I dont see the point, i didnt fall sleep till after 6.30am. when i got up at 11, i felt so crap i went back to bed, i got back up and made a second attempt, my mind knows were on my body, it doesnt have to search any more. with that thought i became so sick of that thought within me that i went back to bed.. i was tired (phisically).. and tired of the thoughts that if , carried through by me, will then turn to shame after, and i will then wake with shame and carry it through my day.. i had another nightmare after i fell asleep. I got up at 7pm, my brother came in and jokinly said 'what are you doing.. get back to bed' lol.. he asked me would i look after his sons, while he goes to work.. i said yes.. now il be making more effort tonight..

I will be drinking beer and wine tonight. Hopefully I will pass out.

sick and tired of fighting why does it allways have to be so hard might aswell just get wasted and give up .... :(

im while down in me, i cant shake this, everthing is a huge effort, it's like i dont wanna see any one, i dont want them to look/talk to me. im not ansering phone calls, replyn text messages, im finding it all to much, were's it all gonna end... if i had it my way.. id go back to bed, and not get up for days.. and see no one for weeks. . they're to much... back off me !!

my spirit has once again lifted .. its 4.15am.. i have to be up at 7.30am... il be working on this.. till it gets better.

special hugs to 'wildyinsane' and 'secrets' dont be afraid shake me when i need shaking.

*hugs Lucy* I hope getting up this morning wasnt too painful.

*hugs cheryl* don't give up, one day it'll be worth it.

I still feel rubbish today, I was hoping it would begin to lift. I just want it to go away and the shakes to stop

*hugs all she can find*
*waves welcomes at the new people*

My wrist got replastered today so I'm struggling to type. Love to all.

goes and sits under the table and rocks am absolutely pooing myself today dont wanna do it

it's all good. the centre took my mum for the day. and i get to spend the day with tom, i have everyone dropped off were they should be, and heading out of town for couple of hours.

*hugs all* Welcome to those new here... hopefully you feel at home.
I can't believe how fast time is flying... it's nearly June already... where did the first half of the year go?

Why wont it let me see the next page?

Oh. There it is. :)

Hey Jade i'm still feeling like ***** warmed over but i still havent cut which for me is a small mirical

so failed that exam.

*Hugs Cheryl* Maybe you didn't do as bad as you think you did. And if you didn't do well, is there any chance of a re-take?

My grandad drove me up to a pub with a vacancy so I could apply, but the job's just gone. I left my CV with them, but I'm starting to think I'll never get a job.

hey guys. mind if i join in. on like the 882nd page.
im feeling crap so fancied "checking in"

getting a job is difficult especily at this time of year, keep trying
x

haven't made a check up in a couple days, been super busy, but I'm in Prince Rupert, up north doing my singing thing, and I'm performing today, wish me luck.

*leaves cuddles for all those whom want one or few :)*

*hides in a corner*

I dont want tomorrow, I want sleep and thats it

Hugs secrets, want to talk about what's tomorrow??

Exams and ther crazy stuff, its just gonna be a really busy day and right now i dont have the energy

secerts i wish you the best of luck in your exams *

Thanks. Ive managed to get food in me which will hopefully help. I just have to keep it together until tomorrow lunch time

I'm babysitting my little sister tonight. But my dad's going to give me some money for wine, maybe not tonight, but I like drinking :)

Why does he say he wants to marry me and then starts ****ing a seventeen year old girl?
I wish I didn't still love him.

*hugs zowie*

I can't handle this guys. Any of it. Everything's going wrong, and there's nothing I can do. Well, there's one thing I can do...but I don't want to. Not this time. But what other choice do I have? I can't cope. Nothing helps. I can't do it anymore.

Ugh! I did so bad!
I don't want to talk about it with my mom, because I know she'll tell me,
"You did wonderfully, Ashley."
Even though I know I didn't.
Ugh...

Sorry guys, just a quick drop in to offer hugs. I will try to reply individually tomorrow. Am trying not to freak.

*hugs and blankies*

*offers hugs to all*

My hand is super itchy under the cast .....

*hugs you all, everybody*

good luck to everybody having exams, Secrets YAY for eating :)

sorry to hear you don't feel you did well Ashley, next time I'm sure you'll ace it, we can't be brilliant all the time :)

Arwen, you will find a job, I know it sucks, but you gotta keep trying

*hugs to all the new guys, offers tea and ginger cake*

will start writing individually again but have too much to catch up on right now, so I just hope that you all get through the day okay and keep fighting.

I had a lovely time visiting my friend. I saw wild dolphins :)

*curls up in the corner and cries*

*curls up and dies*

Good luck to everyone who has exams and last min Assignments to do xxx

Im sorry Im not supporting today but I feel totally washed out and very very low :(

Im not sure if its being half on one med and half on another until I totally swap in a couple of weeks time.

Love Jade xxx

You know I'm always here for you Jade. Love you sweetie, you'll be okay, you got me and everyone in here on your side I'm sure :D It's going to be tough but ok xx

secrets... you worked hard towards these exams.. so try and relax and try not to be sressed i know its hard iv been there.. just put in the effort that u done and dont give in...
i used to love exam time... the whole... oooo jesus effect lol

****! I HATE traveling!
Especially with my Gran!

So I haven't been able to cry over having done less than perfect on Tuesday, and so I've been a little short tempered.
Today I just happened to snap because I felt like I was being interrogated and prodded for information,
so I flew off the handle a little bit.
It wasn't even that bad.
I just got really tense and was like "I don't wanna do this! I just want to frikkin eat! I don't want to be interrogated!"
And suddenly to my Gran, I became an ungrateful, selfish little girl, in her words.
So me and mom went and talked about stuff and sorted that out,
and I was able to cry about my performing,
and I come back into the hotel room, and Gran's still bitching.

Lucky me, I still have two days' car ride with her...

My bone in my wrist is definitely broken so it's a cast for me for about 2 months. Therefore I'll only be writing little bits but I'll be reading everything.

*offers hugs to all*

*hugs Ashley* good luck with your gran and all your performances

*hugs Kalia* hope you are okay and I hope the wrist isn't too much hassle

*hugs Secrets* good luck in those exams, take a deep breath and don't panic, you can do this

*hugs Lucy* how are you?

*hugs Helen* hope things are better today

*hugs Jade* was the apprentice fun ;)

*hugs to anyone else dropping by or hiding in a corner*

gotta dash a million and one things to do :P

*IS NEW HERE*

Can't stop crying, wraps my arms around my self imagining it was her- or someone that cared enough to never leave me no matter how insane i am.

my issues all untreated by proffessional help
eating issues
cutting
borderline personality disorder
anxiety
ocd

I dont trust doctors thats why i came to this web page. I dont want to get locked up for real- i have a fear or being volnirable to others.

*sits rocking in the corner crying feeling very alone*

*BANGS HEAD ON WALL*

I HATE THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I FEEL LIKE MY HEAD IS GOING TO EXPLODE!

why cant she just be there? WHY DOES SHE HAVE TO PUSH ME AWAY.

Hello Lost Girl *offers a hug* who's pushing you away? loneliness is one of the most horrible emotions to deal with, but you are not alone.

my girlfriend =(

*hugs* relationships are tough, have you tried talking to her about it? Is she struggling with things too?

I have tried talking to her and she just tells me whatever and that she doesnt want to talk about it right now :-(

I'm meant to be at a training course in ten minutes. It's at a place which takes me an hour to get to. Whoops. Don't really want to go to it (even though my horoscope literally said 'travel for a training course)!!!
I think I'll call and say it's not for me.
My dad will be annoyed because it's not like I have anything else to do. But this course looks useless. It just says it helps you with CVs and interview skills. Which I'm fine at.

I hate when people say that, "you have nothing better to do", when people tell me that its like you have no idea what I have or want to do- you just know what you would rather me be doing.

lol Im a loser i cant figure out what CVs means =)

I hate it when people go "so what DO you want to do?" I don't know because I haven't done it yet doh! CV and interview skills, very useful, but there's only so much they can tell you. *hugs Arwen* your dad sounds a bit like my mum lol.

Lost Girl, CVs are Curriculum Vitaes aka resumes

I called them and said it wasn't for me.
I guess I'll have to fib to my dad and tell him they told me I was off the register because I forgot to come today. He'll still be disappointed, because I always forget appointments, but at least this way he can't say I'm being lazy.
Which I guess I am.

sometimes it's the hardest thing in the world just to get motivated to do something, I don't think it's being lazy *hugs*