that happened to me when i was 19 and i can only now admit what it was, is there someone youcan talk to about this? i'm having counselling about an attack last year and the other stuff is coming up and its hard but i think it could really help.
Thinking of you sweetheart xxxxxx

I have a counsellor...but...she's signing me off....I want her to sign me off....i dont want to talk to her about it...:crying:

You have us hun, we'll help you through it

yeah you can talk to us, and if you ever want to talk i'm here aswell, i understand how hard it is hon.

i want it to go away

I could take him out, would that help?

You know we're all here for you Al, all of us *cuddles*

love you so much Jess....I'm sorry

I can't say it enough hun, you have nothing to be sorry for
He's the one who should have apologised, not you
It's not your fault :-(
Love you xxx

but i wanted to tell you...and i was scared....
i hate keeping things from you...

Im shaking :(

Now I feel bad for pushing you to talk :-(
*Hangs head and slopes off*

NOCOMEBACKDONTLEAVEME :crying:

I could never leave you
Despite the way I act sometimes :/

you dont act any way,....i dont understand...

When I'm short, or off with you
When I dodge questions
When I push you into talking about stuff you don't wanna :/

When you're short or off...I try find out why and make it better...
When you dodge a question...I try find another way around it because I want to help you...
And I'd rather you pushed...I didn't want to hide it.
No one knew....
No one....

I just feel crap because I can't help you *hugs* :-(
I can't make it better
I can't change anything :'(

Alexx, I think you are really brave hun *hugs*. If you think talking about it would help then we are of course all here for you, if not then we will be when you feel ready. It may be you aren't ready to deal with it just yet but please stay safe. I don't want to lose you :(

*hugs Jess, Jo, Hells, Jeremy, Ally and Chloe and anyone else has missed*

*curls up in the corner*
i dont want to feel dirty anymore...
it doesnt wash away

A couple of days ago I wrote a short rant and accidentally sent it to my mental health co-ordinator instead of deleting it. As a result she has emailed me apologising for delay but saying because she is seriously concerned for my welfare and has been speaking to people about it. She has contacted my CPN, student and residential support guy and the Community Mental Health Team. Why??? I didn't mention suicide and she is not really linked with the CPN or CMHT or whatever the last one she said was so why contact them? Isn't that breaking confidentiality???

She is a uni support person not part of the NHS. Anyway what the hell are the other people going to do? Hmm?? Exactly there is **** all they can do.

*Sighs and collapses into a beanbag*
Useless. :-(

You aren't useless Jess hun *hugs* It is obvious from your interaction with Alexx in here that the two of you are really close and help each other out hugely. It's really encouraging to see a friendship so close as yours. Trust what Alexx thinks of you and Alexx what Jess thinks of you before being harsh on yourselves. Jess, it seems to me you are a wonderfully supportive and caring friend.

Jess is fxcking amazing and thats an understatement

Thx's for the hugs :-)

*hugs alexx* u don't sound too great..hang in there ok?

U ain't useless like wat emma said :P

Feels that way :/
I'm not amazing :/
I haven't done anything amazing

Emma , I think if she was concerned enough she was prob alowed to break confidentiality, maybe this is a good thing? idk they might be able to help you.


I'm off back to hospital now so will wish everyone goodnight as this damn internet doesn't work there.
*goodnight hugs for all* xxxxxxxxxxx

you could have said you didnt want to talk about it...
you could have made an excuse and gone offline....
you could have left and had it pretty easy...
but you stuck around and now have my crap round your neck...

I'd never do that, I'd never walk away
Ever.
I'm in this for the long haugle, your my BFF for a reason :-)
I don't want that to chance, ever.

*curls up next to her BFF*
Ima stay here for a little bit...

Me too hun.
*curls up and puts a plate of muffins out*

I bring little dark clouds....
and set them free when people are having a good-ish night...
I'm emotionally draining...

If you wanna talk about it to me, you can pm or anything :) But we're all here for you xx

Me too.

I know how that feels hun *snuggles*

*hugs* I'm so sorry Emma. Maybe this can help you in some way?

You're not useless sweetie. You've been amazing to me over the past few days and I can see how great you are.

I'll miss you Jo :crying: *hugs*

I love how helen posts big long posts...
it makes me smile :]
I'm sleepy...
I just took my meds.

Bless you sweetie.
*hugs Alexx lots*
You've put a smile on my face.
Thank you x

You're not emotionally draining hun, trust me :-)
*restocks muffins and marshmallows*

**crawls in *** hides in corner ********* exhausted*** lonely

There is no-way I can ctach up with all the posts of the last god knows how many days - i hvae no idea - and i dont know how long i can stay and how long i will be gone - really miss the support here and need it so much - but can't have it and dont feel i can give it - i am so sorry..

Heyyyyyyyyyy Mummmmm*huggles*
whats up hun?:(

:crying: :crying: :crying:

KATCH??????????????

*hugs lots*

Talk to us when you feel ready?

silence
kiuc wxk;IEUFRNCIXH;mn cH;OIERNC C;oiwehdbh f my words wont happen

********************:crying:
Utterly exhausted, no good to anyone, no where NEAR done with ANYTHING

Damn it all to hell:crying:

*snuggles Katch* I'm sorry luv I've got nothing for you... please take care though

:Emoticon(14): doesnt matter :Emoticon(14):
i am sorry i'm no good

Take it easy Katch sweetheart xxx

We'll be here when the words come x

How's your mum and you?

:sad: not good
i'm pathetic i cant even type -

*hugs Katch* You are not pathetic.

*hugs* You're not pathetic because yu can't type. You're not pathetic at all. I'm assuming something major has happened and you cant bring yourself to say it or something. *hugs*

Katch luv, take a breath *snuggles*
You're not pathetic, you're my lovely RYL Auntie...
Hows your mom sweetie?

*hides in her corner, as small as she can, and rocks slightly*
****************************************
never gonna be done, good lord , I'm not gonna finish uni, I'll be even more of a loser than I already am.... I can't believe I even entertained the idea that I might be doing alright:crying:
****************************************

does no-one I know in RL have any consideration for anyone else's wellbeing anymore??? Do they want me to risk my life just so that they can?? Seriously???

****ING BITCH!!! ARGH! Such a great day till then as well.

?????????????????? who?
hugs xxx