Well, the exam is done, and there's nothing to be done about it now, so no use worrying about it, right? :) I know, easier said than done.

as for your friend, i think it might be best if you tried to re-channel those feelings. you have to accept that she's straight and staying that way, and use the energy you have feeling that way about her into feeling good about yourself.

****, sorry, that was crap advice, and all backwards.

No, you're not being pathetic. if they're freaking you out hunny, just leave it alone, ignore them? If they've been drinking they probably wont remember anyway. *huggles*

and it's alright, *cuddles back just as tight* you can giggle at my post :P I'm not offended ;) infact i encourage it. laughter is sometimes the best medication that we can get for free!

*hugs helen and kat.* yeah, exams done. got like 10 more to go :/. thanks, i know i should get over her, but i really like her. i might try talking to her again, i mean i know from before that she wont be funny with me after, so whats the harm in trying??

...hmmm.. i suppose honesty is always the best policy...but what do you want to gain from talking to her?

EDIT: I spy an oliver hiding over there...
ooh and an...oh darn it. name's gone again..crimson!

Thanks darling. They seemed to have stopped now, so hopefully they will :) I expect they won't remember in the morning lol. Yay thanks for letting me giggle at your post & glad it didn't offend you. Yay laughter is a very good & free medication sometimes :D

They'll soon be over. Yeah maybe you should try again...*cuddles tight*

*curls up in invisibility bubble*

Everything okay Crimson??

I also spy Laura, April & Oliver, hope you're all okay *cuddles lots*

*hugs helen and kat* i dont know, maybe shes changed her mind? theres no harm in asking.

Indeed there's not, but try not to get your hopes up too much? *hugs some more*

*cuddles all who want cuddles*

Sorry am crap at replies today, this ward's been moving so fast and I only feel "okay" getting on RYL at work if my supervisor isn't nearby since I don't want her knowing about my problems. :-/ If that makes sense. I mean, I'm going to have to tell her eventually, I reckon, because I'm going to ask and see if I can get volunteer work there after I finish my internship (maybe, anyway), until I get accepted into a residential program. :-S I don't know though...

I don't know whether or not to start applying to said residential programs right NOW or if I should wait... I don't want my internship to be interrupted and it's most likely going to go until the end of June/early July so... well yeah. :-S

I just feel like **** right now. Per usual. Make it go away......... :'(

*huggles everyone*

I'd love to stay and talk, but my dizzy head and blurry eyes tell me it's time i went to bed. though before i do i am going to celebrate having not switched for hours.

*throws confetti*

Yey Kat!! *throws some more confetti and does the happy dance* Hehe... *tucks you up gently and hands you a lavender scented teddy - since that seems to be a very good idea for calming!!* :D

April, we have been moving very fast this evening, so don't worry too much about replies. Maybe start applying, these things take quite a while to process I expect??

Kat, yay for not switching, now get yourself to bed missy :) Thanks for listening && sleep well xxxxxxx

*cuddles april* i wish i could make it go away for you. *cuddles bear* lovely bear
*hugs nicole* I hope you find the right answer for you soon
*hugs oliver* I hope you are okay.
*hugs laura, crimson and everyone else who's lurking/lurked*
*cuddles helen* you've been absolutely brilliant to me today sweetie, thank you so so so much. *cuddles tighter* xxxx

April ~ I reckon it'd be easiest to apply now and let them know you can't go till whatever date. That way if there's a wait you can be on the list and if there isn't they might reserve a spot for you.

I'm fine I just feel like a fat cow (amongst other things...) and wanna lay down and die at the moment but it'll pass.

*cuddles Kat* Thanks for saying that darling, am glad I've helped, hope it doesn't take too long to nod off *cuddles tighter*

*smile* with cuddles like that i'll be snug warm and sleep safe and sound. Take good care of yourself.

all of you take care.

*lots of love and cuddles and waves and cookies and duvets and all nice things*

Awwww thank you Kat.

*hugs/waves at all*

I don't know why but I am reminded once again that after Monday and Tuesday, even the Calendar goes W T F . . .

Psychiatrist appointment in a few hours. So tired and just plain over everything.. Meh. Oh, and freezing cold.

Hope everyone is doing well. Sorry for being selfish and not giving individual replies, just too many posts and me not being able to keep up. Feel bad. :(

*digs hole and disappears down it* - My apologies for all the holes I keep digging. :(

*cuddles Kahlia lots*

Sorry it's not more...

it's ok kahlia after you leave the holes i refill em with soil and plant new roses and lily's n orchids n the like to expand the garden *cuddles*

7 pages since I logged off this morning.
*hugs to everyone who needs/wants them*... definitely don't have the energy or focus to do individual replies, sorry :(

Trying to hold onto my good mood, but I can feel it slipping slowly. I feel like I'm completely split minded on it =/ Like if I REALLY REALLY wanted to, I could stay in a good mood... or just smile and laugh, and hope it makes me feel better, even though it's fake. On the other hand, it just seems so easy to fall down and let the depression consume me.

Urgh :(

*cuddles everyone*

Where'd everyone go? heh...

updated r/v... feel like ****... just want to die. don't see the point in going to res if i am not going to get better. 5 years of therapy and 5 hospitalizations and 10 rounds of ect and 26 meds didn't do it, what makes me think that res will?

:crying:

sorry, am a whingy pathetic bitch................ need to shut upppp. :'(

It might help you in a way other things haven't. A friend of mine went to a similar place & seems to be doing much better as a result. Sure she still has bad days, but doesn't everyone? :( Also you're not a pathetic bitch sweetheart :(

updated r/v... gonna curl up in the closet corner with a plushie and cry now...

*cuddles Crimson* Didn't understand all of your recentest post but it sounds like you're going through a lot of **** right now... wish I could make it better for you... :( *holds you gently and rocks* Maybe play some WoW to get away from it all for a bit?? sorry if that's crap advice, the best I could come up with at the moment. :(

*huggles Hels* Yeh I suppose you're right... I don't know though, I don't feel like I deserve treatment like that or am even sick enough... I suppose I could try applying though, or at least calling and finding out how long their waiting lists are. :( How are you doing tonight, love?

*hides in her hole* :'(

wow, I've only been gone a few hours and nobody's left here, ah well, guess I might actually force myself to bed.

Hey April, I agree with Helen, it could be worth a try.

*hugs Kahlia* don't worry about the holes hun. I don't like mondays or tuesdays either never mind the WTF days

*hugs Helen* I know you aren't saying everything, I don't mind, I'm just trying to help with what you are saying, if want me to shut up and go away I will.

wishes everyone sweet dreams and a pleasant sleep and anyone who lives in the other hemisphere I hope the day is going okay

I don't want to go to bed because then I have to deal with tomorrow and I've only just got through today, I want a bit of a break first before having to start again, but there's no such thing.

*sits in a corner on her own, rocking and crying, even though she knows that she has no good reason to feel like this and should stop being so pathetic*

*hugs Hannah (?)* What's up, sweetie? You give more than you take... so I figure it is your turn to let us know what's going on in that head of yours... if you don't want to though, that's okay too. Just know that we're here to listen/support. *holds you gently*

I spy a Crimson. *extra-special cuddles*

*cuddles back* you do deserve treatment.

I can't even leave work for another 1.5 hrs (not like I'm being productive in the least...) then I have to go to the store, then home to cook dinner, etc etc... on the upside, tonight is chicken kiev so i can use the meat tenderizer to get some frustration out.
Though now I'm curious where i lost you in the post...

*hugs april* i think that it is worth a try too. I mean, you never know what will work. Im sorry that you've been feeling so badly. Ive been reading your r/v thread... I wish i could say something to make you feel better hun. But you arent pathetic or stupid or anything like that, i promise.

*cuddles crimson* i read your r/v thread too. Sounds like a bad situation with your rent and landlord and whatnot :-( Money issues can be such a b*tch...

*hugs hannah* I hope that your tomorrow goes okay and that you sleep well hun.

*hugs helen, mark, julie, kahlia, hayley, lindsay, taz, oliver, and everyone else*

Well i have the cleanest apartment in all the land. I havent eaten all day though... i really should, i cant tell if i'm hungry or not though.
*goes back into hiding*

The bit about section 8 got me confused, as I don't know what that is. (Perhaps I ought to? dunno... :-S) The rest made sense. :) I'm sorry that you can't leave work for so long, and have so much to do... that sucks. :( Thinking of you and sending you cuddles, though!! ♥

Laura!! *tackle squishes* :) How are you, love? It's OKAY to talk about how you're doing, and I do not want to hear another "fine" for the rest of my days... lol... that word is so effing overused - everyone overuses it, not just here - I HATE IT. Haha. Although I know that I use it as well... I'm glad your apartment is clean... but not eating is NOT good. Whether you are hungry or not, you should get something to eat. Please, sweetie? *cuddles tight*

Section 8 is a HUD program that gives rent assistance to low income families.
*puts on invisibility cloak*

*curls up and cries*

I can't do this :(

thanks, ach I'm okay I'm just tired and scared that all I will ever do is fail. I need to kick myself up the bum and tell myself to just get on with it cos otherwise I wont get what I want, but I have no strength or confidence left.

thanks April *hugs back* you deserve to feel better and maybe res can help, who knows?

*hugs Laura back* thanks, yay clean apartment, you should try and eat something whether you're hungry or no

*hugs crimson* I've never used a meat tenderiser, or made chicken kievs for that matter. Hope you manage to vent the frustration successfully

*hugs Helen* yes you can, you definitely can

anyway shower and bed, that'll give me about 6 hours sleep - hmm... ah well, night everyone, stay safe

*falls over from being tackled by April* ok ok i wont say fine.. lol... um.. i dont really know how i am though.. Kind of lonely i guess. There isnt too many people to hang out with right now. I am going home on friday for about a week and half, which will either be really good or really bad.. u never know what my family. Oh.. and I'll maybe try to make some food in a little bit. *hugs*

*cuddles helen* you can do this hun. I'm sorry you're not doing well. PM me if u want/need to talk.

I'm sorry for sounding like a broken record =(

i dont wanna go to work!
y today grrrrr
...sorry bad mood

*sits*
it's my doing nothing day *grumbles, looks at the floor*
i isnt going to cry coz it's a stupid reason to cry it's just work
*kicks things* i hate work

*cuddles with Julie*
It's ok to cry. I'll cry with you.

*snuggles into crimson and sniffles*

How I wish I could cry... :( The only crying I do is on here...

Just tried dual-boxing with WoW - i.e., having two WoW games/accounts playing on the same computer at the same time. I had a lot of glitches... maybe I'll try again tomorrow? :-/ I really wanted to whiz my little priest on my RAF account through some quests so she can get caught up with my lowest level on my main account so I can get the triple experience points, etc.

Anyway. That's what I've been doing since supper to get my mind off anxiety/purging. :(

*hides in her hole for the night* :'(

*offers hugs to april*

*offers hugs to anyone, then hides in a dark corner under a blanket*

*waves and offers hugs to taz*

*hugs julie & goes back into hiding*
How're you doing Julie?

i want to say fine....
but in bad bad mood

i wanna go sit in the rain

*watches the rain*

Aw :( Why the bad mood? Dancing in the rain is fun... I always love going for walks in the rain.

i have to go into work today
and i hate work but also it mess up my whole day and i'm missing 2 fitness class coz of stupid work