Thanks guys. I've resisted so far, well I've had god only knows how many cigarettes, squashed too many flies, and considered scratching the hell out of my wallpaper, but no cutting. It's too tempting though... almost like I'm reverting to the old me, the me that just does whatever she's told... I... I was fighting the urges as it was, but since he said that.... they've multiplied fourfold.

ARGH. I ****ING HATE THAT MAN.

I Am So ****in Stressed Out!!!!!! I Need... To Do Something....bad...to Feel Relief And Make My Head Stop Yelling At Me!!!!!!!!!!

*hugs* what happened sweetheart?

I posted about it...

*hugs* sorry I've been too ****ing self absorbed tonight I haven't been paying attention like I normally would, and my parents are home, so I dunno if I can stay on here.

crap. they're home. they're yelling at me. They've got visitors ****s sake. Doesn't matter to them, apparently. Dad wants to know how much damage I did. See if he approves of it. he won't. I didn't do anything. Now he's going to help me along. Does it count as SH if he does it and it makes me feel better?

If we are being technical isnt that masochism (so failed at spelling). But while we are on that subject...does going to the gym and working out till your sore all over and know you will be stiff and in pain the next morning count as SI?

That would make your dad the sadist and you the masochist... But those terms usually aren't used out side of a sexual concept.

Hunni, WHAT is up with your dad?!

He's being a jerk...like most dads...



sorry :/...
I'll be shushing now

Well, I understand about dads being asses but this is a bit much

I can fully sympathise though...my parents have said similar things and its so awful...but you are better than he is hunni...
im proud of you for staying strong!!
*hugs*

*curls up in a corner under a pile of cushions*

Dad's can be idiots sometimes! Keep going hun x

*leaves hugs and hot chocolate for all*

Is it SI if you make yourself sun sick?

I can not believe what pitiful shape I am in. It took me 40 minutes to walk one mile.

I think if you did it on purpose to deal with something then it is a form of self injury yes. Thats just my opinion though. Don't beat yourself up over giving yourself sun stroke x

And dangerous *hugs her RYL-mum*

*joins Emma under her cushions*

*moves over to make way for Ally*

How are you doing?

I did it to deal with emotions; I walk sometimes when the emotions are too much. But the themometer on my porch said about 95F and it is humid for here. I had the stuff so i would be safe, inhaler, bottle of water, house keys which also have a couple of pet tags with ID.

While I was walking i thought about cutting the bracelet apart and just putting the pieces in the bead drawer.

I feel better than i did though. I don't know. I just don't know. Sorry.

Brief stop in, going inpatient, don't know when or if they will let me go. Take care of yourselves

Good luck Mors Certa, hope it helps. Try and update when you can *hugs*

*hugs Jeff*
Hunni, good luck, try and think positively.

*snuggles Emma*
I don't know how I am doing... How are you sweetie?

Is this my fault? Did I push too hard?

Is my walk, that I took in 90F+ heat, SI?

Please, help? Please?

Susan, in a way, it is your fault, and I am certain that my kids will appreciate you caring enough to push, and push and push beyond your limits and beyond mine. I have to get help, I know that, these thoughts won't go away I cannot keep myself safe, so I am allowing them to admit me until I can be safe, thank you

*cries happy tears*
I will miss you, but I am soooo very proud of you for getting help.
*cuddles her RYL Daddy*

I am glad you are getting help. I hope it really works. And i would have followed through.

Keep in touch when you can. Selfishly and needily enough, I will miss you.

Love you Bro

And would someone please answer my question? Was it Si or just getting some exercise so i could feel better?

Blondie,
IMO it was just exercise... especially since you took precautions to stay safe.
But then again, it all comes down to intention... did you go on the walk WANTING to get heat stroke?
*hugs her auntie*

*cuddles Jeff* very, very proud, my friend.

Susan, as to SI... I'm not sure it would qualify, it's not what you normally hear... And it really depends on intent... If you decided to go on this walk for the express purpose of getting heat exhaustion then, I guess in a loose sense of it, yes, it could be considered SI

SafeWay hasn't called back... I called to check on my application (had heard from them last week and they said they would call this week to set up an interview) and the gal that handles it was just getting there so the guy I was talking to took my name and number so she could call me... And that was an hour and fourty minutes ago...
Damn, I need a job

It was to get the feelings out. It was also to punish myself. I used to walk for miles when I was newly sober. And if it was SI, i want to finish the job.

Someone i know in aa in rl won't be at a special celebration at the end of august, and i feel awful because of that. Or had I already mentioned it? And the denim jacket that i'm making for myself, now i look at the pieces and just wonder if the jacket will always make me feel sad cause i'm disappointed.

*blows a get-well-and-love-you kiss to brother*

They haven't called, I need a job, if age didn't think they were going to do more interviewing then she shouldn't have told me shed call to set one up!! For crying out loud!

You want to finish what job..?

*sits in her corner...*
Blank. Numb. Apathetic. Dull. Wooden. Listless.

*begins to rock ever so slightly*

Argh!

jeff i'm glad you're getting help.

susan, i don't think it was SI, because you did it to get the feelings out but took water etc with you. i think it's like when i draw or take photos, i'm trying to get the feelings out too.

ally, ring them again. it shows commitment at least, and that you actually want the job.

went for a walk (for like 4hrs) in the rain and took photos to avoid doing work, lol. took a RYL-related one - posted in general chat if you're interested.
now i have to think about writing my psych report. argh. group behaviour, any insights ally?

Mmm, group behavior is interesting... For example, folks are much more likely to help someone in need if they are the only other person there... The more people there are the less likely any one of them will lend a hand... It's kind of the herd mentality some say. It has also been suggested that folks don't help because they're all sitting there thinking 'oh well, someone else will help them'. There is one well known incident... I would have to see if it is in one of the books I still have... Basically this gal was murderd in the vacinity of her apartment... She was beat and a lot of noise was made, there were many folks around but no one helped. Hmm, I've got to see if I can find that...

Found it! Catherine 'Kitty' Genovese, murdered March 13, 1964, Queens NY

Also a made for TV movie

And here's a page address for an article I found on it:

http://query.nytimes.com/gst/fullpag...pagewanted=all

And the decrease in offers of assistance that occurs as the number of bystanders increases that I talked about? It's called the 'bystander effect'

:-) thanks for asking, I love this kind of stuff. Yes, I know, I'm a nerd but psych IS what my degree is in :-D

oh yeah, that poor girl. 38 witnesses or something wasn't it? i remember our lecturer talking about her. it's so awful!

my report is on the influence of group membership on elevatinos and attributions. not as interesting as the bystander effect cos it just seems to obvious to me - of course people are going to make internal attributions to succes and external ones to failure. everyone does!

Hi all. Sorry that I haven't been around. I'm checking back in, but would really like to be checking out of life altogether. I gave in and cut .... thankfully nowhere that anyone will see but I shouldn't have. I'm not sleeping more than 2 hours a night and the positive effects that I've had from my ECT treatments just aren't with me at the moment. I don't know that there is a point to continuing living. I was doing so well, but now I've fallen back and there is no way out ... except the final one. I'm sorry, I shouldn't be bringing this up with you all. I'm just going to go and hide under the bed so that I'm safe to cry.

Haven't seen Jo in here for a while, does anyone know what's happened to her?

*Hugs Kahlia* How are you doing at the moment hun?

I had to learn about bystander behaviour in A level Psychology, it was very interesting.

Going to a party tonight, kinda looking forward to it. Not sure how well I'll do around loads of people, but I can't sit at home and mope all the time.

Hi. I'm struggling through. All panicky and asthmatic. Every time I hear a vehicle I start thinking that someone's rung the paramedics on me. Really freaking out. Thanks heaps for the hugs zowie.

I'm scared as anything. I am absolutely going to be freaking out until we hear from Mors Certa. And it may be days!

If the brisk walk had been SI, i would have added some cutting to it. Blondie's favorite word; "needy."

I'm emotionally hung over. Now that the crisis is over, i'm wiped out. My body is shaking from that and from that walk yesterday. For pity's sake, i used to be able to do that walk almost w/o thinking about it. But then I didn't used to do it in the heat of day.

*sits outside frantically stitching at current hand work project, waiting for Mors Certa*

susan at least jeff wil, be wagtched over. it's a huge step fro him to take your pushing. i wish i was close enoguht o push. *hgus*

i am.... a little out of it :D it's about midnight now... i/m very tired. bt had o come and chekc on people.

He will be watched over, yes. I still am so scared for him though. It is still early-ish for where he is and he might be put on a 72 hour hold too. Hopefully I will calm down. A little.

I expect that i'm going to be doing a fair bit of walking in the next few days, to work off some of this nervous energy.

I'm also going to need you all to help me too. Please?

*resumes seat outside the door to watch*

**** ****. Screwed up totaly. Friend (the one i thought i would be able to (and have in the past) tell anything) was texting me at work. I was giving short answers back (being at work) then he asked "whats up? grumpy" so i truthly replyed "at work. Down, ****. Soz you prbly didnt want to hear that" i get one back saying "stop wallowing in self pity or you nt be happy.
I know this! I dont know how to get out of feeling like ****,. This has hit me hard, i am hoping its paranoia but know its the truth that he hates me and so do the others. I have to drive him and 2 others to a bbq tonight...have to put on a normal happy act ****.
Sorry sorry stupid rant taking space.

Blondie I am hear for you...can you be here for me to?

*cuddles Marc*

My husband's company picnic is today. I'm going to have to work hard to be very pleasant today.

I dont know how i should be acting when i drive him and the others. I dunno if he knows how he made me feel. I was gearing myself up to talk to him on monday but now i just feel like i want to cry.

*holds blondie tight*

so an update.. ive cut multiple times in the last couple of days, yelled and fallen out with all 5 of my remaining friends (who only exist online) and got more or less thoroughly patronised and rejected by my therapist. i dont see any point in trying anymore, i dont know what happiness is and no-one else gives a damn about me so why should i? from now on i'm just gonna see where each day ends me up at. i probs wont be around for a while, not that anyone noticed me anyway. take care if you feel like it.

*hugs Calea tight*

i don't want to be here. i dont'. someone... tell me i can go. please. i don't want to be here.

*hugs everyone tight*

What's happened Jess?

just crashed. ka boom. i'm so tired. it's 2:30 am... i miss my fiance, all i want right now is a hug and fro him to be here. but he's aay. thinign bout my cousin who diedof breast cancer a few years ago. thinking of a close friend who died of leukemia. thinking of my nan and my grandfather... i'm so tire.d i don't want to be here anymore. i dnt. it's to mcuh. al to much. i can't stop crying.

o gto to tyr and slep. sory

Talk to your fiancee Jessica.

Or cuddle up to goergie.

I feel awful and there is nothing to do but wait it out.