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-   -   Virtual Psych ward! (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1312)

Absynnthe 20-01-2010 02:37 PM

*snuggles April* ^.^ You're okay, my love.

*hands out happy vibes to everyone*

Imaginary_friend 20-01-2010 03:32 PM

*hugs scarletdreamer* haha i hope daniel doesn't go nuts - don't think i'd know what to do with a mad kitty! hope you feel better soon...feel **** sucks. *hugs* i'm in my final year at uni doing music. crap subject lol i know that its weird to hate music, and i used to love it but this whole depression thing just sucked all my enthusiasm for everything so now i have no idea what to do with my life because i hate what i'm doing. *sigh* good times huh? i'm going back to counselling tomorrow....joys.

*hugs to everyone else* much love

SoMuchMore 20-01-2010 07:41 PM

*cuddles everyone*

I need... i dont even know. *finds a dark corner and curls up*

[Awakening] 20-01-2010 08:49 PM

What's up Laura? are u still there? *finds and squishes*

shadowedsoul 20-01-2010 11:28 PM

****sake, i have had enough, people and there bullshit storys

Kahlia1981 20-01-2010 11:33 PM

*cuddles everyone*

April: I don't get suicidal all that frequently, but when I do it usually means that I'm going to make an attempt on my life. I've made almost 100 attempts now.

I'm just trying to hang on. I feel like absolute ****. I just want to run (well limp) away and hide somewhere were no one will find me. To just disappear from the world.

*hugs everyone again* Sorry for the lack of individual replies. I'm just not feeling able to keep up with everything. :( Bad me.

*disappears into a dark corner where no one will see me cry*

MammaMia 20-01-2010 11:52 PM

*cuddles everyone*

Try keep fighting Kahlia, I know it's hard.
Laura, you okay sweet.
April, hope your day is going okay.

SoMuchMore 21-01-2010 02:03 AM

I cant do this... i really cant.

risenfromperdition 21-01-2010 02:19 AM

^cant do what?
<3

MammaMia 21-01-2010 02:20 AM

You can Laura *hugs tight*
What's wrong love?

Scarletdreamer 21-01-2010 02:41 AM

*cuddles everyone*

Sorry been away for so long, didn't get the chance to get on since 12:30pm until just now. Classes classes classes, yurghhh... *sighs*

*snuggles Franz* Hope you're feeling a bit better. How'd your day go?

*huggles Laura* What's up, sweetie? You can do it... whatever "it" may be... you are a strong person. xx

*hugs Helen* How're you, love?

*holds Kahlia gently* That's a lot of attempts... glad you haven't been successful yet as I believe you have a lot to offer to the world once problems get more under control etc. Not saying that you don't have a lot to offer now - it's just so very difficult to offer up what you do have when you are struggling so. I hope that made sense?

*hugs Jocelyn* How're you doing, love? I'll reply to the PM tomorrow, sorry haven't as of yet.

I'm really tired... just got back from class half an hour ago, had a nice hot bath & soak with pomegranate flavored salts, mmm it was nice. Just what I needed, heh. :)

I'm feeling okayish right now, although a little "periody" and uncomfy. Bed will feel good I think. I already have a TON of homework to do... so yeh, best get to bed shortly so I can be "up & at 'em" tomorrow nice & early. *sigh*

MammaMia 21-01-2010 02:49 AM

*jumps on April*
:D
How was classes?

SoMuchMore 21-01-2010 03:54 AM

*Rant warning - i'm stupid*
I can't handle anything it seems. I feel ridiculous. I'm so tired of wondering if I will always hate classes and work b/c i cant seem to control anxiety type stuff. I just want it to go away, or i want me to go away. I feel like its getting more stupid and worse all the time. I am embarrassed by everything i do and say in front of people. It makes me want to run out of the room and hide... which i almost did today when we had to play a stupid "ice breaker name game"... Everything i said came out in a stutter and my mind turned off. Then the rest of the class all i could think of is how everyone must be thinking how much of an idiot I am. Which i know is irrational and stupid... which is why i feel ridiculous. Oh, and one of the girls that i went to jr. high with... (6th-8th grade) is in that class too, she is one of my least favorite people on earth, one of the people who did everything they could to make me feel even more socially isolated. I dont know how to handle her in class. F***. I'm so stupid. I want to die, or at least SI to make me feel like I have control over my own head.

MammaMia 21-01-2010 04:00 AM

*cuddles tight* You're not stuipd whatsoever.

Kahlia1981 21-01-2010 10:04 AM

*cuddles everyone*

Mood, hallucinations and urges getting worse. Not sure what to do about it.
Can I disappear now please ??

*finds nice dark corner to pretend that she doesn't exist*

Scarletdreamer 21-01-2010 12:12 PM

*squishes Laura* Sweetheart, you're not stupid. Social anxiety sucks & makes you feel awful... I understand the desire to disappear or have everything else disappear. I really do. I feel that way a lot... wanting to disappear, being embarrassed of what I've said/done (although it's gotten a lot less bad in the past few years), etc. I'm sorry that one of your least favorite people is in one of your classes... has she changed at all, do you know? or is she still really cruel, etc.? *holds you gently*

Classes were okay, to answer your question. I'm sitting in the back of the room for intro to soc with a bunch of idiots, which is really annoying as I don't want to change my seat now because I don't want to look like a snob. But there is one dumbass who has smart comments for everything the prof says (this is an intro class, and a required one, so there are annoying & stupid people in it - they haven't been weeded out yet - heh)... so annoying... and he sits right next to me. It took all my willpower yesterday not to punch him or tell him to shut up. :(

Health psych lab was okay; we watched a film on the placebo effect, and have a ton of tests/surveys/questionnaires to fill out before next Wednesday.

Senior sem was... I don't know. I really don't know what to think of it... don't have any idea how I'm going to do in it. Most of the class was spent weeding out people for the other section (usually there are only a few students in it, like 10-12, but this semester there were 37, so there had to be 2 sections!! and they're big sections, at that).

And Women & Spirituality was AWESOME... lol. I'm so glad that I'm taking the class, and so is the prof who is my friend... she's team-teaching it with the Protestant minister on campus, and the Catholic minister is taking it. So it ought to be interesting... they are hilarious teaching it. Even though it's a night class I think it's one that I mentally/emotionally "need" - kind of a break from my other classes, so I think I will stick with it. :) And my best friend & other friend are also going to be sticking with it - yey!! :P

*huggles Helen & Kahlia* I wish I could help you both more... just keep fighting, don't give in... so easy to say, so hard to do, I know. :( *more cuddles*

I'm so tired. :( But only today & tomorrow & then it's the weekend!!! (which means HOMEWORK, unless I get busy today & tomorrow morning...)

Kahlia1981 21-01-2010 02:07 PM

*cuddles everyone*

I've been trying to get to sleep for the last few hours and having absolutely no luck. I've made myself a drink and then I'm going to go and make another attempt at this sleep thing.

Tonight I emailed my tdoc about the things that have been going on and how the hospital and crisis team have basically rejected me. I don't know when I'll hear from him ...

I'm just so over anything ... I think I'll sneak into the denial tent until it all goes away.

*grabs bear and sneaks her way into the denial tent*

MammaMia 21-01-2010 03:41 PM

*cuddles everyone*

SoMuchMore 21-01-2010 04:07 PM

*hugs april* that last class sounds awesome! I have a lot of homework too already.

*hugs kahlia* sorry your having trouble sleeping, but it think its good u emailed ur tdoc. Hope it doesnt take too long to hear back.

*huggles helen*

Off for another day of class... aka round three of wanting to hide and feeling ridiculous.

Oh and that girl, idk if she has changed or not, ive avoided her since 8th grade... I'm not sure that it matters to me or not if she's changed, I'm still going to be wary around her and feel like i have to be perfection to do or say anything in class.

Scarletdreamer 21-01-2010 04:28 PM

Kahlia, I hope that your tdoc responds as well. You need as much help/support as you can get... is there anything that you want to talk about? *gentle hugs* Hope you manage to get some sleep... that ought to help at least a little, if you can escape into deep sleep for a bit.

*cuddles Helen back* How're you? You avoided my first question. ;) xx

*squishes Laura* Yeh, round three for me too... health psych & advanced counseling techniques, then I don't know what. I'm dreading going to them as I can't remember whether or not I finished all the homework for them. :-X I have a ton of work to do before next week... just want to give up already. I HATE having so much work!!!

I'm not doing too well. REALLY wanted to cut this morning & I texted my NP & therapist and only my T responded, with some things I could do as distractions... but about 20 minutes after I first texted her. I didn't cut but I can visualize it and it's awful... or good... I don't know anymore. :(

I feel like I'm dying inside... :crying:

MammaMia 21-01-2010 04:39 PM

*cuddles both lots*

I wish I could help more. :/ Don't cut??

I feel really ****. (Y)

Strawberry.Bananas 21-01-2010 06:29 PM

i'm stuck in oxford visiting my aunt and i want to die. so much. but i can't kill myself here because of...issues that my aunt has...i can't hurt her more...but i need to die. somebody please help me. please?

Imaginary_friend 21-01-2010 06:35 PM

*big hugs to vicki* i don't really know what to say other than please don't. we'd all miss you *more hugs*

*hugs to everyone else*

had my first counselling session today after nearly 2 years...urgh. *snuggles down to cry and sleep*

Strawberry.Bananas 21-01-2010 06:37 PM

you wouldn't notice, and if you did isn't it better than i'm happy? i can't cope with life.

Imaginary_friend 21-01-2010 06:42 PM

:( *hugs* is there someone in oxford you can talk to apart from your aunt? i don't like you feeling rubbish by yourself :( and you wouldn't be happy...you wouldn't be here :( and we totally would notice, trust me! much love xx

Strawberry.Bananas 21-01-2010 06:46 PM

no there's nobody. just me. i'm actually in the house along at the moment. i can't do this. i can't.

[Awakening] 21-01-2010 06:50 PM

*cuddles everyone* sorry you're all having crappy times!

Sorry i don't have any individual replies, but i'm thinking of u all lots


I had a motivated day today, got lots of things that have been hanging over me for ages done... so yay for me!

Also me and my gf have talked over everything i was worried about and it's all in the open so thats good too.

love to all of you x x x

Imaginary_friend 21-01-2010 06:50 PM

please don't. *hugs* go out for a walk, or watch a film or something, anything to distract you from feeling like this while there's no one around. thinking of you.

[Awakening] 21-01-2010 08:36 PM

*hugs* imaginary ( is there something u'd like to be called?)

How did counselling go? weldone for going, thats great! How are you doing now? x x x

Imaginary_friend 21-01-2010 08:38 PM

thanks jocelyn :) i thought i put my name in somewhere but apparently i didn't...lol i'm Laura :) *waves* hii! lol
it went ok i think...was only an assesment session but they seem to think they'll be able to help so that's kind of a relief. i don't she got the whole fact that i'm drinking far more than i should be but i guess i can talk about that in my actual sessions.
i'm doing ok at the moment....i'm going out tonight so i'm hoping to have a good time and get very drunk :) woop. lol i know, i know, its bad ... urgh. *wraps herself up in a duvet with a hot ribeana* yum :)

[Awakening] 21-01-2010 08:44 PM

Hi Laura! Nice to meet you properly :-)

Weldone that sounds fab. Yeah don't worry about not telling her yet, im sure they're used to people not opening up immediately about everything, some people find that very hard.

Well its good you're going out with friends, make sure u keep safe, book a cab home before hand if u need to! And if u feel u can, maybe set a limit to how much you're happy to spend? This could proof very difficult though *hugs*

Have you been given a next appt or are u on a waiting list?

x x x

Imaginary_friend 21-01-2010 08:47 PM

:) i have to wait for them to get back to me about an appointment...probably in the next couple of weeks is when i'll get my first proper one :) i'll try and limit how much money i take out with me but tbh, it's the drinking before i go out that always gets me...haha...working with a drink in hand. bad bad times. my essay is going to be fab. they all are! lol
i'm glad you've had a good day too :) being motivated is always fab, doesn't happen very often for me tho!
xx

[Awakening] 21-01-2010 08:49 PM

Have a good time! Yeah me neither, its a huge rarity (sp!)

stay safe and have fun x x x

Imaginary_friend 21-01-2010 08:57 PM

:) well, it's good today was a good day then! :)
thanks - will do :)
xx

Kahlia1981 21-01-2010 09:41 PM

*hugs everyone*

Well I haven't heard back from my tdoc - but to be fair the email was sent pretty late yesterday afternoon, and it's not even 7am yet.

The feelings are getting worse. I'm thinking of waking up my housemate.

I just don't know anymore. :(

*cuddles everyone and then returns to her dark corner*

[Awakening] 21-01-2010 09:47 PM

If you're housemate will be fine with u waking them up do it sweety. Could u quietly creep into their bed (not trying to sound creepy or anything!) and gently put they're arm around u? this might wake them up a little bit to cuddle u back... idk

Du know why ur feeling so low? could u watch tv or something? *cuddles*

MammaMia 21-01-2010 09:49 PM

*crawls into the denial tent and cries*

[Awakening] 21-01-2010 09:53 PM

*crawls after MammaMia and wipes tears* what's up sweetie? *hugs* x x x

Scarletdreamer 21-01-2010 10:33 PM

Urgh long day...

*hides in dark dark corner*

:crying:

MammaMia 21-01-2010 10:36 PM

*hugs*

I can't do it anymore. I can't keep pretending. :'(

Shouldn't have gone out with my friends tonight. They really upset me (well upset me further) and I think I upset them :'( :'(

[Awakening] 21-01-2010 10:40 PM

*hugs April* Sorry u've had a rough day.. wanna talk about it? x

*hugs mamma* have u tried talking to any of them? I know this can be hard but it might be better than trying to pretend, that doesnt do any good to anyone x x x

Scarletdreamer 21-01-2010 10:56 PM

*cuddles Helen* I'm sorry it was a bad day... what about your friends upset you more?

*huggles Jocelyn* Erm yeah, it's just been a bad day, with wanting to purge & cut all day... talked a bit with a professor and he said that it was shitty that I had to think ahead so much... as in, I have to keep in mind that I could land up in hospital if I'm not careful with sleep/meds/cognitions, etc. I texted my NP this morning and she texted back this afternoon asking me if I needed to go to the ER... I was like "Um no..." lol... I hate the ER. I've been there 2x in 2 weeks, don't need to go again!! (although that was back in December)

*hides*

Strawberry.Bananas 21-01-2010 10:58 PM

i've come home. thank you for helping me laura. i'm sorry if i worried you. i'm going to get into bed and try and wake up in the morning. see what happens.

MammaMia 21-01-2010 11:27 PM

I've spoken to a friend. Feel bit better now. I thought she'd called me fat on two occasions (I am fat though heh) which didn't help matters. Need to speak to the other one about tonight and the other night and then it'll be okay then :) Hopefully. Still have to pretend though.

I seriously need to purge and cut tonight :/ :(

[Awakening] 21-01-2010 11:31 PM

try to resist sweetie. Weldone for talking to ur friend, communication is so important, we were made to interact and support one another.
I'm so glad ur feeling even a smidgin (sp!) better, try to distract urself hon. stay strong, I know you can x x x

MammaMia 21-01-2010 11:32 PM

I'll try :(

[Awakening] 21-01-2010 11:40 PM

*Hugs Vicki* Welcome home hon! I hope ur ok.

*Hugs Helen (is it?)* Good girl, good luck sweetie. All my best happy thoughts and wishes coming your way

xxx

MammaMia 22-01-2010 12:14 AM

Thanks and yeah it is Helen =)

Scarletdreamer 22-01-2010 12:16 AM

I really want to cut/purge too, Helen. *cuddles* I'm sorry you feel that way... we just went out for pizza & while it was good I feel like I ate too much. Of course. So yeah... but we don't NEED to do it... either of those things... we can make it. *hugs tight*

I feel like **** tonight. Today, really. It's been a pretty rough day, as I've said. I have a thread in the main (Vet's support) forum, you can check it out if you want... no pressure... :-/ Sorry for being annoying!!! :crying:

[Awakening] 22-01-2010 12:22 AM

Oh April! You're not being annoying. You are amazing and you are strong. I believe you can resist these urges.

I'm sorry that you're feeling like this, are u able to talk to your hubby about it? ask him for a cuddle or something? *cuddles* x x x

*trots of to main vet's support to read April's thread :-) *


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