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-   -   Virtual Psych ward! (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1312)

MammaMia 31-01-2010 03:07 PM

*cuddles everyone*

Keep fighting Vicki, it will get better.
April, I'm sorry you have no concentration.
Joc, sounds pretty **** hunny *cuddles*

Ugh, today is not going the way it was planned :'( One best friend is giving me all this talk of leaving etc. The other isn't answering her godamm phone so now I'm getting worried sick. When deep down I know she's probably STILL talking to her hubby or is asleep :'( But I need her. She promised me...

Imaginary_friend 31-01-2010 07:12 PM

i can't do this. i can't cope with seeing him. how pathetic. i need to grow up. and get over him. like, now. argh. i'm such a retard. i can't do this. i wanna cut :'(
*ties self to a bed and cries*

Scarletdreamer 31-01-2010 09:58 PM

*holds LauraFriend, Helen, & Jocelyn*

I'm sorry you all are feeling so down, loves... wish I could help more than I can. :(

Joc, thanks for informing me what happened without being offended. That's really rough & I can see why it would be a ranty topic to be brought up. Sorry!! :-S How are you doing now?

I have a ton of work to do & have no concentration for it... my portfolio is due this week & I have practically nothing for it. I'm really scared. I don't even have a binder for it!! or anything... I feel so stupid. :crying: I just wish I could fastforward through this term & get through it okay...

Just got back from my parents' place. It was nice but I think I ate too much, and of course wanted to purge. Didn't, of course, but still... I hate the urges. :( I am so sick of my life.

I see my therapist tomorrow morning... like that's going to make my day go well. I hope it does but I highly doubt it!!

*hides* :'(

Imaginary_friend 31-01-2010 10:28 PM

fml. really, fml. i can't do this anymore.....

[Awakening] 31-01-2010 10:32 PM

*hugs LauraFriend* thats not pathetic, its change and we humans are crap at change. Be nice to yourself. Did u manage to resist cutting? I hope ur looking after yourself and keeping safe, whatever you did or didn't do. Im sorry ur struggling with this so much :-(

Oh April Sweetie. I'm sorry u felt so crap after eating a lot, i get like that too sometimes, i love to eat and often cant stop myself and then i feel really ill and want to purge to feel better - disordered eating in my case, not an ed. I hope seeing your therapist does help hon. Dont worry too much about ur work sweetie, i always procrastic with everything, i know it can make u feel shitty but u'll get it done, i know u will. Just a couple days of hardwork, you'll get the motivation, it will come at some point. Could u let the prof know whats going on and that ur struggling? from my experience teacher/prof types love to be kept in the loop.

I'm feeling really wound up, i dont know why but i'm a ball of stress atm! I need a release, all i can think of is the warm feeling of cutting but i know that wont help. I just want a release. I've tried throwing things and destroying things. When i was driving all i wanted to do was slam my foot on the peddle and speed. Eek! It doesnt feel like its my own emotion, it doesn't feel like an emotion. I dont know what this is, i dont know why im feeling it.

hope everyones ok x x

Imaginary_friend 31-01-2010 10:35 PM

i dont think he gets how much he's ****ing around with my head. i can't deal with this. i really really can't do this anymore. if he wanted me or didn't want me, i could deal with it. but this ****ing around i can't deal with.
i want to vanish
x

SoMuchMore 01-02-2010 12:15 AM

*huggles everyone* sorry no individual responses.. there have been so many since i was last on.

hm.. going to dinner w/ my bf and that other girl.. should be interesting... and prolly awkward.
On a different note.. i was actually able to write something. I love writing but the muse hasn't hit me in awhile. Was nice.

brndedhero 01-02-2010 01:03 AM

Feeling really lonely right now, kind of want to destroy something

Kahlia1981 01-02-2010 01:19 AM

*cuddles everyone*

Sorry no individual replies .... I don't want to forget anyone.

I just got back from a visit with my new private pdoc. I'm seeing him at his private clinic but the government is paying for it. It went okay.

He has upped my seroquel to 1000mgs and is talking about adding an anti-depressant that has no serotonin in it - because I can't handle AD's with serotonin and they want to stay away from the tri- and tetra- cyclics. Purely conjecture at this stage.

He told me that because he was seeing me privately it was still my responsibility to call the crisis line or go to the hospital if I was in a crisis. Not that either the crisis line or the hospital would actually do anything useful. I think that they would be unable to find their arse (should they have an arse) with both hands (should they have hands). They are completely incompetent. A good nuking would improve the stock 10000000 fold

Meh.

Scarletdreamer 01-02-2010 01:21 AM

Sorry, am not in a place for many individual responses but wanted to say, Alan, I know kind of how you're feeling right now. Please take care of yourself the best you can...

Just posted in my venting spot, didn't want to flood this thread so you can read it if you want to. No pressure.

:(

MammaMia 01-02-2010 01:57 AM

*cuddles all*

SoMuchMore 01-02-2010 03:44 AM

*hugs alan* im sorry you feel lonely. Be careful if u are feeling destructive. As april said, take care of yourself.

*hugs april* good luck with ur therapist tomorrow. Maybe you should talk to her about how u've been feeling about her... Hope you are less anxious soon.

*hugs kahlia* glad things went ok with ur new pdoc. Im sorry that the hospitals aren't helpful out there :-( that really sucks.

*cuddles helen*

*hugs everyone else*

Ugh.. class tomorrow.. Im tired of this semester already.. time for new classes.

Kahlia1981 01-02-2010 04:01 AM

*cuddles everyone*

I'm starting to feel that I don't fit in anywhere. This depressed mood has been going on so long now and I can't see an end in sight. I just want to run away. I keep feeling it would be better for everyone if I was dead, but I don't want to hurt people the same way that I was heart when Jem suicided. I'm scared that I'm seriously going to hurt myself.

Maybe I should just give in, or sit in a dark corner until I disappear.

I'm sorry for being such a gloomy bitch.

[Awakening] 01-02-2010 11:28 AM

Kahlia, Keira and LauraFriend, be strong. You're worth more than these feelings and thoughts that are consuming you. Hold on to life, even be it seems to be the only thing that doesnt make sense. Hold on loves. *cudles to you all* I know how you are feeling, stay strong with me, I cant do it on my own x x x

*Hugs Alan* Dont think we've properly met, i'm Jocelyn welcome to the ward :-) I know the feeling of wanting to destroy something. Did u manage to get it out? were u safe? I hope today goes better for u x

*Cuddles Helen* How are you feeling hon?

*Squishes LauraStar* I hope you have a good day at uni. What are u studying? Are you coping ok with it?

*Attacks April with squashy cuddles* I havent read your rant thread yet, i'll go and have a little looksies now. I hope you're alright sweetie. How's your work load going hon? x x x

I dont really know what im feeling, still feeling like i need a release, but not as intense as last night. I have a long day at the hospital today, my first back at work since i've not been v well. little bit scary. but i need to go and get some camouflage stuff tonight for my arms. eek i'm really very nervous!

[Awakening] 01-02-2010 11:35 AM

April, hold on sweetie! Jarrod loves you, all of you. You are not the burden that u are feeling like atm. Life wont always seem this bleak love. I'm so sorry you are feeling like this. I love you so much April, you are such a valuable part of our family here, we need you and love you and want the best for you. Stay strong sweetie, ride out the storm x x x x

Scarletdreamer 01-02-2010 01:03 PM

Good morning everyone... time for replies. :)

*cuddles Kahlia* You're not a "gloomy bitch," sweetie. You're simply ("simply") struggling with a lot of feelings & thoughts right now that in a perfect world just would not exist. We're here to support you - don't worry about individual replies right now unless you feel up to it - that's fine. Feel free to keep posting though because we care about you & want to make sure that you're still hanging in there. *more cuddles* ♥

*huggles Kiera* What's up, hon? what's "making" you feel this way - anything external to yourself?

*cuddles Helen* How're you doing, love?

*huggles LauraFriend* Maybe have a talk with him to let him know your feelings on the matter? (about not being able to take him "****ing around")... because that would probably be the best thing I can think of. But sweetie, I'm really sorry that you're feeling so rubbish. :( Is there anything that I can do to help??

*cuddles LauraStar* I understand totally about the uni stuff!! Holy ****, do I understand... :( Wish I didn't though... I wish I could resign up for a new term with different classes (that still filled my requirements for graduation)... so yeh. YUCK. I wish that you felt better about your classes too. ♥

*tackle-squishes Jocelyn* :) Thanks for the support, & for taking the time to read my venting spot. Not a lot of people do, or at least give me feedback - which is fine, I know that journals are more meant for that - but I don't want to fill up my journal with rantings!! lol. Anyway... I know that Jarrod loves me, but it feels - and I know that feelings can't really be trusted - like I'm a burden, just baggage. :(

Good luck at the hospital today!! I hope that it goes splendiforously. *cuddles*

I'm really tired... forced myself to get up at 6:30am even though I could've slept in until seven. My mum's picking me up in a bit to go to my therapist's as my car isn't working still (she - the car - is going to be fixed tonight, well, dropping her off tonight to be fixed tomorrow morning). So I have to be ready for that... & I wanted to get on WoW for a bit too... ugh. I feel so stupid. I am so slow... I really need to get this portfolio for uni ready but it's taking me forever as I have hardly anything for it... it feels like I am sinking, drowning in the waters of uni. Hopefully it's not due today!!!! *cowers*

*hides*

:crying:

Kahlia1981 01-02-2010 01:04 PM

*hugs everyone then curls up in a corner crying*

Scarletdreamer 01-02-2010 01:46 PM

Awh Kahlia, love, is there anything I can do to help? *holds you gently as you cry*

I'm beginning to feel like crap myself. :( Dunno why, guess dreading the appt with my therapist?

:ermm:

MammaMia 01-02-2010 03:59 PM

*cuddles everyone, try stay safe guys, please* Kahlia, I would hate for you to commit suicide :( I've known you for what over a year now, maybe closer to two, not sure. But you've come through so much - you can do this babe.

For those who asked how I am, I feel really awful. My chest is really really hurting. Has been on/off past couple days (flashbacks triggered it I think) but today is the worst =( Normally doctors put it down to anxiety/stress, not sure if it is just that, because I am really stressed or something else :( Making me feel like I can't breathe, thus trying to make me panic, thus panic attack. Having a bit of a bad day, didn't sleep for ages, woke up at 10am, rang my best friend and didn't want to face the world, so went back to sleep and slept til 2pm (now 3pm ha). Attempting to tidy my room today :/ or least make a start on it. Just want to curl up and die for a while, too much pain. Plus scared that if I cry, that I'll start off a breakdown of sorts like I had last year, I don't want to go through that agin, don't want to put my best friends through that, I never want to self harm (ha will probably happen), od or attempt suicide again. :'(

I have to be strong for everyone right now. One of my best friends says I don't with her, but deep down, I do have to really, although she's on her way back up :) 3 weeks til I go see her woop.

Supossed to be seeing my boyfriend in 3 days. We have a long distance relationship. It sucks. We haven't seen each other since last March (when we were first together). Bit nervous about it, espically as he's probably stopping over....

Scarletdreamer 01-02-2010 05:28 PM

*cuddles Helen* Sounds like you've been going through an awful lot, love. Wish I could help more than I can. :( I'm sorry about your chest hurting leading to a panic attack; been there done that before.

"Shouldn't" you be more excited about seeing your boyfriend? Long-distance relationships do suck; my husband & I were 1200 miles away from each other from 2006-2007 (although long-distance friends from 2004), which was awful... especially as in December 2006 I got engaged. So yeah. It was pretty icky... I missed him sooo much. But what's making you nervous, Helen? other than the "haven't seen him in almost a year" thing? *hugs* In any case, I hope that it goes well for you. Have you been in touch a lot since last March?

Sending chocolates (calorie-free of course!! :D), love, & hugs to all of you... ♥


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