, here --> Kahlia, this comp ("the beast") has issues with IE. So I don't think that's an option. Maybe Google-Chrome, but I know next to nothing about that. And I have no idea what version of Firefox the beast is running... I don't even know how to check although Jarrod probably knows...
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^^ Open FF, Open the Help menu, Open the About Mozilla FireFox (or whatever it's called) and it'll tell you. Google-Chrome is pretty light - but you have to add bold, italics and underlines with the buttons at the top instead of your shortcut keys unless they've fixed that issue.
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Thanks Kahlia. I'm using v. 3.0.15, which I am guessing is pretty out of date?? I did figure out how to enable JavaScript though (Jarrod showed me, heh), so I can listen to music on YouTube and check my hotmail. Heh. Stupid Firefox for not being easy to use!! lol... sorry, just feel like blaming something other than my own denseness for once. :-X How are you doing? and I spy Laura - how are you, sweetie? *cuddles all 'round*
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updated r/v in case anyone is curious... :-S
i feel so crappacious tonight. :( sorry to whinge so so much... :'( |
oh, and the enter key is working now - maybe has something to do with javascript??
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hope you feel better julie <3
excited mum and dad are back? <3 |
April - that makes sense. You can't run a "rich-text" box without JavaScript. All the little "bits and bobs" inside work on JS. The problem wasn't with FF.
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*curls up in a corner* 2 minutes
thats all i got 2 minutes between them getting home and dad starting to yell at me it was a nice 2 minute just wish it had been slightly longer |
*cuddles julie* :(
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*huggles everyone*
Feeling kind of bleh. Hoping I get a full nights sleep tonight. I won't hold my breath though. But I did get quite a lot done today. Even if I have nothing to show for it. I am such a waste of space. :-( |
*offers hugs to everyone*
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*Curls up in corner* urgh can today be over already, can't handle any arguments with my mum today. Don't feel strong enough for that today.
=( |
*Hugs Julie*
*Hugs April* you don't need to die at all , unfortunatley I didn't underdstand anything about firefox or javascript so can't help you there :S *Hugs Jill* I'm sorry you had an argument with your mum :( *Hugs Helen* *Hugs Kahlia* *Hugs Jessica* *Hugs Crimson* *Group hugs for everyone else* |
Kahlia - thanks for the help... I'm going to keep JS running from now on. Silly me for not remembering that Jarrod had it turned off!! I'm glad that you got stuff done... that's wonderful given how awful you've been feeling. How're your anxiety levels? *cuddles*
Heather *cuddles* Are you really truly glad that your parents are home? where did they go? Sorry, your post didn't make a lot of sense to me, I'm a bit dense I know. :( Mark, how are you doing? *cuddles* Thanks for the support/encouragement, it means a lot - same goes to all who have supported/encouraged me throughout my "time here at the ward" - it's really wonderful that you are all so caring and thoughtful. :) ♥ Oh and did you get WoW to work yet?? Jess, sweetie, how are you doing? *cuddles gently* Julie, hon, what was your dad yelling at you about? *cuddles gently* *cuddles Hels* How are you, love? did you manage to get a good night's rest? I hope so!! *cuddles Jill* Keep fighting, sweet. You can make it through. I know you can. You're much, much stronger than you know. I just got up, myself, after a muggy night in bed. Guhhh. Actually slept pretty well considering the circumstances though, although I didn't fall asleep eventually. :( Grrrr. And Jarrod came to bed around 1am-ish so he woke me up then. But I did fall back asleep... it's just that it's so freaaaaaaaaking humid out!! :'( Anyone want some muggy air?? *sighs* Anyway. Today I have no idea what the plan is - maybe do some dishes or summat, clean up the apartment a bit more whilst Jarrod powerlevels my toons on WoW. I don't know. I need to send some stuff to my internship place to be completely done with it... or maybe I'll drive over and drop it off and say hey to everyone there that's there that I worked with. :) That might be nice. I don't know. I got a thank-you card for them because they were so very kind to me & made my internship not a "thing of horror," as Jarrod would say... hopefully they appreciate that. Hehe. *extra cuddles for all* ♥ |
Thanks April *cuddles tight* I did get a very good night's sleep thank you :) Still feeling a little bit sick.
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*huggles Mark* Hope you are doing okay. :)
*huggles April* I'm holding in there. I have so little energy right now. The urges don't wanna let up either. :( It's back to school next week too. |
*Hugs April* No WoW still isnt working . I will try the only thing they suggest unistalling and reinstalling it *Sigh*
*Hugs Jessica* I hope you're doing okay too :) |
Hels, I hope you feel better soon. :( *cuddles* Feeling ill is not fun at all.
Jess, keep hanging in there, okay? *huggles* You're worth fighting the urges... you're stronger than you know. I know I say that a lot but it's true. It's only in situations like the ones we're in that we find out our true strength (and sometimes not even then). School... ugh. I'm so glad that I'm (just about) done with uni. Whew. I hated high school and I got sooo sick of being at uni (took me 6 years!!). Anyway... best of luck with that. What grade are you in? or are you in uni? Sorry, you probably said sometime & I just forgot. :-/ I'm dense. Mark *cuddles* I'm sorry that WoW isn't working yet. That's stupid... lol. Blame the game, don't blame yourself. ;) That's my motto for WoW at least... Got my druid up to 61 the other day and then this morning prior to breakfast, Jarrod helped me with his level 67 druid in Hellfire Peninsula. It was awesome. I got some MUCH better gear, some blues and some greens, and I'm glad that I did. Makes me more able to survive fighting enemies, given that I was wearing level 38 gear (not item level, but character level) before!! :P Anyway... how are you doing?? *spies Kahlia and glomps* |
Oh & Luke... I KNEW I was forgetting someone!! So sorry... and I'm sorry about the "FB dumping" ... that really sucks, finding out that way. That's one downside to Facebook & dating/relationships... guhh. I don't know. It's just infuriating sometimes how people "let you know" - by not telling you face to face like they used to have to. I hope that makes sense... *huggles* How otherwise are you doing? I'd imagine that you're kind of upset... I know that I would be. But I also know that that doesn't hold true all the time. Anyway, I'm just rambling now... sending extra hugs your way. Hang in there... keep fighting. :)
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I just finished updating my r/v, if anyone cares to read. :-S (link is in sig - //My Venting Spot\\)
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I feel sooooo tired LOL
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I'm SO F'ing Frustrated , the patch wont even begin to download for WoW and Ive reinstalled the game and I've treid Blizzard technical support site and I can't get it to work , I'm so useless , I'm REALLY triggered over this , I am so F'ing stupid , I REALLY need distracting today and whist blizzard are distracting me it's pissing me off and I'm about ready to give in and give up on WoW and cut too , I know it's a stupid reason to S.I. but I feel so low and this is just adding to me feeling like an IDIOT , It's the straw thats Breaking the camels back , I don't know why I bother to try , I need to get out of the flat , I'm going to the ....... I Don't know where I'm going , just for a wander I reckon , If I don't get out I'll harm .:S
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Mark, if you are going to have to reinstall WoW, make sure that you copy the patch files out before you do so that you don't need to redownload them. |
feel like i belong here..or maybe in a real one.
nothing is going right lately.. lots of probs internally with my others and with emotions.. really feel depressed, alone, rejected, unwanted. keep telling myself to stop posting but..it doesnt seem to work..making myself mad. im sorry. im no good to myself or anyone else. *curls up and hides in corner* Hiding |
Hey , Hiding me, Welcome *Hugs*
I didn't do that Jessica but I can't get the game to download the patch , am SO Frustrated sorry. |
hey guys, im back from butlins! lol had a great time actually, there was a totally hot woman working there, i think i have a little crush :/ lol
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Welcome back Nicole ,*Hugs* I am glad you had a good time :)
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Guhh, I am so frustrated & I don't even know why. Now THAT is frustrating... so I'm frustrated about being frustrated!! heh. Fun times.
Mark, I'm not sure what to tell you about WoW, just please try not to harm, and if you do, not badly. I'm getting worried about you. *holds you gently* I wish I could make your pain go away - and everyone else's too - I just feel so helpless. :'( Nicole, welcome back!! Glad you had a good time. :) That's lovely. *hugs* Jess, I hope you sleep well. I'm still confused about the whole schooling system in Aussie/NZ/etc. (sorry to lump you all together!!)... well, and the UK system as well. I only really understand the one in the States... lol. How old are you, if you don't mind me asking? *huggles* Hels, are you feeling any better? *cuddles gently* Well, time for us to get lunch... blah. :-S Just finished breakfast a bit ago... don't really want to eat again... but at the same time, I do. Guhh. I'm so STUPID!!!! :crying: |
I had an absolutly bang-tidy week at W/E. I was actually happy there. It wasn't a mask. I wish I was going back for another week, some people are doing two and I wish I was one of them now. I was sort of dreading it, but now I'm really glad I picked the vets and not a school since it was something differnt and the assistant nurses were all really nice and funny and dead childish. Mind, I am looking forward to a lazy day tomorrow!
Nicole- Glad you had a good time in Butlins, and I hear you about the fit girl, there were a few of those at W/E ;) Seems you managed to resist the urges as well, I am glad you did decide agains drowning yourself, you would have been missed and it shows what a strong person you are. :) Mark- Computer rage eh? Know the feeling. I hate it when you get so mad over something so stupid and just feel like screaming or punching someone in the face, yet you know you're over reacting and it's all just argh! Anyway, from ecperiance, you calm down as time passes. Try doing something that relaxes you. Listen to soothing music, or angry music, either one can help. Tear up paper, I find that pretty theraputic or start a fight with a random chav (joke, don't really. I don't want to be respoinsible for you getting a shaking). Hey HidingMe *Hugs?*- What's your name? You're always welcome here along with all the rest of us loons (I mean that in the nicest way possible. I love being a loon with you guys). You're wanted here and can tell us anything, we are all unshockable :) Hope you will feel welcome and able to open up here, we will wait as long as you need. I've been here a few weeks now and still haven't opened up, or told anyone what brought me here in the first place, and no one's sick of me yet! Jess *Hugs*- Sorry you're struggling so much at the momnet. I know school's stressful, but it can also be agreat distraction, and it's not all that bad. There must be some lessons you like, some parts you enjoy. If nothing else, it's something to do with your time to stop you wallowing and thinking dark thought. Carry on resisting those urges, I know it's hard but it's worthwhile in the end and it means you can do the washing up without getting your sleeves wet ;) Helen- Hey, how are you today? Glad you had a good night's sleep. Jill *hugs tightly*- What's up sweetie? Anything triggered you in particular? I tend to stay out of the Mother's way. Try getting out of the house, although it's 5.00 o'clock now and you've probably already either thought of that or had an argument with your mum, but still. Or ignore her. Put in some earphones and block it out, it's what I do when I don't feel like hearing how useless and stupid I am. Keep fighting sweet, you're worth it, no matter what anyone else says. Julie *hugs*- Sorry about your dad yelling. The Mother is just the same. Like I said to Jill, maybe you should just stay out of his way, go out or lock yourself in your room. I find it's just best not to get involved with the Mother half the time. Don't let him bring you down, you are worth so much more and don't let anyone make you forget it or think otherwise. April-*Glomps*< You always seem to be glomping others, I thought I would give you a taster :) Not really sure what else to say. If Jarrod knows how you feel, there's not much else you can do. You may not want to hear this, but I'm going to tell it to you anyway. If you stop him going out right, he will just end up resenting you and you will hate yourself for making him stay for you and it will all basically go tits up. You can't force him to stay, but you can talk to him about it as much as possible. Maybe he won't go. There's nothing definate yet, and he wouldn't be in the front line right away. Maybe he won't even get in. You're not stupid and there's nothing wrong with eating lunch, it is 5.00 in the afternoon! Try to calm down, like I said to Mark, rip up some paper or something, it's very therputic. *Massive hugs*. Luke *Join the the huge freaky group hug I have going on here*- I'm so sorry about your ex. No one deserves to be facebook dumped and in my own personal opinion, althought you may not want it, you shouldn't have him back even if he asks. The way he did it was horrible. He should have at least had the guts to tell you to your face, or if you live too far away, over the phone. You're worth so much more than that and deserve better. *You too Kahlia*- You're not a waste of space sweet, you're a strong, lovely and beautiful person :) Hold on sweet, I know it's hard and sucks, but I guess there are good times out there. I haven't found them on a permenant basis yet, but there are fun moments. Look to those and smile. Sorry you're feeling so anxious, is there anything you can do that makes you feel better? Any methods you can use? I know just the thing that would work, but it would require my friend Miranda and you to both me here, so that would be a fail. Good that you got a lot done though, and you do have something to show for it. You didn't spend all day wallowing in bed, which is an achievment and shows you're strong :). *Hugs and cups of tea to anyone else who needs them*. As I am in a decent mood, now would be a brillant time for me to tell you why I am here since I am in a drunk sort of mood but completly sober, so everything seems like a good idea. Hmm...I might shock you all into a heart attack though and like being drunk, I will regret it in the morning. xx |
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