RecoverYourLife.com Forums - General Support and Advice

Befriender being negative about move

Sleepless123 — Thu, 09 Sep 2010 23:00:51 GMT

Hey everyone

Well a lot of you know my story so i wont give you war and peace on it.

A bit of background:A number of years ago i fled from my family [whether i should have done or not - i blame myself now].This led to a number of years with no/very very rare contact and i then became scared also to contact them again cos of how long i had been away.Eventually i did make contact again and over the past few years we have been re-building things slowly and ive often gone back to stay wekends, Christmas times etc [i live a long way from my family] and now finally ive actually got to a point where i am moving back to the area they live in at the end of September.i will be living on my own, not with them but it is still a massive step for me.

i also need to be closer to my family because though i like to be independent my physical disability can sometimes make things really hard but my mental health is also at a very dire level right now and my health is rapidly deteroiating.i need to see if i can stay alive and i have to try being closer to my family now.

Most professionals and people in my life [though im fairly isolated] have been very supportive of my decision to move except for a befriender i have who i accquired through an organisation who supports people with my physical disability [though by coincidence he also has mental health problems].

He is being really negative about it and also making him feel bad for 'leaving him' cos he says a lot of his friends have moved away back to their famalies and dont bother with him anymore either and i'll just be the same.And also that clearly it doesnt matter to me what he thinks about the move or anything cos ive made my decision and im gonna go anyway as he puts it.

And then he is going on about how hard it will be to get another job when i go and how things might not work out with my family etc and all of this im well aware of.They are valid points but especiall given i have made my decision i could really do with this support right now and for people to be positive.i already have a lot to cope with.This already is not easy for me.

im guessing he probably just feels abandoned [again] and ive often felt that too when people have left me so in many ways im trying to be very gentle and understanding and patient and not let it get to me too much etc cos i know how he might be feeling but its really starting to effect me.

Please help.i know that i should be able to cope with it but i cant deal with this right now.All of his negativity, all of this negativity he is directing both at me and my move.

Hope

boyblunder — Thu, 09 Sep 2010 19:46:33 GMT

Found this video by a guy who's behind the WoW account rage viral.

He talks about his experiences and how he tries to overcome his problems. Thought it would be nice for people to know there is always hope.

Peace x

You Tube

My mum's ill and it's breaking me.

Zara♥ — Thu, 09 Sep 2010 17:48:54 GMT

I'm terrified, I can't cope.

She has to have a scan on the 16th. I'm going with her and if the news is bad I don't know what I'll do. I just have this horrible feeling of dread, and thoughts are going round and round my head and won't stop. My obsessive/compulsive rituals have been getting so much worse because of all of this. I'm also praying all the time, praying to anyone/anything that will listen for some comfort, but I'm not finding any. I just want her to be healthy. I love her so much, she's done all she can and taken loads of abuse and heartache from me, and she doesn't deserve to be ill. I'm so scared. I need her to be okay, and I don't know how I'm going to get through the days until the scan because I'm completely falling apart.

I really need some support.

Feeling sad=feeling tired?

Schleier von Dunst — Thu, 09 Sep 2010 13:55:13 GMT

Ok I typed most of this out and my laptop decided to delete it for me.

Basically, I've noticed that when I feel depressed, I get tired a lot quicker. Take today. When I woke up, I was feeling ok, and I got up and got ready and able to function across the day. Later in the day I found myself not feeling so great and I was also really tired, even though I only had 3 lessons today (I'm in 6th form).

But on other days I'll feel happy and stay happy across the day and I won't be too tired when I get home, and I'll be able to do some homework in the evening and function normally across the whole day. But on other days I'll wake up feeling bad and I'll feel bad the entire day. On these days I'll wake up, but I'll struggle to get up and function. I'll do it but I'll be tired the entire day and I'll want to sleep at every opportunity.

Recently I've been sleeping well when I get to sleep, but that's taken a while. I've been going to bed between 10pm and 1am, which is fairly standard for me, and getting up between 7 and 7.10am for school, also pretty standard.

I drink a lot of caffeine but I don't have it near to getting to bed, and I don't think it relates to my moods. I also have a bit of an alcohol dependency, I guess, and I know that makes me very depressed eventually, and when I get to the depressed stage then I also get very tired.

Last year I didn't do as well in my AS levels as I'd hoped, and I remember that I was very tired for the majority of the year. But at the beginning of the year I was suicidal and it wasn't until April 2010 that I stopped self harming, and I didn't stop self harming until I felt better.

When I was very depressed at school, if anyone asked me if I was ok, to hide it I said yeah and fobbed them off with "I'm tired", which was often true, but was I tired because I was depressed or was I depressed because I was tired, or are the two completely separate anyway? I used to sleep ok, so I don't think in general that I was depressed because I was tired, because I got enough sleep.

However I have noticed that my way of trying to stop feeling so depressed at night is to go to bed. I'll often tell people that I have to sleep because I'm feeling bad, or commonly that "My head's screwing me around."

So I guess my question is, do I feel tired because I feel bad, or is it just coincidence that the two tend to happen at the same time?

Sorry it's long...

Coping with visiting dying relatives?

SmokeAndMirrors — Thu, 09 Sep 2010 08:41:48 GMT

Um..well my great aunt is coming to visit us all tomorrow until Sunday which I fear will be the last time I see her.
This is also the last weekend I will see my friends/bf before they go to uni but obviously I will prioritise seeing my aunt, it will just be a very sad weekend.

Last time I saw her, we both just burst into tears after as she has cancer & is wasting away.
I just wondered how can you stop yourself from crying in front of her?
We have gotten closer since too lately. :-(

I just feel sad :(

Getting_There_Monkey — Thu, 09 Sep 2010 08:38:36 GMT

No real reason for it just sad :(

don't wanna sleep. W ierd dreams

patodemuerte90 — Thu, 09 Sep 2010 08:20:17 GMT

I dunno if this is the right place to post it. So if its not please move it to the appropriate forum.

I don't want to sleep anymore. I refuse. Everytime I do I get these bizzare dreams and I wake up feeling like ****.

There was one where I took a bag of crack or something to school. And I didn't take it to sell it or anything. I took it because I felt like if I didnt, that I would die. So I'm in school with this giant bag of drugs and I get called into the counselors office because they know know I have it.... they ask me why and I tell them its because if I don't I'll die. So they tell me its ok and they're gonna get me help. But I go over to this open door and the sky is just cloudy and its sunset or dawn and its beautifil and I think about running because they're gonna put me away' but I don't...and then I'm in jail and my mom calls to tell me not to say anything. And I said everything already. And then it ends.

That's just one but its so long. I'll try to post up others later I just need to put this down so I remember the dream to figure it out.

permanently lonely.

trissy — Wed, 08 Sep 2010 22:44:20 GMT

I have been lonely for as long as I can remember (seriously...I know this sounds self-pitying, but it's true). It seems like it's the one thing in my life that can't be fixed. I know that the problem is in me, not in other people. But I don't think there is a way to fix it. I feel like there's some kind of screen seperating me from everyone else.
Sorry this thread is so pointless...guess I just felt the need to vent or something.

Support for Sunni (PerfectMess)

HorseRidinBbe07 — Wed, 08 Sep 2010 07:51:56 GMT

Sunni needs our support right now as she's gonna lose the person she loves in about 8 months roughly, and she deserves to have all the support she can get <3
-----
*hug* i know im useless most of the time but know im always here if you wanna talk, even if i dont necessarily have any advice <3 i know you're strong enough to get through whatever life throws at you even though it absolutely sucks <3 xoxox

Gonna be homeless?

.Hope Exists. — Wed, 08 Sep 2010 02:54:36 GMT

I didn't know where to put this....

My fiance and I just moved to Dickinson, ND from Nebraska. He graduated college in June and finally got a job doing Land Surveying. He's working for Kardmas Lee and Jackson and he is getting paid really well. The problem is, Dickinson sucks for housing. We are both twenty and everyone is simply telling us the solution to our problems is to buy a house right now. We have hardly any money to buy a house. This is the first time we're both completely away from our parents. His job paid for our hotel room this week but that's up on Saturday and all of the hotels are super expensive... not to mention all are booked. I work from home, on my pc and need internet to work. Right now we are looking at no where to stay starting Saturday. Does anyone know anyone near Dickinson? Or anyone have any ideas... I really need some help here....

On top of it all... I'm quitting cutting [again] and quitting smoking at the same time and being super stressed isn't helping me quit either of these things... I really just wish we wouldn't have gotten into this mess. His job said the housing was hard, but they didn't say anything about it being this difficult.... I really don't know what to do... Any help would be greatly appreciated....

Tasha.

Safe - Home care.

BeautyFiend — Wed, 08 Sep 2010 01:36:15 GMT

Hello,
This isn't really a first aid question, but the people around who work in healthcare would probably know how to help so I put it here.
Mods, feel free to move this is you want :)

Basically, my dad has been suffering with cancer for the last couple of years and in these last few months it has really taken hold of him.
Me and my mother have done all the 'caring' work so far, but lately there are some jobs that he can't do, and we can't really do either. Stuff like, helping him wash and cleaning him. He hasn't washed for a couple of weeks now, but I only found this out today so i'm doing a bit of investigation!
He's given me the go ahead to look into enlisting some home help for maybe once a week just to keep him clean and prevent infections and stuff.
I went to see the Dr today and mentioned this briefly and she recommending looking into Care UK. I've had a look online, and there doesn't seem to be anything to do with them in Devon, or the South West in general.
I was just wondering if anyone knows of any organisations that could supply weekly home help, preferably charities or NHS organisations as we really don't have the money to go private.
We're waiting for a referral to occupational therapy, but I don't think they cover this, or do they? I only know they provide wheelchairs and other items to make day to day stuff easier.

Any advice would be hugely appreciated!
Again, if mods want to move this to the appropriate forum then go for it :)

Thanks,
Natalie

FAO: UK citizens... Claiming back bank charges

Naty-Dolens-Ortus — Tue, 07 Sep 2010 22:40:18 GMT

If you have come to this wondering why I am aiming the thread at UK citizens its due to the fact I need advice on law in the UK, I'm not being racist in any way, shape or form.

Anyway, over the past few years the bank I am with has charged me for, what I think, has been unfair things (going 1p over my overdraft limit, not sending out a direct debit etc etc).

I only found out the other day that until November last year that you could actually apply to claim all the money the bank has charged you over the past 6 years, after november something happened in high court that made it a bit more difficult, but still possible.

So Basically I have decided that as I am struggling financially due to being a student (I do work part time over summer to pay back my overdraft etc, its just I occasionally get bouts where I am unable to work for weeks at a time, thus have no income), that I am going to try and claim this money back.

I have done some research on this. But I just wanted to know if anyone had any stories about claiming back money that they could share with me? (And anyone else who needs the advice)

Also if anyone else wants to know more about claiming back money, here is the link to the website I am using to help me through this process!
http://www.moneysavingexpert.com/reclaim/bank-charges It has a step by step guide for anyone who may struggle to go through the process.

Relationship advice/being in love/etc...

-Asphyxia- — Tue, 07 Sep 2010 21:11:19 GMT

So.....I've been dating this guy for about 4-5 months now, and he recently told me he is in love with me...I initially freaked out about it due to bad experiences with the "L-word," but now I am wondering if I am in love with him.....

How do you know? He makes me feel good about myself, he is as sweet as can be, is kind, caring....I care about him a lot, I just have a hard time vocalizing it. I told him this last night; he thinks I am not in love with him, but now I am wondering if I am......He blows my mind...I feel bad because he feels like I don't reciprocate, but it's really hard for me to be affectionate towards people, especially romantically....I just am not good at saying how I feel.......

I also got really upset last night because he told me his best friend (a woman) doesn't like me because she's afraid I'm going to break his heart....I understand that, but she hasn't made an effort to get to know me at all.....She freaked out because she saw me with a male friend of mine and thought I was cheating on the guy I'm seeing. (He trusts me and knows I have mostly male friends...plus the guy I was hanging out with has a GF, so it's not an issue at all....Pfft.)

Anyways, I'm just a bit....confused right now....He knows I want to move away and go to graduate school eventually, and he asked about what would happen to us...I suggested he could come with, and he said he would and that he wants to take care of me...

I don't understand why I am so afraid.......He is the first serious relationship I've had and also the sweetest person I've ever been with....

My poor doggy has gone to join the stars

Ninja girl — Tue, 07 Sep 2010 21:04:50 GMT

My beautiful dog Amber had a stroke lastnight, and had to be put to sleep today. :crying:

She had a beautiful funeral at sunset with some of my family and we made her a little cross and gave her some flowers. She was always such a good well behaved dog.

RIP my girl.

College troubles

Deaths_Kiss — Tue, 07 Sep 2010 20:42:44 GMT

Yeah, I started college today. It was *****. I hated every minute of it, not to mention the people in it.
Everybody that has gone to different colleges have said how amazing they are, except me. I am seriously regretting my decision to stay on there.
There are 73 that enrolled this year, all of which (bar 5) went to my high school, many of which bullied me throughout the years. I can feel that these next two years are going to be hellish.. I haven't self harmed in 3 weeks. I can feel I'm going to relapse if college is anything like high school which I presume it will be from today. I don't think I'll be able to last 2 years without... idk.

I've told my parents I want to move but they wont let me. They both keep telling me I have to say because there are very few people in all 4 of my classes which means I will get more 1-2-1 time which they both say will get me better grades. But I know myself if I stay there I'll be in a depressed stupor and nothing will seem to have a point. I don't know what to tell my mum, I don't know what to do.

I'm just scared ima relapse and I don't want too, I can't :(